There are descriptions of inebriated adults, of violence against children, and of trauma Emma suffered in her past in this fic. If you feel any of these things will be upsetting to you, please skip this one.
So, after a really traumatic week at work, I decided to write this in the hopes that it would be therapeutic. This has nothing to do with my work, but it has a lot to do with my own past at the hands of my father. What Emma goes through is pulled from my own memories, events that I went though. So, please be gentle.
Regina discreetly stepped away from the group of people with whom she'd been chatting, seizing the opportunity to slip away now that most were distracted by the trays of food that had been set out. She'd spotted Emma sitting on a hill nearby a few minutes ago, watching from afar as everyone celebrated in the park. Emma, however, was sitting alone, face expressionless, ear buds in her ears, quietly observing the festivities. Had Regina not known the sheriff as well as she did, had she not memorised nearly every one of Emma's facial expressions, and had she not been told by said woman that music was her escape, Regina probably wouldn't have clued into the fact that something was wrong with Emma. But she did know her sheriff, she had memorised the woman's vast repertoire of looks, and she was acutely aware of the fact that the blonde used music to get away. When it gets to be too much, I just throw on my headphones and blast whatever song loud enough to shut down my brain and escape whatever's going on.
Regina walked slowly towards Emma, who suddenly looked away from the party-goers in order to observe the sun setting on the horizon. She was softly bobbing her head, arms resting on her bent knees as her hands bounced along with whatever she was listening to. When Emma looked back in her direction, Regina caught her eye immediately and smiled warmly at her. Emma pulled out an earbud as soon as Regina was within distance, forcing a smile that didn't reach her eyes.
"The party is over there, not here."
"I could say the same thing to you."
Emma shrugged, false smile still on her lips.
"Just taking a little break from it all, watching everyone."
Regina took a seat next to Emma on the grass, looking back at the party. They were close enough that they could hear the noise, though only faintly, but far enough away that no one could hear their conversation.
Regina had noticed the blonde's discomfort earlier this evening, and she had been meaning to speak to her, but she hadn't been able to break away from the crowd long enough to do so. She'd observed Emma while she was in the park, noting that everyone was dancing and laughing, except for Emma, who stood off to the side looking incredibly uncomfortable. Regina had lost sight of her for a while, spotting her later curled up on herself, alone on the hill not far from the party.
"They see to be having a good time," Regina finally said, breaking away from her thoughts.
"Yeah," Emma agreed quietly, pulling her earbuds from her ears and turning off her music. "It was a good idea."
Regina waited a minute, glancing over at the blonde before looking away once again.
"Would you like to talk about it?"
"Talk about what? The party?"
"No, talk about whatever has you upset enough that you needed to seclude yourself from the others."
Emma shrugged.
"Just needed a break."
"From?"
Emma sighed, knowing Regina wasn't going to give up until she answered her. It was how she managed to get Emma to confess any of her secrets- Regina kept at it until Emma finally relented and told her what was going on. Emma didn't mind. In all honesty, she kind of… she liked it. It felt like Regina cared when she questioned her the way that she did. It felt like she cared when she came to find her like this and when she looked at her the way that she had been when she'd first walked towards her on the hill. Like she was worried. And Regina did care, Emma knew that. Other people cared too, her parents for example. She knew they cared. The difference was, Regina cared, but she also understood. She understood the things Emma had gone through in her past. She understood her needs and she could relate to her in ways her parents and her friends in Storybrooke couldn't. She was also a good listener, something Emma had been taking advantage of lately, trading secrets with the other woman during their many late night talks.
"Emma?"
"Sorry. I uh, got lost in my thoughts."
"I gathered. Will you tell me what's bothering you now?"
"You ask like I have a choice," Emma responded, a small laugh tumbling from her lips. "We both know you'll get it outta me anyway."
"You always have a choice, Emma," Regina said seriously, looking over at her. "You are never obligated to answer any of my questions or share what you're feeling if you do not wish to. If you feel uncomfortable or you'd rather not respond, you don't have to. I hope you know that."
"I do. I know. You just have a way of getting me to spill my guts without even trying really."
"Oh, I try. A great deal, actually."
This time, Emma's laugh was quite a bit stronger. It made Regina's heart swell to know that she was able to pull such a sound from the troubled woman's lips.
"Yeah, you do."
"So will you tell me then?"
Emma sighed. Regina really was relentless, but Emma knew it was what she needed. She needed someone to push her to open up, someone she trusted. And she trusted Regina implicitly. Regina was also the one person in town who never fell for Emma's word games, who could always read through the lines, who never let Emma change the subject and not answer her questions. No matter how much she tried, Regina always got her to talk. Even her own therapist hadn't been able to get her to open up the way Regina had.
