Chapter 1: E-mails & Missions

When the high school requested that I learned another language fluently I had hoped that I was the one who got to pick which language. Sadly, they picked for me based on my skills. They thought Japanese would be a good language to learn! Ha! Sure, just because I'm more of a visual learner doesn't mean Japanese would be a good language for me to learn. I wanted to pick French since I was pretty good at it.

When I complained about the choice they gave me two options for help with torturing. I could have lessons with a private tutor that the school had, or, I could have Japanese pen pal before going there as an exchange student.

I picked the best one. Pen pal then exchange student gig. I was not going to work with the old man they claim as a tutor.

"Alright then. Here's the person you are going to be e-mailing. She's working on her English so this will work both ways. Just don't screw this up Dez", the secretary, Mrs. Karen, begged.

I saluted her with a toothy grin as I accepted the envelope," Sure thing Mrs. K. Bye now!"

I skipped out of the office. Behind me, Mrs. K laughed lightly at my antics. I was a crazy child which means I know everyone in the office.

As I walked out of the building, I decided to see you the lucky pen pal person from Japan was. The paper inside the envelope was a light blue in color.

"Haruhi Fujioka. Cool name for a seemingly cool chick. At least it's not a guy. I wonder if she's crazy like me. Sure do hope not, I'm the crazy. There can't be two of them, it's just not right", I pouted. Yea, I had a weird habit of talking to myself.

The road I was walking along was pretty empty. That's no surprise; I know the layout of the town pretty well. The town was in the middle of Galveston, Texas. That's right, I'm a Texas chick. Watch yourself because I know self-defense! Yea…I'm a strange one. But I'm proud of it.

I lived with my dad. He was, err, gay. Yup. You wouldn't expect a guy to go gay when his wife dies in a horrific accident. Anyway, it was just the two of this. My brother who was about 19 was somewhere in Mexico doing a missionaries for the drug defense. I know, it's crazy. But the government was so desperate they sent my crazy brother who was a priest to go down there to solve their problems. Something wrong with that? I'll say. I haven't seen him for a year and he doesn't write anymore. It's as if he just disappeared completely.

But, that's life. As they say, if life gives you lemons, make the person who is pissing you off suck on them. Wait…that's what I say. Oh well.

It just became that moment when you talk to yourself and you start smiling like an idiot because you're just so hilarious. Oh yea, I just went there. Deal it or fold it, that's the only hand I'm going to give you.

I am on a role with these crazy comebacks today.

Still smiling like a maniac, I walked across the little lawn we had in front of our small house. It looked more like an over sized apartment than anything.

The steps groaned in protest as I jumped up them. Yes, I jumped them. It's a lot more fun.

I tug the key out from under my shirt on its chain. It was a black key with a flaming skull on it. I know, tots awesome…I am never saying 'tots' every again. It's so wrong and preppy. I am anything BUT preppy.

There was no one home, as suspected. I skipped into the kitchen before throwing my black TAC bag on the table. TAC Bag: A military worthy back pack that could fit a whole gun store in. It's AMAZING and covered in buttons. Not the ones you have on clothes, but the ones you buy at stores with sayings on them. Most of mine where disses, comebacks, quotes, funny pictures, and random stuff. My dad gets me a bunch all the time. I have a huge collection that I could never part with. Buttons are part of my life.

Anyway, I grabbed a bottle of apple juice from the fridge before checking the phone for missed calls. There were about 15 of them. I pressed the button to check them as I took a swig from the bottle.

"1st message. BEEP. 'Hey Jonesy, babes! I'm so sorry about last night. I didn't mean for my girlfriend to find us-"

I snorted," Ouch."

"2nd message. BEEP. 'Yo, Jonesy my man. I just got in town. Maybe we can, eh, ya know, go out-"

"Maybe. Mark's a nice guy."

