Disclaimer: In the words of Pheobe Buffet, "NOT-not mine. NOT-not mine." (those words aren't mine either.)
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Squall woke up on August 23. Whatever. Squall woke up every day. He would keep waking up every day and it would always be the same until the day he died, but Squall didn't want to think about that. It made his throat get all tight and he wanted to scream, but he wouldn't. Not ever.
The difference between the 23rd and all of the other days was that it was his birthday. Little Squall was five now, according to the officials at the orphanage. Squall rolled out of bed without emotion and got dressed. Suddenly, a rumbling, thumping, and banging announced the arrival of Zell, another tiny boy who lived with Squall. His heart was much to big for his body. Unhealthy, Squall thought privately.
"Hi-ya!" Zell squeaked, grinning. "Happy birthday!!!!!"
"Whatever." Thanks.
"Five! Five! Five!" Zell started bouncing on the bed, his tuft of hair bouncing.
"Guess." I know! I'm glad you remembered, but I knew you would.
"Come on, Squall! Let's go go go go go!" Zell ran out, noticed Squall was not following, ran back in, and continued in the manner while Squall edged over to the door.
Downstairs, people were smiling at him. Everyone looked happy, but they were probably just humoring him. Selphie hugged him and gave a little rock she had discovered. She thought it looked a little like Squall. That made him smile, inside. It did look like him.
Seifer didn't know how to celebrate birthdays. He knocked Squall down, made fun of the card Zell made, stole the rock, and grinned at Squall before they went to bed. "Happy birthday." He whispered when there was no one to here the abomination. Oh well, maybe he knew enough.
Parties were not a very big thing in the orphanage, but he received a card that said "Best wishes" and a little paper crown, just to prove that they cared a little about the kids. Squall would have been happy, but he couldn't. Even at five, Squall didn't know how.
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Five years later, Squall awoke with a start to find Zell staring down at him with huge eyes glowing. As soon as the former's eyes were fully open, a large box was deposited on his chest.
"Open it!" Zell urged. "I wrapped it special and stuff. Hurry up!"
With a small shrug, Squall removed the paper and discovered a large ball of grass tied up with cooked pieces spaghetti. He turn it over in his hands and glanced at Zell. " . . . thanks."
"Cool." Said Zell, proudly admiring his work. "I thought you'd like it. Hey, let's go see everyone!"
As Zell rushed out, Squall sat on the bed for a minute to think. This year was the same as always, and it would continue to be. Seifer would be mean, Selphie and Zell would try to make the best of it, and the workers would acknowledge the fact that Squall was, unfortunately, still there. But not for long. He knew that this was the last birthday in the familiar orphanage. He hated the place, but he loved the people. Zell was so spunky, Selphie was happy, if rude, Quistis was annoying, but always the same, Irvine was steady, even though Squall didn't like him, and Seifer was so . . . Seifer. What if he never saw them again?
He was being sent away to some school. The head of the orphanage thought that the school would teach him respect, discipline, and emotion. He would be fighting for his country! As if he ever cared. Without Seifer there, Squall wouldn't be fighting for anything but a way out.
But this was his birthday, and he would enjoy it, in his own private way. All of that could wait until tomorrow . . .
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When Squall turned thirteen, he did not remember sitting on his bed in the orphanage, or the little paper crowns. He still had the ball of grass, but he had no idea why he bothered to hold onto it. In Garden, he had new friends, as far as he knew. They didn't know it was his birthday, and he wasn't about to let on. If he didn't end up half dead in the infirmary, scarred by his best friend's blade, he would consider himself lucky.
Still, he kind of wished Seifer would know. He wouldn't tell him, but he wished he would just know. It hurt, just a little, to have Seifer act the same way as always, so sarcastic and hateful, and it was Squall's birthday! Things should go well, because it was Squall special day. Well, whatever. There was always next year.
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Sixteen. Just sixteen. Squall wasn't exactly a "sweet" person. His friends had discovered the awful truth, however. Ever Squall got older every year, on a particular day. Zell and Selphie dashed over at breakfast to greet "the birthday boy."
"Hey Squall." Selphie smile, holding something behind her back. "Guess what day it is!"
"Whatever."
"Guess! Guess!" Zell was far too enthusiastic. That was okay, he made up for what Squall wasn't.
". . ." Squall was glad that they remembered, but did they have to make such a big deal out of everything? Everyone had birthdays. Of course, wasn't it him who and hidden it for as long as possible? Squall didn't know what he thought about it. He wanted them to remember, he decided. He wanted " . . . presents."
"Huh?" Zell cocked his head to the side. He had obviously not followed Squall train of thought, but he wasn't going to waste much time trying to figure it out. "Ok, happy birthday! Look what we got you!"
Selphie pulled the package out from behind her back. "Open up, Squall!"
Squall rolled his eyes and opened his mouth. "Oh, shut up, doofus. Open your present."
He reached out and started to tear it bit by bit, uncovering inches of the box at a time. Zell and Selphie looked at each other and sat down. Finally, Squall opened the box to reveal a plush lion with a big bow around its neck.
". . . Thanks." Squall smiled at Zell.
"I picked it out!" Zell poked the lion.
"No you didn't, I did!" Selphie broke in.
"Did not!"
"Did too!"
"Did not!"
"Did too!"
