Maybe Another Time
It's an odd thought at an odd time while he's feeling odd. After his eyes weren't as wet and his machete just as dry, (but the same can't be said about the bloody bag in the back of his car) he drives with emotions displaced.
Maybe it's the anticipation, or maybe it's the weariness of trusting anyone. But Benny isn't anyone. He isn't Castiel, who dragged his ass out of Hell. It wasn't that simple to get out of Purgatory; it took blood, sweat, tears, and a whole year. But Castiel and he also dealt with the Apocalypse ordeal (it's too easy to make the literal end of the world seem as insignificant as an awkward family dinner) which took a lot more than angel beef. Yet he can't find it in himself to trust the coated accountant.
Maybe that's the anticipation, the voice whispering it might be time for a little backstabbing from someone new. Or tragedy, that's another cliché ending in the epic of Dean. He could lose both Sam and Benny tonight (or are they already lost?).
But the longer he holds on to the thoughts, the more ludicrous they seem. This is Benny, which really shouldn't mean as much as it does but it assuages him anyway. Benny, the vampirate.
How strange to imagine his (closest) friend is a vampiric pirate. But he also imagines Benny as a black and white Dracula hiding in the shadows of a rotting ship.
But that's not the odd thought.
What if he lived in a different universe? He knows they exist; he's lived through one, felt through one. Why couldn't he have been part of a different one? One where he wasn't thrown around with a bunch of bibles as his map. He tried the normal life before but that didn't work out. It would take just about a different world for it to work out.
Dean thinks of his life as Dean Smith and wonders if that even counts since it was technically a simulation. But he allows himself to go down that path anyway.
He would leave his clean desk after a hard day's work of rereading and telephone calls, stand in an elevator as a ridiculously tall stranger waits for his floor, and go home in a humming, glorified golf cart.
But one day he gets promoted, Good job, Smith, and celebrates at a newly opened bar with a few of his office friends. Purgatory sounds like a stripper bar but it's really not. It would be in a cleaner part of the city and he'd enter smiling as someone threw him a silly joke. But he'll sit down, wondering aloud if he should have worn a darker shirt, and stop his conversation when he sees the bartender.
It's odd. In this universe, Dean decides, Smith would fall in love with him. Right there in the bar, before even hearing the charming Cajun accent. He's not even gay but for Smith, Dean can completely imagine him being caught before the bait is thrown.
For a moment, he tries to push Castiel somewhere in this world but he can only fit the angel in as his good friend with an office two floors above his own. They typically sit together during lunch breaks commenting on bland topics, but Castiel's odd diction makes everything more amusing than it has a right to be.
Where is he when he meets the bartender? Castiel is probably the one he sits closest to at the bar.
But Benny—Benny would be bright eyed and smiling when he sees him. Nothing of warehouses filled with dead bodies to circle him. Benny would get his buddies and him a drink but he'll pay special attention to Smith. When the bar quiets down to men watching television and avoiding politics, Smith would ask where he's from.
The ginger would smile that face-eating smile and reply Louisiana, the only place where anyone sounds like him. Smith would laugh and take another gulp from his glass, trying to push down his nerves. He would think he's crazy for feeling as queasy as he does now. He might even loosen his tie a little as they chat about cheesy tourist sites.
Castiel would give him a questioning look but that's because Smith doesn't mix business with his private life. Although Castiel wouldn't judge him harshly, he would be interested in the new information. The conversation, then revolving around how Kansas practically has nothing, would be cut short by an unruly group of college students. A couple of them barely look eighteen.
Benny will excuse himself and Smith would understand completely. He would return his attention to his friends, as if he'd been distracted for hours but they had only been talking for seven or eight minutes. They would have only known each other for seven or eight minutes and Smith is ready for more.
He would, however, spend the rest of his time drinking to his promotion, clinking glasses with Castiel and another brunet, wondering briefly why people even did that.
Smith'll leave after a couple of hours before he's even close to buzzed since his tolerance for alcohol is borderline immunity. He makes sure to give a quick wave to Benny on his way out.
He will return a few times within the next couple of months, usually on Thursdays to ensure the crowd is low. He'll have splendid conversations that Dean would roll his eyes at. The flirting and attraction becomes more and more obvious with every stay. By his ninth visit, Benny isn't behind the bar. Smith wouldn't notice him at first; just wondering if he should bother to stay, but Benny would wave at him from a stool as an invitation. He's taking a break for a reason Smith will never ask for.
They'll talk, physically closer than ever, with knees almost touching and again with those nonsensical cheers. When Smith moves to leave (he still has a job in the morning) Benny will walk with him to his car. Smith takes note of their height, having originally thought Louisiana-boy would be taller since they usually spoke with Smith's ass planted. It's a casual comment that makes Benny laugh and sinks Smith a little deeper.
At the car, they finally officially discuss their next meeting time. It would be at the bar but for lunch on a Sunday. And each meeting gets sappier and sappier and Dean likes to believe they would stay together forever. Smith and Bartender Benny.
But that isn't the Benny he knows, that isn't the Dean he knows, and that isn't the life he knows. He wonders why he would imagine his other self as gay, but it isn't hard. Sexuality can be fluid. He learned everything is fluid from Earth, Purgatory, Heaven to Hell. Then he wonders why he would imagine his other self with Benny but he already knows.
Dean wants to fall in love with someone he knew could actually fit in his life. Someone he had a chance with, that could defend his/herself and never bother with explanations he or she would already know. Benny could've been that person. But then he remembers Sam and Gordon (who will always remind him of the grays in hunting, and of hunters too tinted to see them) and knows sexual attraction is the least of his worries.
But it's just an odd thought to kill time before he buries the body.
He hopes Sam, Bobby, and Benny are getting along in Purgatory. He doesn't doubt his friend already found them.
A/N: I don't know why I wrote this... it was supposed to be really fluffy and cute but my playlist decided to play Beam Me Up by P!nk, and that's the story of my life. I never do anything I plan on doing. Thanks for reading, yooo
I posted this on AO3 some months back but I never around to uploading it here (dude, I snagged the username Teng, duuude). But enjoy anyways.