Emma Swan had been having the strangest dreams. Since the curse had been broken her dreams had consisted of flash backs of nearly every resident in Storybrooke, every detail of their lives would flash through her mind as she slept. As she slept, she would feel what they had felt, and she would suffer as they had. Their suffering lingered long after she woke, she would have barely shaken off the burdensome feelings of multiple other people's pasts before she had to sleep once again.
The whole process had become rather bothersome. Most mornings, Emma awoke so tired and drained that it was difficult to even open her eyes. They seemed to have formed a conscience of their own with the ending of the curse, and with it came the stubborn determination to keep her eyelids glued together after her alarm sounded. It was a harrowing experience, each day she had to sift through her feelings to decide what was real and what was a memory, which she found distracting. This in itself presented a problem, after all, what good is an exhausted and distracted sheriff?
Recently, the dreams had focused on one person in particular, and these dreams disturbed more than all of the others combined. The others, she could dismiss. For the most part, she experienced the lives of people she knew, people she had met since arriving in Storybrooke. Her most recent dreams, however, had not followed this pattern.
They had differed so completely that Emma could feel the wrongness of the whole situation. As if it wasn't bad enough that she was burdened with the feelings of thousands of story book characters (of whom she was apparently now one of) but to have to relive every moment of this one past was particularly painful. It confused her to no end, the dreams were disconcerting but being stuck on this continuous loop each time she closed her eyes scared the sheriff.
It scared her for two reasons. The first of is that the dreams are the memories of a dead man, a feat which shouldn't be possible, and the second -in her eyes- more troubling reason, is that they are the memories of Regina's true love. A stable boy named Daniel. Perhaps her worries are slightly askew, Emma supposes that she should be more concerned about the dad mans' memories part, but she finds herself haunted by memories of kissing Regina and being promised to Regina and being killed by Regina's mother.
The memories seem to awaken something in her that she finds she can't explain. Every day, after she wakes up from the cycle, she finds it harder and harder to separate the feelings. There's something in her that blurs the line between her feelings and Daniel's feelings. Each day make the differentiation between them more difficult to perceive, as though their feelings are becoming one and the same. Which makes absolutely no sense, because that would mean Emma is falling in love with the Evil Queen, who hasn't been a friend of hers for all that long.
The very thought of that is absurd, it really is, but the idea doesn't disgust her as it probably should. The dreams continue and Emma tries to go as long as possible without sleep whilst still remaining a fully functioning person, albeit someone whom relies entirely upon caffeine for survival. If she doesn't sleep, the strange feelings can't control her actions because she won't relive the memories of Daniel. The stuff she already feels don't disappear, but by not sleeping as often she manages to convince herself that the feelings aren't deepening.
Emma has always been a master at ignoring what was directly in front of her nose, even if it is in plain sight. The way she sees it, is that this instance is no different to any other awkward scenario she had lived through. She ignores what she, no, what Daniel feels for the once Evil Queen on her path to redemption and she goes on with her life as normal.
She certainly isn't avoiding her at every possible moment, even if she has cancelled all of their meetings by stating that she had to reschedule for some reason or another. Nope, Emma is definitely not being a coward by not seeing Regina, it's just the easier option at the moment. Emma convinces herself that it's just until the dreams stop. If the ever do stop, it's been more than a month now and they haven't shown any signs of ending yet. Recently, Emma has even avoided Granny's, just as another precaution, which is maybe a tiny bit cowardly. Henry had been sent over to Regina's without her to accompany him more than once now, and if she did take him she never left the safe haven of her bug. Her and Regina had reached a tentative friendship over the months since the ending of the curse, but now Emma was in serious danger of breaking the fragile bond between them. But her confusion kept her away, she'd much rather hurt Regina some by staying away than staying and doing something she may regret. And so she pretended that she didn't see the hurt and some what defeated look that seemed to flash across Regina's face at every denied invitation.
Her lack of sleep was beginning to effect her work, the residents of Storybrooke were beginning to notice that something was wrong with their Sheriff, which of course led to Regina (still the mayor) making an enquiry into it. If it concerned the citizens of her town, then by default it concerned her, her personal feelings on the subject of Emma in that moment aside. And so Emma found an end to her period of respite that came in the form of an unavoidable meeting, and unavoidable it was, all emergency calls were vetoed to David for the afternoon.
So after more than six weeks of painful avoidance of Regina, Emma found herself in town hall, putting off entering the Mayor's office until the last possible second. Finally, as the clock down the hall chimed two in the afternoon, Emma opened the door and entered the office. After all, if she was tardy she would just end up annoying Regina further, which would result in a very long lecture about punctuality. During which if she yawned, rolled her eyes or looked like she wasn't paying attention would lead to another even longer tirade about manners. That was the last thing Emma wanted, the first thing ultimately being seeing Regina after such a long period of absence filled with her most definitely unrequited feelings.
Regina looks up as Emma enters, an unreadable look flitting across her face before her mayoral mask slips back into place with a familiar narrowing of eyes. That look makes Emma shiver, it hadn't even existed until after Daniel's death, but she shouldn't be thinking about that at the moment. That look hasn't been directed at her for quite some time, Emma's beginning to understand the multitude of hurt Regina had felt at her absence.
