Disclaimer: I don't own Torchwood or any of the characters. If I did Ianto would still be alive *sob*
The first time Jack Harkness realised what had been done to him he cried. Knowing that he could never die no matter what was too much for him to handle, and as he pulled the trigger again and again knowing that each time he'd wake up, he wondered what he'd done to deserve this, and cursed whoever or whatever had done it to him.
After many years he began to accept it; even enjoy it - it took a lot of the excitement out of situations, true, but when you worked for Torchwood it wasn't like there was a lack of it. So every time he woke up from a death he silently thanked whoever had made it possible.
When he realised he'd be this way forever, Jack felt empty. He'd lost so many people already; knowing that he'd eventually lose everyone made his heart break. Jack couldn't help feeling angry at Rose for not letting him go.
Ianto went completely limp in his arms. Jack leaned forwards, blinded by tears, and pressed his lips to Ianto's for the final time; even as he felt the poison cloud his brain and stop his heart, knowing that he'd be fine, that he'd wake up in a matter of minutes, but that Ianto wouldn't. That he was gone.
He'd felt a lot of things about his immortality. He'd felt a lot of things towards Rose for making him this way- he'd thanked her, cursed her, loved her, been angry at her. But even in his lowest moments he'd never blamed her. He'd never truly hated her for what she'd made him.
Until now.