Squall's eyes wandered over to Seifer's table, where Fujin and Raijin sat, rigid and large, respectively. "Where's Seifer?" Squall asked suddenly.
"Dunno." Zell shrugged, breaking away from his argument with Selphie. "Prob'ly off killing people or something. But not really because if he did that . . ."
"Actually," Selphie broke in, "He's in his room. He just failed the SeeD exam again. People were making fun of him for it, and since Quistis passed . . ."
Squall jumped up and headed for the door. "Wait, Squall!" Zell yelled after him. "We had cake . . ."
Walking quickly through the halls, Squall headed for the room he shared with Seifer. He hated when people hurt Seifer's pride. Seifer got so upset, and he wanted to be a SeeD so bad. But what worried Squall was that he didn't want to be a SeeD so bad. He wanted to be more.
Seifer sat stretched out on his bed with a book in his lap. History. That was all he ever read these days. His eyes dashed across the pages and a slight smile hung on his lips. Squall stood in the doorway, looking sad, just a little.
"You okay?" Please, please put the book down. Forever.
Seifer looked up. "Yeah, fine. What's with you?"
"I heard about the exam. Thought you might be . . . you know. Whatever." Why aren't you more upset?
"It's fine. The way I see it, things are run rotten anyway. I was just doing what I thought was, you know, 'right.' Doesn't matter. See, one day, I'll show them. I could be anything. Anything!"
"Seifer . . ." Stop it . . . if they only knew what they were doing to him. Why couldn't they just let him pass?
"Anyway, thanks for the concern. I'm fine. Eyes on the dream, you know?"
"Whatever." Seifer's going to lose it. He's going to find a sorceress. He's going to leave here, leave me. Why is he so addicted to her? Why did this have to happen? It's my birthday.
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Squall was eighteen. Things would be different this year. For as long as he could remember, which wasn't saying much, something had gotten in the way. Seifer, mostly. Zell liked celebrating Squall's birthday, but Squall was always brushing him off to deal with the problems of his former friend. Now Squall didn't need Seifer.
Sure, he missed his hero, his addiction, occasionally. On his birthday, he wished that things could have been different. All he had ever wanted was to be friends, but Seifer had to go bad. He always had wanted power. Oh well. That was the past. Now was Zell's time, and here he was, grinning as usual.
"Morning, Squall! Happy birthday!" Zell hugged his best friend happily. Squall smiled down at him and shrugged.
"Whatever. Thanks, Zell."
Zell dragged Squall over to the others, who were sitting around under the shade of a tree.
"Hey there." Irvine tipped his hat. "Didn't know it was your birthday until this morning, so, sorry. Don't have anything for you."
"Yeah, and I planned a party, but everything went wrong." Selphie looked apologetic. "I couldn't get the balloons to blow up, the cake burned (not my fault), decorations are really hard to find, and I couldn't think of anyone to invite. That's ok, though, because you're antisocial. You're still antisocial, right?"
"Yeah." Squall smiled a little at Selphie's poor attempts. The thought was nice.
"I got you a present, Squall." Rinoa smiled and handed him a box. "Hope you like it!"
Squall thanked her and opened the box, taking out a little book covered with angels. It was blue and very much Rinoa. "Thanks, I guess."
"Well," Rinoa started, "It was supposed to be a diary, but then I realized that you would probably never write in it. Maybe you'd put 'whatever' on ever page or something, but it wouldn't really share your feelings. So then I decided that it could be my diary. I wrote all of my feelings in it, about you, about stuff that's happened to us . . . you know the drill. So if you ever want to read it . . . it'll be there."
Squall smiled at her. He wasn't exactly sure that he cared what she thought about everything, but he might as well act as thought he did. She must have spent a lot of time on it, and maybe some of it would be interesting. Maybe.
Quistis stepped nervously forward. "I remembered. Of course. But I wasn't really sure what to get you, so . . ." She handed him a piece of paper and glared at Irvine. "It wasn't my idea."
The paper was an application for an online dating service, all filled out. "Thanks, but I don't need this, Quistis."
"Well, it's not really for you. It's for . . . me." Quistis shrugged and looked embarrassed.
"Really? Wow." Squall hugged her quickly and handed her the paper.
"See? Told you it was a great gift." Irvine looked very satisfied.
Zell smiled again. "I got you something, too. Sorta." Zell removed a square of paper from his pocket and unfolded it carefully, revealing a large book covered with lines. He handed it to Squall, looking anxious.
"Zell, I . . . whatever. Thanks. But I won't need it. Really." Squall folded the book again and placed it in his own pocket. He wouldn't need it, not yet. Zell looked relieved.
"Ok . . ." Said Selphie. "Is that everyone, then? My turn! SURPRISE!"
With that people jumped out from all over, holding balloons, cake, whistles, and party hats. Squall recognized some of them from Garden and places he had travelled, but he guessed that Selphie had rounded up a number of people that she did not even know. Oh well. Not a bad surprise.
"Thanks everyone." Squall sighed.
So life went on without Seifer after all. Huh. Squall never would have guessed it. The sun looked beautiful, sinking over the hills like a ball of fire. Hey, he thought, it is a ball of fire.
Squall took Zell's present out of his pocket again and opened it to the all-too-familiar page. He smiled and ran his fingers over a picture, and the picture smiled back. This seemed perfect too him, sitting her with his book and his Zell. Well, almost perfect. But maybe one day it would be. MAY-be.