Story title: a Forehead and a Pig as One
Fandom: Naruto
Nature: Drama / Action-Adventure
Summary: Sakon and Ukon Soma are Ninja of the Leaf, 34 years old, and have a set of daughters: Sakura and Ino Soma, Heirs to their Bloodline and 11 year old pre-genin.
Disclaimer: The series Naruto and its entire canon, including characters, locations, events and new concepts are the intellectual property of Masashi Kishimoto or whoever he has sold his rights to. This work here is not for profit, although the Nachoman would claim intellectual property of new characters, concepts and events.
If you want to use my characters, just ask me and give me credit.
Author's Note 1: I don't like the idea of mixing Japanese and English. I think it simply obscures the meaning of things, so I will avoid naming techniques by their Japanese names, making up Japanese names for whatever new techniques I might make up, or employing Japanese exclamations.
Even so, I will preserve certain Japanese formulae:
(*) Names. I will refer to a 'flying blade' as a shuriken, to a 'throw able knife/dagger' as a kunai, to a 'something to wear' as a kimono, to 'bean-paste noodles' as miso ramen. Furthermore, I won't even attempt to translate people's names: is just not polite. I would know, considering that my first name translates from Latin into 'Idiot', and my middle name translates from Greek as "Man with no law".
You get the idea.
(*) Japanese terms that could be described as technical slang. I myself speak Tourism-industry English, Engineering English, General-Scientific English, Sci-fi English, Colloquial English, Gastronomy English and Spanish, Colloquial Spanish, Tourism-industry Spanish, Medical Spanish and General-Scientific Spanish, and can read Olden Spanish and some Olden English. There are plenty of terms that mean something in one context, but then mean something completely different on the next. For example, the expression "floral formula" means completely different things on chemistry than in biology: in chemistry, it would refer to either a list of instructions on how to mix chemicals to obtain a compound that would smell like flowers, or the finished compound; on biology, though, a floral formula, more precisely called a floral equation, is a tachygraphic (shorthand) method of describing the morphology (physical shape, in detail) of a flower. Another clear example would be an autoclave: in Medicine and Gastronomy, is little more than an oven that heats stuff using steam rather than direct heat, and little more than a sealed steam-cooker. In Engineering, however, an autoclave is a brutal pressure-based furnace that can be equated with an aerospace version of hammer-and-anvil as a metal-strengthening method, frequently used to forge aluminium ingots to aircraft-grade aluminium.
So, first of all, the word "Jutsu" becomes defined as "Technique usually only seen used by Ninja".
The Naruto Universe speaks English, and speaks some Japanese as technical slang.
(*) Honorific prefixes and suffixes. Japanese is riddled with these; speech loses some meaning if they are not present; and constantly translating them wreaks havoc on the English sentence flow. I will translate them when they are independent words, but not when they are prefixes or suffixes modifying a word.
Finally, I need to say that this chapter is overly saccharine, especially concerning a story that's not supposed to be romantic. Please bear with me, as I need to perform some character development before we can go on with the actual story.
Mea culpa
On with the show
Inoshishi Soma, or just Ino for most people, walked into the ninja academy, looked longingly at the groups of children playing around the yard and, with a sigh, headed directly to her homeroom. Starting their fourth year into ninja academy, she and her sister Sakura had yet to make a decent friendship with anybody at school. Not that she or her sis were ugly or antisocial or anything, but, well, as Daddy said, people who were ugly inside would not relate with them.
But why did these ugly people just seem to have so much fun! Just running around the yard, never having let her or her sister join in!
Oh well.
She reached her homeroom and immediately headed to one of the seats at the back. There were already some children there, all of whom were also as popular as they were in the academy.
There was Aburame Shino, who had his family's ability to tame insects and thus was constantly covered on them. He was a very intelligent, very good observer and very good at following orders to the letter. He always was a challenge and a good sport in Taijutsu practice, although she hadn't been able to assess him that well, with Sakura always being so skittish about touching him. She would love to be his friend but, even getting past the creep factor of all his insects, he had absolutely nothing to talk about outside of class work, and as much personality as stale potato salad. She would have given him a wave, but she couldn't even know if he was even awake with his dark shades on.
