Nine Lives of Dream Chapter 1: Cats, a haikyu/ハイキュー fanfic

Nine Lives of Dream

Theme: Cats

He tottered at the precipice. The world spread out below him like a basin. The air smelling thick of city rain, a rain unlike that which is found in the mountains of Okutama just an hour's train ride out of Tokyo's city center, distinct in its acrid copper iron undertones. A strangled mewl. Inertia. Then falling. Falling. Falling. Dread. Stomach lurching. Air in abundant supply, but breath short. Body contorting. Head over foot over body. Sky, ground, sky, ground, sky. Body contorting. A sea of pitch asphalt expanding, as if rising to meet him. And—

xXx

Thud. Kenma groaned, eyes blearily blinking back sleep. The ceiling and part of an inverted bookshelf and desk bleeding into his perception as he became aware of his state of upside down entanglement in his sheets, back against the floor and legs still on his bed. It was dark. A quick glance towards the clock on his desk read 3:33am. He grimaced. It was an ungodly hour to be awake. Pulling his legs over the side of the bed to reunite with the rest of him, he sat up, disentangling himself from the sheets and setting them back on the bed as he stretched, rubbing at the sore spot where his head had made solid contact with the ground.

'If cats really do always land on their feet, it would be more convenient to be a cat in such situations,' Kenma mused dully as he clambered back into bed. Still so very tired. Morning would come on swift wings and practice was hard enough without a full night's sleep. Golden eyes closed for the second time that night. He did not dream.

xXx

That which we call myth is merely a collective dream, shared en masse by millions, fed and endorsed by billions. Dreams then can be construed as myth. Personal myths that rouses the soul from slumbering stillness. It is shame they are given such scant attention. We hustle along amidst the bustle of daily life and see nothing. Blurs and fragments of perception, slivers of a neglected whole. Of our world a great many things escapes us. And of ourselves, we no longer take ownership of our own feelings and actions. Our souls shudder and they thirst. And thirst not sated begins to seek.

We seek not in the rational and tangible, but in things irrational and ambiguous. We seek in the enigmatic. We seek to express that which propriety would have us deny.

xXx

It was wrong. His body felt wrong. All wrong. Disproportionate. His point of view was far too low – like he was lying on the ground – except he knew he was sitting up. His peripheral vision was so broad he could almost see behind himself. His nose twitched. He could smell everything. Rank rotting fish from the dumpster a few feet to his left. The stringent pungency of gas and grease stained asphalt. A fascinating odor that rose from a discarded candy wrapper.

Starting over to investigate he startled as he fell over himself in a tumble of limbs. A sound came from his throat that sounded far too much like the simpering mewl of a newborn kitten. Lying there, sprawled on the ground, he could have cried.

Clumsily he righted himself and looked around, finding himself beginning to clean himself, licking at the soft fur on one shoulder with a pink tongue. He stopped immediately disgusted by the action.

'This must be a dream.'

"I want to wake up now!" he cried but the words came from his throat in another mewling whimper. And then silence. But an incomplete silence. Triangular ears perked up as he heard clopping footsteps approaching down the alley.

He turned his head to see a massive shadowy shape approaching him cautiously from the far side of the dumpster. It was a Rottweiler, a monster of a dog that Kenma would have avoided even if he weren't trapped in some small animals body. Why the hell a dog like this wasn't leashed in the city was beyond him as he felt the fear increasing.

The Rottweiler paused when it realized he had noticed it. A long moment suspended in bated terror and the dog charged at him, its growl freezing him for a heartbeat more before he bolted. Or tried to. Unaccustomed to the odd shape of his limbs and their correlation to each other, Kenma went sprawling again. Before he could recover the Rottweiler was rearing over him. Wide-eyed in trepidation Kenma felt its jaws close down on him, capturing the small body, bones grinding against each other, fracturing and crunching as teeth tore down into him—

Kenma woke with a start. He woke in his own bed, drenched in sweat, hair sticking to his face and neck, night shirt clinging to his damp skin, legs half tangled in the sheets. The clock across the room on his desk read 3:33am. Awash with relief he closed his eyes focusing on calming his breathing and racing heart.

'Only a dream.'

Opening his eyes and staring up at the dark ceiling Kenma assured himself it hadn't been real. He hadn't almost died out there in some back alley of Tokyo's streets trapped in some stray cat's body. Not really. But still it had been so vivid… so detailed down to the most minute of sensory observations… something Kenma couldn't possibly have imagined without prior knowledge of a cat's sensory perceptive capabilities… something he was sure he didn't know.

Suddenly the room felt cold. He shivered at the chill, thinking he could see his breath for a moment. So cold you'd almost think summer had given way to winter in the few short hours he'd been asleep. Exhaling experimentally he noted that he really couldn't see his breath. The room already feeling far warmer, the stagnant still warmth of summer in Tokyo. The chill then, the trembling chill, must have been just a residue of his dream.