"3rd message. BEEP. 'Jonesy, call me…. (We are now at the 13th message) 'Jonesy! You better call me back right now you son of a b-"

"Bubble. It better have been bubble", I growled. I threw my now empty bottle towards the trashcan. It's going in! It's going in! It-! Hit the rim and bounced into the living room. Dang it!

"14th message. BEEP. 'Hello, Mr. Ericson. This is your daughters' councilor. We are happy to inform you she is part of the pen pal and exchange student plan-"

"Later."

"15th message. BEEP. 'Jones if you don't stop with the loud music I will call my lawyer!-"

"Sure Ms. Lindsey. Whatever you say Mrs. Lindsey", I mocked. "Stupid neighbors. They have no sense in music."

That's how it is though. I've learned to keep my friends close (if they are worthy to be called as such) but I keep my enemies closer. It works out for revenge.

The door slammed open," Honey I'm home!"

"Oh darling! How I've missed you so", I yelled back in a sickly sweet voice. We both burst out laughing as my dad walked into the kitchen.

My dad was a tall guy at 6' 8". Yea, realllllllly tall and reallllllllly strong. My dad was a boxing and kick-boxing instructor. He has friends all over the place that does different fighting styles. SO that's why he has a buff build and I'm working on mine.

I was stuck at 5'6" so I felt like a bug next to a giant Great Dane. Anyways, he has shaggy blond hair that is long enough to be pulled back in a low pony tail. His eyes are a dark blue. It's really scary when he gets pissed, but they're so cool. I have the same color eyes as he does, but I always win the staring contests. But unlike him, I have dark black hair that reaches a few inches past my shoulders in a thin sheet.

My dad hugged me," So how was school Dez?"

"Good. There are 15 messages. 3 through 13 are from that guy who really wants you to call ack. The others are okay to check."

"Good enough for me. Thanks kid. Did you pick the program over the tutor?"

"Yup. I have my pen pal that I need to message over e-mail."

"Name?"

"Haruhi Fujioka. Isn't that neat?"

He smiled that million dollar smile I've loved my whole life," Yep. Sure is, that sounds fun. My laptop should be charged on the couch."

"Thanks daddy!"

I ran into the living room. Sadly, I forgot about the bottle that bounced in there and stepped on it. It rolled out from under me and I fell backwards hard on my tailbone.

"OW", I moaned.

"Dez?"

"Bottle! It freaking attacked me!" I gasped," Oh no! The bottles are teaming up with the barrels! NOOOOOO! Damn you fauking barrels-"

"Dez!"

I looked up to see my daddy kneeling over me," Yes daddy?"

"I think you might be watching a little too much PewDiePie."

I gasped in horror," How dare you! You can never get enough PewDiePie! Never! There ain't no party like a Pewdie party and life's my party so I need more Pewdie. Comprende?"

My daddy blinked," Whatever you say kid."

Huffing and pouting, I sat up and crawled over to the couch. My tail bone hurt too much to walk. I grabbed my dad's laptop. The top design was a cool mix of quotes, zombies, guns, and PewDiePie pictures. In the middle was an anime picture of my daddy and me that I drew myself. It was pretty amazing.

I opened my e-mail and deleted all the junk before opening a thing to compose mail. But how can you compose mail? I know you can compose music, but mail? I didn't think so.

Anyway, I typed in Haruhi's e-mail before getting to work on sending one. I had a Japanese dictionary on hand to help me. But most of it was English with a few French curses.

Dear Haruhi Fujioka,

My name is Desiree Ericson. But you can call me Dez. That's all the Japanese I can do right now, but you can Google translate it if you find the need to. Anyway, I really appreciate you becoming my pen pal and designated buddy for the exchange student plan. It's going to be so much fun! XP

Can you believe that's only 4 months away? I can't. Well, I have to but…urg…you get what I mean!

Sorry, I'm just a tad crazy but I swear on my father's sex preference that I'm a good person…maybe wrong thing to say but oh well! As they say, let sleeping dogs snore the day away and forget about the stick…wait, I think I'm the one who says that.