Then there was Hinata, heir to the Hyuuga clan. Daddy said she'd be arrogant and a spoiled princess, but she rather was so painfully shy that 'arrogant' was totally out. Furthermore, she never wore makeup, had a hairdo that one would think was all about caring the least possible for her hair, and always seemed to wear the same clothes; so 'spoiled princess' was out, too. She was the best student on all the kunoichi-specific courses (flower arrangement, tea ceremony, music, comportment, cooking…), was their only competition in academics, but was barely getting by in Taijutsu: her form was perfect, her katas were perfect, but enter combat and just as people were unable to land a hit on her, her attacks would always fall short. Ino had tried to befriend her, but talking with her always seemed to be limited to her asking a question and receiving a short answer.
Ino gave her a little wave, and received back a little nod.
And then there was this Sai kid: he was the biggest jerk in the world, insulting anybody who came within earshot! Ino walked by him, ignoring him like he wasn't there.
Naruto Uzumaki used to have a seat up there, too, being an orphan and apparently the last survivor of an unpopular clan, but Iruka had recently moved Naruto to the front, were he could keep an eye on him.
Sitting down at her assigned seat near the corner, Ino watched Uchiha Sasuke stroll into the room. She scowled and looked elsewhere. When they came up to him and confessed six months ago, he had told them that the Uchiha clan was well above being revived through a two-headed freak-show refugee. And she hadn't even wanted to go out with him: it had been Sakura, and she had gone along 'cause, well, they couldn't do anything separately!
Taking a look at the clock, she saw she still had ten minutes before the first bell. Distractedly, she pulled a comb from her book-bag and gave a few strokes to her hair, pooling her ponytail over her left shoulder. Then she reached a little further back, pulled Sakura's Alice headband and began combing Sakura's pink hair over her right shoulder; not like she had anything better to do anyway, and it was a little thing that she would always gladly do for her sis.
There are many things she gladly did for her sis: she had gone along with her sis and confessed to Sasuke, even if only Sakura had even seen anything on the spoiled jerk. Today it had been Sakura's turn to sleep in, so she had done their entire morning routine alone. And tomorrow, like any Tuesday or Friday, it would be Sakura's turn to dress them both in whatever she wanted.
Looking down as to assure herself of what she was wearing, she discreetly adjusted her indigo cargo skirt. She shuddered just thinking about Sakura's tastes: first dyeing her hair bubblegum pink, then buying everything pink and lacy in The Leaf, then insisting that she, Ino, had to help her to save for that absolutely appalling fuchsia furisode kimono that she wanted for their Coming-of-Age ceremony. Thankfully, while Ino was indeed adding money to that particular piggybank (for otherwise Sakura would claim to have been the one to have saved for the garment, then claim final say on the colour), she still had nine years to make her sister see reason, rent a sensibly-coloured one, and do something productive with what would surely be a load of money by then.
Buy an apartment and put it out to rent, for example.
Nonetheless, at certain times she thought that she did a little too much for her sister, like whenever Naruto would come up and try to ask her out.
Such as now.
"Morning Ino! Is Sakura awake? I wanted to ask her out after school's over."
"No, she isn't awake yet, but we have stuff to do." …like watching grass grow! The nerve of Naruto! Asking ONE of us out! Am I just chopped liver or what!
"Oh well, maybe another day," said Naruto, turning, undeterred, and marching down to bug the Uchiha prick.
A few seconds later, the first bell sounded. Ino put away the comb and reached back, shaking Sakura's head softly. Sakura reacted as usual: she took control of their entire body for a second and stretched their muscles, to then use their hands to handle about her head and stretch her neck. Ino waited patiently for her sister to finish waking up, next took control of their arms and put them on their lap while Sakura migrated her head from their back and onto their right shoulder. Almost unconsciously, Ino widened their torso a half neck-width and migrated her head slightly to the left, allowing her sister's head to migrate to her right. Finally feeling Sakura's ear against her own Ino leaned her right cheek into Sakura's left and brought her hand, their left hand, to her sister's right cheek and gave it a light caress.
Sakura leaned into her cheek and returned the little gesture with her own hand, their right hand.
They stayed like that another heartbeat, to then let go of what passed by them as a good morning greeting. Of course they could have separated their heads a bit further and kissed each other's cheek, but why? Didn't people hug so they could feel closer to one another? Mum and Dad said it all the time: "Actions speak louder than words." What would it mean for them to give each other a little kiss or a little hug, if they could rather just feel the love?
They brought down their hands, but kept their cheeks together. They then grew their torso sideways, just a neck-width wider, letting the distance break their contact as if against their wishes.