That stupid dream. Which wasn't real.

xXx

"Are you okay Kenma?" Kuroo frowned as Kenma met him at the front gate of his house. "You look terrible."

"I'm fine," Kenma mumbled as he walked past Kuroo, the taller male falling into step beside him. He'd never said as much, but he liked walking to school with Kuroo in the mornings. For the longest time, he'd wake to Kuroo inviting himself into his room for a morning wakeup call. Kenma would drowsily look up from his fort of pillows and sheets to the hand ruffling his hair and see the most affectionate smile which faded into a brilliant Cheshire grin the moment he realized that Kenma was awake. It had been something Kenma looked forward to, but lately Kuroo would remain by the front gate. He'd send a text to make sure he was up and would wait patiently outside.

Kenma didn't know what had caused the change, but he couldn't say that he wasn't a bit saddened by the growing distance between them. Though he supposed it was only natural to grow apart from your childhood friends eventually. Children largely lack boundaries, the touches and open expressions Kuroo afforded him in childhood that he always made a show of being bothered by because of how embarrassing it was, were things he always assumed would remain constant, like the consideration Kuroo always lavished him with – drinks after practice, concern when he was ill, standing in line for hours with him to get the new monster hunter game when it came out. That was all nice, but it was only when Kuroo had stopped the casual touches and morning wakeup calls, that Kenma really felt the loneliness gnawing at him – the idiocy of being bogged down by feelings like embarrassment and not enjoying it more when those things were being freely given. And he wasn't about to go asking for it.

"If you don't want to talk about it with me that's fine, but you don't have to lie," Kuroo frowned.

"I-"

"You have dark shadows under your eyes, it would be clear to anyone with eyes that you didn't sleep last night."

Golden eyes strayed down to white sneakers. No words came out.

"Ah, you know coach was talking about starting a new training regimen today," Kuroo grinned hands folded behind his head as he walked ahead a few steps.

Kenma's head snapped up at the near imperceptible hint of sullenness in Kuroo's tone, catching a glimpse of the strain in his smile as he walked ahead. In all the years they'd been friends, Kuroo had never made such an unnatural expression before. He was perfectly comfortable saying and doing whatever he wanted with a perfect air of nonchalance. The tightness in his jaw as his lips twitched up into a willed smile really shook Kenma. He didn't like it. He wanted to say so. His brows furrowed, frustration with his own silence in the matter adding to the anxiety wrought from his dreams.

As Kenma listened to Kuroo talk about things regarding the club, the opportunity to say anything seemed to have come and gone and his silence weighed heavier on him than normal.

xXx

Gasping in surprise as a chill like a winter wind hit him, Kenma opened his eyes with a start. For one moment he was drowsily waiting for his mom to call him down for dinner, then suddenly he was—

Elsewhere.

Out of his body. In something else's body. The feeling was too familiar for him not to recognize it. He looked down at himself to see the front legs of a cat. Mottled cream colored fur. His vision was off again. The perspective was wrong. Peripheral vision enhanced, colors muted. A world of scents assailed his nostrils. Car exhaust fumes, a myriad of foods in varying sates of decay in the dumpster behind what must have been a restaurant. His hearing too enhanced, picked up on a multitude of sounds, sharp, breaking like brittle glass in his ears – unpleasant.

He was perched on a cardboard box which a quick survey proved to be the top box on a stack of haphazardly piled boxes. A good vantage point for seeing the alley and the street beyond with people passing.

Kenma started forward, but as had invariably happened to him in previous dreams like this one, the unfamiliar body moved all wrong. He lost his balance, barely catching himself from falling from his perch and tumbling down the mountain of boxes. His frustration came out in the form of a plaintive meow.

'Damn it, I don't need this!' Kenma huffed as he began tentatively testing out his motor functions. Stretching one pawed front leg forward and back, the other then back. Nodding to himself at the progress, he moved to the back legs, a short forward step then back, the other a short forward step and back. Bend all as if crouching to pounce – that took a bit more concentration to do and he almost fell over twice, but somehow managed to do it. Silently congratulating himself for having not tumbled to the ground in an undignified heap, Kenma stretched his borrowed form, yawning.

A buzzing started up in the back of his head – a built in natural warning system that his host body recognized even with a different driver. Turning, careful how he moved the cat's limbs, his eyes narrowed on the vague shape of a figure standing there at the back of the alleyway. It was too ill defined – shrouded by shadow so that even his sharpened vision could not properly perceive.

'The next time I'm back in my body-'

The thought was halted almost as soon as it had begun, Kenma shaking his head assuring himself once again that it was all just a dream, and that he wasn't really not in his body… as if he'd have been able to do anything about it even if by some mystical forces his soul or whatever had decided to slip out and go wandering around in some cat's body. It wasn't like he could chain his soul to it to prevent it from leaving.