ANYWAY! I hope that you aren't a jerk. Oh that sounded rude. But if you are a jerk then you'll take offense, otherwise we'll get along just fine.

I'll tell you a little bit about myself. I have dark, black hair that reaches a few inches past my shoulders. I'm about 5' 6". That's really short compared to my daddy. He's over 6 and half feet tall with a build like the Terminator! Anyway, I have really dark blue eyes that freak people out when I glare. Hmmm…I'm pale with freckles that come in pairs like snake bites. I'm a random person that's a complex but I love to have fun. (That's putting it mildly)

How about you? What's your school like? Mine's ok, but the kids are kinda stuck-up. What's your status? (Haha, military talk. I'm amazing by the way) TELL ME THE DETS!...remind me never to say 'dets' ever again. It's just wrong and preppy, unlike mio. Oh! Ca va? Je suis drole! That's French by the way. I know far too many languages already.

OK, I guess I've bored you long enough. Adios mon amie!

Dez out Bro!

"Done, cut, print, and send", I yelled.

Daddy peered around the corner to stare at me," Are you done?"

I saluted as I quickly stood," Sir, yes sir!" And cue the dramatic military music.

He paced in front of me," Good. I have a dangerous mission on hand and I need a brave soul to face it down even if they are dragged to Hell and back!"

"Count on me! Sir", I added hastily.

Daddy smiled," Good. You have to cross enemy territory and infiltrate their system."

"What's the goal, sir?"

"This is OPERATION: Soak the Boat, kid."

I grinned," Mission to soak the boat is accepted sir!"

"What do you need solider?"

I started listing the items off on my fingers," I'll need a black ninja suit with a mask included, rope, pocket knife, the handheld welder, giant bottle of super glue, leather gloves, baby wipes, chips, my Tac bag, my boots, the head light, walkie-talkies, a timer, a switch, 4 bottles of juices, and you!"

"Right on it, ma'am!"

Ten minutes later I was all suited up and roaring to go. My dad had put his cut off jean shorts on and 'mysteriously' forgot he owned a shirt. He also had a walkie-talkie in case of emergency. Operation: Soak the Boat was under way!

"You know what to do", I whispered. My dad flashed me a quick million dollar smile before walking up to the fence that separated our property from the neighbor. I slinked through the shadows to the end corner of the fence.

"Hi Mrs. Lindsey. How's it going", I heard my daddy ask.

"I hope you received my message", she retorted in a sickly tone with her sickly sweet voice. It made me want to dad.

I jumped the fence. Cue the secret undercover spy music!

Looking both ways, I hurried to the front door. As I expected, it was locked tighter than a clam shell.

I whipped out my pocket knife before flicking it open. The light gleamed evilly off the silvery surface. I was tempted to start laughing like a mad scientist but that would blow my cover. So, I did it mentally.

I jammed it into the key hole with a paper clip I found in my hair. Don't question my hair styling methods!

After a few seconds, the lock sounded with a click! I was in. After flipped the pocket knife closed, shoving it in my boot, and putting the paperclip back into my hair, I pushed the door open.

Luckily for me, it didn't squeak. However, my first step into the house did. I held my breath for a long time as I prayed. Mrs. Lindsey had a Hell Hound. Its name was Mr. Fluffy. He was the meanest looking black poodle you could ever meet. But, there was nothing.

I turned to closed and locked the door behind me. There wasn't a squeak this time around either! Suc- Oh crap.

There was Mr. Fluffy, growling at me with thick, gooey saliva dripping from its mangy jaws. The mutt snuck up on me! Slowly, so not to start him off, I reached into my bag. I pulled out the bag of chips.

Mr. Fluffy froze at the sight. Bingo. Narrowing my eyes with a smirk, I moved the bag around in the air. The dogs' eyes followed the movement with careful precision.

Out of the corner of my eye, I spotted the bathroom door wide open. Perfect.

"Mr. Fluffy", I sang. "Do you want? Huh? You want the chips? Go get it!"

