Oh the feels! You guys, this show makes me feel all the feels. Seriously. Mary and Matthew are my OTP now and I love them sooo much. So naturally, whenever I listen to music now it reminds me of my favorite couple, and when I was listening to Adele's "Someone Like You" it made me think of what Mary was going through while Matthew was engaged to Lavinia.

Therefore, the idea for this songfic came about! It covers the span of time from episodes 1-7 of season 2. Of course, I do not own the lyrics or the characters mentioned in this story; those belong to Adele and Julian Fellowes respectively.

*EDIT* IMPORTANT, PLEASE READ: Someone PMed me and brought to my attention the fact that you can't copy music lyrics into stories anymore. So, I've removed the lyrics to "Someone Like You" from my story and put italicized parts to clarify when different scenes take place. Instead, I would suggest listening to "Someone Like You" while reading this; hopefully it should be fairly obvious as to how the story itself relates to the song. Thanks for reading this, everyone, and I hope you still enjoy it!

Part One:

"He's engaged."

Mary wanted to collapse when she heard those words. Inside, her body was shaking. It took all she had to regain her composure. She hated it, hated having to be strong and pretend Matthew's engagement didn't affect her. Pretend she didn't care, when the news made her heart give a little shudder and nearly made tears spring into her eyes

What was worst was knowing that it was her own fault. Her hesitation had been what ruined their love. She'd had her chance with Matthew, and now she'd lost it, through her own stupidity.

But how could Matthew be in love with someone else? What was so wonderful about his fiancée that made her better than Mary? Matthew and Mary had loved each other with a desperate, rare love, and it made her heart hurt to think that he'd moved on so quickly.

Part Two:

She hadn't expected to be so nervous, that night at the fundraiser. She'd schooled her expression into a calm, normal smile, but on the inside she was having a nervous breakdown. When she saw him for the first time that night, her stomach fluttered, and a small smile crept across her face unbidden. It was her natural reaction to seeing Matthew; it always had been, and apparently time hadn't changed that.

What had changed was his reaction. Before, he would give her that sweet smile, his eyes only for her. Now, he just gave a brief nod and a tight smile before looking back at his fiancée, Lavinia.

Well, what had she expected? Mary wasn't sure what she'd thought would happen, but she'd hoped for at least a friendly smile. Why did he have to act as if they were strangers? Just because they'd had a fight and broken up, it didn't mean they couldn't be friends. She longed more than anything to be viewed as a friend in Matthew's eyes once again.

Had Matthew known that she was going to be here? He must have. Had he, too, been nervous about seeing her again? Had he felt that same mixture of dread and excitement at the idea? He probably didn't want her there. Mary was sure she was nothing but a bad memory to him, but the thought made her all the more determined to stand up tall and act unaffected.

Then he came over to her and had the nerve to make small talk. Small talk. When all she wanted was to throw her arms around him and hold him tight, because she was afraid she'd never again have the chance to. War was dangerous. It was one thing to be in love with someone who no longer loved you, but it was a hundred times worse when his life was constantly in danger. She was a constant knot of anxiety, always wondering how he was.

And he looked perfectly fine. He probably never thought of her at all.

Part Three:

The war kept reminding her how short life was. And perhaps she was being too dramatic, but when Matthew was about to leave, she knew she had to be there to see him off. She had to see him one last time.

There was so much she wanted to tell him. How she prayed for him every night. Would he laugh and think her silly? No, Matthew was far too kind for that, but if she said such a thing, it would only make their conversation terribly awkward.

So instead, she choked out the words, "Such good luck." What a trite phrase it was, but never had any words from her mouth been so heartfelt. She hoped he understood that she meant it with every fiber of her being.

And when he left on that train, she knew that she had to give him up. She couldn't pine after him for the rest of her life. A piece of her would always love him and treasure the time they'd had, but she couldn't let him keep her from living her life.

Part Four:

Mary fully intended on getting over Matthew, but life had a way of changing her mind. Every time she saw him again, her heart broke a little piece more. He brought back so many memories. The best time of her life had been those two short years when she'd known Matthew before the war.

Had it really been so long? It felt like they were children back then. Who would've believed the petty arguments they'd had? But that was all they'd known back then. Now, the war was making them grow up.

