I wake from a dream, and I feel like I remember being loved. In that dream I felt love and I felt I had a place in someone's heart. I dream so much, not just in my sleep, always, my mind is moving, writing, creating. Does any of it make it to paper? Very little. I don't like confining my stories and fantasies to the page because I feel like it kills something in them, like their vitality is lost. My fantasies are fluid and ever changing, but I guess I should preserve something, so I can remember what I felt like this morning, when I woke up and remembered being loved.
Afraid of the dark, she was still afraid of the dark. And now it was all that was left to her. Darkness meant you couldn't defend yourself, you couldn't know what was coming, what was hiding, waiting to pounce in the shadows. This isn't pitch black, but it is a world made of shadows, forced into a mask of night. Darkness, she could feel it like a blast of cold. Darkness and a command, a plea: "Close your eyes". Eyes shut tight; she is alone with a darkness she herself has made. Lost and scared, a feeling so familiar and all the more terrible for that familiarity, she reaches for the specter that will protect her and guide through this terror. She can feel him close, cold and warm at the same time. The sound of breath that speaks of silent tears, the first touch of a hand to lead her away. Where was she? Her only sense of direction is her place in relation to him, a new kind of cartography; close, closer. "Close your eyes…" His hand wanders over her face to confirm if his warning has been heeded. Why were his hands always so cold? Was he lost too? She had found him, he felt it, and she felt it. "Touch me…" Find me. Lead me to the light, to the world where I can be alive at last, where there is an end to this exile. Journey's end: connection. He touches her, gently, with the delicacy of fear. A kiss is bestowed as a gift, a treasure always sought, never understood, until now. He does not command this, he does not beg it. This kiss is that of the lost, of falling in love with home. In the sea of darkness each is the shore of home, each is the wave weary traveler, unsure if they can walk in the solid world. This is why he found her, so he could be found. Amidst this fear, this confusion, there is a home and an end. "Close your eyes." Close your eyes and I will take away your pain with my own. She is not a stranger, he knows every nuance of her, every curve of her body with his eyes. But those are useless now. He explores her and maps this new land with kisses and tears. They weep, they embrace, she kisses away his tears. She kisses the battered landscape of his face and still her eyes are closed. If she lets go now, she will fall into a chaos; a void that is the lack of him. She touches him, she kisses him, ever longing to be closer. The warmth she discovers shocks her. Amid their fear and pain, something is changing. "Touch me." Because I am home at last in your kiss. Take me in and heal even the scars no eye can see. He is her universe now: his breath is the only air, his body is the living earth, the pulse of his heart is the rhythm of the world. "Close your eyes", he whispers but she does not need to be told. Her eyes are closed, for all she can conceive to do now is feel. No more searching, no more waiting. "Trust me…" Yet he hesitates, but, passion always wins over fear, so does love. "Love is pain…" she tells him, but the borders between pain, sensation and pleasure are all gone. It doesn't matter anymore if some would call this pain. This is completion, fulfillment, this is home. He is home. None can say "weep no more" for their tributes are in devouring kisses that taste of tears. They are complete now. Now there is no more fear, no more pain, no lies, and no loneliness. They are one. "I love you" she promises. Her eyes are open.
Afraid of the dark, she was still afraid of the dark. And now it was all that was left to her. Darkness meant you couldn't defend yourself, you couldn't know what was coming, what was hiding, waiting to pounce in the shadows. This isn't pitch black, but it is a world made of shadows, forced into a mask of night. Darkness, she could feel it like a blast of cold. Darkness and a command, a plea: "Close your eyes". Eyes shut tight; she is alone with a darkness she herself has made. Lost and scared, a feeling so familiar and all the more terrible for that familiarity, she reaches for the specter that will protect her and guide through this terror. She can feel him close, cold and warm at the same time. The sound of breath that speaks of silent tears, the first touch of a hand to lead her away. Where was she? Her only sense of direction is her place in relation to him, a new kind of cartography; close, closer. "Close your eyes…" His hand wanders over her face to confirm if his warning has been heeded. Why were his hands always so cold? Was he lost too? She had found him, he felt it, and she felt it. "Touch me…" Find me. Lead me to the light, to the world where I can be alive at last, where there is an end to this exile. Journey's end: connection. He touches her, gently, with the delicacy of fear. A kiss is bestowed as a gift, a treasure always sought, never understood, until now. He does not command this, he does not beg it. This kiss is that of the lost, of falling in love with home. In the sea of darkness each is the shore of home, each is the wave weary traveler, unsure if they can walk in the solid world. This is why he found her, so he could be found. Amidst this fear, this confusion, there is a home and an end. "Close your eyes." Close your eyes and I will take away your pain with my own. She is not a stranger, he knows every nuance of her, every curve of her body with his eyes. But those are useless now. He explores her and maps this new land with kisses and tears. They weep, they embrace, she kisses away his tears. She kisses the battered landscape of his face and still her eyes are closed. If she lets go now, she will fall into a chaos; a void that is the lack of him. She touches him, she kisses him, ever longing to be closer. The warmth she discovers shocks her. Amid their fear and pain, something is changing. "Touch me." Because I am home at last in your kiss. Take me in and heal even the scars no eye can see. He is her universe now: his breath is the only air, his body is the living earth, the pulse of his heart is the rhythm of the world. "Close your eyes", he whispers but she does not need to be told. Her eyes are closed, for all she can conceive to do now is feel. No more searching, no more waiting. "Trust me…" Yet he hesitates, but, passion always wins over fear, so does love. "Love is pain…" she tells him, but the borders between pain, sensation and pleasure are all gone. It doesn't matter anymore if some would call this pain. This is completion, fulfillment, this is home. He is home. None can say "weep no more" for their tributes are in devouring kisses that taste of tears. They are complete now. Now there is no more fear, no more pain, no lies, and no loneliness. They are one. "I love you" she promises. Her eyes are open.