Had there been a time when he was ever the favorite? Certainly the tutors had preferred him over his brother. Thor was ever the warrior, ignoring the questions and puzzles laid out by their teachers in favor of weapons practice. Thor's prowess in battle had made Odin all the prouder; never mind that Loki had leaned most everything that had been laid before him and more. And it wasn't that he'd wanted to outshine Thor. In weapons handling and physical strength he knew he was no match. But for Odin to have looked at him the way he did his brother…he would have done anything.
Frigga seemed to understand his want, no, need to be recognized. But whenever he failed and she comforted him, she ignored the growing chaotic force inside him. That force grew stronger over time, expressed innocently enough at first. And while he meant no ill will, his actions, guided by the chaos, eventually came to a head. That day, when he had forced Odin to tell a truth that horrified and shamed him, had finally broken the veil the chaos had been hiding behind. Resentment, betrayal, jealously…helplessness, they welled up and spilled out of the cracks of the cup that was his sanity.
By the time any semblance of his typical nature returned, it was far too late for apologies. He had effectively destroyed that which he had for so many years worked to build; his image as a prince of Asgard had been shattered, and now the shards glittered in silent agony on the floor. He hadn't meant for it to end like it had. It was supposed to work out as it did in the stories, the lies, that had been told to him as a child; they were to live happily ever after, as in Midgardian tales. And no more secondhand love and care, no lesser affection. He and his brother would finally stand on equal ground.
Equality. Why had he ever fallen for such a lie?
Was sitting in the backseat of a car the other day and happened to have a notebook with me. Decided that I've taken a long enough hiatus/vacation and should get back to writing before I completely forget how. Is it sad that I didn't remember what file on my computer I usually save my writings to? I had to go hunting through my many folders to find it.
P.S. Done fidgeting with this. Just letting it go and moving on.