"Slept well, sis?" murmured Ino, turning her head a little inward but still keeping her eyes in the room below. Distraction never pays in Ninja Academy, and her sis still was somewhat sleepy.
"Wonderfully, Ino." Sakura said, turning in too, leaning her forehead into Ino's and, as if proving Ino's previous thought, closing her eyes again. "Thanks for the extra hour."
"Anytime, sis," said Ino, breathing out a little sigh, picking up Sakura's Alice band from their desk and slipping it into her sister's hair. "Just wish Naruto would stop asking you out alone, though."
Her sister opened her eyes again, her face going into a little frown.
"Hasn't figured it out yet." Sakura said, dryly.
"I'm just about ready to go there and explain it to him," Ino said, mirroring Sakura's frown. "But Daddy was very specific…"
"No matter which boy ever asks you out, you have to refuse if he isn't asking both of you out," they both droned out.
Naruto had been the only boy to ever ask them out, but they had to refuse: he had never asked them both out.
Although, technically, he had asked them both out, repeatedly: the problem was, he would never ask them both out simultaneously: one week he would be asking Ino out, the next he would be asking Sakura out. They would swear he had a calendar or something, telling him which of the two of them to ask any given week.
But Mum and Granny had been very clear with them: 'Wait until your potential boyfriend figures it out, lest he should think about dating you both for just one of you. Neither of you deserves to have that done to you.' So they kept waiting, frustrated, until the day their only admirer grew a brain.
"Mum's right," said Sakura. "Boys are clueless."
"If we end up as his girlfriend…"
"…I think we'll need to be the mature ones in the relationship."
Iruka-sensei chose that moment to walk into the classroom, so the class settled down.
Walking a step behind the Uchiha prick, and ignoring him all the way, Sakura entered her homeroom and headed to her seat at the row of the unpopular. Not surprisingly, there was Aburame Shino, who might have as well been a bug-infested mannequin; there was Hinata Hyuuga, who seemed to be trying to turn invisible; and there was Sai, who just looked bored and was likely thinking new ways to prove to the world just how much of a potty-mouthed arsehole he was.
Taking a look at the clock, she saw she still had ten minutes before the first bell. Feeling happy for having the time, she pulled a comb from her book-bag and gave a few strokes to her wild mane, pooling it over her right shoulder. Then she reached a little further back and began combing Ino's blonde ponytail over her left shoulder. She hummed a little as she started, just doing a little loving thing for her sis.
Just another little thing she gladly did for her sis: today it had been Ino's turn to sleep in, so she had done their entire morning routine. Six months ago she had been resigned to become the girlfriend of Uchiha Sasuke, even if Ino had been the only one of the two of them to ever get googly-eyed over the stupid prick. Two days from now, like any Monday or Thursday, it would be Ino's turn to dress them both in whatever she wanted.
Glancing at the blond hair in her hands, she frowned a bit. Just what was wrong with Ino, anyway? Sakura considered herself well centred and knew that, as an active kunoichi of the Leaf, they would be expected to dress just like Ino insists on doing: sombre colours, no frills… the works. But come on, they were an eleven-year-old girl, not an old maid: they could dress in cute clothes whenever they knew there would be no Taijutsu practice, just like today she had put on this beautiful baby-blue bell dress with pink bows, lacy trimming and a petticoat! She knew Ino would likely make fun of her and hyperventilate as soon as she woke up, but that was Ino's fault for not being a normal girl.
Not that any other girl in the class would seem to take example. Was she the only girly girl in the Academy?
But then again, at certain times she would prefer to be the one asleep, like whenever Naruto would come up, such as now…
"Morning, Sakura! Ino's asleep? Well, you wanna grab some ice cream with me after school?"
"No Naruto, I don't want to go out with you." This insensitive jerk! Is Ino just a wart in my shoulder or what!
Five minutes later, Sakura and Ino Soma were beginning class. Not before Ino had applied a little Genjutsu on he own head, though. A couple of E-ranked Genjutsu strung together: one that made her hair turn pink, another that blurred her face at a distance, so Sakura would look at her normally, but just two meters away she would be unrecognisable.
Ino had no need to antagonize the person who controlled half of her body most of the time, but she had even less need to let people think she liked looking like a marshmallow.
Ring Ring…
Ring Ring…
Ring Ring…
Ring *click*
Having killed the alarm, Ino pulled her arm back into the warm recesses of her bedroll.
