'Is it really impossible? To change the flow of fate?'
I had tried. We had tried. We knew the events about to unfold; Lucina's knowledge of the future held such power that it seemed almost foul play to use it.
But even so, Emmeryn had died.
Lucina's words echoed once again.
'Fate has a way of returning to its original flow.'
"...!"
I swore as I swung my fist down onto my table. Tactical manuals, scrolls, and quills randomly fell on the floor. The sight of them lifelessly hitting the floor reminded me of that scene again. As if to shatter that image in my mind, I swung again. More debris. More Emmeryn. More failure on my part. More lives I had failed to save. More expectations I let down.
"...Haa."
Feeling immature, I began to pick the debris up in shame.
"...Are you okay, Robin?"
A voice outside.
"Y-yeah! I'm just...t-there's nothing..."
I answered back, flustered.
"Oh come on, that's not the voice of someone who's okay! I'm coming in!"
The flaps slid open and there entered a petite lady who came to somewhere around my chest in height. Her rich, flowing hair tied into a ponytail and her pointed ears always managed to catch my attention no matter how far she was.
"...Hey, Nowi."
This was Nowi, a manakete girl who had recently joined our ranks. She and I had been pairing up for almost every battles since she joined, as I found her incredible power to be the key to overcoming many difficult situations. I felt it was best that I, the tactician of this army, be close to her as to guide her strength to the focal points in battle. Or...so I thought at first. These days, I just felt I wanted to be close to her, to be perfectly honest.
"Hey Robin...Let me help with that."
She said, smiling as she crouched down next to me. She was always helpful like this. Cheerful and lighthearted to the extent that you found yourself smiling before you knew it. Some found her cheerfulness childish, but I somehow knew that she wasn't just a child as her demeanor suggested. She was quite...sharp to the feelings and needs of others and somehow always knew what made people feel happy. But she never used her attentiveness for avoiding prickly situations. Rather, she did her best to make people around her happy. She was just very kind like that. Such finesse with dealing with people never comes without maturity and a healthy amount of empathy and experience, and that fact alone was enough for me to conclude that she was an adult by all means and rights, in many ways much more so than the majority of the Shepherds who aged less than 30 at most and were still finding themselves somewhat confused with what being mature meant, myself included.
Maybe it was that impression of her I had. Maybe it was the flickering candlelight. Or maybe it was just my mood. Her expression as she sat on her knees next to me was somewhat more...serene, than she normally was. It was an incredibly soft expression that said 'Go on and let it out. I'll listen. And you know I won't judge, right?'
For a while, we rummaged through the debris on the ground in silence.
Watching her little hands deftly managing through the mess was interesting in itself and I soon found myself a bit immersed in it. And the feeling of mutual effort seemed to calm me a a certain degree.
"...Do you remember what Lucina said, just after...Emmeryn died?"
I spoke out.
"..."
Nowi stopped her hands for a moment, but soon returned to the task. I took that as a 'go on' sign and continued.
"I keep remembering that phrase...'the flow of fate keeps returning to its original flow.' And it feels as if it's true now. Our efforts were in vain in the end."
I added another book on the pile we were building.
"So I keep thinking: What then? How are we supposed to fight something like fate? I'm only a tactician, Nowi. I'm not a god. I can't change something like fate..."
Nowi piled another.
"And when I think like this...it feels as if a void opens up beneath me...it feels as if it's about to swallow me. And I can't do anything to fight it. I get scared. And angry that I do. I can't be this way when so many people rely on me to survive. So many who are dear to me. But I can't help it. It feels like this incomprehensible fear is going to claw its way out of my chest...Nowi, I just can't do this anymo-"
I felt my throat clogging up and my eyes becoming hot. 'I'm pathetic,' I thought, 'Shedding tears in front of her...' I clenched my fists in an attempt to stop the onslaught of pent up feelings.
"Robin."
A jolt of warmth ran through my arms as Nowi's soft palm covered my fist.
"You always, always think so hard...and so dearly. Nowi knows...you're always thinking of everyone like that and I can only imagine how hard that is in your place. You can just treat everyone like pawns and forget about the guilt and burden like the other tacticians we faced, but you choose to carry on with all those feelings no matter how heavy they are. Nowi knows that...So you don't have to feel shameful for being tired from that. Not in front of me! Nowi knows a lot about Robin now!"
She said, grinning, looking directly into my eyes. I felt a fuzzy, warm feeling spreading across my chest. As childish as it was, I wanted to hear those words from someone so dearly, I realized. I wanted someone to know my pain and tell me that I'm doing a good job of hanging on.
The stains on my scroll that I had been clenching kept growing as I released the pressure on my fist and instead held the delicate fingers that gave me so much comfort. I felt Nowi's shoulders as she inched closer to me and leaned on my shaking arms, lending me her endearing warmth.
"But...you know, you're scared, Robin. And scared people often mistake the real bad guy."