Finally looking back at Regina, Emma confessed what had been making her feel uneasy tonight.
"The alcohol. It makes me uncomfortable."
Regina frowned. Not that she didn't believe Emma, but she was confused.
"You've never appeared to be affected by it in the past."
"I know. I uh, I hid it. Or I got so drunk that I could ignore how uncomfortable I was. It's not bad if I'm one-on-one with someone who I know isn't an alcoholic. Like, if I know they're only gonna drink like one, or maybe two, then I'm okay. But when I'm at a party like this, where there's alcohol everywhere and everyone's drunk…"
As Regina followed Emma's gaze and scanned the crowd before her, she realised nearly every single person who was of age had a drink in his or her hand. Many were already drunk and quite a deal more were well on their way to it.
"I had no idea," Regina responded, guilt flooding her. How could she have never noticed before tonight?
"How would you? I never said anything. I've spent my life hiding it."
"I'm sorry, Emma. Have I ever made you uncomfortable in the past?" Regina asked, desperately hoping she hadn't.
"No," Emma said sincerely, looking over at Regina. She could see the woman's concern, so she smiled at her reassuringly. "You never have. You hardly ever drink, and when you do, you only have one. And usually it lasts the whole night."
Regina nodded. It was true. She didn't drink much because she hated not being in full control of her faculties. But, it was still a relief to hear she'd never made Emma feel nervous.
"I watch," Emma continued, looking back at the crowd. "It makes me feel better to know who's had what and how many. My mom's had four beers and two shots. My dad, four beer and a shot. Ruby's had three beers, four shots, and two glasses of wine. Granny's only had two coolers, but she only got here half an hour ago, so who knows how many more she'll have. Pretty much everyone is trashed. A couple of people are still sober, but everyone else is wasted."
"Why do you feel better knowing who has been drinking and who has not?"
Emma hesitated, tearing her eyes away from the guests in order to look at the horizon again.
"Lets me know who's safe."
"Who's safe?" Regina asked, though she wasn't as confused anymore. She had a hunch that Emma was lost in her memories, but in order to get her to open up, she needed to ask more questions. Delicately, of course.
Emma nodded, looking down at her hands.
"Yeah. Right now, you, Belle, and Archie are safe."
Regina looked out at Belle and Archie. Belle hadn't had anything to drink because she was pregnant, and Archie was still holding the same cooler he had been holding since he'd arrived nearly three hours ago. He'd also been drinking cranberry juice from a red cup he kept on the table next to him, watering down is already weak alcoholic drink. Regina hadn't had anything to drink because she hadn't been interested, never one to over indulge anyway. Tonight she had chosen to drink a fruit juice, wanting to remain of sound mind in case something should happen at the party.
"Are we safe because we're all sober?"
Emma waited a minute before finally nodding.
"Why are the people who are drinking unsafe?"
Regina had a suspicion. She knew of Emma's past abuse at the hands of countless foster parents and siblings, as well as other people who took advantage of her vulnerability. Regina knew in her gut that Emma's behaviour tonight had everything to do with the woman's past.
"Because people change when they're drunk. Their inhibitions are lowered and so is their impulse control. They get more aggressive. They get violent. They're just not safe. It was easier to be at parties and stuff when I was younger, you know? I would just get trashed and then I didn't care. Or at least, I didn't worry. I wasn't so aware. But I'm older now. It just… isn't worth it. I don't want to get drunk just to be able to survive a night out. So I'm just taking a minute. Taking a breather."
Regina took a second to consider Emma's words, looking at the residents of Storybrooke as she did so. No one was angry, or aggressive, or becoming violent. Everyone was laughing and talking, dancing and having a good time. Regina hadn't observed anyone acting untoward, and she hadn't seen anyone corner Emma in order to berate or intimidate her. Not that they would; the townsfolk loved their saviour. In fact, she hadn't seen anyone interact with the blonde ever since the children had been brought home by Ariel hours earlier. Emma had stayed with the kids the entire evening.
Regina's stomach tensed as a thought suddenly came over her: had Emma stayed with the children because they were obviously not drinking or was it because she was protecting the vulnerable from what she perceived to be potential threats? Emma was notoriously protective of anyone or anything she thought was unable to defend itself. Had she stayed with them in order to keep them safe?
"People just get mean when they're drunk."