How much she wished she could have five more minutes… but duty awaited no kunoichi.
Pulling her head to the left, she carefully separated her right cheek from her sister's left, as, per usual, they had become glued by dried drool. Then, turning her head to the right, she gazed at her sister: a nimbus of pink partially hiding her face as her currently twisted lips drooled on their pillow. Ino knew better than to think it funny, though: teasing her twin was all right, but it is never a good day to start outright bullying half of yourself.
Not bothering to wake up her right head… yet, Ino took control of Sakura's side and slowly rose from bed. She looked down at herself and sighed: a pale pink pyjama with unicorn prints was just the way to end a Sakura day. She quickly stripped bare and, putting on a bathrobe, headed to the bathroom.
After flushing down the morning emissions, washing her hands and pining up her and her sister's mops of hair, she began filling the bathtub for the day. From its warm water she filled two bathing buckets and carried them to the bathing area. There, she sat on a stool and prepared to wake up Sakura: with her own hand (their left) she picked up a washcloth and, after soaking it on the warm water of the buckets, brought it to her sister's cheek.
Ino loved the sensation of goose bumps that ran down Sakura's side as the washcloth dribbled warm water down their front; loved it almost as much as the pleased moan that came out of Sakura's throat. She moved the washcloth around her sister's face, and once her eyes were open and focussed, moved it down to her shoulder. Sakura brought her arm, their right, across their body and put her hand on Ino's shoulder, completing their hug.
They had to let go of their hug quite soon, though, as the bathtub began overflowing. They jumped and closed the water, then returned to their stool, the moment lost. Nonetheless, Sakura picked up the dropped washcloth; Ino picked up a fresh one and, each producing a second arm from her armpit and picking up bars of soap, began to lovingly wash each other.
Ten minutes later, having properly washed and rinsed and spent a few minutes soaking in the hot bathtub, they were back in their room and had already towelled dry. They were currently standing naked in front of their closet and staring at their biggest recurring headache to date: agreeing to wear something.
Sakura would take a step to the right side of the closet and pull out a dress.
"Why don't we wear this one?"
Ino would sigh and put it back.
"'Cause it looks like a cherry cake! Ninja are supposed to blend with nature."
"Well, why not this other one?" said Sakura, stepping minutely to the left and pulling out a dark brown one.
"'Cause I don't want us to ruin one of your most sensible dresses on Taijutsu practice today," Ino said, while she put the chocolate cake dress back in the closet. Then she blinked. "Come to think about it, lets wear your cherry cake dress!" she called, happily pulling the previous saccharine monstrosity and pressing it on their body.
"No way we're using it then!" Sakura said, ripping it off from Ino's hand, pushing it back into the closet and stepping two paces to the left, toward Ino's side of the wardrobe. "Why don't we try to ruin one of YOUR dresses?"
"Sure, lets try!" said Ino giddily, grinning at her sister as she borrowed her sister's hand and pulled out a set of full body bandages and a navy-blue combo of light blouse and miniskirt. "I like proper ninja apparel, so we would need to actually try to damage it beyond repair."
Sakura huffed at that.
"No way we are wearing your clothes today!" said Sakura, taking control of both their arms and putting the clothes back in the wardrobe, then crossing their arms. "It's Wednesday: we're supposed to agree to wear something!"
"Can't the two of you agree to wear the clothes I picked for you yesterday?" came a muffled voice from the door. "And by the way, morning Kushi-dear!"
"Morning, Mum" they replied automatically. Derailed from their discussion, they shared a look, sighed and pulled the garment bag from the very middle of their wardrobe. Inside it they found a purple pinafore dress, black biker shorts, a mesh undershirt, studded leather gaiters and bracers and two sets of leg warmers, one to cover their gaiters, one for their bracers.
Sharing another look, they nodded and silently began dressing.
Mum had won the battle.
Again.
Fifteen minutes later, they were entering their homeroom at the academy. Naruto spotted them instantly and homed on them, stopping them in front of the blackboard.
"Morning, girls! You both awake today? Well, Sakura, want to go out today?"
'I can't stand this any longer! Either I prod him, or I'll explode!' Sakura thought at her sister.
'Well… be as indirect as possible. Don't want Mum or Dad to think we told him.'
Taking a deep breath, Sakura addressed Naruto.
