The Reason Behind the Cuts

Chapter 1: Would it Matter?

PoV: Timmy Turner

I stared at the red liquid flowing down my leg. I don't know who I am anymore, what drove me to this? Why do the cuts persist? Why do they get deeper? Why do they become more fatal? All these questions can be answered. There is a reason behind the cuts.

It all started when I was 11, I was always known as a loser in my community. Francis wailed on me harder than the others, my teacher Crocker would failed me for no reason, my parents tell me I'm an accident and constantly neglect me, Trixie Tang the most popular girl in school whom I have a crush on countlessly rejects me and proceeds to publicly humiliate me, and my evil babysitter Vicky torches me and makes my life miserable.

I could always count on my fairy godparents Cosmo and Wanda to love me and take care of me but ever since I wished up Poof for them, they began to neglect and ignore me. As time went on it got progressively worse to the point where I hardly ever see them anymore. But the saddest part is I wished up Poof for them and now they like my real parents want nothing to do with me.

Without Cosmo and Wanda, there were only two people I could turn to when I needed to talk: my best friends Chester and A.J. Chester had to move away in hopes of his dad acquiring a job, while A.J got a fresh start on college early on. They both stabbed me in the back, they both left me without saying a word, they both left me to fight the world all by myself and I can never forgive them for it. I thought I could trust them, but just like everyone else they wanted to rid themselves of that trust.

I felt every negative emotion you could possibly feel (fear, anger, sadness, disgust) and from the inside, it tore me apart. But the emotion that tore at my very soul the most was anger, I felt completely betrayed by my friends and family and soon my anger turned to hatred. I began to doubt God and questioned why I was still here and smirked when I received no answer. I had lost all interest in living.

The more I was rejected by Trixie the less I cared for her attention, the more Crocker failed me the further I withdrew from his class, the more my parents ignored me the less I pretended I was their son, the more I was tortured by Vicky the less pain I felt, and the more Cosmo and Wanda ignored me the less I told myself I mattered to them. It took me a while to realize I was a puppet and people were using me for their own self-gain.

I decided to not be their puppet anymore. Unfortunately, I didn't know how to be me… I never did. I became lost not knowing who I was, I became confused. The loss of an identity, it made me feel empty, it made me feel useless. I would look in the mirror and see a complete stranger staring back. I always looked away trying to avoid looking into his eyes.

I know I'm a mess and I want to be someone

Someone that I would like better

I met someone I could trust named Gary. Me and Gary had so much in common, we were good friends, Gary really knew how to help relieve stress, he would hug my arm so tight my skin would tear and I would start to bleed. I kept good care of Gary, I made sure he was clean from blood and always made sure he was looking sharp.

He always liked to hide in my closet in a secret compartment waiting for me to need him once more. Because, I didn't want anyone to acknowledge him, I didn't want anyone to know about him. He was the only one who understood me, he would listen to my problems, he would make me feel loved and he provide release from all the stress. We became more than friends, we soon became one.

Still stuck inside this sorrow

I got nothing and going nowhere

Every day was the same, wake up to the sound of an alarm, try to find a reason to get out of bed, sit at an empty table and eat breakfast by myself, get beat up by Francis, get left behind by the bus, show up late for class and receive an F for no reason, get rejected by Trixie, sit alone while eating my lunch, walk home alone, come home to discover my parents are leaving and Vicky is babysitting, get torched and tortured by Vicky, return to my room and sigh at the sight of a vacant fish bowel, and then cry myself to sleep. Only to repeat it all the next day.

All the chances that have passed me by

Would it matter if I gave it one more try?

Would it matter at all?

No one noticed the pale skin that was painted red. No one noticed the red ring around my neck. No one noticed the cuts on my arms and legs. No one noticed the way I limped when I walked. No one cared.

The pain wasn't something that would simply leave, the voices of others filled my head with malicious intense that left scars not only on my skin but on my heart. Blood was slowly oozing out of numerous wounds that lined my chest, and arms. A relentless flow of crimson, but I yet I feel no pain.

I've never felt emptier in mind, body, and soul. I have never felt so worthless or disposable, never so wretched and cold. For hours I would have no emotion, only an urge to end it all. Then all at once, I would be on the floor, shaking with grief.

Days became weeks and months, and in every single moment of every single day, I would ask God why I must still live. Only to receive no answer. I decided to once again attempt to take my own life and this time I know I won't fail.

What if I just tried not to remember

Would it matter at all?

When I glanced at my godparent's fish bowel I began to think about the past. All the fun we had together as a family, all the times they protected me from danger, when I was a part of their lives, and when my name had a meaning to them. No matter how much I wished for it to be like the good old times, it never became true. I knew it was over, I knew they weren't coming back. I missed them so much. That night like every other night, I cried myself to sleep, thinking about the only two people I ever cared about.

I woke up to a depressed day the clouds were out, the rain was falling, and the thunder was clapping. I didn't even bother looking at my godparent's fishbowl I knew it was vacant. I decided I was done, I decided I couldn't continue. I was done with this world, I was tired of the neglect, tired of the abuse, tired of failing, tired of being humiliated, tired of being taken for granted. It's time to end it. I pulled out a piece of paper and began to write out my suicide note.