Emma spoke as though it were fact, that people would inevitably change and become violent. While alcohol did lower inhibitions and impulse control, it didn't automatically make a person violent or aggressive. It could, yes, but it wasn't an absolute. Regina wondered if something had happened at the party that she had missed, something to trigger Emma's memories.
"May I ask if there was a specific incident that occurred this evening and prompted this need for a break? Or did you simply need a moment due to the length of time you've been exposed to everyone's drinking?"
"A bit of both I guess. I got tired of being around people who were obviously wasted."
"And the specific incident?"
Emma ran her fingers over her right knee.
"Hook was in my face. He was drunk, which isn't really unusual for him. But, he's drinking beer tonight, not rum. It um, it brought back some things I'd rather forget."
"Was he inappropriate?"
Emma smiled softly at Regina when she saw the flash of anger in her eyes. Regina's protectiveness comforted Emma greatly. It made it easy to open up to her, to trust her, and most importantly, to feel safe, when her protective side came out.
"No, nothing like that. He didn't really do anything, not on purpose anyway. He just triggered a bad memory, that's all."
"Okay," Regina said, calming significantly. Her murdering days may have been long over, but she was not beyond an accidental slip of the hand which may or may not cause another permanent disfigurement for the one-handed wonder. "Would you like to discuss the memory?"
Emma stayed quiet, picking at the grass. She didn't need to talk about it, but she'd be lying if she said the thought of opening up, of telling Regina, wasn't something that she'd been wanting to do all night. Alone on the hill, Emma had been imagining being back at the mansion, curled up on the couch while she and Regina laughed and chatted, or traded secrets in the safety of the brunette's living room. Emma wanted to talk, but she didn't want to burden the other woman while there was a party going on. She didn't want to ruin her evening, so she gave another smile (though Regina knew immediately that it was fake).
"Nah, I'm okay. It's a nice night. Let's just enjoy it."
"I'd very much like to hear what happened," Regina responded seriously, not at all deterred by Emma's response. She could tell Emma wanted to talk. If Emma hadn't wanted to, she'd have said flat out that she didn't, and she'd have looked her in the eye as she said no. However, when she'd responded this time, she had looked away, looking at the trees in the distance, and her voice had lacked any real conviction. "Please?"
Regina sat patiently as Emma worked up the courage to speak. She held out her hand as an offer for support, but instead of linking their fingers like Regina expected her to, Emma grabbed the offered hand and held it between her own in her lap.
"I don't think I ever told you about them… about Paul and Talia," Emma said, speaking slowly as she traced her index finger over the lines of Regina's palm. "They were- Christ, I don't even know what number. Maybe the eleventh house I had lived in? I was fifteen anyway, and they were- they were one of the bad ones. Paul was an alcoholic and Talia was a doormat who did whatever he said. She was a drunk too, but she drank mostly at night. They had jobs, but they didn't earn much money, so they fostered for extra cash. They didn't give a shit about us.
"Paul was a really mean drunk. He was fucking awful, usually to Talia, but if we got in the way… it was bad. I was the oldest, and I spent most of my time on the receiving end of his fists. Anyway, they brought us camping this one weekend. It was really fucking weird, because they never did anything for us. But they told us that it was gonna be a get together with lots of other kids our age, and that there'd be teenagers there for me to hang out with, and other parents too with their kids, and that we could go swimming and stuff. I was old by then, old enough to know not to get excited or to count on anything. Old enough to know not to get my hopes up. But I did still, kinda, when they told us we were going to this campground.
"We never went out, and as far as I knew, they had no friends. I was with them for like five months by this point and I had never seen them leave the house except for work or to buy booze. So I thought, 'Awesome. They won't be able to drink because there's gonna be other families around, people they don't know, and there'll be other kids too so maybe I'll have someone to hang out with.' I thought it was gonna be a good weekend 'cause they were shitty people, but they still cared about appearances. So in public, or whenever there were other people around, they pretended to be the perfect parents. So I got… I got excited. Because I thought we'd be safe because of the other people. I thought it was gonna be a great weekend."
When Emma grew quiet, Regina waited to see if she'd continue. However, when she remained silent, Regina questioned her softly.
"I take it it wasn't?"
Emma gave an empty laugh.
"It was one of the worst weekends of my life. They brought us to the middle of fucking nowhere. And I mean nowhere. And I had no idea where I was because we had driven for so long, and we had gotten lost and turned around so many times. Paul was pissed off from getting lost, so he drove like a fucking madman and kept getting turned around, and then when we finally got to the right place, we drove down a dirt road for… well, it felt like hours before they eventually found the campground. When we finally got there, he kicked us all out of the RV and told us to get the fuck out of his hair. So we started looking around, excited to be out of the house and out of that RV and in a new place.
