Hola. It's been a while. Where have I been? No one knows. Well, I do.
Anyway, you'd be surprised how hard it is to find fanfiction at this level of bad so I am working on writing some more awful stuff (or just being lazy and looking for some) but for now, I dug up this little gem written by StoryProvider. Enjoy!
QUAKE THE EPIC FIGHT
CAHPTER ONE
bill wilman vas soldier guy who who vas good guy becaus he figth the evill strogg robot alien things who kill humans so they evil so bill was the good guys and he had misson to win becaus he vas marine guy lik the playr in quake games
he vas in space ship that vas fights with evli strogg ship that launged missils to his ship to stop it to destri so he panisc becaus he vas scare
"OH NO I WILL DIES!" he sayed
"NO YOU WILL NOTS DIE!" his frien in other ship say who vas his frind becaus they know each others fro yaers becaus they was freind guys in children and his name was norman.
"thank you for saving i norman" bill saywed and norman sayeds taht "you have been good friend for years since we was children it good to meet agains" and they laghed HA HA but they sawed more strogg ships but shoot the lazers to at to them so they dieed lik easy
BUT SUDENLY MISSLE HIT SHIUP SO IT CHREASECD TO PLANET!
ther vas loud boom when bills ship crash but ther vas louder more BOOM when normans did. "oh no is he ded!" bill sayed lik sad but ther vas body who climed up from shp and they ran to others in happy!
"normen i thought you was deads" bill say and cried becaus he vas heppy becaus his frien not deaded "thank you bill lets destroy stroggs" and they did becaus they is evil
"look they is killing our soildier peple" norman sayesd and bill vas angryer than ever than wen his fatrer deaded becaus those were friend guys and he not accept evil!
"EVIL STROGGS STOP HURTING HUMAN GYUS YOU ARE EVIL I VILL MURDER YOUS!" bill yells in angry!
stroggs tooked teh missils to shoot to bill but he had shield taht blokc the attack so stroggs say to othres "how can this be" and bill sayd "we are human guys and not robot alien things we cretae and not destroy so GO TO HELL" and he tooked a MORE MORE POVERFULL MISSEL!
haha he laugherd as he shoted misslr to evil strogg pepel who dies and soldier army guy frindws cheered and thanked and say "thank you bill and norman you savesed we lets figt more evel!" so they taked guns and grenaids and lazers and rockets and things to go in fithg to kill strogg but ther vas mistake in falty gun so human guy die but it not too bad becaus bill now had hug army!
"strpogg peple we vill defet oyus we are good guys and yous are not" so they kill more them and everveher vas rtrtrtrtrtrtrtrtrtrt becaus magshine guns vas shoots and everware vas deads and smoke ands sound but stroggs dead but...
ther vas sudenlty huge army vas against bill army baceus they didnet seed them becaus they didned want figts so many but now had to becaus they hads to do it and there vas scary but bill speeeked "human guys we must remmebrered good and evil of univers they must not winn so ve musts" bill sauid agaisn and so ther vas hug battekl to figth te evle stroog guy byt humans vas loosings!
"oh it poor how do wew ins?" norman sayes but so they hads to go back to and to wareshouse so theys go to hidden from evikl
but noone else goeds ther becaus they all deadsor dident heared and ther vas sads but normann sayd to bill "i know you is sads but you musts win the figth!" so bil vas lik new humans and thankd "thanks norman" and bill sayed "" okay
but ther vas new kind off strogg guy who loked familyer!
"who is you" bill sayed but norman kenewd becaus but the strogg sayed "bill i is your dad you think i deads in stroog attack but you runned avay so i must have reveng becaus you not help me!" and bill vas teers!
"but dad i was child i couldent knows im sorry!" bill cried back to at the hisa dad but dad angreded back "I WILL NOTS LISENT I AM ALL AND EVER EVIL NOW SO I CONTROL STROGGS SO YOU WILL DIE" so norman and bill knewed he vas new final boss of the game!
"NOW YOU WILL DIE HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHASAH!" so he took new super hyper bfg lazer missle cannon to shoot to them HAHA
teh missles hit the wall behind bill but he vas okay becaus he had still the shield but it waeknd so it nop mor "oh no he cans now hutrs me!" bill say to norman so norman rtaked his lazer masageen gun and shooted to bills dad but he not hurted!
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA YOU WILL NOT KILL ME SO EASE I AM THE LAST BOSS NOW!"
"no you are evil and evil will allways loose i donot care tat you are my dad!" so ther vas figts for more lik hourse but ten everon vas tierd so the last boss could give a lethal blow and all woulds be the end and sad!
"DIE MY SON NOW!" bills dad say finalty but norman yelld ""NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" AND JUMPED TO TEH MISSLE TO SAVE BILL LIK HERO!
"thank you norman i will finish this now mand desteoy evil from ever!" so he trowed his nife to dads cannon so it stuvck and dad say "humans will dies now becaus ther is new mega gun witch will launghs soon HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA" but bill taked granaid and trowed it into his mouth so dad explose in trillon peace AND OTRER STROGGS DIEDS TOO!
he then ranned to laungs site and stop langh but norman was almost deads but not yet wasnet "bill you have been good friens i wanrts to say taht..." but bill say "you dieed saving wfrold from evil you are hero" so norman died in happy and remembred their fist meeting in school.
"HOORAY BILL THE SAVER OF UNIVSERSE!" everon yell so all human guys livd happy forever and evre!
THE END!