I decided to start a new story. Silhouettes will be finished in the next few days, and I haven't been able to get this idea out of my head. So I'm going to take numerous characters, numerous settings, and put them to songs. Yes, it's a dreaded songfic!
Let me know if you want to see a specific pairing, setting, or song. I'm happy to do 'requests.'
Song: Decoy - Paramore
Characters: Jacob & Bella
Setting: When Edward left Bella in New Moon, these are Bella's thoughts on Jacob.
Close your eyes and make believe
This is where you want to be
Forgetting all the memories
Try to forget love, cause loves forgotten me
She drove on the worn dirt road into La Push. She was beginning to hate coming here. But really, she had no other choice. She had loved Edward, loved him will her whole heart. Now that he decided he was through with her, tossed aside the little human, she was stuck… scrambling for the remaining pieces of her heart.
She felt like a small child, taping her heart together like a horrible present, re-gifting it to Jacob. Sure, she enjoyed his company, but she didn't love him. She wasn't capable of loving anyone anymore.
She did have twinges of guilt at the way she was using him, using him just to survive. She knew how he felt about her, she had told him in the beginning that she didn't feel the same, but he insisted that given time she would start to love him.
That's not how it should be though, she thought. You shouldn't eventually start loving someone. It should be something that happens for a better reason then just because.
Well hey, hey, baby it's never too late
Pretty soon you won't remember a thing.
And I'll be distant as stars
Reminiscing, your hearts been wasted on me.
He deserved better. She knew this, but she couldn't make herself say the words, push him away and make him leave her alone. She was empty, numb, heartless. She realized with a start that she was using him, just as Edward used her. She truly believed that Edward never loved her, she was just a shiny new toy that he was momentarily enthralled with.
To her, it was a lifetime of happiness, but to his vast vampiric life, their relationship was probably no more than the snap of fingers to him.
You've never been so used as I'm using you, abusing you
My little decoy. Don't look so blue
You should have seen right through
I'm using you
My little decoy
My little decoy
She stepped from the truck and into Jake's arms. She sighed, unhappy at her choices in life. Slightly relieved that Edward hadn't given into her mortal wishes and changed her. Then she would have had to live forever knowing he didn't want her. Her only solace now was that once Charlie was alright on his own, once she knew he would survive her disappearing, she would.
Her plans were shaky at best. They alternated from searching for the Cullens, demanding he take her back, to putting out a vampire APB that she wanted to die, to just outright killing herself.
None of the options were too appealing, but now wasn't the right time either. So she thought, she planned, she was careful not to make any hard decisions just yet.
Listening to Jake's heartbeat against her cheek she tried to muster the strength to get back in her truck and drive away. But it made him so happy to see her. Shouldn't that have been enough? Could she justify to herself that she was making him happy, so it was okay to lead him on? Use him? Possibly destroy him as Edward destroyed her.
Living life inside a dream
Time is changing everything
Forgetting all the memories
And I'm forced into you
Just cause you're into me
Maybe time would heal all wounds. Maybe she could 'eventually love' Jake. But, would that be enough? No. It wouldn't. And then when Jake finally looked into the eyes of his perfect match, he would toss her aside too. No, it was better this way. She could pretend she was happy, to make Jake happy until he imprinted. Then she would make arrangements for Charlie and be on her way.
Well hey, hey baby it's never too late
When I'm gone you won't remember a thing
But I can't stay and no, I won't wait
I was gone from the very first day.
Jacob grabbed her small hand in his own and led her to the beach. She pretended to like it, but in reality, it was only here that she could be with Jake and not really be with him. It was here that she could pretend the ocean waves captured her attention and held it so completely that she couldn't focus on Jake for more than a minute. It was here that she was free to let her mind wander a thousand miles away.
Listening to the ocean waves, picturing Edward in her mind she decided she wasn't going to push Jake away. She would cling to him with every ounce of her strength. It didn't matter that she didn't feel the same about him, it didn't matter that he was in love with her, it didn't matter that she was using it. She was in survival mode until the lives of the people she once cared about were set, then she would gladly check out of this existence.
You've never been so used as I'm using you, abusing you
My little decoy. Don't look so blue
You should have seen right through
I'm using you, My little decoy.
She steeled her face and mustered up a smile as she looked up into the face of the boy she once considered her sunshine. But it was all wrong. He was too tall, too muscled. Too tan, and too young. But, if she pictured him shorter, skinnier, much paler and slightly older; pretended his brown eyes were topaz and his shiny black hair was coppery, she could be happy for a moment. With the cool wind whipping at her face and hands, it was almost the right temperature. Yes, when she looked at him, imagining it was his complete opposite she could breathe.
I'm not sorry at all
No, I won't be sorry at all
I'd do it over again.
My little decoy
You should have seen right through
As I'm using you
My little decoy.