"It seemed okay at first. We were kind of secluded from the other campers, us and like five other RVs in this one part of the campground. We were near the back of the place and like half a mile up the road was the main part of the grounds, with a park and a lake and stuff. Alex, he was only seven, he was so excited. He'd lived with Paul and Talia his whole life and he'd never gotten to go camping before, so he was like, insanely happy. He kept pointing things out to me and his excitement was infectious. I was excited to be there too, and the girls, Natasha, or, well, Tash as we called her, and Lissie were too. They were the other kids Paul and Talia fostered. Anyway, so we spent the day away from the RV and we went swimming and played at the park and stuff. There were other kids but most of them were younger than me. A few were Tash and Lissie's ages, you know, eleven or twelve-ish, and Alex had a ton of kids his age. I still had fun though, even though I spent most of my time watching my foster siblings. Anyway, we got back to the RV later on that night and Paul and Talia were already drinking. Paul was trashed, and he made us meet all the neighbours. Turns out he knew them and they were his 'buddies', people he hung out with… I don't know where or when 'cause like I said, he never left the house. Frankly, I didn't care. All I cared about was the fact that I got a really, really uneasy feeling about being there all of a sudden. Honestly, I got scared, because we were really secluded and I had no idea where we were.
"So, it didn't take long for me to figure out we were in a bad place. By seven o'clock, every adult in our part of the campground was fucking hammered, even the parents with little kids. I'm not talking little like eight or nine years old either. I'm talking like three years old. Three! There were three other little girls who belonged to Paul and Talia's friends. So, you know, not the kids our age we were promised, but a three year old, a five year old, and a six year old. And all the adults were drunk off their asses, yelling, and being loud, and scaring the little kids. So I took all the kids back to the park until way past sundown and only brought them back when it was obvious the littlest ones needed to sleep. I brought 'em home, their drunk fucking parents put them to bed, and I put Alex to bed right away too. Me and Tash and Lissie, we stayed up for a little and played cards inside away from the adults, but none of us were into it. We all realised like… we're in trouble. Because it wasn't like at home where you knew the neighbours and you knew that if you needed help, there were people around. There were always other adults around to help if you really needed it. But here, all the adults were drunk. Every last one of 'em, and I had no idea where I was. I just knew I was far from home. Or, well, Paul and Talia's home because that place sure as hell never felt like my home.
"The next day, I did the same thing: watched all the kids, including those three girls, and did whatever I could do keep them busy. I was basically doing everything I could to get myself to the end of that weekend until we were back at Paul and Talia's. I wanted to go back to the city so fucking bad, because I was scared. It kind of took me a lot to get scared by that age because I'd seen a lot of shit, but this could turn real bad real fast, you know? We were in the middle of fucking nowhere. If Paul got pissed and decided to – I don't even know. He could have done whatever to us and we'd have had no place to go."
Emma grew quiet once again, her hands almost shaking as she picked at Regina's palm, turning the woman's hand over and back again, tracing the lines on her knuckles, gently squeezing her skin, working up the courage to say the rest.
"Saturday night was the worst. We'd been there two nights already. I honestly didn't think it could get any worse, but it did. Because more people came Saturday, and Saturday afternoon Paul decided to drive one of his buddies' trucks to one of the lots away from ours, in the opposite direction of the main camp. We drove even further into the forest. I don't know for how long. He brought us to this place and he drank and drank until he couldn't even stand properly. And then he- he… He made me drive the truck back to our RV later, when he decided he was finally done drinking with those friends and wanted to get back to his other ones back at our campsite. I had never driven in my life," Emma said, hands trembling as tears built in her eyes. "Lissie and Alex and Tash were in the box of the truck, and they were bouncing around because it was a dirt road. The girls were laughing because they thought it was fun. I guess Alex was too, I don't know. I just remember the girls' laugh. And I was fucking terrified. Because Paul kept screaming at me that I was doing it wrong, and I was slamming on the breaks 'cause I didn't know how to stop properly. I still remember the sound of the girls' bodies slamming against the back window when I'd stop too hard. I was fucking petrified I was going to kill them, that I was gonna kill these little kids because I was forced to drive a vehicle I didn't know how to, but I couldn't let Paul do it either because he couldn't even stand properly."
