Dragonborn: Good day guardsman.

Guard #1: Well meet kinsman.

Dragonborn: It's a wonderful day to go out on an adventure.

Guard #1: I use to be an adventurer, until I got an arrow in the knee.

Dragonborn: Yes, well... Wait... what?

Guard #1: Now that my cousin is fighting dragons, what do I get? Guard duty.

Dragonborn: Can we go back a little while ago. What was that you said?

Guard #1: Now that my cousin is...

Dragonborn: No, no, no. Before that.

Guard #1: Oh, uh. I use to be an adventurer...

Both: Until I took an arrow to the knee.

(Dragonborn punches the wall)

Dragonborn: I thought you said that. Do you have any fucking idea how that sounds. One arrow to the knee stopped you?!

(Guard #2 comes in)

Guard #2: Sir, please calm down.

(Dragonborn flips him off. Guard #2 walks away)

Dragonborn: You are pathetic. I was shot by Dawnguard crossbows. Poisoned by Falmer. Frozen, burnt, and electrocuted; sometimes at the same time. I got this weird black robe maniacs that worship a fucking corpse. I even got kidnapped by a Dark Brotherhood member. Chewed by a dragon. Had Ash Spawns come out of the ground. Had to face Miraak while he used Hermaeus Mora's territory.

Guard #1: Please sir.

(Dragonborn sticks his hand up to make Gaurd #1 stop talking)

Dragonborn: I even have this Draugr come after me and saying something about 'Soveringard'. I even had the Greybeards try to kill because I killed their leader, a dragon named Paarthurnax. Hell, Forsworn, bandits, and sometimes vampires come after me for using the road. I mean what's so good of that if they just attack me every ten seconds. (Dragon is heard. Dragonborn points at it) AND YOU CAN FUCK OFF!

Guard #1: Sir, I need to ask you to stop that shouting... It's making people very nervous.

Dragonborn: I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. When this happens, I can't control myself and I have tendencies to get out of control. I'll try to calm down. (Close eyes and starts calming down)

Guard #1: No lollygagging.

Dragonborn: FUS... RO... DAH! (Guard #1 flies away)

(Guard #2 enters)

Guard #2: By order of the Jarl, stop right there.

Dragonborn: I with the Guild. How much will it cost to clear my name?

Guard #2: I can make all your problems go away but it will cost you.

Dragonborn: Deal. (Hands 20 gold to Guard #2)

Guard #2: Alright, now move along before you get me in trouble.

(Dragonborn leaves)