Disclaimer: We thank the Lord above that he didn't give us the sick idea of the horrid novel, Twilight. And if you're a Twilighter to dumb to understand that because it had nothing to do with Bella's hormone level, then we're saying that we don't own Twilight. Thank God.
New Moon: In Short
By: M-O
As if Twilight didn't suck enough
SM wrote another book full of fluff.
The book (obviously) didn't have a plot
Or enough planning to fill a teapot.
Believe it or not, this book was worse than Twilight
But it got the same amount of fanlight.
Let me tell you what it was about.
(And if to the series you are devout,
LOOKOUT!)
So Edward throws Bella a B-day Party.
She slices her finger while opening a CD
And Jasper wants to kill her
But Edward saves her.
What a fricken bummer.
So Edward wants to "protect" his love
So he gives Bella a big shove
And totally dumps that bitch.
But there was a glitch.
The idiot gets all suicidal
And is totally in denial.
She desperately befriends Jacob
And tries to rub
Away all of Edward's memories.
(But still cannot forget his many beauties.)
But then…
It's Edward all over again!
Jacob totally leaves Bella hanging
And her heart starts bleeding.
At this part, I was happy.
Jacob (who is sappy)
Is too good for Bella (who is bitchy).
So I thought Bella needed a bully.
Oh, did I mention,
That to get Edwards attention
Bella starts to hurt herself
Because she can't hear his voice enough.
Today, we would call that dipshit
An overall PSYCHOTIC!!!
But wait! There's more!
Bella the genius
Really itches
To jump off of a cliff
And get a real whiff
Of some danger.
But this was a blunder
Because Alice thinks Bella died.
Even though Jacob spied
And sadly saved her pathetic life.
Edward hears this strife
And decides "What is life without Bella?"
(A good one, I'll tell ya)
So that moron decides to kill himself as well.
At this part my chest began to swell
With utter joy cuz
These idiots were gonna kill themselves!
So Bella flies to Italy
Because she gets all antsy.
About Eddy (THROW-UP!)
Who wasn't going to button-up
While right beneath the sun.
(At this point I was happy to think he was done)
But Bella (sigh) saves him.
She had finally gotten enough whim
To help someone but herself. Oh, joy.
However, the Volturi try to be coy
As they try to trap the retarded lovers
And take them to their underground covers.
There, the king of vampires
Deeply aspires
To have Edward join his clan
(And include Bella in his dinner plan).
Ah, but alas, they strike a deal
And Bella is no longer a meal.
They fly back to fun ol' Forks
(A.K.A. the land of dorks)
And Charlie starts to spaz
Because Edward was apparently an ass.
Wow Charlie, only took you a year
To find out that Edward is a creeper!!!
But the awful novel concludes
As Bella and Edward fruitlessly feud
About getting married.
Bella began to plead
(And panic)
That she'd end up as a stereotypical hick
Who got married right after high school.
Well, Bella darling, it's not like you were even that cool
So you wouldn't really have much to lose…..
Nevertheless, Edward still argues.
The best part of the book
Was when Jacob gave back the bikes he betook
And Charlie freaks out again.
Bella gets in more trouble then.
In the end, it really pains me
That Bella has to be so bratty
To Jacob who has never hurt her.
He's just always loved that useless bluffer.
We, M-O and WALL-E,
Would like to tell thee
We are COMPLETELY backward.
We are team Edward.
Bella should stay with that
Mean, obsessive and cheating psychopath.
Jacob is too good for her
And we never want for him to end up with that girl.
Hey Twilighters, We really hope
That you like this scope
Of Book #2 of that stupid series.
Read some good books you donkeys!!!