Chapter One
Reconstruction
Carol stood naked before the mirror over the bathroom sink, staring at her reflection as if it were the first time she'd ever seen the actual image of herself. Quite frankly, it was at least the first time in years that she'd paid any attention to her face at all, but now that she had given into the ritual she once considered to be merely for the vain-at-heart, she found herself unable to look away until she could complete her own thorough, visual self-assessment.
Now that she was pushing fifty years old, she had expected to find someone along the lines of a Blanche Deveraux at best peering back at her through the foggy glass, but the woman who stared back was still far too youthful to be considered a Golden Girl just yet, even with almost a full head of gray hair.
And if her face alone wasn't argument enough, those breasts! Sure, she had only nursing motherhood to thank for their current voluptuousness, and she had never really been one to measure her womanhood based on breast-size to begin with, despite Ed's best attempts to belittle her for it and convince her otherwise, but she also couldn't deny that there was a tiny little part of her that would be silently celebrating their presence for as long as they were with her. For a moment, the thought forced her to consider that maybe Ed had somehow managed to beat her into judging her self-worth based on that after all, but then a more realistic assessment emerged. She felt more beautiful now than ever because she was with somebody who didn't give one damn about her cup size, and truly based his love for her on the only things that really mattered, and that gave her the freedom of judging her body on her own terms and not somebody else's. It made perfect sense to be proud of her breasts considering what their current state represented; being blessed with another child that she shared with the most amazing man she'd ever known.
Their baby boy Alexander officially turned one month old this morning, but according to Daryl, she never lost her 'pregnancy glow;' a statement that made her laugh hysterically the first time he had pitched the idea considering that he had only seen her pregnant for all of maybe eight hours, and during that short period of time she had lost so much blood she found it hard to believe she resembled anything other than a brand new, crisp white bedsheet. Still, she realized the point he was trying to make and now after seeing for herself what he'd made such a fuss about, she had a much simpler and more logical explanation for those perpetually rosy cheeks: happiness.
She'd been wearing that ever-present smile, however subtle at times, showcased before her for exactly one month now without ever taking it off. Often it had grown wider and brighter, usually in reaction to either her husband or son or both, and tasks such as talking and eating obviously interfered with it's appearance at times, but otherwise that slight upturn at both corners of her mouth was always there. It had become her new resting bitch face she supposed, although since the name was no longer befitting she'd have to figure out some other clever name to call it. Resting Dix face?
This proposal made her giggle. There was a time not too long ago where such a suggestion referencing the name Dixon would cause one to conjure up images of a pair of blue eyes cutting through your soul like a laser beam from between a narrow part in the long, brown hair that framed them. Now, not only must one first distinguish exactly which Dixon you were referring to when making such a statement, they also had to consider the fact that the original Dixon was no longer quite as intimidating as he used to be, and that a "resting Dix face," when taking the entire Dixon family into consideration as opposed to just an individual, could very well imply that one was referencing someone who walked around with a goofy grin on their face at all times.
Case in point, the very one Daryl was wearing at the moment when he suddenly appeared in the mirror behind her. His reflection really didn't do the twinkle in his eyes that she knew was there any justice, and she was anxious to spin around for a more intimate greeting to his arrival, but for a moment she found herself taking the time to appreciate another sight that was a first for her to see, and she had to say that, without prejudice of course, wink-wink, they were one pretty adorable couple.
"Time's a-tickin' Mrs. Dixon. We don't wanna be late for our first day of work," he purred right next to her ear before nuzzling his way in for a kiss to her cheek. The brush of his stubble against her skin gave her goosebumps like it did every time, and she was never quite sure if it was an effect brought on by the sensation itself, or the thrill of intimacy, or both. Probably both, but to play it on the safe side, she boldy stated her preference for at least some scruff to remain when he proposed just this morning to shave or not to shave.
"I see it must be casual Friday," she quipped with a giggle as she turned to face him now, her hands smoothing out imaginary wrinkles in the denim vest which topped off the black, button-down shirt with the rolled-up sleeves.
"what, you didn't get the memo," he hummed, as his own hands were enjoying a little petting of their own on the naked flesh of the small of her back.
"You coulda told me before I went through all the trouble of finding that polyester pantsuit," she said as she rose up on the tips of her toes; her own subtle method for directing his hands where she wanted them to be.
"Sorry. I admit, I really just wanted to see your sexy ass in that pantsuit." Extra emphasis was implied to "sexy ass" with the squeeze to her buttocks she had been fishing for in the first place.
"Really now?" Her face was suddenly alight as if someone had just switched on a lightbulb over her head. "Well, perhaps later on we can begin going over Monday's agenda and I'll dress the part to set the tone."
"Mmmmm. And Monday's agenda of course concerns me and going over all my new responsibilities, rules, and regulations, right?"
"Damn skippy. Better enjoy the weekend, Mr. Dixon cuz come Monday, your ass is mine."
