"Hmm..if you go with this plan, your right flank will be weak."
Jean frowned at the map, moving the little pieces to reflect the critique. He glanced up, his frown softening at the sight of the blond's furrowed brows, delicate fingers clutching his chin in deep thought.
"What about this?" Jean asked, stepping back and hoping to get some approval. "I'm not sure if this will work Armin."
"Better but-"
"Commander Kirschtein?" Jean jerked his head towards the doorway, where a new cadet stood, looking very much confused. Jean rubbed his face.
"What do you need?" Jean asked, impatient. A soft chuckle from Armin made him toss a playful glare over the table. The blond only smiled in response, busying himself with looking at the map. The cadet shook her head, biting her lip.
"Ah, Squad Leader Eren wanted to talk with you about something."
Jean let out an annoyed sound, this leading to full on laughter from Armin.
"Why does Jaeger need me to hold his fucking hand every time he does something? I swear, I don't see how Levi puts up with it." Jean rolled his map up. "C'mon Armin, let's go see what the little dipshit wants."
"Aw come on Jean, we're all adults here. No use in resorting to name calling." Armin paused. "Again." The cadet led the way, glancing back nervously every now and again. Jean quirked a brow. What was wrong with this new recruit?
"Ah, probably still jittery from the latest excursion." Armin supplied, falling into step with Jean. Jean nodded, shoving his hands in his pockets. Armin gave him a crinkly smile. "You need to shave. You look like a homeless man." He chuckled. Jean wrinkled his nose.
"I thought you liked the scruff." Jean reached a hand up to rub the prickly hairs.
"I do. But when it's trimmed. You got some serious overgrowth going on. Not to mention it looks like you haven't brushed your hair in weeks." Armin reached over to run a hand through his locks, but Jean swatted his hand away.
"Shut up. I've been trying to figure out what went wrong last mission."
"I don't know if we have enough time in the day for that." Armin remarked dryly. Jean rolled his eyes, wincing when they stepped out into the bright light. The Scouting Legion had gone back to business as usual though Jean could see the haunted faces. Two weeks had passed since the excursion and some of the recruits were still having trouble dealing with it. Jean took comfort in the fact that he had lost that innocence a while back.
Dealing with death was never easy, but at least he seemed a little more numbed.
Jean spotted Eren standing in a small circle with Mikasa and Levi, their heads ducked (or well, Eren and Mikasa's head ducked while Levi stood at his normal level). When the trio spotted Jean, they grew strangely silent. Jean trotted up to them, Armin close on his heels. "What is it Eren?" Jean smirked but Eren didn't take the bait, his expression becoming serious. Jean's smirk dropped, as did his heart into his stomach.
"We need to talk." Eren muttered, looking just a bit nervous. "In my office." Jean opened his mouth to ask why, but Eren had already turned away, Mikasa and Levi flanking him. Jean turned to look at Armin, who wore a similar expression of concern.
"Got any ideas?" Jean asked as he followed behind with Armin. The blond shook his head.
"Not at all. Eren's still a wildcard, even after all these years." He gave a weak chuckle, trying to ease some of the tension. It only made Jean feel worse. He shuffled into the small office, Levi taking one seat and Jean taking the other as Eren sat uncomfortably behind his desk. Eren didn't say seated for long and instead moved to pace around.
After a few moments, Jean growled, "Just spit it out already Jaeger!"
Eren struggled to form words and Mikasa finally saved him. "Jean, we're worried about you."
Jean blinked, totally not expecting it. "Worried? About what?" Jean looked over at Armin, who only gave a shrug.
"Your conversations with air, for one thing." Levi drawled, causing Jean to bristle. "Your lunatic ravings are disturbing the new recruits."
"Lunatic ravings?!"
"Jean," Mikasa's soothing voice caused the anger to go back to a simmer. Eren's long sigh distracted him and he turned, frowning as Eren leaned against the desk.
"Jean, we've all been mourning the loss of Armin." He stated slowly, as if he were trying to keep himself composed. "But…" he swallowed hard. "We have to keep pushing forward. We're close now. Armin, he'd be upset if he saw you right now, acting like you've gone completely…"
"Insane." Levi supplied. Jean's mouth floundered for a moment and he looked over at the wall where Armin leaned. The blond tilted his head, a few strands falling into clear blue eyes.
"I don't know what they're talking about Jean." Armin walked over to place his hand on his shoulder. "I'm alive and well."
