You are my sunshine
"But In the end I couldn't take back the thing that's been taken from you... I'm sorry.."
Rangiku huffed, as she gawked out the window The moon gleaming bright, holding her admiration. Taking another swing of sake as memories of Gin flashed through her mine, for about the hundredth time.
That apology...
She didn't understand
Was an apology suppose to make her feel better?
How could an apology make her feel better?
Did he think saying that could prove some type of closure?
An apology could never bring him back.
My only sunshine
Aizen, the one who took him away from her, was put away, so how come she didn't feel better? How come the void in her heart wasn't closing?
Rangiku's fist clamped around the bottle of sake and her eyebrows knotted.
She started to imagine about how it would be if Gin somehow survived.
Would she even be able to see him even then?
He would've been received a litter punishment then Aizen... Right?
But his acts were only for himself. Well her actually. They were never to benefit the Soul society.
But what would the soul society know..?
They had no heart.
No room for love.
It was always work first.
They wouldn't understand anyway.
She was the center of his recklessness. It actually even seemed she was the only one that he would go out of harm's way for, without even having to ask him to.
You make me happy when skies are gray
Unable to stop it, a smile formed on her face. She loved to believe that he truly loved her, even if he never said it... Even if she never told him.
It was as if her heart and her mind were fighting.
Her heart wanted to love him...
But her mind was with the soul society...
...and he was a former threat.
Hence why she was scared to ever speak to anyone about her feelings. Terrified of the way they'd start to look at her... the way they'd secretly talk about her behind her back.
Like They would to Momo
Not that Momo knew but, everyone thought... differently of her. Everyone knew her feelings for Aizen never subsided, It was obvious.
I mean the amount of respect and idolization she had and felt for Aizen was astonishing. But even though everyone knew it would be hard for her to forget him, that didn't stop them from losing some respect for her.
It was always work first
They knew nothing about love
Please don't take my sunshine away
She wanted so bad to forget about him. Sometimes she even wished she never meant him. But an instant after she'd take it back, frightened at the thought of waking up the next morning and her memories of him, gone.
Even if her memories would disappear, she'd feel it.
The piece of her that would be missing.
The sun that wouldn't shine down on her.
The void in her heart.
And if she would have to spend her whole life wondering what she was missing, she declared it would hurt more then the pain did now.
The other night, dear, as I lay sleeping
Almost every night she'd dream of him.
Their were good dreams and their were bad dreams
But good or bad she'd yearn for those dreams.
They were a way for her to see him, connect with him, love him... all over again. It was as if he would sitting by her bedside watching her, smirking as he intrude her dreams. Most of the times those dreams were of their past.
I dreamt I held you in my arms
And other times those dreams were full of pure ecstasy.
And oh, oh no, she was never ashamed of those dreams.
But she also hoped no one would decide to walk in her quarters while she dreamt of such deeds.
She did have her decency.
But no matter how many times she had those dreams, they never seemed to get old. Each time they seemed so vivid.
Sweating. Panting. Grinding. Kissing.
The way his hand slid down her body..
The way his eyes slightly opened because he had alleged he loved how she arched her back and cried out his name...
The way she wrapped her legs tightly around his waist...
The way she-
When I awoke, dear, I was mistaken
Most times she'd jerk her self awake flustered and hot before the dream ever finished.
Sometimes she even found her hand wondering curiously on different part of her body
She remembered the time Toshiro had waltzed into her room, wakening her because he thought she was having a nightmare.
But when she yelped a certain someone's name, gripped the sheets, and twisted her body, before opening her eyes.. Toshiro knew just what she was dreaming of.
A blushing Toshiro, fled the room in a hurry. Rangiku awakened just in time to see the door wide open and his tiny body turning the corner.
Her eyes broadened but she stopped herself knowing he would be too much of a virgin to tell anyone.
She chuckled to herself before her mind was drowned back into her thoughts.
So I hung my head, and I cried
The after effects were what would always grab her and throw her into depression.
She'd take a bath to wash off the last of the dream and to cry.
It was best to cry in the bath.
The unhappiness and the tears would combine into the bath with the rest of the water.
It would only be hers and the bath waters secret.
Although, It always bothered her when she couldn't leave the tears in the bath and took them with her as she stood in front of the mirror getting ready for the day.
I'll always love you and make you happy
She always somehow thought of herself as pathetic, some nights.
Saying she should have forgotten him by now and enough time had passed for her heart to heal.
Other night she'd go easy on her self and saying how it wasn't her fault because she couldn't control who she feel in love with...
"If you were to turn into a snake tomorrow and begin devouring humans. Would I still be able to say 'I love you', the way i do today..?"
...Even if she did fall for a snake...
If you will only say the same
But the again...
She had never heard him say he loved her...
Or even liked her.
But who is she to complain?
She never said it either.
"I'm a snake. My skin is Cold: I have no heart. I slither around seeking prey with my tongue. I swallow my favorite whole..."
His way of showing he loved her... was it by leave her here and letting her depressing swallow her whole? Was this..
...The way of the snake?
She never knew
But if you leave me to love another, You'll regret it all one day
Another Pro of the situation as that he never left her for someone else... Well at least she didn't think he did.
She had confidence and she knew she was a very alluring woman, those arrancar couldn't compare to her... could they?
"You always disappear without tell me where your going.."
She wonder all that time when they were younger, where he would run off to.
Thoughts of another woman flocked her mind back then, but she brushed it off quickly to halt herself from getting upset... the thought was foolish.
You are my sunshine
"Those who do not know what love is likens it to beauty, Those who claim to know what love is likens it to ugliness..."
Was what he'd say.
He could capture another girls heart without even trying.
He was a man of many words.
Words that could sway you right off your feet.
Maybe that's how she fell for him.
My only sunshine
Now that she really thought about it..
No matter how much she flirted, she didn't have eyes for another.
She merely was friends with other men,
Or used them for her own amusement.
Gin was her one and only. Her sunshine. And it felt as if her world had dim and the sky got cloudy and stormy since he was gone.
But there's always a storm before the sun is able to shine to it's full extent.
You make me happy when skies are gray
"I'm glad... I apologized..."
I'm glad you did too...
Rangiku fully well aware she was out of booze a while ago as her mind wondered but she never thought to get more.
Sometimes it seemed that if Gin was still here, maybe she wouldn't be drinking as much.
But he wasn't
And she needed to remember that.
It was time she let her heart heal and let the memories fade or else she wouldn't be able to move on to the future and to better things.
She was still ogling the moon in awe. It scintillate and she blinked realizing she had been crying while in thought. Roughly wiping away her tears, she heard the door open.
You never know, dear, how much I love you
"...Rangiku.."
"...Captain... Can i ask you a question..?"
The 4'4 captain stood quiet waiting for his lieutenant to continue.
"Can you bring me some more sake!" She chirped putting on a happy demeanor.
Toshiro's frown deepened. He was hoping for once Rangiku would show some emotion other than acting dimwitted like usual.
"Get it yourself!" He growled turning to walk way.
"But captain!" She whined.
They ended up leaving the room both know what happen happened before Toshiro walked in. It was normal... He seemed to be the only one that know about her monthly night drinking and reminiscing in this room. But neither had the courage to bring it up, nor did either of them had the audacity to tell anyone else.
The door shut and the room was vacant and dark except for the moon shining through the window and the empty sake bottle left on the window sill along with Rangiku's tears and midnight depression...
Please don't take my sunshine away
This pairing will always have a spot in my heart no matter how old it gets. Still so mad Gin Died. I'd like to also say that none of the characters or the song is mine. All characters belong to Tite Kubo.