(A/N: Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in Death Note, or Death Note itself. Please enjoy, and keep in mind that I did not intend to offend anyone or try to represent any specific fan fics with this fan fiction. If your fic does sound like this however, you might reread (or better yet, rethink) a few things. Don't worry though; if you are thoughtful enough to worry about whether your character is a sue or not, then it probably isn't a sue. Anyway, hope you enjoy!)
A Death Note Sue-fic Parody (Unoriginal title! *gasp!* The first step to becoming a Sue!)
Hello, and welcome to a sue-fic! Are you in a well-lit room? I recommend it. Things can get pretty scary. Is anyone within choking range? I don't recommend that, but hey, anything goes in a sue-fic. Anyway, now to begin: try picturing, for a moment, a female of only 15, with perfect curves, perfect bust, long silvery hair shot with black that reaches down to her waist, red Shinigami eyes,(is your mind's eye getting unpleasant little pricklies yet?) skanky clothing, and (the icing on poor L's cake) a retched little attitude; Guess what? This perfectly boisterous, bratty, tragic, sporkable sue is the heroine of the story! Let's go over all the perfections, shall we?
She has a death note
She is naturally a she
Light is her boyfriend, Misa is her best friend, Near adores her, L is her brother, her mom is Takada, her dad is Beyond Birthday, she's buddy-buddy with Sayu, and Matt and Mello are too busy having buttsecks to officially inaugurate themselves into her twisted little Mary-sue family. But guess what? They looove her too!
She's on both L and Light's side
She can outwit anyone in the series
Despite this, she's still worthless, because all females are worthless (angrily gets spork ready)
Her Shinigami is sexy
She has a life-note as well (because actually dying in a series called "Death Note" is unheard of. I mean, that's not the only reason people read it, but seriously, you'd think the story would include exactly what it says on the tin.)
She was born with Shinigami eyes ('cause Beyond's her dad, remember? And eyes that can see death are totally a dominate trait)
She has no ill effects from using the death note
She is full of amazing 1337!skillz
She can bounce back and fourth between gawthic emo chic who has liquid angst instead of blood and bubbly obnoxious prep girl, and, on occasions, the super smart girl who is better than anyone. Said fluctuations can occur in as little as one poorly written sentence
Mithspellings r whut shez al abowt
Every male within a thirty foot radius falls head over heels for her
She's a slut, but she's still perfect!
L thinks the worLd of her
Light is not a psychotic narcissist sociopath. He's her hawt boyfriend that practically worships her (how ironic)
Misa is a total bitch, but she and her are best buddies!
Near is her wittle lamby-kins snuggle blanket of white fluff galore (*retches*)
Matt flirts with her
Mello shares his chocolate with her
The Shinigami are all dead because they fell in love with her (except sexy Shinigami, of course)
She thinks Mikami must be an OCD fanatical homo, but he's her sex-slave anyway.
She loves to sprinkle the stories with bad OC seeds and watch them grow up in to Cannon-choking weeds.
Since she can't go to Heaven nor Hell, she goes somewhere absolutly ridiculous (and the author is not joking)
She has ten thousand pounds of crack hidden somewhere
She has an Ipod, an sweet car, vividly described clothing, and a whole assortment of bizzare crap that has no relevance in the plot
She works for the Task force and the SPK
She was born and raised in Wammy's
Oh, did I forget to mention? Watari is her second uncle twice removed. Yay.
She's addicted to sweets
and finally:
SHE'S A MOTHER FREAKING MARY-SUE. END OF STORY.
So watch as she enjoys her ruined (or is that, "sueined?") Cannon-murdering life of perfection, while I'll just sit back and cringe at the aftermath. Ciao!