'Who's there? What do you want?' Kenma asked, the warning bells in his head increasing in intensity, but all that came out was a strangled yowl.

Anxiously Kenma hopped from the tower of boxes, landing with only a minor fumble, still facing the figure – too afraid to not have the threatening presence in his sights. The figure took a step forward. The chill down Kenma's spine deepened. The cat's spirit reared up in panic and took over its body, turning and dashing away with heart-wrenching speed that would have made Kenma's stomach lurch had he been in his own body… There it was again. It was so vivid, he couldn't help thinking as though he were really some disembodied spirit riding shotgun in an alley cat's head.

'Wake up. Wake up. Have to wake up.'

An indecipherable sound called after him as he ran, head spinning from the unfamiliar motion of the cat, from the intake of far more sensory information than he was used to, and from the overbearing anxiety wreaking havoc on his nerves. Bolting down the street, darting between the legs of pedestrians, and vaguely recognizing the area to be part of the network of streets behind Shinjuku station, Kenma felt whatever it was that was joining him to the cat letting go. Like falling into an abyss the colors and shapes of the city were swallowed by darkness, sound muting until he could perceive nothing but his own breathing. Down. Down. Spinning in a tightening whirl until—

Kenma blinked his eyes open with a start. Ceiling? Check. Hands? Check. Desk? Check. Time? 3:33am. Breathing a sigh of relief he patted down his body instinctively as if to assure himself he was all there, that no part of him had remained in that feline form. Groaning he rolled onto his side, clutching arms around his stomach which roiled uncomfortably – churning and gurgling in ulcer worried knots – he felt sick.

'Ugh, I don't want to go to practice today,' Kenma frowned as he hugged the deformed cat-shaped pillow Kuroo had gotten him when they were still in middle school. Kuroo had probably meant it to be a gag gift, but Kenma had been genuinely happy to receive it. When he stopped to think about it, Kuroo had been a source of stability and strength for him since they'd met all those years ago, and he had to wonder why he'd never said as much to his good friend. Kuroo would know, right? He'd understand without Kenma having to say it, wouldn't he? That he was a very special and important existence to Kenma? Surely he knew that…

'I want to hear Kuroo's voice~' Kenma thought, hugging the pillow tighter.

xXx

"You've been so distracted lately, what's up with that? Are you sick?" Kuroo asked, worry having been etched into his features for almost their entire evening practice.

Shaking his head, Kenma slid his arms into his sweater. It had been almost two weeks since the first time he'd had one of those dreams. Kenma had near worried himself into a fit over the possible reason for having such ridiculous dreams. There was no such thing as out of body experiences. Sure people claim it's possible, but there was just no way. And even if such a thing really was "a thing," then it shouldn't have been happening to him of all people. There was no possible reason for his soul to go straying all over the place.

"Seriously Kenma, what's wrong? You're making me worry," Kuroo said a deep frown creasing his brows and turning down the corners of his lips, before making a quick amendment. "When the brain's not working up to speed, the rest of the body flounders. We need you to be at your best out there."

"I'm okay."

"You're not okay, you missed your set completely, blanked out and almost got hit in the face with the ball, and you mistook Lev for me after practice when you asked for juice from the vending machines. Where exactly were you today? 'Cause wherever it was, it wasn't here," Kuroo said in full on captain mode, before catching himself and shaking his head. To Kenma, it was apparent that Kuroo was having difficulty settling on the right approach to the issue. Should he face Kenma as Nekoma's captain? A friend? Something else? What was the right degree of distance, familiarity or authority to use? He just didn't know. "Just tell me what's wrong so I can help."

"I'm sorry about practice," Kenma said meeting Kuroo's gaze evenly, though all he wanted to do was screw club activities and have Kuroo come by his room just to hang all night. "And it's really nothing to worry about, I haven't been sleeping well lately."

"Oh? Nightmares?" Kuroo perked up immediately, anxiously wanting to hear more, to find something he might be able to do to help.

Kenma pouted but nodded.

"Are you stressed about anything? What do you dream about?"

Kenma took in Kuroo's grinning face and then looked away. "It's nothing. Forget I said anything."

A heavy sigh seemed to deflate Kuroo's entire being. "Listen Kenma, I…"

"What?" Kenma asked when Kuroo trailed off.

"Nothing, never mind. I have some errands to run for my folks before I go home, so I'll see you tomorrow, Kenma."

