This is my first songfic to one of my favorite Def Leppard songs "Long Long Way to Go" And of course it's to my favourite yaoi pairing. YohXRen.
So, please read, enjoy, and review.
Long Long Way to Go
Ren Tao never understood love. For most of his life he only knew hatred. But he met one person and it all changed. This one person made him a completely different person. But now. . .
You held my hand and then you slipped away
And I may never see your face again
So tell me how to fill the emptiness inside
Without love. What is life?
Ren layed in Yoh's arms. This was the first of many cuddles they would share. But they were still too few. They had just confessed their love for each other moments before and shared their first kiss. Ren never expected it all to happen so fast. But it did. He couldn't believe that Yoh felt the same way he did. It was a dream come true. Yoh entwined his fingers with Ren's and whispered, "I want to stay like this forever, Ren. I want to stay in your arms holding your hand."
"Me too, Yoh." replied Ren, also in a whisper.
But it would never happen.
Only a short month passed until Anna had found out about them. She never forgave Yoh. Even after she killed him in her rage. She had somehow come across a knife and stabbed Yoh 6 times in the torso. She did all this in front of Ren who was powerless to stop it. He could only stand and watch as with each stab, his heart broke more and more.
But anyone who knew us both could see
We always were the better part of me
I never wanted to be this free
And all this pain. Does it go away?
The pain in Ren's heart was indescribable. There were no words in the Japanese or Chinese language to describe the pain he felt. It was enough to actually make him cry in like the 4th time in his life.
"YOH! NO!" Ren finally yelled and shoved Anna out of the way. "No. You can die. You're not allowed to die on me. Please. Don't leave me."
"Ren. . . Don't cry." Yoh stuttered. He could feel his life slip away so he had to make things right so he could rest in peace. "Ren. I'll. . . be fine. . . You have to let go. . . For me."
"I can't. You're too precious to me. You're the only one who ever cared about me. You never gave up on me. I can't lose that. I'm sorry."
"Ren. . . please." Yoh didn't have long and he didn't think he could get him to let go so quick. So he said those 3 little words. "I love you."
"I love you too, Yoh." just as Ren said those words, Yoh's head fell to the side and his eyes closed. Whatever blood had gone in his mouth was now flowing onto the floor. Yoh was gone. And he would never come back.
Then every time I turn around
And you're nowhere to be found
I know
I got a long long way to go
Before I can say goodbye to you
I got a long way to go
Before I can say goodbye
To all I ever knew
To you
It was 2 weeks after the funeral. Anna was now serving a life sentence in jail and everyone wasn't sure of what to do. About the inn, Amidamaru wasn't sure of what to do anymore now that his shaman was dead. But nobody knew what to do about Ren. He didn't come out of his room since the night of the funeral.
Flashback
Everyone was sitting around talking about their memories of Yoh. About how Yoh had found Horo on the street, how he had kicked Ryu's butt the first time they met. Stuff like that. Even Hao came to mourn for his lost twin. Somehow he had regretted everything he did and turned good. But he only reminded Ren of Yoh.
"I remember the first time we told each other 'I love you'" everyone stopped to look at Ren. This was the first time they heard Ren talk all day. And the first time they heard him talk about loving Yoh. "He was so happy. I was happy. We were cuddled into each other and we were holding hands. He said he wanted to stay that way forever." Everyone just kept staring at him as the tears flowed from his eyes making his cheeks glisten. "But I guess it was only a dream. Because now he's gone and I'm never gonna see him again. I'm never gonna be able to hold his hand or feel his lips. And because of that, I'll never be able to love again."
With that he ran up to his room not to be seen by anybody for a while. The sign that he was still alive was the sounds of his weeps and screams.
End Flashback
From memory there is no hiding place
Turn on the TV and I see you there
In every crowd there's always someone with your face
Everywhere. Trying not to care
Hao was walking down the hallway towards his room when he saw a strange sight. Ren was standing outside Yoh's room. No one had entered it. It was too painful. But Ren turned the door knob and pushed it open. He walked in while looking around with his tear stained eyes. He had no more tears to shed.
Hao followed him in worried that he might try to do something. All he saw was Ren hugging Yoh's pillow. He was also rocking back and forth repeating his name. Hao didn't know what to do. He couldn't just let him sit there for another 2 weeks. He looked brittle enough as it is. So he decided to go in and attempt to comfort him.
"Ren." he said awkwardly. Ren didn't seem to notice him. "Ren. Ren it's me. Hao."
Ren looked up and saw him. A sudden look of confusion and recognition was in his eyes. "Yoh?"
Hao stood there surprised at what Ren had just said. "Yoh? You're alive?"
"No, Ren. I'm Hao. Yoh's brother. I'm not him."
"Why? Why can't you be him? You look like him. You almost succeeded in absorbing his soul. So why can't you be him? WHY!" he shouted.
"I don't know, Ren. I know it's not fair. We all miss him a lot. Even me. Even though I tried to make him part of me and kill you all. But then he forgave me. Just like he forgave you. And even loved you. But life sucks and we can't control it." said Hao punching the wall and trying to fight the tears that were swelling in his eyes.
