Disclaimer: I do not nor will I ever own Batman, Joker, or Arkham. I don't own the Scarecrow either if your still wary. *tear*
Warnings: Slash (maleXmale relations), singing, dancing, and all around goofiness.
The song is called 'Mad as Rabbits' by Panic! At the Disco. If you haven't heard it, I suggest you listen too it when the moment in the story arises.
Mad as Rabbits
"Dr. Arkham, what's all this about?" Bruce Wayne stepped beside the older man and followed his gaze to an immensely spacious room just on the other side of the two-way mirror. The room was pure white with a cement floor and each of its six windows were barred up with steel bars and chicken wire. There was currently nothing in the room besides some hidden speakers, microphones, and cameras.
"Ah Mr. Wayne, so good of you to make it!" They shared a brief handshake before the man continued. "You see, my colleagues and I along with several psychiatrists from another asylum have finally figured out a working treatment for the mentally ill and unstable, granted this technique only works on those with a creative mind and have retained a small part of their sanity but results are results correct?"
Wayne seemed hesitant, he didn't like were this was going. "I suppose, but what does this have to do with me?"
The older man smiled at that. "You funded the project of course! It's only fair for you to witness the fruits of your generous donation."
"Anything to bring down the psychotic population." Bruce half muttered.
It was at that moment several other people in white coats similar to Dr. Arkhams walked through the door and joined them in front of the two-way, along with them was Commissioner Gordon who seemed to feel just as out of place in the room as Bruce did.
"Ah so good to see you all!" Dr. Arkham greeted joyfully. "Commissioner Gordon, it's a pleasure!" Another brief handshake and Gordon was standing beside Bruce and staring out into the large room.
"So they found a way to cure crazy?" Gordon muttered to the billionaire low enough that the chatting doctors didn't hear.
"Not cure, treat I guess. Though I can't help but have an uneasy feeling about this." Bruce sighed impatiently.
"I know what you mean. I wonder who'll they'll use to test it out, whatever it is." Both Gordon and Bruce soon found out when a door to the left in the large room opened and revealed two inmates being dragged in by frustrated looking guards. The two were shoved to the floor in the middle of the room while their straightjackets were taken off and jumped up the second the guards left the room.
"Oh, oh you can't be serious." Bruce whispered, slightly horrified.
Dr. Arkham chuckled. "Oh I'm quite serious Mr. Wayne. Mr. Crane and Mr. Joker are the perfect candidates to try out my new technique, what with their greatly imaginative minds."
"But the Joker is completely insane! You couldn't find a more deserving candidate for this treatment?" The Commissioner protested angrily. He was still not over what happened to Harvey Dent and it would be a while until he was.
"I assure you the Joker and Jonathan Crane are the best to try it out, everyone else didn't have enough of the right qualities. If this works using the best suited minds then we can be sure it will work for others." Dr. Arkham explained confidently.
Bruce sighed. "Well, what is it?"
"Simply using well attuned frequencies we can stimulate the patients mind and get them to focus on something besides their obvious insanity. That way, with time and regular therapy sessions said patient may once again walk among the sane. The technique is designed to distract the insanity, so to speak, and let the patient slowly regain their right mind along with destroying old, bad habits and replacing them with something more productive. Understand?" The doctor waited while his words sunk in.
Slowly, Gordon and Bruce nodded their heads in understanding and looked back out to the room. The Joker was pacing the room muttering to himself while Jonathan simply looked straight ahead at the mirror they were behind, seemingly knowing it was a two-way. A thought made its way into Bruce's mind and he turned back to the doctor. "What kind of frequencies Dr. Arkham? Is it similar to white noise?"
The doctor seemed surprised at this. "No not at all. Its more in line with current styles."
"Music?" The Commissioner raised an eyebrow, slightly confused. Dr. Arkham nodded and smiled. "How will music help?"
"Ah well, I think it would be better if I showed you don't you think?" Several of the other doctors in the room along with Dr. Arkham took out pads of paper and pens, ready to take notes on this new treatment. Dr. Arkham flicked on a switch labeled 'Microphones' and the Joker's voice became heard loud and clear over the speakers.
"-think they want us to do Johnny?" The Joker had stopped pacing and was now simply standing a short distance from Crane.
"Probably some sort of experiment. Maybe this room is a gas chamber." Crane guessed half-heartedly.
"Ohh! Maybe they'll turn us into zombies and keep us in this room for years on end while the world outside rots and the walls start to erode away leaving us to escape and rein over the dead world!" The Joker giggled and bounced on his heels.
Jonathan chuckled at his cellmates imagination and adjusted his glasses. "We would be the only ones on earth, who would we rein over?"