Taken aback by the strangely forced expression, Kenma found himself staring after Kuroo's retreating form, a heavy feeling like rocks sinking in a pond filling his chest. He couldn't remember the last time he'd had to walk home alone.

xXx

'What was that look Kuroo? What was it you wanted to say? What did you want to say wearing that strained expression?' Kenma thought as he drifted off, wondering in a sleepy, half-interested fashion—

And woke to find his skin covered with fur. He wasn't sure the extent of a cat's ability to express facial shows of discontent, but Kenma was fairly sure that anyone looking could see that he was immensely unamused. He was starting to get used to it, but that far from meant he liked it. To say he enjoyed these recurring dreams would be a gross misinterpretation of the situation. Still, he was getting to the point where before anything else he'd check his motor functions. One never really appreciated their ability to move until they found themselves unable to. The panic? Well that always came later.

This time he was in a park though, not some dingy back alley. That fact offered at least some comfort. The scent of freshly cut grass and lavender a drastic improvement from the pungent stench of rot and decay.

Kenma took a few exploratory steps, confidence rising as he got the hang of moving around on four legs again. A quick survey of the area roused a notion of familiarity. The scent of the meat and potato croquets from the Family Mart across the street and the buttery scent of freshly baked bread from the house-front bakery at the corner of the next block. This was his neighborhood. Surely if he walked south through the park and the housing on the other side he'd come across the riverside where he used to play with Kuroo when they were children… Which meant home was just a few minutes away.

Before he could think, he was walking, then running, then sprinting in the direction of his house. Paws padding against the concrete, the shock of impact with the pavement so unnatural to him, creaking in the legs of his small form. Skidding to a stop in front of the familiar beige two story house he called home, Kenma looked to his window on the second floor. If he could climb the tree in their front yard, he would be able to reach his window… theoretically speaking of course. Whether or not he'd actually be able to was something else entirely. He'd only just become comfortable running, and climbing didn't seem like it would be as easy as cats make it out to be.

He needed to see, though. Some morbid curiosity needed to see what was in that room. Was it him? Was he there slumbering away? Was it empty?

Steeling himself and planning a path of entry, Kenma took a running start at the tree, meaning to catch onto the side, but instead found himself crashing into the side of the tree and falling back to the ground – where he landed perfectly on all four feet. Shaking his head, and licking his right paw which had gotten a bit scraped from the tree bark, he sat back to revaluate the situation.

'So the claw thing isn't instinctual then…' Kenma thought looking down at his paws. He'd been banking on the claws to just come out when they were needed, but clearly it wasn't an automatic response. Concentrating hard, Kenma let out an annoyed mewl at being unable to. Another five minutes of trying and he was ready to give up. It just couldn't be worth the effort to see into his room, and he was probably going to wake up soon anyway and none of this would matter… though when he thought about it, this was the first time, he'd felt pain in his cat form. Usually in his dreams, even when torn to shreds by a feral dog, he hadn't felt anything but fear. But now, the throbbing pain in his paws felt very real.

'This isn't happening. This is just a dream. Just a dream!' Kenma thought slamming a paw down on the ground in frustration, surprised when his claws slid out. Blinking, Kenma lifted his paw to examine it.

'Flex muscles as if trying to make a fist,' Kenma thought, muscles tensing in his other paw, the claws popping out, another twitch of his muscles and back in they went. Internally squeeing at his success, he looked towards the tree again. This time for sure it would work. Running at the tree and launching himself at the trunk, he found himself hanging from the bark a couple feet off the ground. His hind legs scrabbled against the bark, trying to find purchase on the solid trunk to make it possible to climb higher as the lowest branch was still about a meter away.

'No, no, no!' Kenma thought as he felt himself slipping back down the trunk, claws carving their way down its length, a disgruntled whimper escaping him as his attempts at climbing higher found him instead back on the ground. Stubbornly running at the tree again, and again, Kenma somehow managed to clamber his way up to the first branch, and the second and then up to the one parallel to his window.

Lungs heaving from the exertion, Kenma leaned his head against the glass, reveling in the cool surface pressed up against his hot, fur covered body.

'Seriously, as if summer wasn't hot enough, without having to wear a fur coat.'

Once he'd caught his breath, Kenma peered into his room. His enhanced cat vision making it easy to discern shapes in the darkness. Much to his dismay, a sick feeling settled in the pit of his stomach as he looked at himself from outside his body.

'Please don't let this be real.'

He hadn't even been asleep this time, so how could he be dreaming?

'Unless I dozed off…'

If he took the cat's body over there to where his own body laid sleeping and jumped on its lap, would the contact break the spell that had caught him – shock him back into his own body? It had to be a spell, like in his games. The RPG magic-based fantasy ones. Some kind of warped reality where such things were real perhaps. Or the games… maybe they were just getting to his head. He'd been playing too many games and his imagination had just been running on overdrive. No matter what he told himself though, it was becoming harder to convince himself it was just a dream. A dream and nothing more.