"Naruto; before I tell you no, I just wanted to ask you something: why on Earth do you keep asking us out separately?"
"Well…" Naruto started, scratching the back of his head in a nervous gesture. "Well, I asked Mizuki-sensei a few months back, and he told me that it would be very bad if I asked two girls. I would need to only ask one girl, so that's what I been doing."
The sisters shared a look.
'He's so clueless, but he's been trying to be nice! Please, sis: we have to enlighten him!' Ino pled at her sister.
Sakura sighed and gave a nearly invisible nod to Ino before turning back to Naruto.
"Naruto," said Sakura, stepping forward and putting her hand on his shoulder. "That's sweet, but we need you to understand that asking half of a girl is no better than asking two."
"But, you two…" he said, stammering to a halt. His expression turned to flabbergasted as he began to point his finger at each of their heads in turn.
Ino caught his hand on her own, then stepped forward and, surprising even herself, planted a kiss on his right cheek. Her sister followed a heartbeat later and, both blushing up a storm, they ran out of their classroom and hid inside the bathroom until the first bell flushed them back to their classroom.
With their teachers having announced a field day for Friday, the girls, as per previous agreement, had a Sakura day on Thursday. Thus it was Sakura who Naruto greeted on their desk, five minutes before the first bell.
"Morning, Sakura!" he said with his usual exuberance. Then he seemed to tune down his enthusiasm, as he began scratching the floor with his foot. "Ino not awake yet? Well, I thought of what you said yesterday, so I went and talked with Iruka-sensei about things."
"Keep going" she said, crossing her arms and eyeing him like an annoying bug.
"Well, I thought about stuff… and Iruka-sensei said… ah… eh…" He stammered. He then blurted. "So… Can I take you two out for ice-cream after school?"
"Well, that was sure nicer than usual, Naruto," she said, giving him a nice smile. "But still, asking my sister out through me is still not a very nice thing to do."
"Thanks for telling me, then," he said, giving her a little bow. "Should I ask again during lunch break?"
"You do that."
Once Naruto had walked down the stairs to bug the Uchiha again, Sakura sat down on her desk and, without waking up her sister, migrated her sister's head up to its normal place on their shoulders. She then lied down their heads on their desk and, covered by their arms, began to alternatively tense and relax her sister's neck muscles.
As soon as her sister began stirring, she clamped down her control on their whole body and kept them immobile. While her sister didn't struggle, this action made her wake up real fast, as Sakura could feel how their left heart had jumped in rhythm. Outwardly, she continued looking asleep, but inwardly she felt how her sister flexed her mental muscles. Sakura opened her end of their channel and greeted her.
'Morning, Shi.'
'Morning, Ku. Did Daddy arrange for another kidnapping exercise?'
'Not at all! We are at the Academy, at our normal desk.'
'Then what's up with using "Secret wake-up"? What's the mystery?'
'Surprise of surprises, Ino: Naruto asked both of us out!'
Her sister tried to bolt up, but Sakura kept them seated and still. A few seconds later, after her sister had stopped pumping adrenaline into their bloodstream, she gave her the slightest nod and Sakura relaxed their muscles.
'Well, you did say yes, right, Ku?'
'Of course not, Ino! He was a jerk and asked me for you while you were still asleep!'
'Well, that's still a mighty improvement, coming from him,' thought Ino. 'He asks again, you say I said yes!'
'He said he'll ask again during lunch break. We both say yes then.'
'Well, that's even better. Thanks Ku!'
'Anytime, Shi; anytime.'
As soon as their lunch break began, Sakura and Ino watched how their hopeful boyfriend jumped out the window, caught himself on the tree outside and quickly slipped down the three stories to the ground, where he took off like catapulted toward the cafeteria, cutting across the training fields. The girls looked at each other and sighed: while it was his normal routine, they had hoped he would remember he was supposed to be asking them out today.
Nothing to it, though. They sighed again and walked out the room and toward the roof, where they usually ate their lunch alone.
As per usual, the rooftop was empty. Funny, considering that it had a bunch of not-too-uncomfortable stone benches.
True to their routine, they straddled the nearest bench and produced the storage seal in which Mum usually packed their lunch. Their bento appeared on their hands; they opened it and saw how their Mum had packed it with twice as much food as they would eat, just like they had asked her yesterday.
They sighed, as the extra food would go to waste. Nothing to it, though, so they picked up two of the three sets of chopsticks included with the bento and began to slowly eat it.