Emma wiped at her cheeks as tears streamed down her face, brushing them away as she fought to maintain control of her emotions. She let out a shaky breath, swallowing hard before grabbing Regina's hand again. She could feel the brunette's concern, knew that she wanted to reach out and hug her, but Emma had told her before that if she was touched when she was upset, it just made things worse because she'd start sobbing hysterically. Emma hated crying, hated to lose control of her emotions like that, and so she sent a small smile in Regina's direction, grateful that the brunette was respecting her desire not to be touched when she was this upset.
"Anyway, when we got back, it was still kinda early. I just wanted to crawl into bed and cry because I was so fucking traumatised by that event, but Lissie wanted to go swimming. She ended up convincing Alex, who bugged and bugged to go. Tash just kinda stayed quiet. She'd go along with whatever; she was easy-going. I didn't wanna go, but I didn't want to keep the kids with Paul and the other drunks either, so I figured it was the best thing to do. So I brought them and the other little girls swimming until it was after dark, and when we got back, I put Alex to bed. At some point, I guess Lissie sat down on one of the cushions in the RV with her wet bathing suit and Paul fucking lost it. Like, lost his God damn mind that she'd gotten a cushion wet. I'd seen Paul mad before, but he was almost murderous this time. He looked insane. Lissie had been with them for so long that she was used to Paul's anger, but even this time she knew it was bad. She was terrified. I knew he was gonna beat the girls, Lissie especially. So I told them to hide in the back of the RV. There were bunkbeds there, and that's where they slept: Lissie on top and Tash on the bottom bunk. I drew the curtains and then I turned around and Paul grabbed me, ranting and screaming about the wet cushion.
"He dragged me out of the RV outside and… and I just remember looking at Talia. She was sitting at the kitchen table and she was doing a crossword and she didn't even lift her head. She didn't even try to stop him. I just remember thinking… I don't know why I thought maybe she'd try to stop him. I knew she wouldn't because she never did. But for some reason… no. I- you know what it was?" Emma gave a short, self-deprecating, empty laugh. "I hoped. I hoped she would step in. Just that once. Because I was really scared too. So I was stupid enough to hope. But she didn't."
Emma squeezed Regina's hand before bringing her own fingers up and finding the familiar scar on her scalp. She then led Regina's hand up until the woman could clearly feel the marred skin.
"Ten stitches and a concussion, and a bunch of other shit that isn't noticeable now, like bruises and scrapes and a broken wrist. Didn't say a word though, the whole time he beat me," Emma said, and it was sick, probably, that she was proud of herself for it, proud that she hadn't even cried during or after he beat her. "I didn't want them to hear me. The kids. The worst part was always hearing the other person cry when Paul was beating them. I didn't want my foster siblings to be stuck with those sounds in their head. Because they never go away. So I didn't say a word while he beat me and bashed my head into the fire pit, cause I didn't wanna traumatise them anymore than they were already."
Regina gently removed her hand from Emma's scalp, her stomach seconds away from regurgitating the contents of her dinner. Tears streamed down her cheeks, though she had tried valiantly to supress them. It was no use though. To hear the pain in Emma's voice, the way it cracked and shook as she spoke, to feel the hurt and distress radiating off of her body… Regina couldn't help breaking down in light of this new information.
She knew Emma had suffered beatings, had lived through horrific abuse at the hands of the people that were supposed to protect her. And she had heard countless stories of Emma taking the fall for younger foster siblings who had been terrified of their foster parents. She had taken repeated beatings for things she did not do, because she had always had an instinctive need to protect those around her. Regina only wished someone had been there to protect Emma as well. Regina wished she had been there to protect Emma. When she heard the woman's voice again, she forced herself from her thoughts, focusing on the sound of Emma's trembling voice.
"When I smell beer, it brings me back to that memory. I'm back in that RV, being dragged out of it and getting my head smashed into the fire pit, being thrown against that picnic table and just… I'm back there. So, I couldn't handle it when he came up to me tonight. And when my mom came up to me too after, I just- I thought I was gonna throw up. I can handle when my mom drinks, usually, even though I would prefer if she didn't. When she drinks coolers, I'm okay. They don't really smell that strong and no one really drank coolers when I was a kid so there's… there's no real bad memory connected to the smell of them. I really don't like drunk people, but beer drinkers are the worst. And dealing with Hook and then her, both reeking of beer, it just pushed me over the edge. Her behaviour, the way she's just so… she's just so fucking drunk. It made me really uneasy tonight. I can't handle her like this. Not when she's drunk like she is, smelling like she does." Emma looked up, sighed heavily. Fuck. "Speak of the devil."