"We could make more zombies!" Joker exclaimed eagerly. "We could use the same stuff they turned us with and raise the dead with it! We'll start a new race of sub-humans called: Neo Humans!"
Jonathan outright laughed at the absurd thought and backed away when the Joker began walking towards him with a fake limp, moaning and growling like a Hollywood zombie. "Nooo stop! I don't want to be a Neo Human!" he shouted dramatically and ran around the room, the Joker right on his heels with that fake limp not holding him back in the least.
Dr. Arkham chuckled softly from behind the glass as he watched the inmates antics. Over the course of their stay Jonathan Crane and the Joker had become quite good friends, both taking an interest in their therapy besides the fact that the Joker still refused to tell the doctors much. The Joker was noticeably better behaved when Jonathan was with him which gave Dr. Arkham the bright idea to schedule their therapy at the same time which, actually had better results than he could have hoped for.
"Quite the imagination, no?" Dr. Arkham smiled. Gordon and Bruce only mumbled in response, obviously not believing the inmates had gotten any better than when they were admitted.
Dr. Arkham flipped another switch labeled 'Radio' and held down a button before speaking into a microphone just below him. "Mr. Crane, Mr. Joker," said men halted their actions and turned to face the mirror.
"you both are about to participate in a new treatment developed by Arkham and funded by Wayne Corp. I would like you both not to worry and just do what ever comes to you, understand?" Both nodded their heads and looked to each other, shrugging.
Dr. Arkham flipped one last switch and music began playing. The music seemed to be only instrumentals and had a pleasantly paced, catchy flow about it, filling the large room with its cheeriness. The Joker smiled widely and grabbed Cranes arm. "Come one Johnny, lets sing!"
Jonathan seemed surprised and began to protest. "But we don't even know the words."
"Doesn't matter! Make 'em up!" At that the Joker giggled excitedly and began to sing to the cheery music.
"Come save me from walking off a windowsill or I'll sleep in the rain!" The makeup-less clown acted out what he was singing in a sort of jaunty dance. "Don't you remember when I was a bird and you were a map?"
Jonathan seemed to be catching on and began singing the next verse. "And now he drags down miles in America briefcase in hand." He feigned holding a briefcase and imitated a corporate employee walking down the street. He suddenly jumped behind the Joker and let his fingers crawl spider like up his back. "The stove is creeping up his spine again, can't get enough trash."
The Joker giggled at the sensation and grabbed the smaller mans wrists and began swaying around the room with him while they began the chorus together.
"He took the days for pageant,
Became as mad as rabbits,
With bushels of bad habits."
"Who could ask for anymore?" The Joker began softly, leaning in slightly. "Yeah who could have more?"
They broke apart and danced separately around the room while more instrumentals played. Bruce Wayne and Gordon stared disbelievingly at the scene playing out before them. Not only were two of Gotham City's most hated terrorists slash psychopaths singing and dancing, they were good at it too! The doctors in the room stared transfixed at the pair and were scribbling notes wildly, each with a big hopeful grin on their faces.
The Joker looked over at Jonathan and couldn't help but laugh at his cellmates goofy grin. "You get it now Johnny?" The Joker shouted over the music, twisted yet currently good natured smile still present.
"Yeah I think I got the hang of it! Oh here, I got one!" The music shifted to a more steady beat as before and Jonathan started up. "His arms were the branches of a Christmas tree preached the devil in the belfry."
The Joker didn't miss a beat. "He checked in to learn his cloths had been thieved at the train station!"
They clasped each others hand and spread as far as they could from one another while they sang the next verse together. "Rope hung his other branch and at the end was a dog called Bambi." They both laughed at that and continued the crazy song. "Who was chewing on his parliaments when he tried to save the calendar business. He tried to save the calendar business."
They pulled towards each other, getting into a sort of waltz position and continued to dance around the room swaying right by the two-way mirror more than a couple of times, seemingly forgetting its presence.
"He took the days for pageant,
Became as mad as rabbits,
With bushels of bad habits.
Who could ask for anymore?
Who could have more?"
Once again they broke apart and began dancing around until the Joker suddenly dropped to one knee and held his hands to his heart, his voice soft with a hint of sadness. "The poor son of a humble chimney sweep fell to a cheap crowd. So stay asleep and put on that cursive type you know we live in a toy."
Jonathan smiled and sang in a sure, proud voice. "You know that Paul Cates bought himself a trumpet from the salvation army." He mock saluted and walked over to the Joker, hoisting him up and drawing him close. "But there ain't no sunshine in his song, we must reinvent love." Again they sang together, bodies close and swaying smoothly to the beat. "Reinvent love, reinvent love."