It was to their surprise when Naruto appeared not three minutes later, carrying three cups of ramen and a foolish grin.
"Morning, Ino! Hi again, Sakura," he said.
"Hi, Naruto," they chorused, smiling back at him and unconsciously adjusting their dress.
"Mind if I sit here?" he asked, waving with his chin at the free bench space in front of them.
"Suit yourself," opened Sakura, waving invitingly at the space.
"The bench is hard, but the sun has warmed it up nicely," closed Ino, dabbing a napkin at the corners of her mouth, then her sister's mouth.
"Thanks," he said, placing down the ramen and straddling the bench like them. He then was blunt as normal: "So, can I take you for some ice cream after school, girls? Both of you, of course!" he said, making the last part sound as an afterthought.
The girls shared a look, nodding at each other, before they looked at him again. They extended their hands at him, and when he caught them they clasped his hands and addressed him together.
"Kushi," they said.
He blinked.
"Call us 'Kushi' when you want to refer to both of us," opened Sakura.
"But just don't go telling that name around, alright," continued Ino. "Only our family and best friends can know of that one."
He nodded cheerily.
"So, Kushi…" he said, like tasting the word.
"Yes, Na-kun?" they chorused, letting out a giggle at his grin at his new nickname.
"Wanna have an ice cream after school, Kushi-chan?" he asked, smiling like a sun.
"After the half-day school on Saturday?" Ino asked, clasping his hand harder.
He blinked, but then he smiled again and nodded.
But then his expression turned puzzled.
"But what of today, then?" he asked.
"Today you can walk us home, of course," said Sakura, as if the thought was the most natural thing in the world.
"Alright!" he exclaimed, taking advantage of them unconsciously letting go by jumping off the bench and beginning a little silly dance on the rooftop.
They giggled at his antics a bit, but then felt their stomach groan. They looked at each other, then down at their lunches. How much of the lunch break was left, anyway?
"Hey Naruto!" they called.
"Yes, what's up?" he asked, stopping his dance.
"We need to eat our lunches," Ino opened.
"Break's almost over," Sakura closed, doing a wristwatch gesture with her hand over Ino's naked wrist.
"Oh crap!" he swore, jumping back to his place. The he picked up two of the ramen cups and extended them at them.
"Iruka-sensei said it would be nice if I offered you some food," he said, as he understood their mildly surprised expressions as they accepted the noodles.
"Iruka-sensei is a good teacher, then," Sakura opened, as the twins began rapidly growing a second set of arms out of their armpits.
"…For now we can trade some of our lunch with you, too." Ino closed, just as their second set of arms reached down and pushed their bento box a little forward on the bench. "Mum always packs too much food for us," she continued, covering her mouth with her ramen cup so he wouldn't notice she had lied through the teeth.
"Alright!" he said, pulling the paper cover off his ramen cup and beginning to slurp.
As they slurped up their own, they continued sharing happy looks: they were eating four-armed, and he wasn't even making a comment!
Four minutes later, they didn't hear the first bell. They heard the second, made it late to their next class and had to carry buckets for an hour, but it was worth it.
Naruto was their boyfriend!
Six months went by…
Sipping a delicious coffee, Sarutobi Hiruzen greeted the rising sun. The sunrise was surely spectacular here, seen from the small bedchamber sitting behind his office at the Hokage tower. He wouldn't normally sleep here, but he still made a point to spend an odd night every once in a while so he could rise to this sight.
'Not that I hadn't wanted to wake up at home today,' he thought inwardly. 'Not at all. I am an exemplar to my village, thus the candy stores of The Leaf don't report whenever Asuma buys more than a handful of chocolates, thus I don't know when Konohamaru will have an early morning sugar high. No, I just enjoy the sunrise from atop the tower'.
Stepping into his office, he opened the window and was greeted by a strange sight. Watching Naruto running over the roofs of The Leaf wasn't strange at all: the High Road was the expected mode of travel for any ninja not out for a leisurely stroll on the surface, and Naruto was only unique on discovering the High Road while still being an Academy student. Today's sight was unique, though: rather than wearing his typical orange jacket over orange pants, he was wearing a baby blue pinafore dress over an orange t-shirt and orange pants, had two distinctively female heads riding along on his shoulders, and his jumps and landings were being accompanied by stereophonic and very girlish squeals and giggles.
