Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha, never have, never will. It belongs to Rumiko Takahashi. All the characters in this story belong to her. None have been created by me, and I take no credit for them. Hope you enjoy the story I haven't written an Inuyasha fanfiction for years! But I'm rediscovering the joy of it watching it with my fiancé
He had been a lonely being all his life. Even when he had companions, he had been a lonely being. Jaken was there all the time, and had been there for a very long time, but he felt no strong connection to him. There was a sort of connection, he supposed, and he had grown used to having him around, but his existence did not depend on him.
Then Rin had come along, and slowly he had grown… protective of her, that was the correct word. He had become like a protector, a ward, perhaps even a father, but he did not dwell on such technicalities. He had been a youkai on a mission. Kohaku had come next, and in him Sesshomaru also found a companion, but in the end, no one was really capable of touching him.
Not like Rin.
Leaving her at the village under Kaede's care had been the right choice. She needed to interact with humans. She needed to choose her own path.
Through the years he had visited her, bringing her gifts and spending a few minutes with her. He never dwelled, and it was mostly Jaken who did the talking. Rin would only look at him, and thank him for his gifts, offering him her most beautiful smile.
He had never felt anything for anyone, didn't know what feeling was exactly, but he assumed that, all in all, he had cherished Rin. He had been upset when she had been killed in the Meidou, it had humbled him knowing he had not been able to save her. How he had wanted to! Hadn't his mother saved her…
But lately his visits had been fewer and far between. He wasn't sure exactly when the last time had been, as time passed differently for him. He felt it different. Had it been a year already? Or just a few months? He couldn't tell exactly. He had travelled, he had researched, he had learned. He had encountered other youkai, and he had been overall very busy.
Perhaps it was time to pay her another visit. The only thing that remained was the gift to bring her this time. He could probably find something on the way to the village. What would she like? Last time he had seen her, a few months back he assumed, she had been fifteen. She had been growing. Had she grown more? That would make clothing difficult to size, so he decided to go the safe route and got her demon made hair ornaments instead. They sparkled like sapphires in the moonlight.
Jaken tagged along, as usual. Whatever he said, he was looking forward to seeing Rin, too. It had been long, he knew, very long since their last visit. It had surprised him that Sesshomaru had not visited her before, but he knew better than to question his master's motives. It was best to remain quiet.
They travelled swiftly through the night. They had to cross the whole country to get to the village. By the time they arrived, the sun was setting, and the villagers were returning to their cottages. Sesshomaru smelled her at once, and blindly followed her scent to Kaede's hut.
He frowned. Something was very different about her scent. It was her, alright, but something was different. He wasn't entirely sure if it was a good or a bad thing.
Something had definitely changed, for he could not smell Kaede very well. Her scent was faint, as if a memory long past. How strange.
Light burned from the entryway, and he made his way there, Jaken in toll. He could smell food too, now. He could hear humming.
Unlike himself, he hesitated at the door, but only for a fraction of a second. It surprised him, his reaction, but he quickly dismissed it and pulled the screen aside, pushing his way through the door into the small hut.
The surprised look on the girl's face matched the way he felt.
"Sesshomaru-sama?" she asked, incredulous, and stood up slowly. A pot of soup simmered merrily in the centre of the hut, and she avoided it as she walked closer to the door. "Is it really you?"
He stood rooted on the spot. Something had changed, and he could now see what exactly it was.
"Look at you!" Jaken spoke, walking around her. "You've grown so much!"
"Thank you, Jaken-sama," the girl… or should Sesshomaru say… the woman smiled. She was not exactly tall, but she was not a little girl anymore. She had become a woman. Right before his eyes. She was so different from what he remembered, that he was almost afraid to ask how long he had been absent. "I was beginning to think I would never see you again." She made a face, then looked up at Sesshomaru. "Actually, I had already given up on it entirely."
"Rin," he said. Her name, nothing else.
"How long has it been?" Jaken ventured, poking her leg gently with his staff.
"Since I saw you last?" Rin looked back at Jaken. "About eight years, I think." She looked back at Sesshomaru. "In fact, I'm sure of it."
There was reproach in her voice. He could hear it clearly.
"Eight?" Jaken was in shock. "Eight years since we were last here? That can't be."
"I'm twenty-three years old," Rin said, sitting down again and stirring her dinner.
"Where is Kaede?" Sesshomaru asked. Her scent was stronger inside, but it was still faint.
