Chapter 1 – The Cliff

I knew that this was the stupidest, most reckless thing I had done yet. The thought made me smile. The pain was already easing, as if my body knew that Edward's voice was just seconds away...

The ocean sounded very far away, somehow farther than before, when I was on the path in the trees. I grimaced when I thought of the probable temperature of the water. But I wasn't going to let that stop me. The wind blew stronger now; whipping the rain into eddies around me.

I stepped out to the edge, keeping my eyes on the empty space in front of me. My toes felt ahead blindly, caressing the edge of the rock when they encountered it. I drew in a deep breath and held it . . waiting.

"Bella."

I smiled and exhaled.

Yes? I didn't answer out loud, for fear that the sound of my voice would shatter the beautiful illusion. He sounded so real, so close. It was only when lie was disapproving like this that I could hear the true memory of his voice the velvet texture and the musical intonation that made up the most perfect of all voices.

"Don't do this," he pleaded. You wanted me to be human, I reminded him. Well, watch me.

"Please. For me." But you won't stay with me any other way.

"Please." It was just a whisper in the blowing rain that tossed my hair and drenched my clothes making me as wet as if this were my second jump of the day. I rolled up onto the balls of my feet.

"No, Bella!" He was angry now, and the anger was so lovely.

I smiled and raised my arms straight out, as if I were going to dive, lifting my face into the rain. But it was too ingrained from years of swimming at the public pool feet first, first time. I leaned forward, crouching to get more spring...

Right then warm hands grabbed me,

"Bella what are you doing?" I turned and to see Jacob staring at me in disbelief. I just stared at him, the voice was quiet in my head.

"Bells? Are you ok?" He shook me a little.

"How did you find me?" I asked.

"I was searching for you," he told me. He was half-jogging through the rain, toward the road. "I followed the tire tracks to your truck, and then I guessed you'd be here..." He shuddered. "Why would you jump without me Bella? Didn't you notice that it's turning into a hurricane out there? Couldn't you have just waited for me?" Anger filled his tone as the relief faded.

"Sorry," I muttered. "It was stupid."

"Yeah, it was really stupid," he agreed, drops of rain shaking free of his hair as he nodded.

"Look, do you mind saving the stupid stuff for when I'm around? I won't be able to concentrate if I think you're jumping off cliffs behind my back."

"I promise," I agreed, "did you find her?"

We got back into the truck.

"No, she jumped into the water but we will, don't look so worried, we'll get her." He gave me his full grin. I just wished I could agree with that but I knew eventually she would come for me and someone I loved would get hurt.

We drove in silence for a while; Jacob stopped the truck in front of my dark house, cutting the engine so it was suddenly silent. Like so many other times, he seemed to be in tune with my thoughts now. He threw his other arm around me, crushing me against his chest, binding me to him. Again, this felt nice. Almost like being a whole person again.

"Sorry. I know you don't feel exactly the way I do, Bella. I swear I don't mind. I'm just so glad that you didn't jump, I could sing, and that's something no one wants to hear." He laughed his throaty laugh in my ear.

My breathing kicked up a notch, sanding the walls of my throat. Wouldn't Edward, indifferent as he might be, want me to be as happy as possible under the circumstances? Wouldn't enough friendly emotion linger for him to want that much for me? I thought he would. He wouldn't begrudge me this: giving just a small bit of love he didn't want to my friend Jacob. After all, it wasn't the same love at all. Jake pressed his warm cheek against the top of my hair. If I turned my face to the side or if I pressed my lips against his bare shoulder... I knew without any doubt what would follow. It would be very easy. There would be no need for explanations tonight. But could I do it? Could I betray my absent heart to save my pathetic life? Butterflies assaulted my stomach as I thought of turning my head. And then, as clearly as if I were in immediate danger, Edward's velvet voice whispered in my ear.

"Be happy," he told me.

I smiled and in that second I made my decision I turned my head slightly to the left, our lips connected. My brain disconnected from my body, I was kissing him. Against all reason, my lips were moving with his in strange, confusing ways they'd never moved before - because I didn't have to be careful with Jacob, and he certainly wasn't being careful with me. My fingers tightened in his hair, but I was pulling him closer now. He was everywhere. The heat was everywhere. I couldn't see or hear or feel anything that wasn't Jacob. My hands clung to his shoulders, I liked that they were wide and strong. That his hands pulled me too tight against his body, and yet it was not tight enough for me. In this moment, it felt as though we were the same person.

For one brief, never-ending second, an entirely different path expanded behind the lids eyes. As if I were looking through the filter of Jacob's thoughts, I could see exactly what I was going to give up, exactly what this new self-knowledge would not save me from losing. I could see Charlie and Renée mixed into a strange collage with Billy and Sam and La Push. I could see years passing, and meaning something as they passed, changing me. I could see the enormous red-brown wolf that I loved, always standing as protector if I needed him. For the tiniest fragment of that second, I saw the bobbing heads of two small, black-haired children, running away from me into the familiar forest. When they disappeared, they took the rest of the vision with them. This is what my life could be like, I could be happy, I could be with Jacob.

Slowly the kiss ended, I looked at him, breathless, he stared right back, just as breathless, but with a lopsided grin on his face.

"Wow," he breathed. I smiled shyly back, turning red. I tried to hide my face.

"No, don't hide from me, never from me Bells," he placed his hand on my cheek and turned my face back around towards him, his thumb rubbing against my bottom lip. He looked me in the eyes, he looked at me with such emotion I wanted to cry.

"I love you Bella," he whispered, "I have always loved you and I always will."

He lent his face down and kissed me lightly. I looked at him and in that moment I realised how much I loved him, how much I needed him. I slowly took a breath in…

"I love you, Jacob Black."