- Chapter one -
Everyone knows that it's hard for lovers to be apart from each other for a too long time. It doesn't matter how long you have been together, or how long you have known each other. You just know that it's going to hurt when you have to let each other go. It hurt's to be apart from the one person that you love so much. If you keep longing for the person you love, who is so far away from you, it could break you. So isn't it better to just break it? Before you are the one breaking because of it? This and only this was the reason Nick couldn't bear it anymore; to keep in a relationship with his boyfriend Jeff.
Nick and Jeff had known each other since Kindergarten. They started dating in Jeff's freshmen year at Dalton, and the love they had for each other had only grown in the three following years they were together there. Yet this wasn't Kindergarten anymore, or freshmen year. Nick would give up everything he had for it to be that freshmen year again.
But he had graduated now, and his parents had planned for him to go to Juilliard in New York. Sure Nick liked the idea of going to college and learning even more about acting and the fact that it was in New York, and he had to leave his one year younger boyfriend behind was just something he couldn't live with. How could he leave for New York, when Jeff was here? He couldn't bear the idea of a crying Jeff, who would call him in the night to tell him how much he missed him. Nick just knew the younger boy would crumble under the pressure of school when his thoughts would be only with the next vacation where they would see each other again.
Nick lay in Jeff's bed and stared a bit at the plane ticket he had picked up earlier that day laying on the nightstand on his side of the bed; the date on them being exactly one month away from now. He sighed while he held his blonde lover a bit closer against his body. Nick had told himself over and over the past week that today was the day that he would break things off with Jeff. Tell Jeff it was over between them, and that he should lead his own life without waiting for him.
Nick had thought this day over a few times. He had replayed this exact scene thousands of times in his head, and even worked out what he wanted to say multiple times, but with Jeff laying there right next to him, everything he had rehearsed in his head just slipped right from his he couldn't seem to recall any of the conversations he held in his head with Jeff.
The only thing he seemed to recall was how every conversation in his head had led to Jeff breaking and curling up crying on his bed. And Nick knew that he could never take anything like that.
''Hey…Jeffy?'' Nick whispered in a soft voice to Jeff, half hoping the boy was too tired to hear his whispers.
Nick's heart skipped a beat when he saw Jeff's hazel eyes open slightly when the blonde looked up a bit to meet his own hazel eyes.
''Hum yeah Nicky?'' Jeff responded with a tired smile on his lips.
Jeff placed his arms tiredly around Nick's neck while pulling himself up a bit to press his lips slowly against his lovers' lips. Nick smiles faintly and kissed Jeff's lips back while almost forgetting that he wanted to break up with him.
''Fuck Jeff! Stop using those ridiculously talented lips of yours and listen to me for a bit.''
Jeff perked his eyebrow a bit and laughed a bit while he placed his head back on his pillow, letting go of his neck and looking at Nick's face. But Jeff's smile disappeared when he saw the sudden sadness in Nick's eyes.
"Nick…what's wrong?'' He asked softly trying to get a bit closer to hug him only to be stopped by Nick's hands against his chest.
Nick took a deep breath and looked at the blonde's face.
''You know I have to move to New York exactly one month from today.''
''Yes of course I know that Nicky.'' Jeff said with a sad smile. ''That's why we are spending so much time together right now.''
Nick shook his head slowly as he looked away from Jeff. Nick couldn't bear to look Jeff in the eye; scared of what he would feel when he saw tears in his eyes.
"I don't want you to feel lonely without me, so I don't want you to wait for me while I'm at Juilliard."
Jeff looked at Nick suddenly fully awake. ''What…are you trying to say Nicky?''
''I don't want you to throw away your last year at Dalton by waiting for me. I don't want you to feel sad when you won't be able to see me.'' Nick said while his heart started beating faster because he hated every single moment of what was happening now.
It made him feel nervous to know that he was hurting Jeff right now.
''Babe…We will see each other in vacations…and we can talk every day over the phone.'' Jeff said while he tried to take Nick's hands in his own only to feel nick pull away even more from him. ''Nick…''
''I want you to be happy without me; to be able to laugh without thinking of me. I want to stop owning you Jeff. I don't have the right to keep you while I'm gone''
Tears started welling up in Nick's eyes when he said the words he swore to himself that he would never say to Jeff.