Regina had been so focused on the blonde that she hadn't heard anyone approach. The second she laid eyes upon Snow though, big grin, sloppy walk, a beer in her, Regina saw red. She immediately bolted up, raging towards her. She was full of the need to protect Emma in the way she hadn't been able to when she was younger, and she was also livid that Snow had dared make Emma uncomfortable, especially as her mother. It didn't matter that Snow didn't know, Regina was furious.
"What do you want, Snow White?"
"I'm just coming to find, Emma! Why did you leave the party, honey? We're having a fantastic time!"
"Snow, you smell vile. Leave us."
"I came for Emma!"
Before Regina could let out another snippy response, Ruby shouted Emma's name, running at full force towards the hill. She too was carrying a drink, and as Regina took a look around, she realised that she and Emma were vastly outnumbered. Nearly everyone present was inebriated, and the vast majority had had at least one beer, if not more. No wonder Emma had secluded herself from the party. A stab of guilt hit Regina square in the stomach, but before she could focus on that particular problem, she first had to deal with the two intoxicated women before her.
"Ruby, take Snow back to her husband before she embarrasses herself."
"But we want Emma to come baaaack!" Ruby shouted with glee. "Come on, Em!"
Emma, who had been watching from afar, finally sighed and got up, resigning herself to the fact that she'd have to make an appearance once again. She really just wanted to go home.
"Emma will not be returning to the party. She is bringing me home."
"What? No! C'mon, Emma!" Ruby protested. "Bring yourself home, Mayor!"
"Sorry, guys," Emma replied, feigning regret. "I'm her DD."
"Whaaaaat? Nooooo."
Emma gave a half shrug, sending a grateful smile to Regina.
"You're such a buzzkill, Mayor! Next time, Emma?"
Emma felt terrible as she watched the two women stumble away. They were shouting to the others that Regina was taking Emma away and that she 'royally sucked', then burst into giggles at their pun even as they complained.
"Hey."
Emma looked over at Regina, her expression filled with guilt.
"What's wrong?"
"Everyone thinks you're dragging me away. They're gonna blame you that I'm leaving."
Regina scoffed.
"Do you truly believe I care what they think of me? The opinions of peasants has never bothered me." Regina shot her a comforting smile. "Honestly, Emma. I don't mind."
"I do."
Regina could feel the guilt radiating off of the other woman, so she reached out and held out her hand.
"Come on," she said brightly, changing the subject. "Let's go find Henry."
"He's not gonna wanna come," Emma responded, taking the offered hand. "He's having fun."
"He may be having fun, but if he sees both of his mothers leaving the party so that they may return home to eat ice cream and play video games, he may also wish to join them."
Emma finally gave a small smile at Regina's light, teasing tone.
"His mom's gonna let us have ice cream?"
"Just this once," Regina said with a wink.
Emma's stomach warmed at Regina's radiant smile, reluctantly breaking their hands apart when they rejoined the festivities. They approached their son with a smile, Henry perking up when he saw his mothers together.
"Moms?"
"Time to go, Henry."
"Aw! But everyone is still here!"
Emma approached him, pretending to glance worriedly at Regina.
"Shh, kid. Don't mess this up. She promised ice cream and video games. She's even gonna play. Be cool."
"Seriously? She never plays!"
"Seriously," Emma stage whispered. "Come on."
"Are you coming, Henry?" Regina asked.
"Yeah! I'm totally coming!"
Henry happily said goodbye to the guests, who all did their best to convince them stay. Snow whined and complained, telling Emma that she didn't have to listen to Regina, but Emma simply responded that she wanted to leave. It was the truth. She did not want to be here anymore.
The family of three returned back to the mansion on foot, chatting animatedly as they walked. When they arrived, Henry loudly announced that he was going to put on his pyjamas before happily racing up the stairs. The two women looked to one another and smiled at his excitement, heading towards the living room together.
"Would you like a glass of juice?" Regina asked, veering off into the kitchen.
"Yeah, actually. Can we have popcorn too tonight?"
"You are pushing your luck, miss Swan," Regina teased, "First ice cream and now popcorn?"
Emma gave her her best puppy dog look.
"Please?"
Regina sighed, pretending to look exasperated.
"One or the other."
"Aw."
"I will not be responsible for your or Henry's sore bellies. I will not allow my family to gorge on empty calories in my presence. You'll have one or the other."
Regina's heart melted at the sheer longing in Emma's eyes.
"I'm … your family?"
"Oh, my dear, sweet, ignorant Saviour," Regina said, pulling the woman into a hug. She smiled when Emma willingly fell into her embrace. "Of course you are. You, me, and our son. We are a family."