The playful exchange that just took place was yet another first. Obviously they'd had sex with a kid to prove it, but to actually initiate a discussion about sexual preferences and potentially embarrassing kinks was a pretty major indicator that one had complete trust in their partner. You either had to be pretty sure you were on the same page, or at least that your partner wouldn't laugh if you weren't, to share something so personal, and she was happy to discover that in this case, it was the former over the latter.
Not that she really had any kind of fetish that she was completely aware of since it had been years since she'd even thought of such things, but what she did have now that she never had before was a partner who seemed every bit as willing and eager as she to explore this new territory they were treading in with a leave-no-stone-unturned attitude. She was fairly sure the little flinch in his eyes when she began to play along was relief settling in after boldly testing yet another one of these strange, new, unchartered waters which seemed to be greeting them at every turn.
What delighted her most of all however was this newly-discovered ability to actually turn-on a member of the opposite sex, made apparent by the sudden presence of a rising firmness in his pants.
"Are you sure we can't do this now," he proposed with a tantalizing tone that just begged her to give in to her own temptations, which she just might have been too weak to resist if hadn't been for the simple fact that she was still forbidden to carry out the act on doctor's orders. This realization that any frolicking beneath the sheets must continue to remain off the table for a couple more weeks brought a frown to her face, which also effectively provided Daryl with the answer he sought.
"Guess I better go check on Chopper."
She couldn't help but snort in amusement a little as she watched him walk away in a slightly distorted manner from his normal gait due to the slight disruption in his pants, but all her snickering was soon replaced with a look of complete adoration as she observed the current exchange taking place between father and son, involving multiple kisses to their baby's forehead met with the sweetest sound of his soft little coos each time Daryl's lips made contact. This was the new morning ritual now, and every day it was getting harder and harder to imagine what life would be like without them, which was why it was so important for her, for them, to secure a future in which they'd never have to find out.
It was this thought that prompted her to get moving and get dressed, regardless of the fact that she would much prefer to spend the day watching Daryl play with their boy as opposed to delivering the much-needed kick in the ass that the residents of Alexandria were about to receive on her behalf, but that was just one of the many sacrifices you needed to make to ensure that your family would not only merely survive, but also thrive and always have a place to call home at the end of the day. And by family, she truly considered everyone who lived within Alexandria's walls to be a part of hers, but she also felt no shame in admitting that despite that fact, Alexander and Daryl would always come first, and every decision she would make would be based on whether or not it had their best interests in mind.
At first she thought it sounded kind of selfish, and she began to doubt whether or not she could rally an entire community to stand behind these beliefs that were all designed from hopes of establishing a better future for her son, inspired largely by her recent stay at Riverview. But all a parent wants, a good one anyway, is the best possible life that they could possibly provide for their child, and if something is good enough for the most important person in your life, then isn't it safe to say that, as a result, these benefits are extended to all who believe in your dream and make it happen? The answer is yes, of course it does, but sometimes it can take a little persuasion before people start seeing things your way. Especially when they start getting too content, like Rick himself admitted being guilty of for at least the last couple of months.
Not that she could blame him. On some level, she completely understood the feeling she imagined was somewhat like nirvana, when you just managed to pull your family through tough times, with all members coming out relatively unscathed on the other end. And when it's a process that has repeated itself over and over again, it can very easily lead to this false sense of invincibility if you let yourself get too complacent over what is probably more like simply having the luck of the draw this go 'round than anything. Sooner or later, odds were something would happen to shake things up, and she sure as hell wasn't about to put herself in the position of having regrets over all the things that she could have potentially done to stop it, even if things should not work out in her favor in the end.
Of course Rick knew this too, but the man was tired. Tired of fighting, tired of always being in charge, and now with a new baby on the way, he had blatantly confessed to Daryl and herself that since the day he learned he was about to become a father again, he found himself caring about little other than enjoying some quiet time at home surrounded by his family, and Carol found herself completely unable to discredit him in any way for wanting to do that. He had already sacrificed so much for so long for so many that it was high time that somebody else should step up to the plate, and Rick couldn't have been more pleased that she volunteered herself for the job considering the fact that she would be his first pick should he be forced to name a successor if no one had stepped forward.
But step forward she did from the moment she was reunited with the group, without any prior knowledge of Michonne's pregnancy or Rick's unofficial resignation, which made for a smooth transition to power thus far. Announcing it to the rest of the group was a different story however, and now that the moment was actually upon her, she was a nervous wreck. She was beginning to understand now how Rick could seem to be a little off his rocker at times if this were any indication of how things were going to be for as long as she was calling the shots.
Thank God she wasn't in this alone. She did have one major advantage that Rick never had, and that was having Daryl in her corner one hundred percent. Rick and Daryl were like brothers, and as close as two unrelated straight men could possibly get, but like true brothers that didn't necessarily mean they always saw things eye to eye. But she and Daryl had always been on the same page since the dawn of their friendship, no matter what the subject might be, even those topics which they never imagined in a million years they would need to have a discussion about, like parenthood for instance.
"Hey. It's gonna be alright."
"Yeah, it is," she replied, unable to do anything but agree with the man whose only goal at the moment was to offer her the little bit of encouragement he could see that she needed. Yes, everything would always be alright as long as he remained at her side.
