Disclaimer: I own several CDs, I own some clothes, I own a guitar, I own a large collection of books, I own a story or two; however, despite owning all these things, I do not own Harry Potter©, or it's affiliates. Alas.
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Ladies and Gentlemen, with the release of the recent third Harry Potter film, and the not so recent release of the latest book (Order of the Phoenix) a trend has been truly established, with the Harry Potter franchise getting darker and darker.
In light ( ----- WITTY PUN!!!! LAUGH NOW!!!) of this recent development I have done all fans a massive favour, and cast my mind forwards into the future. There I have watched the 6th film be made, "Harry Potter and the Order of the Lightbulb", where, we can see, this darkening trend has continued.
WARNING: May contain nut traces
The scene opens in a very dark room.
Harry: Hermione?
Hermione: Harry?
Harry: Where are you?
Hermione: I'm over here.
Harry: Where's "here"?
Hermione: I'm over beside the wardrobe.
Harry: But where's the wardrobe? I can't see a damn thing!
Hermione: I'm over here! Can you follow my voice?
Harry: I'll try. Keep talking.
Hermione: ...
Harry: Hermione?
Hermione: Sorry, I'm just trying to think of something to say.
Harry: Anything! It doesn't matter!
Hermione: Em, well... Crookshanks is doing well.
Harry: Keep going, I think I'm getting closer.
Hermione: Well, he's moving up in the food chain. He used to just kill mice, but now he's moving on to things which normally eat mice, like hawks, owls, other cats-
Harry: OW!!!
Hermione: Harry?
Harry: Damn, damn, bugger! I stubbed my toe on something.
Ron: Yeah, me!
Harry: Sorry Ron!... Em, what are you doing here?
Ron: Same as you, just trying to make myself a sandwich.
Harry: ...In the Griffindor common room?
Ron: ...Oh, this isn't the kitchen? No wonder I couldn't find the fridge!
Hermione: The Griffindor common room? What are you talking about, we're all in my bedroom for a secret meeting on what to do now that Cornelius fudge has become the new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher, remember?
Harry and Ron: ...Fudge is the new Dark Arts teacher?
Hermione: Yes!!! Weren't you there?
Harry: Dumbledoor said Snape got it!
Ron: But I thought Lupin was back?
Harry: Can someone please turn on the light?
Hermione: I can't find the switch.
Ron: Neither can I.
Hermione: Maybe because you've been lying on the floor for the last half an hour trying to make a sandwich.
Ron: Oh like you're "Little-Miss-Perfect!"
Harry: Look, squabbling won't get us anywhere!
Hermione: ...Harry, is that you?
Harry: Of course it's me! Who else would be sensible in a situation like this?
Hermione: No, I mean is that your hand on my arm?
Harry: Oh, yeah, I think so. I just touched someone anyway.
Ron: Harry, haven't you been here with me since you stumbled over me?
Harry: No, I kept looking for Hermione.
Ron: Then who's this sitting beside me?
Aragog: Hello again.
Ron: ARRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
Harry: WILL SOMEONE PLEASE TURN ON THE DAMN LIGHT?!?
Hermione: Wait, I'll try a spell. ALUMINATUM!!!
Harry: ...It didn't work!
Ron: (Tremblingly) Is it gone?
Aragog: Oh no, I'm still here.
Ron: Eep.
Harry: Are you sure that was the right spell?
Hermione: Em...not really, no...Wait a minute! This isn't my wand!
Harry: No?
Hermione: No...I'm not exactly sure, but I think it's your broomstick!
Harry: Really? Can I have it?... Hey, you're right, it is my broomstick!
Hagrid: No I'm not!
Harry: Opps, sorry, it was Hagrid all along.
Hagrid: Bloody righ' it was.
Ron: Don't you think this story is getting a little character packed?
Snape: Not at all.
Buckbeak: Well, personally I think it's getting a little bit confusing.
Snape: Well you would, wouldn't you?
Gandalf: I'm not entirely sure that I'm meant to be here.
Harry: STOP, STOP, STOP!!! Everyone shut up!
All: ...
Harry: Ok, now, does anyone have any sort of light?
(There are assorted mumblings, as people rummage through their pockets, but no-one has anything)
Harry: All right then, does anyone know where we are or what we're doing here?
Ron: No.
Hermione: No.
Snape: Not really.
Hagrid: Och no.
Gandalf: No.
Buckbeak: I'm afraid I do not
Aragog: Mooooooooo.
Nearly-Headless Nick: Not a clue.
Fire-man Sam: No.
Harry: All right. Well, if we can just-
(The area is suddenly flooded with light, and the group find themselves in a huge, white, perfectly square cavern. It is totally bare, apart from a gigantic jar of mayonnaise, a 20 foot tall bottle of milk, a huge tub of butter and a half empty packet of enormous sausages. One of the walls of the cavern is pulling away, and Voldemort's giant face appears.
Cut to a reverse angle shot, so we are looking over Voldemort's shoulder, on the tiny Harry Potter characters. Voldemort is wearing a floral night-dress and cap)
Voldemort: ...What the hell are you all doing in my fridge?