Disclaimer: I own nada! This is just for fun, and to pass time.
A/N: Okay, so it's been a LONG time since I had inspiration to write. I was battling some serious illnesses and trudged my way through school, finally getting into University. I got frustrated each time I looked at the fic that I hadn't updated in forever, so I deleted it. After recently having knee surgery, I am listening to a lot of music and ideas pop up. This is based off of Mandy Moore's old song: "I Wanna be With You." I thought the lyrics were rather fitting.
So After reading this, please review! I don't mind constructive criticism at all. Please keep in mind, I am just getting back into the swing of things, so things are sketchy for now. [Bold Italics=Harry's thoughts, Italics= Song]
Spoilers: After DH
Pairing: Harry/Hermione
Summary: Harry and Hermione are feeling lost, lonely and need each other. A meeting between the two bring up many questions, answers. Brief, but it's a pretty simple story.
The Want to be Whole Again
~I try but I can't seem to get myself
To think of anything
But you
Your breath on my face
Your warm gentle kiss I taste the truth
I taste the truth~
As he sat in an old chair near his bed staring out the nearest window, he would occasionally glance at his wife who was in a deep slumber and sigh. He then turned back to the window and he saw dark clouds looming overhead, foreshadowing his current state of introspection. For such a long time, he has struggled with his destiny, and now that things had come to an end, he should be happy, right? The Death Eaters are no longer a constant threat, he finally had the family he always dreamed about having, he was officially an Auror, and he was with the love of his life, Ginny Weasley. For some reason however, things weren't the way they should be. Whenever he had time to himself, there was always a nagging feeling that he was missing something in his new life. The more he thought about it though, the more he realized that it wasn't something that was missing, instead, it was a someone and her missing left a gaping hole in his heart. Without a doubt in his mind, this person helped him become the man he is today, just by being his best friend when nobody else would. He realizes, they never had a romantic relationship, but the connection he had with her went beyond anything else.
'Even Ron turned his back on me. But Hermione…she was always there for me…' He thought.
From the first time he met her on the train so many years ago, he knew she was special and someone who would end up meaning the world to him. She was bossy and snooty, her bushy hair always seemed to give her a frazzled look, but he wouldn't have had it any other way. To this day, whenever he sees her, which is rare now that she and Ron have their own family now, he always feels like he's home. It isn't until they part, that he feels a sense of loneliness all over again. She is his home. Never had he felt such a strong bond with anyone else, and it was comforting and terrifying all at once.
'How many blokes would be out on a date with the girl that they fancied, and wanting nothing more than to be with their best friend?'
He couldn't help but feel a wave of warmth spread inside his chest as he thought of all the times he tried to turn her and even Ron away, in order to protect those closest to him from danger. Even when he tried to be cold, she would argue right back, saying that he needed them, and it was true. And as much as he cared for his best mate Ron, he knew, had Hermione left him, as Ron had on a number of occasions, he never would have survived.
'I need to see her. I don't know why, she's probably asleep, or reading. But I need her.'Harry thought sadly, knowing that this is not how it should be. If nothing else, he should be turning to Ginny for help and comfort. But he never felt completely comforted with Ginny. In hard times, Ginny would brush a hand over his hair in a meaningful manner, but it never compared to the way he felt when Hermione had done that same gesture during 7th year, one night in the tent. 'How can one simple gesture, feel so different?'
Now frustrated, guilt-ridden and confused, he quietly walked out of his bedroom and ended up writing a quick letter and sent one of his kids' owls on his way. He then sat in a nearby chair by the window and waited as he quietly drummed his fingers on the table. In the pit of his stomach, he began to feel butterflies overpowering the guilt that had built up. 'Would she reply? Would she decline my offer?' As those thoughts began to swim in his mind, he saw the owl return, a letter in its' beak.
-Yes I would be more than happy to meet you. Meet me at the Three Broomsticks in 10 minutes.- After reading the letter, the butterflies flapped full force, so Harry quickly changed into better attire, attempted to straighten his unruly hair, and then transported, hoping his nerves would calm and his palms would stop sweating.
'Bloody hell, I can go into battle, and I feel nervous, but this feeling compares to nothing else I've felt.'
~We know what I came here for
So I won`t ask for more~
Once he entered the Three Broomsticks, he felt someone nearly knock him over, and he couldn't be happier.
"Harry! I've missed you SO much!" she squealed as she held him in her signature tight embrace.
"I've missed you too." He sighs as he takes in the scent of her shampoo, the feel of her hair, the feel of her in his arms was burned into his memory.
The two stayed in this position for several minutes, just enjoying the feeling they both felt, knowing the other felt the same feelings and emotions that were surfacing. After the bartender coughed rudely, the two released the embrace and ordered two firewhiskeys and sat in a far corner in an awkward silence. Harry would glance at Hermione when he thought she wasn't looking, and vice versa. At one point, the two caught each others' gaze and held it for a very long time. Unspoken feelings surfaced, and although they shouldn't be feeling this way, they both smiled brightly, and quickly turned away.