Once he actually recovered from the surprise, he leaned forward on the railing and watched them bounce until they were out of sight.
'O…okay, I just saw Minato's son acting like a long-time boyfriend to the Soma heirs and introducing them to the High Road. Furthermore, I saw crystal-clear evidence that they trust him enough to use their Bone-Deep Hug Jutsu on him. That should be therapeutic for them and the village: the girls get a boyfriend that would move heaven and earth for them; he gets a cuddly girlfriend, and the village 'enjoys' less pranks by the simple virtue of him being busy with his girlfriend.'
Hiruzen expelled a happy sigh.
'Minato would be so happy to see this: it's like turning the clock back fifteen years, when he would reap all sorts of mayhem whenever he got bored, then Kushina managed to bring him under control. I guess the cycle of life comes full circle once again.'
But suddenly, Hiruzen's image was shattered as a very frightening image crossed his mind: a legion of double headed mini-Minatos, half of them with long hair and skirts, were Yellow-Flashing all over The Leaf, using Body Possession as pranks, juggling Rasengans and proclaiming they would be the next Hokage.
'I'll thank the Kami if I'm lucky enough to be dead by the time that comes into being. If I'm already too old to deal with Konohamaru on a sugar high, then I wasn't born young enough to deal with Minato's likely grandchildren.'
He looked down to the cup of coffee he was holding, to then pour it over the railing and turn back into the bedchamber.
'And I think The Leaf could survive if its Hokage sleeps in on Sunday. Let the bureaucrats downstairs do their job for once.'
But then, after tucking back into his bed, he took a notepad from his bedside table:
Coming Genin graduation:
*Make sure that Naruto Uzumaki and Ino/Sakura Soma end up in the same Genin squad. Might be a Commando, Sabotage, Escort or Generalist squad, depending on suitability of third teammate.
*Put Kurenai as their squad leader. She's well overdue to lead one.
*The squad should test for Demolition or Hunt/Capture after making Chuunin.
*Find a third teammate whom the girls might be willing to Hug. Double check the Hyuuga girl: that should make Hiashi mad as hell.
*If the Nara kid turns out to be the most suitable, they should be trained as an Intel squad instead. And Asuma would be their leader.
Not believing he was missing anything, Hiruzen pulled the sheet from the notepad, folded it into an origami star and, infusing it with a little chakra, stuck it into the wood of the door across the chamber.
'Origami Shuriken, indeed. Don't know where you get half of your ideas, Jiraiya.'
But then, thinking into the pillow, Hiruzen thought about the situation. Once again, he was setting a set of lovers to go together to do battle. After all, a general of yore had very well said 'Send buddies to the battlefield together and they'll fight like scared dogs to protect the village; send lovers to the battlefield and they'll fight like lions just to keep covering each others backs'. While he could expect a 5% higher mission abortion rate than other villages, mainly due to team-mates aborting upon one becoming incapacitated, he could also boast that, in his village, ninja survival odds to retirement were a coin toss, while on some other villages, like Rock, survival to retirement was nearly non-existent.
'Well, nearly non-existent even before they provoked the last war against The Leaf. Minato really did a number on them.'
The Hokage chuckled a bit, before turning over and activating the light sleep seal embroiled on the pillow.
'And I'm not asking Jiraiya why he learned to infuse chakra into his tongue.'
I genuflect toward 'Mirror and Image,'
I also recommend the fic "Team Time" by Mirror and Image: it has been the very first High-School fic I have ever been capable of stomaching. Maybe because it has been the very first such fic I have yet to see being written with the head, rather than employing diverse body parts?
I liked it quite a bit, too.
Author's Note 2:
Yeah, I made Ino and Sakura into identical twins. The conjoined daughters of Sakon and Ukon, to be more precise.
The girls and the people around them mix singular and plural all the time. Likewise, they say 'Daddy' or 'Dad' when referring collectively to Sakon and Ukon, their two fathers. The girls are used to thinking of themselves as one, and while they do use second person while communicating between each other ('You want to go out with him, so you tell him yes! Why you want to go out with him, anyway?') and their' separate thoughts can come out in plural ('The nerve of Naruto! Asking ONE of us out! Am I just chopped liver or what!'), they still think of themselves as a single, indivisible entity ('If we end up as his girlfriend, I think we'll need to be the mature ones in the relationship.').