"I just want this all to be a bad dream. I want to wake up form it and see Yoh beside me smiling at me again. I'd even sell my soul just to see him for 1 minute. Or even a second."
"Well, I'll tell you this. You don't have to sell your soul." said a familiar voice.
They both looked up to see Yoh hovering off the floor. He was a ghost but he was there.
Yoh?" said Ren almost scared to ask once again.
Then every time I turn around
And you're nowhere to be found
I know
I got a long way to go
Before I can say goodbye. To you
I got a long long way to go
Before I can say goodbye
To all I ever knew
To you
"Ren. You can't keep doing this to yourself. You're wasting away to nothing. Seeing you like this hurts me even more than when Anna killed me. You have no idea how painful that is. That's excruciating."
"But. . . you have no idea what you've done for me. The life that you brought me out of. The space in me that you filled. That space is emptier than ever because you're dead. I'm sure that it will never be filled again."
"Ren you can't say that. You never know who you'll meet while walking down the street. Did you ever expect to fall in love with me, for example?"
"Of course now." Ren said surprised at what Yoh was saying. "What are you getting at?"
"I'm saying that I want you to keep trying to live. If you're as strong as you say you are, then with time you will be able to move on. Even if it takes 1 year or 10. You're only a teenager. You still have your whole life. There's bound to be another person out there for you."
"But it hurts too much."
"Ren?" Hao said, feeling he had been forgotten about. "You're not the only one here, you know. We're all here to help you. You don't have to go through it alone. If you keep dwelling on what you lost, you'll miss the things you still have. Your friends."
"Couldn't have said it better myself, Hao. See, Ren? You haven't lost everything like you think you did. So can you do me a favour? Can you go get something to eat, please? You haven't eaten anything during these whole two weeks. I mean, you skin tight shirts aren't supposed to be baggy on you."
"Heh. You make it all sound so easy. It took all my energy just to come in this room."
"Hao's here. He has a shoulder you can lean on, I'm sure."
"Anything to keep him from withering away to nothing." Hao stepped up to Ren and put his arm around his shoulder so he could lift him up.
"And get a bunch of sleep. That does wonders when you're trying to gain some strength."
"Hmm. No wonder you were so strong." said Ren, his mood lifting a little. "That's all you did."
"And proud of it. Now go get your strength back." said Yoh with his famous grin on his face. "I'll be seeing ya, Ren. And don't ever give up so easily again. Kay?"
"Yeah. I promise."
I wish you everything
And all the best that life can bring
I only hope you think of me sometimes
And even though I feel the pain
I know that I will love again
The time will come
And I'll move on
Yoh watched over the gang closely the next few months. He watched as the guys nursed Ren back to health, which took about a month since he was suffering from malnutrition and dehydration. He watched as he started to threaten Horo again. He also listened when Ren talked to him before he went to sleep. Ren was still crying himself to sleep at night.
So as Ren was sleeping one night, Yoh came down and stood beside him. He watched his deep breathing with sadness. The look on Ren's face was so depressing. It made him want to cry. But he couldn't he had to be strong for both of them right now. He bent down and kissed Ren on the cheek. Then he whispered, "I will always love you Ren. Even after death."
Ren opened his eyes and saw those familiar eyes looking into his. Just as he realised who it was, he bolted up right. But he was gone "Was it a dream?" He felt his cheek where Yoh had kissed him. "I guess not."
Another 4 months went by and Yoh was still watching. But he was watching in happiness now. Just a few minutes before, Ren had actually smiled. For the first time in nearly 6 months, he finally smiled.
Yoh felt overjoyed. Ren was finally happy again. He was even happier to see that Ren had found another companion. And it was none other than Hao. His own brother. But Yoh didn't mind. He was just happy to see Ren smile again. "I knew you could do it, Ren. I'm happy for you."
I got a long long way to go
Before I can say goodbye to you
I got a long long way to go
Before I can say goodbye
To all I ever knew
It was 4 years since Yoh's death. The gang went to his grave to lay some flowers. Hao & Ren went hand in hand. They all layed their flowers one by one. Each saying something to him. Even though they couldn't see him, Yoh was smiling.
Hao went next looking almost emotionless. When he stood back up he gave Ren a nod. Ren walked up and put his flowers right in the centre of stone. Then began to talk.
"Yoh, you know I miss you and still love you. Even though I'm with Hao. But he understands. You were my first love. And truth be told. You were my only true love. I know I'll never be able to truly say goodbye. But I'm doing what I promised. I'm not giving up on life. You were right. I am strong enough." he stood up and whispered the 3 little words that can mean so much.
He walked over to Hao and they held each other in a tight embrace.
"Do you really think he approves of this?" asked Hao. Just after he said that a sudden gust of wind blew his hair into Ren's face.
"I'm sure he does." replied Ren leaning in for a kiss.
I got a long long way to go
Before I can say goodbye to you
I got a long long way to go
Before I can say goodbye
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Well, I hope you enjoyed it.
Don't forget to review.
To all I ever knew
To you