Kenma sat there on his windowsill, staring at himself sleep for hours and nothing had changed. His mother had woken and gone out shopping, but he'd remained still, unmoving. The sun had risen to its highest peak and had already begun its decent for the day and still, nothing. Still stuck in the body of some damn cat. And of all the things he could have been thinking about, Kuroo was the only one on his mind. If he had told Kuroo about the dreams would he have really been able to help? It didn't seem likely, but Kuroo had asked again and again what was wrong, with that drawn, worried expression tight on his lips. Even if he couldn't have done anything, perhaps just telling Kuroo would have been a comfort in its own way.

'Kuroo~'

He wanted to see him. He wanted to lean against him and just stay there drinking in Kuroo's comforting presence. Why hadn't he just said something? Flustered Kenma stood from his perch making his way back onto the branch. Staying there was going to solve nothing if he couldn't even get inside the house. He didn't know what he was going to do, but since it didn't seem like he was going to be waking up anytime soon, he wanted to be away – anywhere but there – where he wouldn't have to see himself in such a pitiful state.

Kenma wandered aimlessly four hours. By the time he stopped to look around, it was already night and he'd found himself in a busier area of the city – lots of people and lots of cars. How he'd managed to find himself in such a place without noticing the blaring noises of the city, Kenma didn't know, but it was far too much for his sensitive ears. Noting a park across the street, he made to cross – the walk signal was counting down, but he could make it across in 12 seconds easy.

Stumbling a bit on a rough Manhole cover about halfway across, Kenma tried to straighten himself only to find his paw stuck in the grate. He tugged, pushing down with his right and pulling back for all he was worth with his left. Nothing. Dread fell like a rock in the pit of his stomach as he yanked and yanked to no avail. Mewling desperately as the cross walk timer blinked down…7…6…5…

Kenma's eyes widened, body frozen still in terror as the cars rumbled as if with bated breath to burst out once the light changed.

'Move!'

He didn't know what was worse, being mauled by a dog or run over by a car. Seemed like they'd both be quite painful, but given the fact that the time he'd been assailed by that Rottweiler he hadn't felt anything, and now that he could acutely feel everything he was about to become a smear of red on the pavement somewhere.

'Move damnit!'

The fatigue in his weary body, the ache in his paws and the sting of the chafed skin around where he'd been trying to yank his paw free from the metal prison. The crossing timer at…3…2…

'Kuroo!'

Clenching his eyes shut, he would have cried had he been physically capable in this form. Instead of his bones crushing as a metal fender slammed into him though, he heard screeching and cursing and honking and warm hands cradling him against something solid. Something with a steady pulse and a scent so comforting. So familiar. Then a voice.

"Calm the fuck down. Is it going to kill you to be a little late to wherever the hell it is you're going? Geeze what an asshole."

Kenma opened his eyes to find his saviour to be Kuroo. Of course Kuroo would be bold enough to walk out into the street despite a moron trying to race through the intersection the second the light had changed, anything in his way be dammed.

"Kuroo~" Kenma was beside himself with relief, but his voice came out in a plaintive whimper.

"It's okay now, you're okay now," Kuroo grinned, carrying Kenma out of the street and casting a final glare in the direction of the moron in the Volvo. "You got a home to go back to? You don't have a collar."

"Kuroo, it's me Kenma."

"I don't speak cat, but that sounded pretty darn sad," Kuroo said as Kenma nuzzled against Kuroo's large hands, rough pink tongue licking affectionately at his knuckles. "Haha, like me or something?"

"You have no idea, you idiot."

"Well if you're okay with it, you can stay with me."

Kenma was beyond thankful that Kuroo hadn't just set him down on the sidewalk. He was so rattled, he honestly didn't think he'd be able to stand on his own at the moment. So relieved and thankful, Kenma couldn't help the urge to nuzzle, rubbing his cheek against Kuroo's arm in closed-eyed contentment.

"Shit, you're pretty affectionate for a stray, you sure you don't have a home to go back to?"

Large amber eyes blinked at Kuroo.

"Damn, you're so fucking cute!"

Kenma purred as Kuroo idly stroked his fingers through his fur. He missed this, sure Kuroo never really pet him, but the casual one-armed hugs and the mischievous but clearly affectionate hair ruffling were things he wished Kuroo hadn't stopped. But why had he, really?

"We're almost there."

Kenma glanced around, noting the familiar streets and people heading home late from work and it occurred to him that Kuroo had been out pretty late for a school night. It wasn't unheard of, but aside from being at his place, Kuroo never stayed out late when there was morning practice. Could it have had anything to do with the errands he said he had to run? Kenma really wanted to ask, but it wasn't like he'd be understood in his cat shaped prison.

"We're here!" Kuroo grinned pausing in front of his house for Kenma to take a look. The grin faded as he set his hand on the front gate to open it.

"What is it Kuroo?" Kenma pawed gently at Kuroo's cheek.

