Disclaimer: I don't own Psych.
A/N: Written for the Shules ficathon over on with the promt, Secrets. : )
Somehow, after a long day of catching criminals and solving murders, it was Shawn and Juliet who ended up together at the end of it all. Gus had gone rushing off to his "real" job as soon as they'd closed the case, and Lassiter was off booking the criminal at the station, leaving Shawn and Juliet to themselves. They'd run all the way down to the boardwalk to catch up to the suspect, and Shawn could hear the ocean waves behind them.
Soon after they'd been left alone, Shawn turned to Juliet and tried to say something. Words didn't come as easily around Juliet these days, but luckily she stepped in and said, "Want to go for a walk?"
Relieved, Shawn said yes, and they ambled around the block, talking and joking about anything that came to their minds. Shawn was grinning the entire time. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad just being friends with Juliet.
Finally, the two came to a stop on the pier. They both looked out at the ocean and their talking came to a stop. Shawn realized that this was the same pier that he'd walked on, dazed and exhausted, after Yin. Swallowing, he turned to Juliet, and by the troubled expression on her face, she could've been thinking the same thing.
"So…Gus tells me you're dating this new guy?" Shawn said, if only to break the awkward silence between them. Of course, as soon as he said it, he realized that breaking an awkward silence with an even more awkward question wasn't the best of ideas.
Juliet raised her eyebrow. "You've been asking Gus about my dates?"
"You've been talking to Gus about your dates?" Shawn countered. "Look, the man may be a vault of secrets, but I…" Shawn held his hand to his head, more for dramatic effect than anything else, "am a psychic. Vaults cannot keep me out. Neither can warning signs. And definitely not the age restriction they put on the ball pit at Chuck E Cheese. I mean, come on, a grown man can't enjoy swimming in a pit of balls…?"
Juliet raised her eyebrow yet again as Shawn realized what he just said. She smirked as he pointed at her accusingly.
"You," he said, "have a dirty mind."
"I didn't say anything," she said, as innocent as could be.
"Yeah, well…" Shawn could only cross his arms and pretend to fume, but he couldn't hide the small smirk playing on his lips. Juliet smiled as Shawn quickly tried to change the subject again…only for it to land in the designated awkward zone of before.
"So, this new guy? What's he like?"
Juliet shrugged. "He's alright. I took him out bowling, but," she leaned into Shawn and whispered, as if it was a scandalous secret, "he scored an eighty-eight. Couldn't even break a hundred!"
"Hah, yeah, how pathetic," Shawn coughed, not looking Juliet directly in the eye. "Couldn't even break a hundred…" He looked down at his shoes. "So…you broke it off, just like that? Or is it an open ended thing, where you're not sure, but he's smitten, so then he learns how to bowl in the name of love and you fall head over heels, and you both start dating and join a couple's bowling league and…"
Juliet interrupted his babbling before he could start again, "Shawn."
Shawn's eyes rose to meet hers. "Yeah?"
"Do we have to keep doing this?" she sighed.
To be honest, Shawn had been asking himself this a lot lately. It's felt like they'd been stepping on eggshells around each other for a long time. He missed it when everything was simple in their relationship, and there were no hidden feelings, or double meanings in their words. He missed it when they could be friends.
"Doing what?" Shawn said automatically, not really caring to bare his soul here on the pier.
"This," she said, gesturing to the figurative space between the two of them. "Shawn, nothing has been the same between us since…what I said at the movie theater," she said, struggling with her words just like she was then, but still determined to get them out.
"Of course it's been the same," Shawn said, instantly denying her words. "I mean, sure, your hair is darker, and we've been dating other people, and I've recently considered changing my middle name to Zane…but we're still friends. Nothing's changed."
"So why couldn't we work together this week, like we could before?" she said.
Shawn frowned. When Gus and Lassiter had unexpectedly become partners, he'd thought being partnered up with Juliet would be great, just like it was during the roller derby case. However, for some reason they had bickered, completely unable to work together like that had before. He couldn't deny that it had been different that time…but did that mean things were different between them?
"It just…used to be easy," Shawn said lamely, acknowledging the Gordian's knot their relationship had become. It wasn't apparent at first glance, but there'd been an underlying tension between them for months now. At first he'd thought it'd just been Abigail, but even when she broke up with him, he could still feel it. There was something else blocking them, a road block that they couldn't seem to get past.
"Yeah," she said, pursing her lips in thought. After a moment she looked at him. "Here's an idea, Shawn," Juliet said slowly, unsure, but forging ahead anyway, "for ten minutes exactly, we have to tell the truth to each other. No more hiding what we're thinking."