"A lot has happened since you were here last," Rin said, without looking at him. "Kaede-sama passed six years ago."
"Did she now?" Jaken asked.
"She was getting on in years," Rin said ruefully. "She's buried at the base of the stairs of the temple, next to her sister. Kagome-oneesan and I do the work she used to. We mix medicines for the ill, we protect the villagers… they fight youkai. Not me, though. I don't have such skills. I mostly help out at childbirths and things like that."
"So Inuyasha and Kagome are still in the village, then."
"They are, Jaken-sama. They live not far from here with their children. Miroku-sama and Sango-oneesan do also."
Yes. Sesshomaru could smell them all, and the children that accompanied them all. Yes, things seemed rather different, but what bothered him the most was Rin's behaviour towards him. The evening did not improve matters. He remained there at the door as Rin ate her dinner, and shared stories with Jaken, who had by then sat down and talked with her animatedly, as he usually did. There was a lot to catch up upon, but Sesshomaru had no words to share.
He just stood there, not exactly savouring the reencounter with Rin. The gift remained hidden within his armour, as he could not make himself give it to her. She just wouldn't make an opening for him to step in.
Her disdain now was more than evident, and he could tell that even Jaken had started to nice. The small demon looked back and forth from youkai to woman, and was starting to sweat a little. Eventually, he seemed to realize that it was up to him to make something happen.
"Rin, is Ah-un still with you?" Jaken asked.
"Yes, of course ," she smiled. "He helps me with my errands, and helps protect the village as well. The villagers are quite fond of him. You'd be surprised of how kind they are with him. He has been my constant friend all these years."
The last words were spoken bitterly, and a side glance at Sesshomaru told him that they were meant for him. Jaken, sweating profusely now, stood up and dusted his robes.
"Is he just outside? Can I see him?"
"I expect you'll find him at the gates of the temple. He has an advantageous point of view there. Plus, I daresay he enjoys the fruits that humans cannot eat and only grow up there."
"I will pay him a visit then!" And with that, Jaken ran out of the hut without a backward glance.
Sesshomaru remained where he was, and watched as Rin walked about the hut to put things in order. She did not speak, and neither did he. Of course, he would not show his feelings. She could not see how upset by all this he really was. It was not in his nature to show his feelings. He wasn't about to start now.
And so the minutes passed in silence, without Jaken returning, and without Rin even sparing a look at Sesshomaru. Eventually, she stopped cleaning and sat against the wall, closing her eyes. He just regarded her.
"You didn't have to make him leave," she said at last. "I think Jaken almost dehydrated from all that sweating."
"Rin," he said again. The second time he had pronounced her name in a very long time.
"So what brings you here?" she asked, looking up at him, her voice flat. "Thought you'd never come back." He said nothing. "I suppose you feel time much different than I do, me being a mortal and all, but eight years? Even you should be able to notice such a long time. At this rate, next time you deign to visit, you will find that I'm dead as well."
That comment hit home, and he frowned, letting his state of mind show despite his best efforts. It was strange to have Rin, who had always been devoted to him, speak to him like that, as if he had committed an atrocity. It was hard to find her so angry at him, when he had secretly rejoiced at the prospect of seeing her again.
"You can ask," she said, and started combing her hair, "if you care at all, that is." What she talked about, he did not know, so he remained quiet. "I guess not. Might as well tell you, though. When I became of age at sixteen, Kaede-sama told me I was old enough to decide what I wanted to do, stay in the village or go back to you." She looked at him directly, and pulled herself up. Walking towards him, she stood right in front, looking up at him. He looked back. "I told myself that the next time you came, I'd go with you. It was my choice, to go back to you, because I missed you. I told myself that I could still visit the village whenever I wanted, but in my heart, I wanted to travel with you again. I had missed it for eight years, why prolong it anymore?"
The look she gave him was now defiant.
"But you never came back. You never came for me, and I was left alone. I was upset, I was angry, but most of all I was sad, because that meant you did not want me to go back to you. That was your way of telling me to stay here. It was not what I wanted."
She let the words hang there for a moment, and they resounded in his head.
"You left me behind."
She turned again, her back to him. He still towered above her, and he could see both their shadows on the wall to his left. Her fists were clenched.