"The...real, enemy?"
Images of Gangrel and the Plegians shimmered up into my mind. I still remembered vividly the sight of Plegians, whom I thought were heartless enemies, all laying their arms down in the mutual desire for peace. I had mistaken the real enemies as well then.
"Yup! You keep saying you're fighting fate, but Nowi doesn't think so. You're just fighting bad guys in the end. You know how Lucy's future ended up, right? Nowi thinks it wasn't the work of something weird and ominous like fate...it was the work of bad guys in that future. And if those guys are in the near future, then that means this world also has the same people that tried to ruin the world. Do you think they would sit and watch when something goes wrong for them?"
"N-No..."
"See? That's why you feel like fate keeps coming back to how it was! The bad guys are also trying to make things flow their way when it doesn't! So...Robin, what I want to say is...You just have to keep trying like you did til now. You just have to be stronger and smarter than them in this tug of war over fate. You've done so well beating everything they sent at us, and you're stronger and smarter than anyone Nowi knows! So what's there's to worry about? You don't have to be a god to fight bad people, right?"
Nowi concluded.
"Wha..."
I sat still in disbelief as her words sank into my mind. How can this be? How can she...comfort me so easily? I felt the clouds hanging over my mind dissipating in an instant as if she beat them away with her beautiful green wings.
She was right! Of course there are those who seek to keep things flowing in their favor. Of course they would not watch idly by while their plans were foiled.
I had been a fool! I took this loss irrationally in fear instead of properly thinking about what this loss meant. Indeed, as Nowi said, I had been looking at the wrong opponent. By thinking that the grim future had already been averted, I had been careless. And in being so, I had let the enemies gain advantage over me. Our effort to change the future had only started, and yet I was despairing about it like a fool, overestimating my enemies and cowering beneath them. But if this was a battle between people instead of some ominous thing like fate as Nowi told me...I had a lot less to fear.
"...Hey Nowi."
A smile spread across my face. So awkwardly, yet so naturally. I rubbed my tears away and faced her this time.
"Yeah?"
"You're right about everything...Thank you. I'm so glad you're here with me."
"Aw, don't mention it! Nowi's always glad to help!"
Nowi smiled, also relieved as if her own worries had dissipated. We just gazed at each other approvingly for a while.
Then I realized something.
"I love that about you, you know."
"Hic?"
It was her turn to be flustered. Her ears perked up as she looked up at me in disbelief of what she just heard.
"You're always so attentive to people's needs...and you don't even ask anything in return. You're just so happy to be with people and seeing them happy. You're so kind and considerate. And I feel lucky to have met you. That you care for me means so much to me, Nowi."
"S-stop that, Nowi's getting all embarrassed...!"
Even in the dimness of the candlelit tent, I could see her ears becoming rapidly red. Her pupils wildly searched my face as if to confirm whether I was serious or not.
"No, you need to know...I want you to know. I want you to know how much this means to me...and that I'll do anything to return this favor, Nowi."
My fingers held Nowi's fingers firmer. Nowi looked down at the intertwined fingers for a moment and gazed back at me uneasily.
"R...Really? Anything?"
"Anything. Really. Truly. Absolutely."
I answered in earnest.
Nowi fidgeted, then gulped.
"...Then would you stay with me all the time? Anytime? Whenever? No matter how long...?"
She finished, uneasy and somewhat desperate.
"Why Nowi, that would be my genuine pleasure!"
I grinned at her request for it was something that I would request of her myself, but couldn't dare.
At this, Nowi shyly smiled and hid behind my shoulder, letting out a giggle that tickled my sides.
"That tickles."
Then she started tickling my sides.
"coochiecoochiecoochie!"
"Wh-What are you-AHAHAHAHA!?"
I flailed frantically laughing, trying to reach her hands. But she deftly kept out of my reach. I ended up shooting up and crashing into the books we piled up and buried in them. Nowi followed in and pounced on me as she kept ticking my stomach.
"s-sto-HAHAHAHA NO! STOHAHAHA- I'm going to die, hahahaha!"
Just when I indeed thought I would die, I felt the tickling stop and Nowi fell onto me laughing. I laughed in kind, breathing heavily from the exertion. My arms wrappped around her adorable figure, and hers around my neck as well.
"Thanks Robin...You make me so happy...!"
Nowi said, raising her head to face me, revealing the happiest expression I have ever seen on her. An expression that made me swear inside, that I would do anything to see on her countenance again.
"Hey, were even then."
"Yup! Hehe!"
And Nowi buried herself into my chest again, producing the sweetest sensation that made my heart skip a few beats.
We just lay there panting, catching our breath. Feeling the rising and falling of our chests as we did, just giddy knowing that each other was happy and that we made each other so happy. And I sent a prayer to Naga for the first time ever since waking up on the field where I met Chrom...that this happiness would last forever more.
