Another Time :)
Feeling a bit down about how the show are handling Ste without Brendan, so wrote this to make myself feel a bit better, I hope you like it :)
There is nothing left to remind me of him and all that we used to be are gone. I now live in a world where he doesn't exist and even I am forgetting the mark that he left, which is complete madness when the mark he left was immense…especially on me. It's almost like he never existed at all and if I didn't have my memories then I would think that Brendan Brady was just a myth. Only a few months ago that man was my life and somewhere down the road I seem to have forgotten that.
No one ever mentions his name; even I don't talk about him anymore and my life without him is continuing when I didn't think it would. I suppose it doesn't help where everyone has moved on. There is no club, no flat, no Cheryl and everything I've known and loved has been changed or replaced. I've even started flirting with Doug, I know he cares about me and I guess I'm just playing on it. I don't want anything from him, at least not in that way, but I like the fact that he still wants me, it gives me some power.
With everything else in my life I am powerless, I have no control and I hate that. Brendan was taken away from me and I couldn't do anything to stop it. No matter how much I cried or how much I prayed for him to come home nothing I said or did made any difference, so I guess I've just given up and accepted the fact that he has gone from this world and from my life…for good. It doesn't mean I don't love him, because I do and always will, but as much as I want to I can't change what's happened.
I've been in trouble since I've been without him; I've got into drugs and pushed everyone away. I think even he would be disgusted in my behavior, but it was a way to cope I guess. I thought eventually he would want to see me, or even get someone to keep an eye on me, but he's completely removed me from his life and decided to set me free. Can't he see that he has caused me more damage? He must know that I still adore him and that he is the only man for me forever.
So yeah he might be gone from my life and every trace of him has disappeared but love like that…like ours doesn't just go away and if he ever comes back or decides to let me see him, I know that everything we feel for each other will still be there. I will never feel any differently about him no matter what. Maybe I should fight harder; maybe I should try to see him and keep trying even when he rejects me. Just because he's been erased from my life doesn't mean he's erased from my heart.
To everyone else I will be strong; maybe even make out that I am over him, but in the meantime, my heart will only ever beat for him. I will get to show him one day, that I'm sure of and I will be with him again because I know it's not the end for us. Although I can't love him right now, I will…another time.
Please review lovelies xx xx xx