"I stayed here, and I waited for three whole years for you to come. Every single day I waited, I hoped you would come, but you never did. I refused no less than four offers of marriage, because I still hoped you would come. But then I asked youkai if something had happened to you, but they all said the same thing, that you were alive and well, in other parts of the country, far, far away, and with no intention of heading this way. Yes, I asked youkai about you. In the end, I had to accept that you would never come back, and you didn't. Not until now."
She grabbed at her hair in frustration.
"I gave up a lot waiting for you to come get me. What was the point of me getting married if I was going to leave with you anyway? What was the point of settling down, if I was to leave it all to go with you? By the time I realized you were never coming back, it was too late. All those pretenders had married and had families, and I was too old. I am too old."
She turned to him again, and now he saw the sadness with the anger.
"So what is left for me to do? I am no miko, I am no taijiya, I have no powers. I'm just a regular girl who was tricked by a youkai into thinking she was important enough to come visit. But you never came again."
"Rin," he said a third time.
"Yes, you are here now, and instead of feeling happy, instead of thinking that finally I get to go with you, all I feel is disappointment and anger, because obviously I wasn't worth the trouble."
How could he tell her that she was wrong? He had not felt the passing of time as her, he had not known things had been so difficult for her. He had not known she wanted to be with him. The last time he had visited she had seemed content with the life she led.
"Now you come here, and all you can say is my name over and over…" Angry tears welled in her eyes, and as the full force of them hit her, she let herself fall to the floor. But her knees didn't hit, as she found herself scooped up by Sesshomaru, who held her up level with his eyes, sustained by that one arm.
For the first time in a long time, since she had been little, before giving her up, he was holding her. But she was not the little girl he had once known. She was still feisty, but she was mature and sad. The feelings she was now provoking in him were different.
"Put me down," she asked quietly, her teary eyes staring into his cold ones.
He did as she asked, but his hand lingered on her long hair. She looked down, and let the tears fall silently. Taking this opportunity, he took the sapphire comb from his armour, and pinned it on her hair as best as he could with one hand. It wasn't easy. As he removed his hand, the comb slid down, falling to the ground with a thud.
Rin knelt to pick it up, and held it in her hands before her, looking at it. But her face was hidden from him, so he did not know what she thought. It was all brought home when she handed it back to him.
Had she refused his gift? Could that be possible? Could she…?
But with her own hands she arranged her hair, and said "Here," indicating him where to put the comb. He did, and this time it held in place without problem. To him, it looked good on her. But she would not look at him.
"Thank you," she said, and turned her back on him, walking towards her futon. He could see she was tired… no, exhausted of her tirade, and he wondered whether he should go. But no, leaving her had been what had caused this, and he could find no way to make it right. The only thing he could think of was like acid to his guts, and he wasn't even sure if that was the answer.
"I'm sorry," he said. Bitter as the word tasted in his lips, he found that he meant it. He had hurt Rin by not coming back, that much he understood. He also understood what was different about her scent. She smelled stronger, not only like a woman, but also as a brave person, one who had grown despite adversity.
Rin stopped in her tracks as she heard his words and turned to him. She looked at him incredulous, doubting her own ears. He could see the conflict in her eyes.
"Did you just…?"
He stared at her hard.
"You did…"
It got to the point where it was too much for him, so he turned on his heels and pulled the screen aside, stepping into the night. Perhaps it was wrong, leaving Rin again, but what else was there to do? Asking her to come along now would seem like a poor excuse, and did he want her there with him? Did he want her to travel with him like in the old days?
More than ever, he realized, because it wasn't like in the old days. She was not a child anymore. He could see, and smell, the woman in her.
He heard the steps before he felt Rin enveloping him in a hug from behind, her arms circling his waist and her face buried in his back, her forehead just above the edge of his armour. Her embrace was so strong, he stood rooted to the spot, eyes wide.
"Don't…" she said. "Don't leave me again, Sesshomaru-sama…"
"Rin."
"Yes?"
With his arm he pulled her aside and picked her up, bringing her face to face to him once more. Finding herself there, she wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him tightly once more. She shivered in his arms, but did not cry anymore.
"I've missed you," she said, "like you can't even imagine."
"I can," he said, his arm holding her to him. "Because I've missed you, too."
She parted a bit, and placed both hands on his cheeks, looking at him directly.
"Will you take me with you?" she asked.
"Forever."
And she smiled, she gave him that powerful smile he had always loved and missed the most during their time apart. He closed his eyes, and leaned forward until their foreheads touched, content to have her back into his life, this time for good.
