Evenfall
I have felt fear. I have felt anger. I have felt hatred. I have felt power. My spirit with the Force has been tarnished. Absolution does not exist. Not for me…
Kalos Lysander stood quietly near the center of the grove, keeping his hooded head bowed as a light breeze created gentle ripples and snaps at the corners of the dark robes that enshrouded him. Before him were ornate stone memorials arranged in a perfect circle in the tall grass, each emblazoned with the names of fallen Jedi. The single plinth he continued to gaze at out of the many was inscribed, in flowing writing he had carved himself, Mei Calida.
"I couldn't save you…I'm sorry…" he whispered, a sudden gust of wind buffeting his clothing and the various trees and plants around him wildly until it quieted an instant later. A single sliver of sunlight managed to peek through the canopy of the trees, catching half of Kalos' otherwise shadowed visage, revealing his unmoving pale green eyes and, along with it, a peaceful, yet disheartened, expression.
Between his fingers, he caressed a small, old-fashioned music box with his thumb. After a few moments of stillness, he raised the simple object in front of his eyes, lifting its golden cover tenderly. When it reached its height, a small holographic image of the galaxy flickered into life, showing the bright little specks that represented stars amidst the ocean of black, blue, and purple. Within the chamber, a mechanism clicked.
A slow, beautiful melody began to emanate from within. From the center of the miniature galaxy burst forth a trio of flaming red birds, each splitting off in different directions, a spectacular trail of shimmering light left in their wake as they went. They appeared to begin dancing; each twisted and coiled around each other in perfect arcs in time with one another to the music, speeding from one edge of the galaxy to the other. It was a slow, theatrical serenade intended to display the beauty that life could exuviate—though some of it was lost on him.
Kalos kneeled quietly into a cushion of mottled leaves in front of the stone memorial, placing the music box down at one of its corners. He folded his hands, listening in absolute silence as the melody continued to play and the birds continued with their fiery ballet, the memories of his love flooding to him as strongly as a river's flow.
Finally, it came to an end, the mechanism automatically closing itself as if it were fading back into a contented slumber.
Before Kalos could stand, he heard someone from behind speak softly. "She was the one of the finest in the Order."
Kalos heaved himself up to his feet, lifting his head as he turned around to peer out from beneath his hood, staring directly into the eyes of Jedi Master Luke Skywalker. The corners of Kalos' lips twitched, as if to hint a sad smile. He could find no reply. "You really should try and put back up your defenses, Kalos; I can read you like a book."
"And what have the pages told you?" he said instantly, his tone deep and full of emotion, seemingly seeping into the world around him.
A glimpse of hurt crossed the Jedi Master's face. "Suffering. Regret."
Kalos stared at him for a moment longer, then turned to look away and back at the plinth.
Luke moved to stand adjacent to him, looking around at the stony splinters amidst the garden. "I was here, feeling very similarly, about eleven years ago before the Yuuzhan Vong invaded." Kalos turned his head to the side to look at him as he spoke. "I wondered...I could not help but wonder if there was anything I could have done to prevent their deaths. Despite the fact more died during the invasion, and during the Swarm War, just one more death was enough for me."
A gentle breeze washed across the two as Luke continued. "Your experience with the Dark Side is not lost on me. I, too, felt its touch at one point in my life."
"But did you cut down even yielding Sith without mercy, and then turn your blade on your friends?" Kalos replied, trying his best to sound calm.
Luke grinned, irritating Kalos a little. "There were no other Sith or other Jedi near me at the time, you must recall."
"Even still."
"'Even still' what?"
Kalos snarled lightly, moving to leave the glade until Luke grasped his shoulder. For some reason, this caused the younger Jedi to shed a silent tear. He wiped it away quickly. "You came back to the Light, did you not? Your friends gave you another chance, did they not?"
"Yes, but—"
"They have not looked at you differently, did they not?"
"Yes, but—"
Luke held up a hand. "Someone once told me that the moment someone uses the word 'but' is the moment they've stopped listening."
This stopped Kalos from speaking, though the two words almost eked out again. He thought for a moment, shaking his head. The grip on his shoulder tightened. "We'd like to have you back, Kalos. Especially now. You are not abandoned. Please, think on it before you try and run away again or try to kill yourself. The fact that the Sith are back is disturbing, and your knowledge of the Dark Side, as I said, will not be in vain."
Kalos stood completely still for several moments, trying to get a grip on his erratic feelings, then nodded. "Yes, Master Skywalker."
"Good. Now, let us return to the Temple and join the others."
Kalos half-frowned for a moment away from the Jedi Master so he would not see. Nodding, he removed his hood, revealing a mass of untidy brownish-black hair, and the two Jedi moved throughout the rest of the garden to return to the massive temple on Yavin IV as Luke inquired something about an oncoming mission.
For a time he was sure he was going to remain like this, lost and confused and emotionally unstable. But if the Jedi were unwilling to surrender him to the Darkness, he would try his best to avoid it. He'd lost Mei, and though that had been enough to render him unstable, he wasn't yet willing to plunge himself into absolute madness thanks to the ongoing support of the Jedi Master and his uneasy but amiable peers, though it tempted him.
No, he would find his way. Or so he hoped. By what means eluded him.