I reduced the identities' psychology of the girls to 'Two votes, one action', meaning the two may think separate thoughts, but in the end they don't even conceptualize themselves as individuals, but as two parts of a duality.
It's all about conditioning: the two girls have been conditioned since birth to think that, when it counts, they are a two-headed girl. Not unlike Mexicans discriminating against Mexican products and services; Canadians thinking that 4 o'clock sunset is normal; Dominicans being overwhelmingly black, yet discriminating against black candidates at the ballots; Americans being shocked at being one of the most dangerous countries around the world when concerned with gun-related crime, when they have gun-related laws that look like jaywalking compared to any other sensible country; or Cubans being completely polarized between Fidel-lovers and Fidel-haters.
Say, like any country that allows businesses to fund politicians' campaigns, then wonders why corruption is rampant.
But I'm digressing…
And even if all of my previous explanation was taken as a load of bull, a friend who read my preliminary notes over my shoulder mentioned that the plural/singular mindset could simply be explained by the Japanese concept of Wa: "The Group Is More Important Than The Individual". City-dwelling Japanese are pretty much drones catering to school-hives and industry-hives, so there's nothing weird about two Japanese conjoined twins pretty much thinking of themselves as a two-headed person rather than two persons in one body.
I don't agree with this other explanation and it annoys me, considering it over-simplified, but I'm far too much of a scientist to discard a working explanation just because it's false on this particular instance: it could be the right explanation in the next instance.
Shoot the rationalist.
Author's Note 3:
The Chuunin Exams are in eighteen months' time, not six months.
Same exams, mostly the same events, same Sand/Sound invasion: just a year later. I need more than half a dozen months for the Genin to actually be effective, without feeling that Kurenai is being reckless in entering them. Plenty of training, plenty of D-ranks and at least a handful of C-Ranks. Besides, I'm already not giving them the Wave fiasco: our fellow author Lord Of The Land Of Fire has already been kind enough to allow me to use his 'festival security' mission (featured on his stories 'A Different Path' and 'The Flashing Dagger Technique'.)
Author's Note 4:
In future chapters, there will be some frank conversation about male and female body, and at least one extended, if not fully blown, session of Systematic Body Desensitization, consisting on making the team capable of fighting even when naked. Such training is an important, if subtle part of all medicine and military programs (Co-ed Army and Navy showers, anyone? Medical interns catheterizing each other inside crowded labs? Making sure it is a female intern the one to apply a surgical shave? Getting boys to deliver babies until they completely desexualise the sight of a vulva?), and I believe it would be a serious weakness for any of them to start covering themselves if their clothing gets torn during combat, or prove to be weak to nudity, sexual allure or seduction in just such a situation.
But make no mistake: I'll write some nudity in proper situations, but I definitely do not like, endorse, condone or think well of any form of child pornography or child molestation (one of the reasons why I don't like Sailor Moon's boyfriend). Get your heads out of the gutter: historical kunoichi (like any other historical female spy) would usually be whores passing on what they heard on pillow talk, but I'm just not going to explore that particular aspect.
'Sides, I don't believe for a second that clothing can be reduced to shreds and ribbons and still be fully covering. And if Naruto (or one of the girls wearing pants) were ever caught by enemies while squatting in the bush, I don't want them to fumble with their pants if the safer option ever was to just cut through the middle and start running. I already wrote just such a scene during a blizzard, and it would be just sad if I wrote off the only bits of Jackie Chan-like comic relief out of one very miserable mission.
Author's Note 5:
The girls hugged Naruto, then went inside his skin.
They are the daughters of Sakon and Ukon.
I can certainly imagine ways to use their bloodline outside of offence, while keeping my head outside the gutter.
'nough said on the matter.
Furthermore, I already had enough trouble keeping their Wednesday morning bath scene from seeming incestuous. Ever heard the expression "If those two were any closer, they would be wearing the same clothes"? Well, these two girls do wear the same clothes day in and day out. They wear the same skin, too.
Author's Note 6:
A cultural note: the Japanese consider that eating ramen takes all five senses, and consider it necessary to slurp loudly, as it is the way on which they involve their hearing into eating the noodles. Furthermore, it is my experience that if you eat them by slurping, you can eat them a lot hotter than you normally could. Who knows, but my theory is that by slurping you can cool them real fast just as they would enter your mouth. Hearing the slurping sound still stirs wrong my guts, so I don't do that unless I'm alone and eating in a hurry.
Take care.