Author's Note: I hate this. Why? Why did I make this?
Tiptoe
I look down at the cats below me. It's been a five moons since I've been leader of Riverclan, and I can't help but remember of all the things that had caused me to be here.
Sometimes, I wish that everything had been different. Perhaps if I hadn't made that deal with Mapleshade, it would.
I can't change the past however, and I'm stuck with what I've got.
I remember the first time I dreamt with Mapleshade. Promises of grandeur and adoration were hard to put down when you were a kit whose mother neglected him. He had been willing to do anything to be the greatest warrior Riverclan had ever seen.
If only I knew what was in store.
After my mother's death, I knew that I had made a mistake.
Back then, I felt gazes from Starclan, one of which I was sure was my mother. Did Rainflower blame me for her death? I know I still do, despite Mappleshade's role.
Next was my father. How could it happen like that?
First, he was Riverclan's honorable deputy. Next, he was weak and sickly. Afterwards, he was dead, and that's all there is to it.
Even Oakheart betrayed me at one point. The kits he had claimed to be the father of were, in his world, motherless. Graypool was happy, but I knew that he was keeping something from me.
They were Bluefur's kits, and I knew it the moment I saw the kits' fur. It didn't make the fact that Oakheart had lied to him any less harsher.
But it was Willowbreeze that made it all worth it.
I felt a connection between us the moment I laid eyes on her. She was gorgeous, but even more so was the support she gave me. She believed in me ever since she was taken back to Windclan with her sister.
I'm so glad she did.
Despite Oakheart's best efforts, Willowbreeze was the one who showed that it was better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all.
And when she told me she was expecting kits, I couldn't have been happier.
Yes, I was worried that Mapleshade would show her wicked face again, but I was determined not to let her.
I wasn't successful.
Two daughters and a mate gone suring the span of a day.
That's when I only had Silverkit left.
I did not want to associate myself with her at all. I did not want her to share the same fate as her kin, and if I ignored her, then maybe Mappleshade would find that she wasn't worth killing.
Oakheart, however, knew it was not the right thing to do. I was being a hypocrite. How could I truly keep the promise I made to Willowbreeze if I wasn't playing the part of a father?
It was ultimately Silverstream's demise.
I was expecting the news to come eventually. It did not make my heart hurt any less.
Graystripe has joined the clan since then, with what is left of my family, Featherpaw and Stormpaw.
I know Graystripe cannot stand being loyal to this clan for much longer, but I will not stand by and see my grandchildren be taken away as well.
I've tiptoed through the ranks of the clan, defying all in my path.
Who can blame those cats that doubted me, when I doubted myself?
I will not back down.
If I ever meet Mapleshade again, it will be to tell her that I will not fall to her will.
Not anymore.