The first full moon after Halloween was in the second week of November. Remus remembers the bruises he woke up to, the fresh cuts and scratches made by the wolf as it attempted to tear itself apart.
Remus remembers the pain he felt, the human pain, every day and every night for the rest of his life. Even when he had Padfoot back, he still felt the pain. The pain of losing one's best friends, of losing acceptance and love and everything human kind is supposed to hold dear. He felt a bit ridiculous every time he cried, though - he was a man and men weren't supposed to cry (although, when he thought about it, nobody would know or care whether or not he cried. there was no one left).
Remus doesn't remember the pain the wolf felt. He's glad he doesn't - he doesn't want to remember the pain of losing one's pack. He's glad he doesn't remember the pain of tearing himself apart, mutilating his bones more than the transformation itself did. But Remus wishes he did remember at least some of it.
He thinks he deserves it. He thinks he deserves all of the pain because they thought it was him - Moony. They thought that it was moony who was the spy, who betrayed them to Voldemort. He must've done something wrong.
Twelve years later when Remus found out that Sirius hadn't been the spy, that it had been Wormtail - no, Peter - that had been the spy, he felt even worse. He should've known. He should've done something. His best friend, the last person on the planet that cared about him, sat in a cell for twelve years because he was too stupid, too prejudiced to do something.
A bit ironic, isn't it? The werewolf being prejudiced.
Remus Lupin doesn't want to be a coward. He's a bloody Gryffindor, after all. But after fighting two wars and losing everyone he holds dear - his parents, James, Lily, Sirius - he doesn't want to fight anymore. He wants to walk away, wand down and hands weary. He wants to give up.
But he doesn't. Because even though he thinks he's a coward, he's not. Remus Lupin is a bloody Gryffindor - headstrong, rash, and stubborn. He walks into battles with his head high and his wand drawn, whether he wants to or not.
When he saw the green light traveling towards him, Remus Lupin was relieved. After thirty-eight long years of pain and suffering, he was relieved. And when the green light hit him and he fell over like a marionette that had had its strings cut, he was relieved.
When his eyes opened to white, Remus Lupin was scared. But when he saw the smiling faces of everyone he held dear - his parents, James, Lily, Sirius - Remus Lupin smiled. He smiled when he realized that the Marauders were hole again. And while he regretted leaving the war, leaving Harry alone, Remus Lupin felt whole again.
For the first time in two years, Remus Lupin laughed. For the first time in twelve years, Remus Lupin felt whole again. This, Remus remembers.