David J Thompson presents a quick little fic written around 1:00 am PST.
For you folks on the East Coast it would 4 am. For Kanto standard time
(Around the area where the Tenchi house is) It would be about 8 pm later
that day. Oh well, enough with the insanely stupid time differences, on
with the fic!
"How to destroy a Juraian Fleet"
A short Essay on the weaknesses of the Juraian war machine.
********
Looming out of the cold darkness like a massive whale in an ocean of
black, the Juraian frigate "Ozumi" sped forward. Its hull, made from the
tallest trees on the neighboring planet of Ryuten, approached ones view
as many curved angular points, leading to a single massive dome.
Everything on the Ozumi was curved and wooden, as was Juraian custom.
For some reason the only material that the Juraians considered feasible
building material was wood. Why they think this way is beyond my
comprehension, but I know it is their greatest weakness.
Passing in front of a nearby galaxy illuminated Ozumi's hull with a
dull
yellow glow. This made Ozumi more beautiful than it already was. Of
course, another Juraian rule of thumb is beauty. All things Juraian must
inherently be made beautiful. Such beauty going to waste. It makes me
sad for what I am about to do, for such a thing of beauty is not easily
destroyed without the mental consequences. It would be like burning down
the Renoir', with it's bedazzling portraits of everything from scenery to
figures to every day objects.
Wait.
I really dont have to do this.
Wait, yes I do. I have to do it because those pompous Juraians need a
splash of cold water in the face. They need a wake up call as to why
they are so fragile. I mean, the Juraians idea of war is a bunch of
long-haired men running around with swords dueling each other. It harks
back to an earlier time. A time of Samurais and Shoguns, when Japan was
still feudal and swordsmen were regarded as gods among men. Times have
changed. There is no room in this universe for honorable dueling any
more. Pity though, those were the glory days. Two men, facing each
other on the field of honor. They would call out their personal soldiery
resume, hoping that someone of equal status would hear their plea for an
opponent. That was how wars were fought. "Were" being the operative
term. Today, the phrase 'Never bring a knife to a gun fight' rings true.
Why use a Katana when you could launch a thermo-nuclear device and end
the existences of thousands of eager swordsmen, who never quite found
their opponent. Yes, the Juraians are the perfect warrior race, but
alas, it is not to be.
Its outlines no longer edged with that golden hue, Ozumi glided
silently through the void. At least, it did. It was graceful, it was
sleek, but now, it was being eaten from the inside. Small crunching
noises could be heard along the walls of the sleek craft. It was as if
something was eating the craft. Something was, for a fact. That
something was many millions termites, yes termites. For you see dear
reader, the best way to destroy a Juraian fleet is simply to release a
horde of termites upon it. And that is the end of that.
*************
Oh my, that was quite odd wasn't it? Oh well. It doesn't matter now.
I'm way too tired to be in a happy mood. This topic was something my
friends and I had joked about for a long time, but I finally decided to
do something about it. Those pompous Juraians, I'll teach em....
Whoops, momentary lapse of sanity. Gotta keep control here. Just breath
Dave, breath. Jeez, I must really be tired. Oh well, enough is enough.
On with the obligatory disclaimer that we ALL must include. Hey, at
least I missed every single cliche in the Tenchi Muyo continuity. No
Ryoko/Aeka brawls. No Sasami cooking. No Tenchi being a spineless worm.
Just sheer poetic lyrics.
Thank you for reading. Jerky will be handed out at the end of the
disclaimer.
Questions and comments can be sent to the following address:
deathymcdeath@yahoo.com
Flames and other bad stuff will be appreciated, right after they're
printed out, stuck up your ass, and lit aflame. Oh man, I must really be
tired.
Tenchi Muyo is the sole Property of Pioneer LDC. AIC is the animation
company. Im not sure if they own any part of Tenchi Muyo, but Im certain
they dont, so they get left out of the disclaimer. Ha ha, sucks to be
you, AIC. Wood(TM) is the sole property of nature, in all its wondrous
splendor. Go nature.