"Haha sorry, did I look upset? I was just wondering if Kenma's up," Kuroo mused aloud, a hollow sort of dullness in his yellow ocher eyes. "Oh, that's my friend by the way. He's pretty darn cute too. I think he'd like you. He's not all that interested in a lot of things, but he seems to have a soft spot for small cute things… like that little fireball at Karasuno… it's good that Kenma's getting along with other people, but damn it makes me jealous. I want him all to myself, you know?"

'Kuroo~'

"Yeah, human problems probably don't make any sense to yo- This is stupid, you need a name. Can't keep calling you "you." Have any preferences?" Kuroo asked as he made his way into the house, calling out a habitual and highly unenthused "I'm home," before heading up to his room.

'I'm sure anything will be fine, it's not like I plan to stay like this.'

"This might sound a bit weird, but if you don't mind I'd like to call you Kenko."

Kenma cocked his head to the side in question as Kuroo set him down on the floor.

"Your fur reminds me of my friend, black and blonde, and your eyes too… his name is Kozume Kenma. But it wouldn't be written with the same ko an d ken as him. You're your own person after all… well not person, but you know what I mean. It would look like this," Kuroo said grabbing a pen from his desk and sketching down the characters on a slip of paper. "It's written with the ken from kaerimiru which means to regard affectionately, and ko from kaiko, to turn around or look back at."

Kenma was surprised. Did Kuroo always think this way? It sure didn't seem like it.

"Don't like it?" Kuroo frowned.

"No, it's fine. I like it."

Kenma stood walking over to Kuroo and brushing up against his leg, purring his satisfaction. He'd really rather being called by his own name, but the name was thoughtful and the meanings was kind.

"So it's okay then? Haha good. So until you get tired of me, you're welcome to stay here Kenko."

"Merow!"

A grin split Kuroo's face as he sat on the edge of his bed, patting his lap in invitation, to which Kenma gladly responded by hopping up and settling there, tail swishing languidly from side to side.

'So comfortable~' Kenma thought eyelids dropping.

A buzz from Kuroo's cell phone caught Kenma by surprise when his friend carefully, but frantically set him to the side, running over to snatch the phone up from his desk where it lay charging.

"Just Yaku," Kuroo exhaled a disappointed sigh, slumping bonelessly back onto the bed, frowning at his otherwise still empty inbox. "Jeeze, Kenma hasn't answered any of my texts. What do you think Kenko? Should I head over there to check on him? It's pretty late but…I want to see him…"

Kenma felt his heart clench, he didn't want Kuroo to go over and see him in his current state, couldn't stand the thought of Kuroo being hurt by the knowledge that something happened and he could do nothing to help. It had surprised him to see that panicky, almost desperate look in Kuroo's eyes when he jumped up for the phone. Kuroo must have thought he did want to see him or something. Kenma pattered over to Kuroo, pawing lightly at his cheek.

"Don't go Kuroo."

Naturally the sound came out as a mewl, not words, but Kenma hoped Kuroo would somehow understand.

"What's with that look? You don't want to meet him? He's really nice."

"Please Kuroo, don't go."

Kuroo pet Kenma gently, rubbing behind his ears.

"It's not that you don't want to go, it's that you don't want me to go, is that right Kenko?"

Kenma had no idea how the hell Kuroo could possibly understand that, but he was thankful that he did.

"That's right, don't go."

"Sorry Kenko, I have to go. Kenma's been acting oddly lately and I'm worried. I don't know why you don't want me to go over there, but I'll be back soon."

"No! I'll go! I'll go!" Kenma protested, jumping up on Kuroo's chest, looking at him seriously. "I can't let you go over there by yourself."

"Thanks," Kuroo smiled, cradling Kenma against him as he sat up and moved to the edge of the bed. "I'm glad for the company."

xXx

Kuroo frowned when he arrived to find the house in complete darkness and the Kozume's car not in the driveway. Neither of his parents drove to work, so the car was usually always parked. Kuroo rapped lightly on the door at first, feeling guilty for knocking so late if they were in fact home and had already gone to bed. A harder knock when the first elicited no response, but still no one answered the door. Even if his folks were asleep, Kenma was always up late playing his videogames. Kuroo glanced down at his phone again. Still nothing. He knocked again, back tracking a bit to glance up at Kenma's window. The curtains were open but no sign of movement from where he stood.

"Let's go back. Mom probably took me to the hospital when I missed dinner last night and didn't wake up this morning."

"No one's home," Kuroo mumbled hugging Kenma tighter in concern.

"Come on Kuroo, let's go back."

"I'll wait until they get back…"

"That's just stupid Kuroo, why would you even go so far for me anyway?"

"Sorry Kenko, I have a really bad feeling and I need to see him. I need to make sure he's okay."

'Kuroo~

The feeling of dread just wouldn't abate. He couldn't bring himself to leave before he got some answers. Until he'd seen Kenma.