Of course they'd been, at times, childish and a bit selfish back then. Or perhaps stubborn was the best word; it really suited them both perfectly. On top of all of that, though, it had been the most perfect time. Mary and Matthew had complemented each other so. Their friendship had developed into a love that she'd thought could withstand anything. They both made each other stronger.

Part Five:

More than anything, Mary wanted to hate Lavinia.

It would be so easy if Lavinia was a mean-spirited girl. Mary had half-expected her to be a prissy snob, but somehow Lavinia wormed her way into Mary's heart.

It really wasn't fair. Mary wished she could hate Lavinia, but it wasn't possible when the girl was so sweet and loving. She wasn't the type of girl Mary would normally be friends with, but even through that, they somehow formed a hesitant type of friendship.

That was the kind of girl Matthew needed, someone gentle and dependable. Someone who wouldn't constantly change her mind and pick arguments with him. They were perfect for each other, and the truth of it stung every time Mary saw Matthew and Lavinia together. She kept hoping Matthew would realize that Lavinia was wrong for him, but the bitter truth sunk in: however in love Mary may be with Matthew, Lavinia was the one he belonged with.

Part Six:

At the very least, shouldn't she hate Matthew? She had a feeling she should. Most girls, after all, resented the relationships they'd had with their old flames. But strangely, she felt no bitterness or anger at him. Her old self would've been upset that Matthew no longer cared for her. Now, though, she'd matured enough to truly wish him the best.

Even after knowing all the heartbreak she'd go through, Mary knew she'd never go back and change her past. Being able to love Matthew and have that love returned, if only for a short time, made it worth it. Would she ever be able to love someone again like that? Could you find that crazy, passionate, all-consuming love twice in a lifetime?

Well, she intended to find out. She wanted to find a man who had a spirit like Matthew's. Matthew had always seen her for who she was, and loved her anyway. He'd made her want to be a better person. She needed to find someone who had that same gentle personality, who was so sweetly innocent and yet frustratingly stubborn at the same time. But there was no one in the world who could ever be exactly like Matthew.

Part Seven:

She wanted to find someone like Matthew, truly she did. But things became complicated, and before she knew it she had no choice but to accept Sir Richard's proposal. She couldn't back out now.

Did she love Sir Richard? Not at all. Did he love her? She didn't think so. At least they would work well together; they were both so tough and businesslike. But she was beginning to understand, all too late, that she needed someone in her life to balance out the part of her personality that could be unfeeling. That was what Matthew had been; and Sir Richard was exactly the opposite.

It was ironic, wasn't it, that they would both become engaged to people exactly like each other. Matthew and Lavinia were both so sweet, and Mary and Sir Richard were both so tough. It was wrong for it turn out this way.

Then Matthew came back, injured from the war.

Part Eight:

She'd never pictured herself as being a nurse to someone. She'd had too much pride for that before, she supposed. But with Matthew, it was all she wanted to do. Take care of him. Help him recover. Bring him anything he needed.

And through it all, Lavinia became even more loyal and in love with Matthew. She supported him no matter what. Against the face of that kind of love, Mary knew she had no chance. There was absolutely nothing she could do. She must face the fact that she would live her life with Sir Richard, and never be able to love Matthew as she wished.

Part Nine:

When Matthew finally walked again, it was one of the best and worst days of her life.

Best, because of course, Matthew was walking again! This was more than anyone had dared to dream for him, and Mary was overjoyed that he would have his life back now. Ever since he'd come home injured, she'd continued praying every day for him to recover. It had finally happened.

But it was also one of her worst days because it meant the wedding for Matthew and Lavinia was once again on. And the pain of seeing them together was as strong as ever. She felt selfish for being upset over this. She was elated for Matthew to be walking again, she truly was, but a small part of her couldn't help mourning the fact that he was getting married now.

Part Ten:

Wedding preparations were on the way. It was really going to happen. Matthew and Lavinia would be married and live a contented life together, and Mary would be nothing but a bad memory.

Mary remembered that bittersweet day, just months ago, when Matthew had gone missing and they'd all feared for his life. She remembered the moment when he walked in the room and her heart stopped aching and they sang together. How had he not seen, in that moment, how perfect and incandescently happy they were when they were together?

If you were the only girl in the world and I were the only boy…

If only.

Sniffle. This made me sad to write, but I also loved exploring Mary's emotions during this time. I'd love it if you could write a review––and please remember constructive criticism is always welcome. Thank you for reading!