''I want to break up with you.''
Jeff sat up while tears started flowing out of his eyes and on to his face. '' No way Nick, you can't mean that.''
Nick just turned a bit so he was laid on his stomach as he buried his face in his pillow.
Nick's shoulders started to shake softly, showing Jeff that Nick was crying too.
''D…Don't make this even harder for me Jeff.'' Nick said while his hands clenched the fabric of his pillow tightly. '' I just…want you to stay happy even if that means leaving you.''
''Bullshit!'' Jeff shouted which made Nick tense his muscles a bit. ''You will go to Juilliard and we will stay together forever Nick. That's what we promised each other.'' Jeff said while he placed his hands on Nick's shoulders.
Nick pulled away from him and got up from the bed. ''It would be better if I just leave now. We can still hang out till I leave for New York.''
''Come on Nick. You can't be serious with this! I love you and you love me…right?'' Jeff said while he kept sitting on his bed.
Nick just tried to ignore him while he grabbed his clothes from the floor and started to slip in them. Just earlier that night Jeff had practically ripped those clothes off Nick's body when they had both stumbled back into Jeff's bedroom. Leading to a night they would both never be able to forget since Nick had given Jeff exactly everything he wanted. Was it all just for this? Did Nick only want to give Jeff one last good time before he would leave him broken hearted? Jeff watched how Nick started to slip on his shoes without even caring about tying his shoe laces.
As Nick grabbed his plane ticket and started to walk to the bedroom door while Jeff suddenly shot up from his bed realizing that Nick would really walk out of his life just like that. He ran over to Nick and flung his arms tightly around him while crying against his back. '
'Please Nick…don't leave me. I will do anything you ask me to do. I'll give you everything. Just love me.''
Nick's heart skipped a beat while he looked a bit over his shoulder at Jeff. ''I'm sorry Jeff. I have to go.''
Nick pulled away from Jeff while he started walking out of the room still followed by Jeff.
Jeff didn't even care that his shouting would wake up his parents. '' P…Please Nick just stay. Don't leave me.''
Nick walked downstairs and grabbed his coat from the coat stand. Feeling his heart getting heavier in his chest with each step he took before he opened the front door.
''Please just forget me. Stop running after me and lead your own life.''
''I'm not leading my own life! I'm leading OUR life! Come on Nick. ''Jeff practically shouted while he grabbed Nick's hand firmly in his. ''Just stay with me…Please''
''I can't stay here Jeff. I'm leaving for New York one month from today. And I can't take you with me.''
''I know that! But I can come over whenever we have a vacation or during the weekend.'' Jeff said while tears streamed down his face.
''Jeff! A flight to New York will cost you over three hundred bucks and driving there will take almost ten hours! I don't want you to do those things just to see me!'' Nick shouted, avoiding looking at Jeff while tears started to stream down his own face.
''I can do it Nick, I…I will just search for a job to take next to school.'' Jeff said while he tried to see Nick's expression on his face.
''Which means you will have to work on those weekends and Vacations that you want to meet with me.'' Nick replied slowly while staring a bit at the floor. ''Let it go Jeff. It's over.''
''This isn't over Nick. I will never let go of this. Our love is real and forever!''
Nick sighed and looked back up at Jeff before he started lying to make Jeff stop going after him.
''Well I just ended it. So, it doesn't seem so real to me.''
Jeff looked at Nick while he bit on his lower lip. ''You don't mean that.''
''I do. Now if you will excuse me I have to go home.'' Nick said while walking over to his car that was parked in front of Jeff's house.
Jeff just stood at the front door while still only in his boxers as he watched Nick leaving for his car. Nick looked back at Jeff one last time and he just stepped into his car while starting it and driving away. Jeff looked shocked and wanted to run after him just to be stopped by his father who grabbed his wrist telling him that there was no use to run after him now. Jeff just started crying again as he could feel his legs turning weak under him, which made him fall on his knees in a crying and broken mess.