~I wanna be with you
If only for a night
To be the one whose in your arms
Who holds you tight
I wanna be with you
There`s nothing more to say
There`s nothing else I want more than to feel this way
I wanna be with you (yeah) ~
"So…how've you been?" Harry asked awkwardly trying to break the tension.
"Very busy, with teaching, researching, the kids being overly curious, and Ron…I barely have time to read for fun. You know me, I would read at the dinner table if I could, or while I was cleaning or on my lunch hour at work, but, I never have time now" She rambled. "How about you? I…um we missed you at the last gathering."
"Works been pretty hectic. Ginny was upset I agreed to go to work that day. She didn't talk to me that whole evening, especially when I came home wounded." Explained Harry. "She didn't understand the situation and thought I was careless."
The two sat in silence again, this time a bit more awkward. Both firewhiskeys were gone, and the two best friends avoided each others' gaze once again.
"So…why did you need to see me so urgently Harry?"
"I…um…I don't know." He said quickly as he fiddled with a napkin.
Hermione giggled, he looked adorable, blushing and shy, just like the young boy she first met. "You never were good at expressing yourself…"
Harry blushed a deeper shade of crimson, if that was possible, and took a deep breath, "I missed you I guess." He stated quietly.
Now it was Hermione's turn to blush.
I don't know…something is missing…" He sighed sadly, as he tapped the table.
Hermione knew how he was feeling, she has been feeling the same way for a while now. "I know how you feel Harry. Something is missing, and it leaves an emptiness."
Harry nodded as he scooted closer to her and wrapped an arm around her. He smiled when she leaned into him and rested her head on his shoulder. She then maneuvered herself so she could wrap an arm around his midsection, almost in a half hug.
"Hey! We're closing up here!" yelled the sweaty bartender.
Harry and Hermione nodded and walked outside, taking in Hogsmeade, arms encircled around each other. The two walked around the quiet area and stood under a tree as the rain continued to fall. She shivered as a slight gust of wind blew by, and Harry instinctively hugged her to him. The two sighed happily, and again, felt emotions they knew were forbidden, resurface. Rather than continue talking, the two held on to each other, as if their lives depended on it, swaying slightly to the beating of their hearts.
~ So I`ll hold you tonight
Like I would if you were mine
to hold forever more
And I`ll saver each touch that I wanted
So much to feel before (to feel before)
How beautiful it is
Just to be like this~
After some time, the two walked hand in hand, knowing that if anyone saw them this way, rumors would fly, but at this point in time, neither cared. They were best friends, reconnecting and together, and it felt so right. As they walked, thoughts of what if's began racing in Harrys' mind.
'What if Ron had never come back to us in year 7? What if they had gone to the Yule Ball together? What if I had helped her with S.P.E.W.? Would we have acted on this connection? Why didn't we when we had the chance? Would we be happier?' Harry knew there was no way of knowing the answers to these questions, except for the last one, and that answer was yes. Unknowingly, Hermione was having the same thoughts run through her mind as well, and she came up with the same answer in the end.
~ I wanna be with you
If only for a night
To be the one whose in your arms
Who holds you tight
I wanna be with you
There`s nothing more to say
There`s nothing else I want more than to feel this way
(I wanna be) I wanna be with you~
The two stopped in the middle of Hogsmeade and stared at each other, in a loving manner. They held each others' gaze as they held hands and smiled at each other. There was an instant pull to each other and their faces drew closer, their eyes closing, their hearts racing, and the butterflies flapping in overdrive. This was their time, even if it was one night…
"We can't." They both stated sadly, slowly pulling away and staring at the ground.
Tears began welling up in Hermione's eyes, as Harry felt his heart clench, knowing if they had kissed, it would've changed everything, and as much as they want this, they had families that they loved. They began walking again, arms linked, in complete silence, until they were out of Hogsmeade.
"Hermione…I…" Harry said as he gave her a tight lipped smile.
"I know. I do too." She said as she forced a watery smile.
The two hugged again, this time less crazed, and more loving, knowing this may be the last time they are together, just the two of them in such an emotionally driven situation. They continued hugging for a long while, burning the emotions and moment in their memories.
~ I wanna be with you
There`s nothing more to say
There`s nothing else I want more than to feel this way
(I wanna be)I wanna be with you (I wanna be with you) ~
Although nothing was resolved, and more pain came from this encounter, questions were answered. Would they have been happy together? Yes. Do they love each other? Yes. Do they want to be together? Yes. Will they sacrifice their families and those close to them? No.
The two swayed to the rhythm of their beating hearts once more, completely in sync to one another, and enjoyed their time together in silence. Neither knowing when the next time they'd be together like this. Neither knew when they'd finally be able to find their home, and finally be whole again.