Emma sags into the chair opposite Regina, the one she used to occupy during their twice weekly meetings, the ones she has been absent from for the past month and a half. Her body slumps into itself from relief, her exhaustion must be evident because even through the mask she can see the concern Regina feels for her, it makes her feel warm in a weird way that she doesn't want to consider. Emma knows she looks like complete shit, but she hasn't had the energy to bring herself to care recently. Caffeine helps her stay awake to a certain extent, but it doesn't stop her appearance from suffering and she's not superficial enough to use her magic to help. The bags beneath her eyes are far larger than a normal persons and the bone aching tiredness she feels can be seen in the way she carries herself.
Finally, after carefully examine her Regina decides to speak, and her voice washes over Emma and Emma can only hope that her relief at hearing it again can not be read. Of course it can, because Emma doesn't have the energy to hold up any pretences any more. The relief is short lived though, as the mayor's tone is colder and more professional than she has ever heard it. Especially directed at her.
"Hello, Sheriff Swan, as I'm sure you are well aware, I have received some comments from concerned citizens about your well being. They seem to be rather worried about how overly tired you've seemed over the previous weeks. Do you have an explanation about why your behaviour has been effecting your work?"
Emma stared at her, agape. She hadn't seen this version of Regina in a very long time. Emma gulped, she was in some very deep shit, she hadn't meant to hurt Regina this much, not enough for them to go back to just a plain, old working relationship. Emma hopes that she still has time to fix this, whatever it is or whatever it may become, because losing Regina completely will break her. Emma knows that she has to explain herself, fully and by not holding anything back. She just has to hope for the best. Emma can see the impatience on Regina's face beginning to grow as the minutes tick by as she tries to find the words to explain herself. Finally, she sees something in Regina snap and with a growled out "well" between gritted teeth goads Emma into talking, even if it is barely above a murmur in volume and has Regina leaning in so she can hear.
Emma begins her story just after the curse broke, long before the dreams from Daniels perspective began. She starts with the dreams she first had, those of Ruby. Slowly, all so slowly she works her way up to those just before Daniels began, and by this point Regina's face is contorted in understanding and something akin to confusion. So far, she has given a reason for her lack of sleep which explains the poor quality sheriffing she has been doing lately. Emma is yet to give a reason for avoiding Regina, which it has been blatantly obvious she has been and Emma can see Regina drawing to untrue conclusions in her head. Conclusions like how Emma must still think of
her as the Evil Queen or like how she must have become bored of Regina's company.
Regina has been hurt so much in the past that it is easy for Emma to see how she is drawing to those conclusions. With a deep and steadying breath she begins on the section of why she has been avoiding Regina.
"Then the latest dreams began and I knew almost straight away that these ones were different. They lasted night after night and nothing I did would make them go. They made me feel things that I shouldn't have felt and so I tried to ignore them. But I couldn't, the feelings from the dreams made me realise my actual feelings and then things got more confusing and that's when I started avoiding you and started sleeping less."
"We're they the dreams of your mother? Did she make you hate me again? Do you hate me Emma? I know I've done some awful things and I know you've suffered because of them, but I never meant to hurt you, not really." Regina's voice is so small and broken in that moment that Emma's heart breaks. Emma, with some effort, stands up and rushes to Regina if only to reassure her. She pulls Regina's chair out from under her desk and kneels in front of her, despite her tired, aching body's protestations. Her hands grasp Regina's, which are still in her lap as she meets Regina's eyes, full to the brim with unshed tears. In a hushed voice she speaks.
"The dreams weren't my mothers, and of course I don't hate you Regina. I never could. They were, well, they made me see you in a different light. One I hadn't seen you in before, or hadn't realised I'd seen you in before. And it was too much, too fast, so I tried to stay away. I didn't stop caring Regina and I didn't get bored of you."
She sniffles slightly before asking "do you really mean that?" With a warm and what Emma hopes is comforting smile she nod her head in earnest. More than anything Emma needs her to know how sincere she are in that. With the brightest smile Emma's ever seen cross her face, she draws her into a warm and welcoming embrace, and more than anything it gives her hope that this whole fiasco isn't a lost cause. Emma crouches in her embrace for quite some time, ignoring her discomfort at the position her tired body is in as the seconds tick by and merge together. Emma ends up losing herself in Regina's embrace, it's so familiar and yet so strange, because it feels like home.
All good things must come to an end she supposes. And so when Regina draws back Emma tries to ignore the pang in her chest that she feels and instead focuses on Regina, she doesn't draw back very far. She looks as though she is about to ask Emma something, something she's pretty sure Regina already knows the answer to, but something she still needs to hear said aloud anyway. Her hands are still grasped in Emma's but somehow without with of them realising their fingers had become intertwined.
"Emma" Regina draws Emma's eyes back to her as she speaks and with a swallow Regina continues "whose memories did you dream of?"
Emma can see from the look in her eyes that Regina already knows the answer. Although her eyes show her trepidation at what is about to happen, about the change in their relationship which is about to occur, Emma finds no trace of disgust or rejection, she finds something which warms her to the core. Something neither of them is able to say aloud yet, but a thing that is screamed from their eyes. And so with a deep and steadying breath, being kept stable by the way Regina's hands are clasped in hers, Emma answers with a single word.
"Daniel."