Sent from: LetterMeLater

To: Jackson Avery (avery_j at gmail dot com )

From: April Kepner (blessedapril at yahoo dot com )

Subject: The Right Time

Date written: April 13, 2011

Date to be sent: April 13, 2014

Dearest Jackson...

I have a confession to make.

The first time I saw you, I told myself that I should avoid you.

That moment when I first laid eyes on your piercing eyes and heart fluttering smile, I just had that gut feel that you would cause me to sin and so I evaded being near you.

But despite the fact that I convinced myself that I had the strength to hold on to that resolve, I also have to admit that even then, I was already drawn to you.

You had something special in you.

More than the Avery surname or your gorgeous good looks or the fact that even then you already showed promise of someday being a brilliant surgeon, it was your kindness that I just find so hard to resist.

You were by far the only man I've ever known who made me feel as if I was worth something more.

Days… weeks… months… years passed and I don't know if it was because we were constantly thrown together in the most unusual of circumstances during our first years as interns but I slowly felt myself opening up to you.

We built the weirdest of friendships but it was also one of the most dependable.

Perhaps, your spirit is just far stronger than my prayers that no matter how much I try to convince myself that we're better off as friends, San Francisco still happened and it was an experience that filled me with guilt but also with feelings that are the most unexplainable.

I never thought that life could be that exciting.

Even when there were a lot of times that I am consumed with regret that I cannot keep my promise to Jesus about being a virgin and all, there were more times when I am filled with thoughts of how much I love being with you.

I love every bit about you.

More than the sex, I love how every time we are physically together, it made me feel as if we had a chance and that a small town girl like me from Moline can be loved by someone like you.

I started imagining a life that we'd build together and the family that we'd have because when we thought we were pregnant, you made me feel that that was possible.

But then you just gave up.

Maybe, it was because I was neurotic and tactless and because I was new at this whole dating and intimacy thing that I failed at expressing to you how much I love you.

But even then… even when you had Stephanie and I thought that I have moved on with Matthew, at the back of my mind, I always nurtured the thought that in the end it will still be Me and You.

It took almost losing you in that bus explosion before I realized that in this whole wide world, there is nobody else that I'd want or need or love more than I love you.

So what happened, Jackson?

I don't know why or when or where it started or how.

What happened to us?

Why did you leave?

Why did you have to run away after I bared my heart and soul to you?

I thought that after that night when you threw my feelings back at my face in that hospital room, you'd just sleep through the night and like me, you'd just suddenly wake up and have an epiphany in the morning that we were meant to be.

But that didn't happen.

Because the next morning you were gone.

It's been a month that I've been searching for you.

That I've been calling your disconnected number and begging Alex or your mom and even Stephanie whom I heard you broke up with just to tell me if they know where you were.

I would take it back if I could, Jackson.

I would will myself not to want you or love you if that's what it would take for you to come back.

So today, I resolve to stop bothering you.

I would stop talking about feelings and what I want or what we could be because if it's space and time that you need, I'd give you all that and more if that's what you'd ask for.

That's why I'm sending you this email 3 years from this day.

By the time you receive this, I hope that you have done everything that you wanted to.

You would have already met a lot of people, gone to a lot of places and probably thought about what it is that you need.

I hope that three years is enough time for you to be sure that maybe, just maybe I am really the girl whom you'd want to spend the rest of forever with.

I will endure, Jackson.

I will bear the longing and the pain and the loneliness with only the hope that one day, I'd be back in your life again.

I will do everything it takes to correct the mistakes that we've made.

I will never lose hope.

That eventually we will have our second chance.

It may not be today but someday…

Someday we'd be back in each other's life and I'm not taking no for an answer again.

Always.

April

Jackson doesn't know how long he's been sitting in front of his computer staring at that unexpected email.

It must have been hours but he did not notice the time passing at all.

All he can think about and feel are unexpected waves of regret of what was then and what could have been if only he had been true to his feelings.

It was exactly three years and one month on this day after that big storm hit when April told him she wanted him.

Three years and one month after she begged him to give her a reason not to marry the man whom by all means seem perfect for her and whom he had convinced himself is exactly what she needed.

It's been three years and one month.

Three years and one month since he ran away like a coward because he cannot bear the thought of hoping that they can build something lasting only to get his heart crushed and broken once again.

There were far too many times in the course of that three years when he had convinced himself that he had made the right choice of going away because time healed his wounds and that he was over her.

Times when he performed surgery in an Avery owned hospital that is the farthest he can get away from Seattle only to remember twinkling eyes peeking at him from above a pristine white surgical mask because she can't help but boast to him of the fact that she is a soldier.

Nights when he wakes up wracked by nightmares not anymore of Charles nor Reed dying but by the haunting thought of flaming red hair spread out all over a pillow that was not his or of pale alabaster skin now belonging to another.

It's been three years and one month but seeing April's email made him feel as if there was not any time that passed at all.

She still has the power to twist his heart and turn his stomach into knots.

So much time has passed and yet he's suddenly back to that hopeful, bumbling doctor who fell head over heels for his slightly crazy best friend by just seeing the words that she's written years ago which she may have also only probably written at that time because she's at the height of her emotions.

But that doesn't stop him from thinking that maybe this was their second chance.

Maybe it was divine intervention or maybe it was Mark Sloan helping him from beyond the grave.

Because after all this time, seeing April's email made him realize that this was what Mark meant about telling someone you love them.

And he's ready now.

Even if it will burn his life to the ground, he's ready to take a chance with the girl he loves the most and who seem to love him the same way back.

It's time to return to Grey Sloan.

It's time to return for her.

Because if he was really honest?

He knew in his heart that no matter where life takes him, he'd always come back to her.