'Why Kuroo?'

xXx

"Tetsurou-kun."

Kuroo looked up, not having realized he'd dozed off right there on the Kozume's front step. It was already morning, the clouds alight with their shaded sun, peach and pink bellied nimbus foretelling of coming storms.

"Mrs. Kozume, where's Kenma?"

Her warm honey gold eyes, so similar to Kenma's, saddened. "Sorry Tetsurou-kun, Kenma's not here."

"Where is he?"

An infernally fatigued sigh slipping past her lips. "He's in the hospital."

Kuroo's expression fell.

"W-wha…" Kuroo couldn't even speak.

"The doctor's don't know. He just won't wake up. Don't make that expression dear, we just have to wait. I'm sure he'll be fine."

Kuroo didn't know what kind of expression he was wearing to have made Mrs. Kozume say that, but by the sandpaper tongue licking consolingly at his cheek, and the somber mewling of the cat in his arms, he figured it must've been something impressively distressed.

"Do you believe that?"

He regretted the words before they'd even fully left his mouth, but he couldn't hold them back. He didn't know what had prompted the words besides a desperate need for assurance. He should have been positive, should have tried to reassure Mrs. Kozume. She was the one that needed support now, not him.

"I have to dear."

A strained, sullen smile tugged at her lips – a show of motherly comfort.

"I'm sorry," Kuroo said. "I-I'm sure Kenma will be okay. He has to because we're all waiting for him."

Tears built in her eyes, rolling thick and hot down her cheeks.

"Ah, oh my. I'm sorry dear, I- I'm quite tired. I think I'll just head in now."

"Yes, of course."

'Mom…'

"That's a very cute cat," Mrs. Kozume said rubbing Kenma's chin.

He purred, nuzzling into her hand.

"I'm fine mom. I'll figure something out."

Kenma had no idea if he actually could, but for his mom's sake, and for Kuroo, not returning to his body just simply wasn't an option.

xXx

It was insane. He had no idea what the hell he was doing. He just knew that he couldn't see that look on Kuroo's face for another second. After having spoken to his mother, Kuroo had headed back solemnly, uncaring to the rain that had begun to fall, his hold on the cat unnecessarily tight. No amount of mewled apologies could express the despairing feelings Kenma felt yearning for voice to speak and hands to touch – to comfort. So he'd run. Which brought him here, 333 meters above ground, staring out at the city from atop Tokyo Tower about to do possibly the stupidest thing he'd ever done in his life.

xXx

He woke with a gasp, the annoying beeping of an ECG monitor blaring in his ears as he bolted up, taking in his surroundings with unfocused eyes. A clock on the wall reading 3:33am. A doctor in powder blue scrubs and nurses in an array of colorful print-patterned scrubs. He didn't care about any of them, he just needed to get to Kuroo. Shrugging off the hands checking him, and ignoring the voices asking him numerous questions – some he caught that didn't even make sense. What did his bowel movements have to do with having been unconscious with his soul gallivanting around the city in a cat's body? A cat he owed a sincere apology at that. Sure cats were pretty darn sturdy, being known to survive collapsing buildings and falling from skyscrapers, but that didn't mean they weren't terrified by the prospect of dying. He'd felt the warning bells going off like a siren in his head.

"Move! I have to go!"

Kenma's father who had been waiting by all night after convincing his wife to go get some rest at home, was shocked beyond words to hear his son yell so loudly.

"I'm fine! Let me go! I have somewhere I need to be right now!"

"Kenma?"

"Dad, please."

"Ah, it's okay, let him go," Mr. Kozume said to the medical staff trying to get Kenma to lie back down.

"Thanks dad! I'll come back soon."

Mr. Kozume watched, a burgeoning feeling of pride at the conviction in his son's voice as he tugged on his pants and shirt from atop the table by the window and stepped into his shoes, pulling them on properly as he ran out of the room.

xXx

'Come on Kuroo, pick up! Pick up! Pick up your damn phone!'

Shoving his phone back in his pocket, Kenma directed his anxious gaze to the city passing by the train's glass window, while fidgeting with the hem of his clothes impatiently. One more stop.

Before the doors had even fully opened, Kenma had slipped through and was off running again. Out of the station, down the street, past familiar places as he slowed to a stop in front of Kuroo's house. Passing the gate and forgetting all about the time, Kenma knocked on the door.

"Ku- Tetsurou! Tetsurou!"

The door opened a few moments later, Kuroo's father looking at Kenma with sleep dazed eyes. "Kenma-kun?"

"Sorry Mr. Kuroo, I-"

"Kenma?"

Kenma glanced past Kuroo's dad to where Kuroo was standing, halfway down the stairs, eyes wide when he'd confirmed it was indeed Kenma's voice he'd heard from upstairs. Skipping the last couple steps Kuroo raced over to Kenma, his dad stepping aside.