Regina tightened her hold when she felt Emma tremble in her arms, the woman turning her head and burying her nose in Regina's throat as she fought her tears. She ultimately lost, breaking down in Regina's arms. Her emotions had been in turmoil all evening, and the words Regina spoke were too much for the fragile hold Emma had on her feelings. Regina never lied, she never lied to her. And if she said they were a family…
A sob broke from Emma's lips, Regina holding her tightly as she turned to speak directly in Emma's ear.
"You are my family, Emma, and I will always be here for you. If you are in trouble, I will be there to help you. I am no therapist, but if you need someone to listen, I will always answer the phone. If you need someone to keep you safe, I will shelter you. You are safe here, Emma. This is your home, and we are your family."
Emma cried harder as Regina spoke, clinging to the woman like a lifeline. She cried until she couldn't cry anymore, Regina holding her tight the entire time. When Henry entered the kitchen, worriedly making eye contact with his brunette mother, Regina smiled reassuringly at him and pointed in the direction of the living room. The boy hesitated before finally acquiescing, leaving unnoticed by his ma.
Regina held Emma close until the woman had calmed, ensuring her hold did not lessen in the least. She wanted Emma to let go when she felt safe enough to, and even though the muscles in her arms protested, Regina held fast to the blonde. Emma made no move to break the contact, so Regina moved a hand up her back until she was cupping the back of her head.
"Are you okay, darling?"
A fresh tear slipped down Emma's cheek at the affectionate term. She nodded against Regina's shoulder, but she didn't want to move away from her, even though she knew that she probably should. She didn't want to leave the safety of Regina's embrace though, and truthfully, she was also embarrassed for having lost her control so completely. She'd never broken down like this in front of anyone. She always fled before anyone could see her cry.
"I'm sorry," Emma croaked.
"Oh, Emma. You've nothing to apologise for."
"I didn't mean to lose it," she replied, clearing her throat to try and rid herself of the raspy grating of her voice. "Just too much tonight."
"You've had a very trying evening, but you have nothing to apologise for, Emma. Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me the truth."
Emma nodded against her but didn't respond. Regina moved her hand down, giving long, firm strokes up and down Emma's back in order to comfort her. Emma melted in her arms, sighing contently after a few moments of Regina's attention.
"This feels really nice."
Regina chuckled lightly.
"I'm enjoying it as well."
"I guess I should let you go now."
Emma made a move to pull away, but Regina held her firmly in place.
"If you want to let go, I'll release you. However, if you'd like to be held, may I suggest we move to the living room? On the couch, perhaps, where it will be more comfortable for us both?"
"Yeah?"
"Yes," Regina confirmed, placing a soft kiss to Emma's temple.
"You don't mind?"
"It's a pleasure to be in your company, Emma, and even more so to be permitted to be close to you."
Emma gently pulled away, her hands resting on Regina's hips as she looked down at Regina's collarbone. Her heart was fluttering in her chest, all sorts of warm feelings coursing through her body as Regina looked at her.
"I like being close to you," Emma confessed, voicing the thought that permeated her mind. "And I like it when you're close to me too."
"As do I," Regina responded, tucking a stray strand of hair behind the blonde's ear.
Regina ducked her head, trying to meet Emma's eye. When Emma's eyes lowered further, Regina slipped her index finger beneath her chin and tilted her head up until their gazes met.
"Why are you looking away?"
"'m embarrassed."
Emma liked Regina's attention, and her touch, far too much. She tried to back away, though she didn't try very hard. And when Regina held onto her, refusing to let her move away, Emma didn't struggle. Because the truth was, Emma wanted more, wanted to lean forward and give into the urge that was taunting her in the far recesses of her mind.
"Whatever for?"
Emma shrugged. She looked up at Regina's lips and then averted her gaze, blushing lightly. Regina raised an eyebrow, tilting Emma's chin until their eyes met again.
"Will you tell me please?"
Emma hesitated before finally whispering, "I'm scared to."
"Why?"
"I don't want to lose you. I can't," she said, her voice cracking on the last word.
"Nothing you say will ever cause me to leave, Emma, unless you tell me that you'd like me to go."
"I don't. Never."
"Then I am going nowhere," Regina assured her.
Emma looked up into her eyes, searching them thoroughly.
"I promise."
The truth reflected in Regina's eyes was enough to convince Emma.
"I like being close to you," Emma finally revealed. "More than- more than I should."
"More than you should?"
"More than I should as your friend."
"And if I said that I wanted more than just your friendship?"