To anyone else, it would have sounded like an idea from a cheesy movie but Shawn Spencer was the kind of guy who had seen every cheesy movie that was out there (from the 80s anyway), so he smiled. "Okay," he said hesitantly, knowing that this wasn't the best idea considering the secrets he had to keep, but knowing that saying no wasn't really an option. Not if he really wanted to move forward with Juliet.
"So…what do you want to know?" he said, trying not to sound too concerned.
"Why don't you ever talk about your past?" Juliet asked, grasping onto the first question she could think of.
This time it was Shawn who raised his eyebrows. If he'd been expecting a question, that hadn't been the one. He looked puzzled, but also unconsciously guarded when he answered, "Of course I do. Just last week I told you the story, of how when I was 11 I accidently locked my abusive cousin inside a python cage in England. Gus can attest to that one." He nodded.
Juliet, as amused as she had been by the story (which ended with Shawn winning the House Cup) at the time, wasn't impressed. "That's Harry Potter, Shawn. I mean real stories. Like about you, and your family, your childhood."
"I don't know," Shawn shrugged, but Juliet only looked at him.
"It's not like I'm asking you for an autobiography, I just think it's weird that you never seem to say anything about your life before you came to Santa Barbara," Juliet said.
Shawn bit his lip. It wasn't that he needed to lie all the time, or even wanted to, but it was a reflex reaction more than anything else. It didn't feel natural for him to speak his mind too openly, at least, not without a well placed eighties reference or a ridiculous joke somewhere in there.
"Jules, you were at my high school reunion," Shawn sighed. "Everyone thought I was Judd Nelson. Not that I would mind being Judd Nelson; in fact I'd very much enjoy it-"
"Shawn."
"Juliet."
Juliet only gave him a look and Shawn's eyes flickered to the floor as he remembered how she was able to make him feel…well, guilty. "Jules, you know my dad. We've never gotten along. He wanted me to be a cop, and I didn't, and…anyway. Believe it or not, my wonder years were not the most…"
"Wonderful?" Juliet supplied.
Shawn smirked. "But I've moved on from that, you know? I've got Psych, and Gus, and…" He couldn't admit it, even with their current deal going on, but there was a good chance the next word out of his mouth would have been, "you." He quickly closed his mouth and flashed Juliet a smile. "I hadn't pegged you for such a good interrogator, Jules."
"It's a lot easier when it's just telling the truth," Juliet said, almost teasingly, and Shawn couldn't help but smile. She had that effect on him.
"Well, I don't know about easy…" Shawn said.
"Lying's never easy, Shawn," Juliet said simply.
For some people, maybe. But for Shawn, lying came as easy as breathing. It was something he just did. He didn't think of it as lying, really. It was more that he loved inventing new stories, whether he and Gus were masquerading as hula instructors, or members of the Bulgarian consulate. Finally, Shawn shrugged. "It's a bit of a gray area."
Instead of questioning further about it, Juliet only turned to him and smiled. "Your turn," she said.
Shawn glanced at his watch. They had six minutes of truth left before they went back to…whatever they had before.
Shawn shook his head. "I don't need to ask you any questions, Jules."
"Oh really? There's nothing you want to know?" she said, the corners of her mouth turning up.
"What can I say, Juliet, you're an open book," he said breezily. It was true; Juliet was the kind of person you could get to know in minutes. Though occasionally bits of her past came through that completely surprised Shawn. Maybe that was part of what he liked about her. There were some parts of her he couldn't guess at, even with his powers of observation, and he liked that.
Shawn grinned. "And anyway, Jules, I already know your deepest, darkest secrets," he said jokingly. "I am…" Shawn had his hand halfway to his head, just like he had done earlier, before the words died on his lips. Before he remembered he wasn't a psychic. Shawn slowly lowered his hands, his eyes never leaving Juliet's. He looked at her and swallowed heavily, not sure if he should ask the question that just popped into his mind. But hell, he had five minutes left, so he went with his gut, which usually either ended extremely well, or in disaster.
"Do you think I'm psychic?" Shawn said softly.
Juliet looked into his eyes and nodded. "I do."
Shawn almost winced. There wasn't a moment of hesitation in her voice. She completely believed his lie. He suspected that the main reason she did was because she trusted him, which sickened him even more. Unable to break eye contact, Shawn nodded his head at her, giving her permission to ask the next question.
Juliet only stood there though, looking back into his eyes. Shawn could feel his heart quicken as he forced himself to look away from her gaze. He looked at his watch, using it as an excuse for not being able to look at her. Their time was over halfway gone.
Shawn waited a moment, then finally said, "Aren't you going to ask?"
"Does it matter?" Juliet said, her voice still soft as it crossed the small space left between them.