"Oh, and just so I don't get accused of not givin' you the memo again, I thought you should know..."
"Know what," she was prompted to ask when he failed to complete his sentence.
He remained uncommunicative as he fished through the two large trash bags containing various baby items they'd collected from some of the vacant houses that sat on top of the foot locker at the foot of their bed. He was performing the task single-armed since he was still cradling Alexander in the crook of his other arm, and she'd thought about taking their son off his hands to make his mission a bit easier, but found herself unwilling to disrupt the scene when Daryl informed Chopper that he was part of the secret operation.
"Ah, here we go," he said as he walked toward her now, displaying the pink baby sling as proudly as if it were the catch of the day of a little early morning fishing trip.
"What does the Snugli have to do with the memo," she inquired with a giggle as she slipped the harness over her head, still unsure where he was going with this little innuendo.
"It's also bring your baby to work day," he said with a wink as he gently lowered Alexander into place, never releasing support from his son's unsteady little neck until he was confident that his position was secure.
"You don't think he'll be too mad at us one day for carrying him around in a pink Snugli?"
"Naw, little Chopper man knows real men aren't afraid to wear pink."
Carol nodded at her son adoringly as she stroked his cheek with her fingertip, evoking a smile from her little one through the thrill of her touch. "You're right. If this little guy grows up to be anything like his daddy, he's never gonna be afraid to let the world know exactly what he's made of."
The compliment earned her kiss to the forehead for now since time was limited and they were on their way out the door, but she wasn't saying it just for the sweet reward of Daryl's affection anyway. It was just truth she spoke, and to this day she still believed that she didn't tell him all the things she loved so dearly about him nearly enough.
They looked more like they were on their way to a PTA meeting when they stepped into the church where the group had assembled, with her carrying the baby, and Daryl pushing a vacant stroller for later use complete with a diaper bag, also pink with pastel-colored baby animals, slung over his shoulder. As far as she knew the majority of the group really had no idea what was going on, and judging by the trays of snack food and pitchers of lemonade present, apparently they were under the impression that this was just going to be another laid-back little get together in honor of her and Daryl's arrival back home.
"Rome wasn't built in a day," Daryl muttered the gentle reminder to her privately as he began rubbing circles into her back, precisely in the spot where she had begun to feel the weight of the world suddenly placed upon her. "I wouldn't go expectin' any miracles today."
"Hey guys," Carl said, seeming to appear out of nowhere right before their eyes. "I just wanted you to know I collected all the notebooks and pens that I could find so everyone can take notes. You know, if we even get that far today," he said with a super-exaggerated roll of his lone eye.
"Where's your dad," Carol asked while her eyes were already busy scanning the room in attempt to answer the question for herself.
"He's still back at the house with Michonne. She's having a rough bout of morning sickness today, but they'll be here soon." There was a bit of a pause between the former and his next sentence, but Carol waited patiently before speaking again out of curiosity over what it was she could see he was trying to find the courage to say. "I can start getting them warmed up if you like until they get here. You know, at least get them to start focusing on something other than food."
If she were to name the person next in line who was every bit as passionate as her and Daryl's plans for Alexandria, it was Carl. For the three days that they'd been back home now, spending most of that time within the walls of their own home getting settled in and making the house they now shared together baby-friendly, Carl had been right there with them, ready and willing to help with whatever was needed without even being asked. Whether it was shuffling furniture around, or scrubbing a room clean from head-to-toe, if it needed to be done, he was right on top of it, ready to get the task completed and checked off the list so they could move on to the next thing, all the while picking their brains for more details about their plans. And he had ideas of his own, and good ones, which eventually led Carol to relieve him of menial cleaning tasks in exchange for a way to put his true talents to a much better use: she assigned him to take notes and put together a list of talking points for this morning's meeting. She really had no doubts whatsoever that he would deliver, but when he presented her with the carefully designed agenda that he so obviously took great care and consideration preparing, it had brought tears to her eyes. She couldn't have been more proud if she were Lori herself.
"I think that's a great idea," she replied with a warm smile, stifling her urge to reach out and brush the hair from his face, deciding that it was just too motherly a thing to do. He was no longer their little boy, and performing such a gesture in public seemed like it would be almost insulting to the fine young man standing before her now, even though she was fairly certain that he wouldn't have been phased in the slightest if she had. But she had some pretty big plans for Carl and to ensure that they were getting off on the right foot, she would show him nothing less than the same amount of respect which she would insist he receive from everyone else. And she could always pinch the shit out of his cheeks later on when no one was looking.
Carol and Daryl watched in awe as Carl began to effortlessly work the crowd in a way that demanded their attention without coming off as being demeaning, aggressive or over-eager. He engaged them in a way that made them want to shut up and listen as opposed to being simply told to do so, and Carol was happy to see that Rick and Michonne arrived just in time to see Carl in the prime of one of his finest moments. Glancing up at Daryl and receiving his wink and nod of approval in response, she knew that together they had made the right decision. Carl was going to make one hell of a sheriff, just like his dad.