With that said, I tossed the bag into the bathroom. The poodle was off in a flurry of fur and clicking of toenails against the floor. I followed after and closed the door when the dog was in. Ha! Take that Mr. Fluffy!

Next step is a go. I edged around the walls until I found the back room where all the controls for the house were.

The silver box near the water system controls gleamed in the fait light that my flash light gave off. I knelt in front of the glorious object as I pulled my gloves on. Slowly, I pulled of a bottle f juice and took a swig before opening the box. There were several things it controlled, the laundry system, garbage disposal, house hold plumping, septic system, and the backyard sprinklers. Those things were switched off. I removed the plastic covering after cutting the glue away with my knife.

I pulled the timer from my bag as well as my pocket knife from my boot. I cut the wire that controlled if it turned off or on. Grabbing the lose wire from the timer, I twisted them together. The buttons on the timer lighted up in a green color. I clipped the timer on the other wires above the sprinkler hose.

I grabbed the switch I had. The switch and the timer were in tune with each other. I flip the switch, the timer starts at the set time. I can turn it off and on whenever I please.

On the timer, I hit the 45 seconds. Time was set. I flipped the switch and the numbers counted down. I flipped it back off and it reset to 45 seconds. Success!

I placed the covering in place and started gluing the edges back down with the glue bottle. It took 15 seconds to dry. After that, the system looked untouched and the sprinkler system still looked off.

I closed the door and finished off the juice in the bottle. The next step was simple; avoid the set up being destroyed.

I flipped the lock slab in place. The lock fit in and it clicked when I pressed down. It was locked. I found the key for it hidden under the dryer. Bad place to hide it. Anyway, I jammed it in before breaking it off.

I used the welder to melt the inside of the key hole and the broken key together. That way it couldn't be fixed. I knew for a fact that Mrs. Lindsey didn't even own a screw driver, never mind bolt cutters.

I put everything back into my bag. After whipping everything done to get rid of any other evidence, I left the back room. But not through the door. Oh no, I went out the tiny window with my rope. I jammed my knife into the siding of the house and tied the rope on. Then, I walked down the wall.

It only took a good eight tugs to dislodge the knife. I hopped the fence to the safety of my yard. Mission was accomplished!

I walked out of my back door five minutes later in jean shorts, and a baggy shirt that belonged to my daddy. My black tank top underneath was exposed but oh well!

"Well I hope you're happy Mr. Ericson! I have constant headaches because of your dreaded music! I- oh. Hello Desiree. I was just having a nice chat with your father", the women said, suddenly caring.

I never liked Mrs. Lindsey. She was a tall bimbo with a breast that was too big to be natural and blond hair so light it looked white. She was a devil in thirty pounds of makeup.

My dad looked a little too pale for my liking. He wrapped an arm around me as soon as I was in arms reach. I did the same, but around his waist. In that hand was the switch. I flipped it as I smiled 'shyly'.

"It's okay. I just came out here to tell daddy I have my guitar ready for lessons. He's been teaching me."

She froze," Oh. Is that right?"

20 seconds…

"Yes ma'am", I said happily. "I love music! I would die without. Have you heard me? Do you like it?"

"Um…well I…uh…"

10seconds and a major glare contest between the adults.

"It's…very interesting, and loud."

"Thank you! Come on daddy", I chirped before dragging him towards the back deck.

3…2…1…and

"AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Water was spewing high up into the air and in random directions. It got our yard a little wet but that was fine. All I knew was that bimbo Lindsey just got soaked.

"YES!"

My dad and I shared a high five. Ah, I love my daddy.

DISCLAIMER: I don't own PewDiePie or Ouran HSHC. Just clearing that right now so don't sue me. I do, however, own Dez and her crazy life XD Hope you enjoy chapter one. Please review and give me your thoughts and/or ideas that I could do for future chapters. Thanks Bros. Remember. Peace, Love, & Chicken Grease. NewtB00 out.