"He took the days for pageant,
Became as mad as rabbits,
With bushels of bad habits"
"Who could ask for anymore?" Jonathan sang softly, leaning his head on the Jokers chest.
"Yeah who could have more?" The Joker muttered and a softly clasped one of the smaller mans hands.
"We must reinvent love. Reinvent love, reinvent love." They finished as the song drifted to an end.
Suddenly the door to the room behind the mirror burst open and the doctors along with Wayne and Commissioner Gordon walked in, clapping enthusiastically. "Amazing, very well done! This turned out better than I could have hopped for!" Dr. Arkham praised joyfully, still clapping.
"I have to admit, that was pretty amazing." Bruce's eyes were still wide but a small smile played at his lips.
"Who though you two of all people could sing, though the song made very little sense." Gordon laughed and stood next to Bruce while the doctors crowded around the two inmates, the Joker not bothering to release his partner.
Jonathan noticeably blushed and pressed himself further against the Joker, trying to get away from the over-excited men and women. "What kind of treatment was that exactly?" he asked, suddenly remembering the reason for the little show.
"Before I explain, how do you feel?" Dr. Arkham asked eagerly.
Crane looked over at the surrounding doctors and frowned. "Cramped."
"Oh! Back up some everyone, give them some room." The old man instructed. Once they were given some room they separated, though the Joker still refused to release Jonathans waist and he in turn grasped the scared mans arm. "I guess I feel fine, what am I supposed to be feeling?"
"Ah," the doctor scribbled something down. "and what of the Scarecrow?"
"Who? Ah! Right…I forgot about him for a second there…" Jonathan drifted off, slightly confused.
"Splendid! And what of you Mr. Joker?" Dr. Arkham tried to hide his worried expression. This was the real challenge, what would become of the scared mans mind?
The Joker licked his lips and shifted his weight to his right. "Well I'm not as angry…and I don't want to kill any of you for being so fucking close to me. Yet." All but Dr. Arkham back away a few paces and gave the man wary looks.
"It's a start. What do you think of when I say 'Batman'?" The doctor had seemed to forget the two other men standing a ways behind him.
"I think 'Why the hell isn't he in here too?'" The Joker scowled and tightened his grip around Jonathans waist.
"I see." He and the others continued scribbling on their notepads. "And what do you think of young Jonathan here?" He pointed his pencil at the younger man.
The Joker looked over at Jonathan who tilted his head expectantly. "Hmmm…I think he'd look better with out all those annoying cloths." He smiled seductively and tugged at the smaller mans pants with his free hand.
"Hey, hey! If you haven't noticed we're kind of surrounded by other people!" Jonathan blushed madly and grabbed the Jokers wrist.
"Oh my. Uh well, you will be escorted back you your cell. Guards!" The doctors obviously did not expect such open display of affection and were trying to look anywhere other than at the two young men standing before them. The guards came in, strapped the two in straightjackets, and abruptly dragged them out as quick as they came.
"Well that was certainly interesting." Bruce came up beside Dr. Arkham.
"Yes, yes it was." the older man smiled proudly. "But the treatment was a success. Some more of this and additional therapy and we'll see those two out of here in no time!"
Bruce's and Gordon's smiles dropped immediately upon hearing that. "Wait, if this works out, you'll release them?!" The Commissioner asked, slightly panicked.
"But of course! That's the whole point of this facility. We welcome in those of unsound mind and treat them until they can once again become a productive member of society. Unfortunately, some of our more severe patients never receive the opportunity to be released. I was beginning to think the Joker and Mr. Crane would have to be placed in that category." Dr. Arkham walked out into the hallway followed by Wayne and the Commissioner, passing various cells along the way to the stairs.
"But what if they're just faking being better?" Bruce asked, becoming desperate in his attempt to keep the madmen in the asylum.
"I assure you we would know if they were feigning sanity." The doctor stated matter-of-factly as they passed another wall of cells. He stopped in front of one and gazed at it with a worried frown. All three men winced and lightly blushed when a bang followed quickly by a loud moan sounded from behind the door.
Dr. Arkham sighed. "Though I'm beginning to regret letting those two share a cell…"
AUTHORS NOTES
Okay then! That only took five hours to put together. -_-' Lol, I was listening to Panic! At the Disco and came across this song and thought: My god, this is insanely hilarious! The song made little sense and I fell in love with it. ^^ I had the idea of the Joker and Johnny dancing together while listening to it and this one-shot was born! Also, I have no idea if music has any affect on the insane mind, I just needed a believable plot. Lol.
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