"Armin's not dead." Jean said, bewildered. "He's standing right behind me! What sort of sick joke are you guys playing on us?"
Eren and Mikasa exchanged pitiful glances while Levi simply rolled his eyes. "Kirschtein, Arlert is gone. Fuck, you're the one that pulled his body from the belly of that titan, burned almost beyond recognition."
Jean cringed and glanced back at Armin, a yelp leaving him as he jumped out of his chair, slamming against the desk. He ignored Eren and Mikasa's questions, his attention focused on the sight before him. Armin, or what he supposed was Armin, stared at him with a curious gaze. Blond hair was brittle and burnt, falling with every little movement. Skin practically melted off his face and the sickening squelch of it falling onto the floor made Jean want to hurl. "Jean?" Armin's voice was still clear. "Why are you looking at me like that Jean?" Armin stepped around, more skin and hair falling off. A jagged stump of an arm reached towards Jean and Jean scrambled over the desk, heart thundering in his ears as feeling faded from his body, the haunting image of Armin the last thing he saw before the edges faded to black and white noise surrounded him.
0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o
"…not fit to serve…"
"…just a passing phase-"
"He can't be trusted to make good decisions."
Jean groaned, turning only to be rewarded with a sharp throb that started in his head and echoed all the way down his spine. He heard shuffling around before an impossibly warm hand took his. He blinked open his eyes, glaring lightly when he was met with Eren's ugly mug.
"Yep, he's back." Eren gave a slight of a smile. "Welcome back horse face."
"Shut up dipshit." Jean let out a breath, moving to sit up with Eren's help. He was laying in a clean white room, the sound of a city distant in the open window. He looked around, spying Mikasa and Levi standing nearby. "What happened?"
"You suffered a mental break and fell out." He glanced to his side and saw Armin sitting there, looking pleasant as ever.
"Fuck." Jean rubbed his face, memories hitting back in astonishing clarity. He glanced up at Eren. "Can I have..some alone time?" Eren looked hesitant at the thought but nodded, getting up and exiting with Mikasa and Levi.
"We'll be right outside." Eren assured him before shutting the door. Jean sat in silence for a long while, refusing to look at the blond in the chair.
"They say you aren't real." Somehow, Jean felt as if this wasn't the first time an episode like this occurred.
"You think I'm real. That's enough, isn't it?" The bed didn't dip, Jean noticed, as Armin sat beside him.
"I used to think so." Jean picked at his blanket, fighting against every urge to hug the body close. "But…"
"But?" Armin urged him quietly.
"But I'm tired." Jean leaned back into the pillows. "I told you I would never forget you. I think I over did it." He gave a faint smirk. Armin laughed beside him, the sound comforting as it was chilling.
"Like always."
"Yeah. Like always." he paused. "I guess I was so far in denial about your death-"
"Well you did try to give my body CPR."
"And I burnt my face in the process." They both laughed over that, the sound fading into another comfortable silence. He turned to look at Armin, face softening.
"I loved you, you know. Even though I never said it."
"I know." Armin gave a soft smile, leaning over to press a hand against his cheek.
"I regret not saying it."
"It's okay. Sometimes, actions mean more than words. You showed me that you loved me. Even until the last breath." Jean felt his lower lip trembling and he shut his eyes, tears barely stemmed.
"I feel so /guilty/." Jean confessed in a scandalized voice.
"It's pointless to tell you not to feel guilty, so I'll say this: you're only holding yourself back. I'm dead and gone. No use in crying over spilled milk. You know, all the cliches and sayings. If you want to make things right, then you need to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and go kill the rest of those bastards." Jean opened his eyes, pointedly ignoring the wet heat slipping down his face. Armin grinned openly at him.
"If not, then I really will come back from the dead and kick your ass."
Jean choked on a half sob, half laugh, and nodded furiously.
"Now stop crying before Eren teases you about it." Armin murmured, thumb reaching up with the motion to wipe away his tears.
"I guess this is goodbye?" Jean asked, sitting up again as Armin stood, straightening out his clothes.
Armin shook his head. "I like to think of it as see you later." He blew Jean a kiss and in the next blink, Armin was gone. Suddenly it seemed as if everything before this moment was nothing but a foggy dream that he had been wandering through. Jean looked down, finding in his hands a pair of spare glasses. Spares he had always kept in his pocket for Armin who was notorious for losing them.
"Yeah," he gave a breathless chuckle, clutching the glasses tight. "See you later."