"Don't say that," Emma pleaded.
"Why not?"
"Because I want it too much!" Emma whimpered, pulling away. "Don't tease me like that."
"Oh, Emma," Regina said softly, circling Emma until they were facing each other again. "I promise you, I'm not teasing you. I meant what I said."
Emma looked up at Regina, eyes brimming with tears.
"You can't mean it."
"I can," Regina responded, taking a step forward and cupping Emma's cheeks. "And I do. Look at me, my love."
Emma looked up at Regina reflexively when she heard the term of endearment.
"You are so beautiful."
Fresh tears spilled down Emma's cheeks, and Regina carefully wiped them away. She took a step forward, looking down at Emma's lips before looking up at her meaningfully.
"Would you like me to step away?"
"Not on your damn life."
Regina chuckled before she was pulled into a tight embrace, Emma's soft lips landing against her own. She moaned into the kiss, her fingers travelling up and into Emma's soft curls. Regina melted into Emma's arms when she felt two strong hands travel to her lower back, holding her close. She felt incredibly light, dizzy, and her belly dropped low when Emma's tongue swiped against her lips. Regina instantly granted her access, whimpering against Emma's mouth when their tongues met for the first time.
"Seriously?!"
The women jumped, lips breaking apart as they both turned towards the sound of their son's voice.
"I'm in the living room worried and waiting super patiently and you guys are in here making out? I better not have been brought home under false pretenses!"
Emma giggled against Regina's shoulder, her fingers stroking against the woman's silk blouse.
"He's so your son."
Regina rolled her eyes, and Henry's stern look was soon lost to the grin he could no longer contain.
"Seriously, though. Does this mean you guys are together now?"
"It means we care about one another," Regina said carefully.
"'Cause you like like each other," Henry said with a grin. "Cool. But can we play video games now? It's gonna be my bedtime soon. Unless, you know, you're happy enough, mom, to let me stay up late," he finished hopefully.
"We'll see."
"Yes! That always means yes. Ma, you gotta keep mom this happy all the time so I can reap in the benefits. Now, come on. You can make out after I go to bed." Henry made a face, realising what he just said. "Gross."
The women watched their son leave the room, chuckling lightly. Regina was the first to look back at Emma, turning her face and placing a soft kiss on her lips.
"Come on," Regina said, holding her hand out.
Emma linked their fingers instantly, kissing the back of the woman's hand. She followed Regina to the living room, halting her just before they entered. Regina looked at her, confusion etched on her face.
"Thank you, for everything you did for me tonight."
"As I stated before, Emma, we are your family, and we will always be here for you."
Emma leaned forward and kissed her softly on the lips.
"Thank you, Regina. For supporting me. For comforting me."
Regina reached up and cupped Emma's cheek, nuzzling her with her nose before placing a final kiss on her lips.
"Always, my love. Now come, I'm going to cream you at MarioKart."
Emma laughed loudly, her arms coming around to embrace Regina from behind. God, she loved her family.
A/N: Skip this A/N if you don't want to read the backstory to this fic. But for those of you who are like me and like to know what happened, well, here it is:
The entire scene at camp, including Emma's fear at being stranded in an unknown campground, is pulled from my own memories. I was fifteen, and it was the worst fucking weekend of my life. I really did care for six kids on my own, three of whom did not 'belong' to me and were the ages depicted in this fic. They belonged to friends of my father's. The other three, Tasha/Lissie/Alex, are based on my own siblings and stepsister.
I really did drive a motor vehicle (this was my first experience operating one) while my father was inebriated, with my siblings in the back, and I still to this day I can hear the sounds of the girls laughing while I was in tears driving that truck (I don't think they realised the severity of the situation, they were so young).
The scene in the RV is factual as well. He really did go after my stepsister for sitting on the cushion in her wet bathing suit (something I did not notice, otherwise I would have stopped her), I did hide my siblings in their respective beds, and I was dragged out of the RV by him. And you know... I can still see my stepmother at that table, and I can still remember praying she would intervene. When she didn't, well. I knew I was my siblings' only line of defence against him, but I had hoped she'd have been mine.
Anyway, so as to not be completely depressing, I am in a very good place now, though I still cannot stand to be around drunk people. I haven't ever seen those little girls again and my stepsister is married with a baby, though we only keep in touch over social media. My brother is employed full time and is extremely talented in his craft and my sister is employed working for our city, currently trying for a baby with her husband.
Thank you again to everyone who has read this fic. And if you ever feel you'd like to share your story, or if you have questions, please feel free to review here or PM me. I'm always happy to listen.