ATTENTION FANFIC READER! The original poorly composed, formatted and written in 15 minutes fic created 4-8 years ago depending on your current location per Einstein's theory of relativity is below. Yes it was completely pointless and written for absolutely no reason, yet by now it has evolved from it's not so illustrious beginnings to become something quite different. I actually have no idea what it has become onwards of chapter 3, but it is still 75% not-a-fic. To understand more you may wish to skip to chapter 4, section 1 then return here to understand the context better. Although you probably won't. Really you shouldn't have clicked on this. Ah well. Let the (I think temporary) awfullness begin.
Hello! Do you like pizza? Me too! What a coincidence! We must be related! Yeah! Ok so where were we, nowhere I guess. Anyways… well you can go home now. Yeah you can. This was just a trick by which you would waste your time while the advertising agencies take money from you. I am robbing you of perfectly good internet time. You might as well go and well, go! Goodbye.
2 hours later
Ahh, that sauna was relaxing! Wha… you're still here? I already told you there is no story here! You can go home! GO HOME! Harry potter and such rubbish I mean really, this can't… hey stop looking at me like that. OK OK just step away. Why don't you just, oh no, really there is no need to get like that and AAARRGGHHGHGHGHGH! Nooo! O.K! You win! I'll do what you want! I'll write a story, yes yes, just one moment
One moment later
Ahem, so where do we start? Hmmmm well once upon a time, no no.
Five days later
I have created something at last! Lo and behold!
When disaster falls there is always someone out there who will help! Is it a plane? Is it a bird? Is it superman? Is it anyone? Well sort of… Anyways, this is the first and last episode of Harry Potter, uh, Man! (Now where did those copyrights get to huh?) Dum da dum da dum da dum dum!
Harry: Hello
Hermione: Hey Harry
Ron: Yo Harry
Everyone else: Hello Harry!
Harry: Ah! What a wonderful day!
Everyone else: Indeed it is!
Harry: Let's save the world!
Everyone else: Hurrah!
Voldemort: I am so evil! Mwahahahaha! Evilness will rule the world! I will defeat Harry Potter!
Harry: You will never prevail Voldemort!
Everyone else: That's right!
Harry: Lets combine our powers and kill I mean dispose of Voldemort!
Everyone including Harry: Combine forces! YEARGH!
Voldemort: Nooooooooo!
(Dies, I mean is destroyed)
Harry Potter: And so another victory for the galactic rangers! We…..
Brrprprprpr
Uh we have to stop there, things are getting a bit messy. So bye and, huh, whats happening! Oh no, the BETA version! Close down you stupid thing before
Too late
Harry: Hello
Hermione: Shut up!
Ron: Zip it you git.
Everyone: You're a loser!
Harry: Um well soo um it's a nice day
Everyone: It's raining like hell you know
Harry: Umm well lets save the world
Everyone: You do it! We need to study!
Voldemort: Now time to kill them all! Yes they shall all die! Mwahahahahahahhhahahahahah!
Harry: You will never prevail Voldemort!
Everyone: Yes he will
Harry: No he won't
Everyone: Yes he will….
Voldemort: Enough! Potter! You shall feel pain! Crucio!
Harry: ARGHHHHGHHHHH!
Everyone: cooooooool…
Voldemort: thank you, thank you, now you all die!
So voldemort kills everyone and he rules the world, only to fall off the second rung of a ladder when trying to fix the faulty pluming and thus breaks his neck and dies. With no sound leader the world is thrown into chaos with some added help from some U. which appear for no apparent reason… Are you people dead yet? Good, finally I can have my spa bath!
Oh dear um, well that's all folks! No you want more chapters? Oh why? Boo hoo! Will I ever get my Beauty sleep?
And so everything ends sadly ever after although I am forced to write new chapters. But I will have my revenge! Now Iwill write even crazier stuff! Mwahahahaahahahah… (Falls out the window) "Oh crap"…. (unpleasant crunching sound)
All that's well that ends well, although there will be new chapters….