"What the hell Kenma? You're supposed to be in the hospital!"

"I know and I have to get back soon. I ran out."

"You did what?"

If he hadn't been so on edge, Kenma might have found the expression comical. The wide, disapproving eyes, and the tightness he perceived in Kuroo's jaw and posture at the knowledge.

"I had to see you and you weren't picking up your damn phone!"

"My phone? It's not even 5am, it's not like I'm sitting around waiting for a call at this hou- K-kenma?" Kuroo squeaked in embarrassed surprise as an adorably pouting Kenma hugged him. "What's up with you? You never want to touch anyone during the summer."

"Idiot, if it's you I never want you to stop."

"Oh my," Kuroo's mother gasped, resting a hand on her husband's arm. "Come dear, it's best we make ourselves scarce."

"What? But why?"

"Just shut up and come with me," she huffed pulling him off with her. "It's good to see you again Kenma dear, do come in properly and close the door."

"Ah y-yes Mrs. Kuroo," Kenma's cheeks tinted pink as he realized he'd just brazenly jumped Kuroo in front of his parents. Releasing Kuroo, Kenma stepped through the threshold of the door properly, pulling the door closed behind him.

"Now, want to tell me what all that was abou-" Kuroo's voice caught in his throat as soft lips met his. A brief, chaste expression of affection.

"I love you Ku- Tetsurou."

Kuroo blinked, uncomprehending. "I'm sorry, I think I might still be asleep, because I thought you said that you love me."

"I do."

"You do?"

"I do."

A dark flush reddened Kuroo's ears and neck. He'd never thought he'd hear those words from Kenma. Never even imagined it was possible for his childhood friend to return the feelings he'd resolved to bury before they could ruin his relationship with Kenma. So long as he was by his side… So long as he was always there it was fine.

Kuroo's expression hardened in thought. "For how long?"

"Always, but I didn't realize it until recently when you started pulling away from me. It hurt a lot, you know? I want you to wake me up in the mornings, I want to walk back from practice together like before and I want so much more," Kenma said decisively, though his skin was tinted the shade of his discomfort.

"Shit, if that's the case then why the fuck have I been holding back for?"

"Who told you to hold back? Because it sure as hell wasn't me," Kenma frowned, the irritation clear in the crease of his brows and his taught lips.

"Well it's not like I wanted to, but it was getting pretty damn hard to keep a friend level distance with you. I kept wanting more and more. And sometimes you'd be bothered but you'd never tell me no. And then I'm holding you or playing around and you know it's borderline harassment if you don't actually want it."

"You're an idiot. A complete idiot. I'm bothered because it's embarrassing. If I didn't want you touching me, I'd have just hit you."

"How the heck was I supposed to know that?"

"You can understand everything else, you're like the freaking cat whisperer and you can't understand something as simple as me being lonely because you're not around as much?"

"Cat what?"

"Never mind, I'll explain later. By now dad's probably called mom and I need to tell her I'm okay."

"Wait, you haven't called your mom yet?"

"I needed to see you first. Which I have. So I'm going to go now. I'll call you later," Kenma said turning to the door.

"Yeah… Ah wait Kenma!"

"What?" Hand stilled on the doorknob, Kenma glanced over his shoulder.

"I want a proper one."

"Proper one wha- mph," Kenma startled as he was spun around and caught up in a deeply impassioned kiss. Kuroo's right hand cradling the back of his neck. Kenma hummed in pleasure, eyes fluttering closed as he reveled in the sensation. When Kuroo pulled away, Kenma was breathless. One more chaste kiss pressed to the crown of his head and Kuroo met Kenma's gaze.

"I love you too."

Kenma beamed. It wasn't that happy face he had reserved for his games and Karasuno's #10, but a legit close-eyed grin that openly expressed his delight. Something that Kuroo had never seen before, that warmed him through completely. That smile…

"Kenma!" Kuroo called after the distancing form, which paused and glanced back. "Don't you dare smile like that for anyone but me!"

Kenma's eyes sparkled in the dawn light, unable to contain his joy.

The soul wanders. It seeks blind in the darkness until it chances upon love. And so, wherever our love goes, there too will we find our soul.

TBC…

A/N: Hello! Sorry for the super weirdness, if you made it all the way down here, I hope you enjoyed it! This is my fourth installment for #kurokenmonth on tumblr. And you might have noticed the TBC at the end, so yeah, I'm not quite done with it yet. I'll probably have the second part up tomorrow to tie up some loose ends. Some fun times with our MIA kitty Kenko, and Kuroo and Kenma's parents having "the talk" with them about their relationship, and I'll round it all out with some shameless smut ;) So if you're into that, please do look out for it. And after that will be the next theme, which is secrets.

As always thanks for your time, all comments are very much welcomed and appreciated :)