Disclaimer: Well obviously I don't own Twilight; if I did Jake and Eddie would have to sex all the time for my viewing pleasure! I don't own House either. Go ahead and sue me; you're welcome to three pennies and a sock. Oh, and for future reference, italics means Eddie is doing his vampire mindreading/telepathy thing on somebody.
Edward and Jacob were boning up in Edward's room. Jake loved the view of the forests of Washington that Edward's glass-wall/giant window thing provided; it made him feel like an eagle soaring high above the Earth. He kissed Edward's nipple as Edward boned him hard.
"Ohhh, Eddie!," Jake moaned as they did it like on the Discovery channel. Edward just grunted and kept thrusting. Jake kept moaning his delight—but suddenly his jaw slammed shut with a yelp of horror, Edward barely suppressing a howl of pain as the werewolf's fangs tore off a rather tender piece of skin. Jacob shoved Edward off him, scrambling over to cower behind the piano.
"Eddie, what the hell is that?," he demanded, pointing towards the bookshelf full of classic books and old records—the top of which was covered in cat and rabbit corpses, some of them dangling little bloody paws down as if to select their favorite from among the items of Edward's collection. Edward—nipple beginning to heal even as he tugged a shirt back on—followed his gaze and sighed sheepishly.
"I caught us a snack. I thought we might be hungry after…you know. I wanted to surprise you."
Jacob—who was still staring at the mini massacre with an expression between shock and sheer dumbfoundedness-nodded woodenly. He turned back to Edward, his dark face going suddenly pale.
"Right. I…yeah. Just a sec…"
He was out of the room in a flash, making tracks for the much-unused lavatory in the upstairs hall. As vampires have no need of such facilities it rarely saw much use unless Bella or Jake came over. It was being copiously used now, as Edward could hear with distaste. That was one advantage to being undead though; you never got hit with that yucky reflex to puke as well whenever somebody else was hurling. Which Jacob was, big time. Edward went to dutifully hold back Jake's hair—he'd let it grow long again because Edward liked to run his fingers through it. What a pair they made—the shorter, paler boy in a blood-spotted shirt and nothing else, holding back the hair of a very naked, vomiting native American with semen dribbling down his leg. Thus was the scene Carlisle walked in on, looking scholarly and mildly concerned as always.
"What happened?," he enquired as he moved to take Edward's place without flinching. Edward let him, though he kept a hand on Jake's shoulder, ready to catch his boyfriend should he pass out.
"I don't know," he replied sadly, "He just…suddenly looked pale and then…this started."
It was all the more confusing because some dead animals shouldn't have affected him like that. Jacob Black loved horror movies, and the gorier the better. A few dead rodents should have been no big deal to him. At last the stricken Quileute sat up again, swiping at his mouth with a shaking hand. Carlisle held him upright, a palm to Jake's sweat-beaded brow.
"I can't tell," he concluded at last, "if he is any warmer than usual. Jacob—how do you feel now? Any pain?"
Once he'd got his breath Jacob nodded, reaching out to close and flush the toilet—very pointedly not looking at its contents.
"Y-yeah. Um ..a few days now…here," he supplied, touching the region of his lower abdomen. Carlisle's brow furrowed as he helped Jake stand and carefully palpitated the area in question—taking care, of course, to avoid certain spots.
"There's definite tenderness," he mused, and "it almost feels like something is there."
Straightening up he turned to the boys.
"Get cleaned up and meet me at the car. We're going to my office to investigate this further. "
The drive was uneventful, save that they had to stop twice, once to let Jake pee and again so he could puke some more. His dark eyes were beginning to sink back in their sockets, Carlisle noted worriedly—he was getting very dehydrated. The doctor was still mulling over I.V fluids and parental consent forms when they pulled up at Forks General.
"You two stay here; I'm going to get him signed in and smooth the way, as it were. Jacob, let Edward and I do most of the talking, all right?"
Jake nodded tiredly, squeezing Edward's hand. Edward squeezed back.
I love you.
I love you too. Don't worry, you're going to be fine. Carlisle and I will make sure of it.
DUN-DUN-DUN! What's wrong with Jake? How did he and Eddie wind up together? And is Jakey gonna DIE? *big eyes* Tune in to the next exciting chapter and find out!