"Does it?" Shawn said, his voice unconsciously lowering to almost a whisper to match hers.
Juliet swallowed, almost unsure, and then, her voice slightly stronger she asked, "Shawn, are you psychic?"
Shawn swore he could hear the entire universe spinning around them at that moment, the silence was that complete. Or maybe he'd just been reading too many romance novels. It was all Gus' fault, for leaving them around, turning him into a cheesy Romeo to Juliet's….Juliet.
It would have been so easy to lie, to betray her trust like he always did. Shawn met her gaze again, and oddly enough he didn't feel any hesitation. He did pause a moment, but only to feel the moment of being with Juliet, before he ruined it forever.
"No," Shawn said, as if it was that simple.
And apparently it was. Shawn could see the hurt in Juliet's eyes, but it was only for a moment before she nodded. "Okay then."
Shawn's eyebrows furrowed. "Okay then? Jules, I think that me not being psychic merits more than that. A gasp at least. A dramatic speech. Yelling?…not that I want you to be mad, but-"
He was interrupted by Juliet O'Hara's lips pressing against his. It was shocking, and unexpected, and completely wonderful. Shawn knew he must have looked like an idiot, his eyes wide in confusion, before he closed his eyes to return the kiss.
Juliet soon pulled back, and Shawn was left speechless. Or as speechless as he could ever be.
"That was…" he coughed, unable to help the dreamy smile that came to his lips. He looked at Juliet, and for the first time in what seemed like a long while, things felt…natural, between them.
"So it really doesn't matter?" Shawn repeated softly, his brain still not quite up to speed with what had just happened.
Juliet seemed embarrassed, looking down at her feet instead of up at Shawn. She didn't seem to know what to say either, her mouth opening once, and then closing before she could say anything more. Shawn could tell that she was beginning to think that the kiss hadn't been the best idea. He felt the complete opposite.
Shawn swallowed heavily as he saw the hurt become more pronounced in her eyes. He could tell that it was just starting to sink in that he had lied to her, for years. He'd lied to everyone. Shawn usually didn't feel guilt, or at least he tried not to, but it was churning his stomach at that moment.
And then the crazy thought came to his mind that maybe he could make it up by telling one more truth. A glance at his watch told him he still had one minute left to make it right before she hated him forever. Or to look like an utter idiot. Either one. Taking a deep breath, he spoke.
"Juliet, I love you," he blurted out, the words finally coming out after being perched on his lips for so long. "And I'm sorry."
Shawn almost winced. Two life-altering secrets coming out in one night. Juliet really did have an amazing effect on him.
A glance at his watch told Shawn his time was up. The magical ten minutes of nothing but truth they had shared was over. He looked at Juliet and waited for her to say something – anything – as she turned his words over in her mind.
Finally, she grinned, a small smile, but a smile nonetheless. "You're going to explain all of this to me," she said sternly. "And I'm probably going to be really mad with you, and there's no guaranteeing I can ever forgive you, but I think I-"
This time it was Shawn who interrupted her, kissing her in a stupid, impulsive act. Juliet immediately returned the kiss, and they both grinned, unable to stop from smiling. Their hearts raced in their chests, and Shawn even thought he felt the ever cliché butterflies dancing in his stomach.
"-love you too," Juliet finished as Shawn finally pulled away. Shaking her head, still smiling, she said, "You better have one heck of a story for this psychic thing, Shawn."
"I'll tell you all about it later," Shawn promised.
Juliet looked at her watch, finally realizing that their time was up. "Looks like we're going to have to extend our ten minutes then."
Shawn almost gulped. Looking down at his shoes, he spoke, his voice not as confident. "Jules…there's something else you need to know about me."
Juliet's face fell, and Shawn knew he was about to break her heart, but kept going, because he couldn't fool Juliet about this any longer.
"…I can't bowl."
Juliet blinked in disbelief. "What?" she said, half laughing at Shawn's startling "revelation."
"I know I said I'm a great bowler, but the truth is, I'm horrible," Shawn said, completely serious. "Well…maybe not horrible, but…yeah, horrible."
Juliet smirked. "I can handle you not being psychic, but not being able to bowl? I hate to break it to you, Shawn…but that is a deal breaker," she teased.
Grinning, Shawn leaned in to kiss her again, this time slower, pulling her in closely. Closing his eyes, Shawn felt relief at finally being able to be, well…himself around Juliet again. No more secrets, or lies, or anything. Just himself.
Shawn grinned. Maybe Juliet was right about lying being harder than just telling the truth. As much as the truth terrified him, if it meant getting to be with Juliet like this…well, he was willing to give it a shot.