For you folks on the East Coast it would 4 am. For Kanto standard time
(Around the area where the Tenchi house is) It would be about 8 pm later
that day. Oh well, enough with the insanely stupid time differences, on
with the fic!
"How to destroy a Juraian Fleet"
A short Essay on the weaknesses of the Juraian war machine.
********
Looming out of the cold darkness like a massive whale in an ocean of
black, the Juraian frigate "Ozumi" sped forward. Its hull, made from the
tallest trees on the neighboring planet of Ryuten, approached ones view
as many curved angular points, leading to a single massive dome.
Everything on the Ozumi was curved and wooden, as was Juraian custom.
For some reason the only material that the Juraians considered feasible
building material was wood. Why they think this way is beyond my
comprehension, but I know it is their greatest weakness.
Passing in front of a nearby galaxy illuminated Ozumi's hull with a
dull
yellow glow. This made Ozumi more beautiful than it already was. Of
course, another Juraian rule of thumb is beauty. All things Juraian must
inherently be made beautiful. Such beauty going to waste. It makes me
sad for what I am about to do, for such a thing of beauty is not easily
destroyed without the mental consequences. It would be like burning down
the Renoir', with it's bedazzling portraits of everything from scenery to
figures to every day objects.
Wait.
I really dont have to do this.
Wait, yes I do. I have to do it because those pompous Juraians need a
splash of cold water in the face. They need a wake up call as to why
they are so fragile. I mean, the Juraians idea of war is a bunch of
long-haired men running around with swords dueling each other. It harks
back to an earlier time. A time of Samurais and Shoguns, when Japan was
still feudal and swordsmen were regarded as gods among men. Times have
changed. There is no room in this universe for honorable dueling any
more. Pity though, those were the glory days. Two men, facing each
other on the field of honor. They would call out their personal soldiery
resume, hoping that someone of equal status would hear their plea for an
opponent. That was how wars were fought. "Were" being the operative
term. Today, the phrase 'Never bring a knife to a gun fight' rings true.
Why use a Katana when you could launch a thermo-nuclear device and end
the existences of thousands of eager swordsmen, who never quite found
their opponent. Yes, the Juraians are the perfect warrior race, but
alas, it is not to be.
Its outlines no longer edged with that golden hue, Ozumi glided
silently through the void. At least, it did. It was graceful, it was
sleek, but now, it was being eaten from the inside. Small crunching
noises could be heard along the walls of the sleek craft. It was as if
something was eating the craft. Something was, for a fact. That
something was many millions termites, yes termites. For you see dear
reader, the best way to destroy a Juraian fleet is simply to release a
horde of termites upon it. And that is the end of that.
*************
Oh my, that was quite odd wasn't it? Oh well. It doesn't matter now.
I'm way too tired to be in a happy mood. This topic was something my
friends and I had joked about for a long time, but I finally decided to
do something about it. Those pompous Juraians, I'll teach em....
Whoops, momentary lapse of sanity. Gotta keep control here. Just breath
Dave, breath. Jeez, I must really be tired. Oh well, enough is enough.
On with the obligatory disclaimer that we ALL must include. Hey, at
least I missed every single cliche in the Tenchi Muyo continuity. No
Ryoko/Aeka brawls. No Sasami cooking. No Tenchi being a spineless worm.
Just sheer poetic lyrics.
Thank you for reading. Jerky will be handed out at the end of the
disclaimer.
Questions and comments can be sent to the following address:
deathymcdeath@yahoo.com
Flames and other bad stuff will be appreciated, right after they're
printed out, stuck up your ass, and lit aflame. Oh man, I must really be
tired.
Tenchi Muyo is the sole Property of Pioneer LDC. AIC is the animation
company. Im not sure if they own any part of Tenchi Muyo, but Im certain
they dont, so they get left out of the disclaimer. Ha ha, sucks to be
you, AIC. Wood(TM) is the sole property of nature, in all its wondrous
splendor. Go nature.