STEAMED HAMS (Aqours)
Dia: Well, Riko, I made it- despite your directions.
Riko: Ah, seito kaichou, welcome! I hope you're prepared for an unforgettable meal!
Dia: Riiight... Please, just call me Dia.
Riko: Oh, egads! My roast is ruined. But what if I were to take Chika's lunch and disguise it as my own cooking? She did invite me earlier for some burgers she cooked. Hmmm, delightfully devilish, Riko.
(prepares to jump over)
Dia: Ah!
Dia: RIKO-CHAN!
Riko: Seito kaichou, I was just- uh, just stretching my calves on the windowsill. Gotta keep myself fit for Aqours after all. Care to join me?
Dia: Why is there smoke coming out of your oven, Riko?
Riko: Oh. That isn't smoke. It's steam. Steam from the steamed clams we're having. Mmm. Steamed clams.
Riko: Chika, may I have some of your burgers?
Chika: Why?
Riko: Just give up your lunch to me!
Chika: But that's – oh right, you're supposed to be with Dia-chan today, aren't you?
Riko: CHIKA-CHAN!
Chika: Alright! You owe me big time for this, Riko-chan.
Riko: (smooch) I know.
Chika: (blushes) You didn't have to do that…
Riko: Your homework for a week then?
Chika: Deal! But just so you know, it's actually my cooking that's gonna impress her, not yours.
Riko: Shut it, Chika. At least I tried.
…
Chika: (shudders in fear) Mom, do we have our fire extinguishers available? Maybe a couple of spare rooms as well?
Chika's Mom: Why?
Chika: Riko's cooking…
Chika's Mom: Oh.
Riko: Dia-chan, I hope you're ready for some mouthwatering hamburgers.
Dia: I thought we were having steamed clams.
Riko: Oh, no. I said steamed hams. That's what I call hamburgers.
Dia: You call hamburgers steamed hams?
Riko: Yes. It's a prefectural dialect.
Dia: What prefecture?
Riko: Uh, Shizuoka.
Dia: Really? Well, I'm from Uchiura, and I've never heard anyone use the phrase "steamed hams".
Riko: Oh, not in Uchiura. No. It's a Hakone expression. The people there sure love their steam, and not just from their hot springs.
Dia: You know, speaking of that sort of steam, you do realize that Chika's inn is literally next door if you want that, right?
Riko: Oh yes, I'll definitely be helping myself to…it tonight.
Dia: Oh, you don't have to hide it. Mind if I join you on that? Would definitely love to taste her…cooking as well.
Riko: No, not quite, she's rather busy at the moment.
Dia: I see. You know, these hamburgers are quite similar to the ones that Chika cooks for Aqours.
Riko: Oh, no. Patented Sakurauchi burgers. Old family recipe.
Dia: For steamed hams.
Riko: Yes.
Dia: And you call them steamed hams despite the fact that they are obviously grilled.
Riko: Ye- You know, the- One thing I should - Excuse me for one second.
Dia: Of course.
Riko: Well, that was wonderful. A good time was had by all. I'm pooped.
Dia: Yes. I should be- Good Lord! What is happening in there?
Riko: Aurora borealis.
Dia: Uh- Aurora borealis, at this time of year, at this time of day, in this part of the country, localized entirely within your kitchen?
Riko: Yes.
Dia: May I see it?
Riko: No.
Riko's Mother: Riko! The house is on fire!
Riko: No, Mother. It's just the northern lights.
Dia: Well, Riko, you are an odd fellow but I must say you steam a good ham.
Riko's Mother: Help! Help!
And thus Riko and her mom were forced to stay in Chika's inn for a while…
END