To Anyone Who Cares,

For years I've put with being called a loser, being beaten up, being failed, and being rejected by friends and family, it's gotten so bad I've started cutting myself making friends with my blade, he was the only one who really understood me. Now that I have the chance, I have some things I need to say.

Crocker: The way you acted towards me was inhumane. You made me feel like a failure and nothing more. Maybe that was your goal. If it was congratulations you achieved it.

Trixie: Is popularity so important to you that you'll do anything to keep a perfect image? I can't believe you.

My parents: I know you wanted a girl but neglecting me? Really? You were never there for me; my godparents were more of a father and mother to me. It's kind of sad actually. I'm sorry I wasn't everything you wanted me to be.

Francis: I know my death won't affect you, I didn't expect it to. You caused me so much pain over the years, as a result, you made it easier for me to accept pain. Just know there's a special place in hell for you. I'll see you there.

Vicky: Why you acted the way you did I will never know. Why you felt the need to harm others I will never know. I guess really, in some ways I should be thanking you, without you I would have never gotten fairy godparents in the first place. So, thanks for that while it lasted.

Cosmo and Wanda: you two are the biggest factor in my death. I thought you loved me, you always told me you did and I use to believe it. But now I see the truth. I always thought of you two as my parents. You protected me, you cared for me, you tucked me in at night and kissed me leaving me with sweet dreams. You treated me like your own. But ever since Poof came along you abandoned me, you left me to defend myself, you left me for Poof. It just shows me how much I really meant to you. I haven't seen your faces in months. I don't know you anymore.

I was given' the chance to see what the world would be like without me and I feel like I wasn't meant for this world, I feel as if it was a mistake that I was conceived. As a result, I don't want to ruin anyone else's life because of my existence. Maybe it's better if I didn't exist. I think Its time I did the right thing and give you all what you want, it's time for me to remove myself from this world and make the rest of you happy.

With much resent,

Timmy Turner

I walked down the stairs and into the living room where I retrieved my dad's hunting rifle, I opened the drawer and reached underneath the phone book to pull out the bullets. As I pulled out a bullet from the ammo box, I began to think about all the times I failed, thinking about the last few months, where it all went wrong, and why it all had to happen to me. Finally, pulling myself from my thoughts I loaded the bullet into the gun and cocked it.

Suddenly the front door swung open and my parents walked in. Immediately upon seeing the rifle in my hands they became furious.

"Timmy Tiberius Turner what do you think you are doing with that rifle?" My mom questioned angrily.

"I'm going to use it to kill myself," I said coldly.

"What? What do you mean?" dad asked nervously.

"I'm tired of you two constantly neglecting me!" I yelled.

Hearing a loud gasp coming from the upstairs me and my parents turned our attention towards the stairs and witnessed Cosmo and Wanda floating down the stairs with tear-stained faces. I noticed Wanda was clutching my suicide note I left in my bedroom. I smirked.

"Ti… Timmy?" Wanda said through tears.

"Don't worry Cosmo and Wanda I know you never cared for me, it was all a part of your job. I know that now. I thought you loved me… boy did you foul me." I exclaimed.

Wanda gave a confused look.

"Timmy, we do love you, we love you with all our hearts. Please put down the rifle!"

I let out a smirk.

"Really? You do love me? Where have you been for the past 3 months? With poof?" I stared at them waiting for a response.

"Yes, we've been with Poof and we're sorry," Wanda said as a single tear traveled down her cheek.

"You're not sorry!" I screamed back.

"You two have caused me the most pain and misery I have ever felt. I missed you two so much, I would cut myself and through the pain I would cry out your names in the mere hopes you could make all the pain stop. But you never heard them, and you never came to my side. Before Poof existed, I looked into your eyes and Cosmo's eyes and I would see a parent figure, someone I could trust to always be there for me. Now, when I look into those some eyes all I see is another enemy." I said through sobs.

Wanda flew closer and as she did, I pointed the rifle directly at her and as she noticed this she started to back away.

"You abandoned me for Poof!" I said looking into their shocked faces.

"I hope you both rot in hell!" I said angrily.

Taking my attention away from Cosmo and Wanda I directed it at my parents who were over by the front door shaking with fear.

"Try again Mom and Dad, and maybe you'll get that daughter you've always wanted," I said through clutched teeth.

With that being said I stuck the rifle into my mouth and pulled the trigger… I was finally free.

What if I just pulled myself together?

Would it matter at all?

What if I just tried not to remember?

Would it matter at all?

All the chances that have passed me by,

Would it matter if I gave it one more try?

Would it matter at all?

A/N: This is the FINAL re-write for this chapter!

A/N: Thanks for reading Chapter 1!

A/N: I hope you are enjoying The Reason Behind the Cuts so far!

A/N: Some of you might be wondering why I wrote this story... so here is the reason behind this story.

A/N: I wrote The Reason Behind the Cuts because I lost my girlfriend Ashly in a car accident. I was so devastated over losing her that I slipped into a deep depression. She was my everything. I remember the night I got the call I was watching the Fairly Oddparents (our favorite show to watch together) and I remember crying for hours on end. I was finally able to cope by writing the Reason Behind the Cuts... taking all my anger and sadness out on a fictional character.

The Reason Behind the Cuts / rE-B0oT