Premise: After being rematerialized via inexplicable means, (i.e. I just want to get to the story and I'm too lazy to think anything up), Sephiroth, Kadaj, Yazoo and Loz move to the suburbs, where they attempt to live normal, respectable lives…but fail miserably. Kadaj is sent to school against his will (snicker snicker) and disaster inevitably ensues.
Warnings: AU, OOC (maybe, just said that so no one would kill me), Seph-Remnant cuteness, questionable references to the Chocobo icon…basically everything you ever wished you never knew about! But don't let that stop you from reading! –dangles very sexy Kadaj under your nose-
Disclaimer: Oh gosh! Didn't you hear that I brought Square Enix AND Tetsuya Nomura (with the cute little earring included)! You didn't hear?? Damn…I guess you can think what you want. Humph!
………………..
School Daze
"But I don't want to go to school!" Kadaj screamed at the impassive man before him.
"Under standard government regulations, a child-"
Kadaj twitched.
"-of your age should be attending some sort of structured educational institution or will be considered truant." Sephiroth tapped the desk which he sat so majestically behind, with the tip of his eight hundred gil pen.
"I never had to go before!" Kadaj slammed his delicate fist on the top of the deep red-brown mahogany desk.
"That's because you were the make-shift leader a biker gang, intent on destroying the world. That gives you implied exemption." Sephiroth stated calmly.
"Well why don't you exempt me again?!" Kadaj pressed his point ignoring the stress on the word 'make-shift'.
"Because, since my reunion failed," He lingered pointedly. "I'm not as all-powerful as I once was."
"It wasn't your figgin' reunion, it was mother's!" Kadaj slammed the desk with an enthusiastic kick, fighting back the inclination to sob. "And it was your fault that it didn't work out, not mine! You let the pansy blond kill both of us!"
"Yes…but I wasn't the one falling into his arms and crying." Sephiroth growled. "That was an embarrassment to both of us."
"I didn't…didn't…gah!" Kadaj vented his frustrations on the innocent desk, making it quiver and creak in fear and agony.
Yazoo sauntered passed, his hair swaying slightly, giving that calm blissful expression and a half smile emphasizing that he was actually the one to make out best in battle with said hated blond.
"Weren't you two talking about Kadaj's school?" He commented in monotone.
"Yes, but before we go back to that… Kadaj, this desk was very expensive." Sephiroth pointed to the abused furniture.
"If you can afford such a fancy desk, not to mention pens, why can't you afford to get me out of school?" Kadaj glared but let the desk rest for a while.
"It's not a question of money. I can afford to send you to the most expensive private institution available but we are trying to avoid legal entanglements right now, remember? The whole point of this endeavor is to lay low and not draw attention to ourselves." The long, long haired man explained.
"Private school?! Aren't those the ones where they make you dress like a girl?!" Kadaj's cat pupils dilated.
"They have separate uniforms for boys and girls." Sephiroth looked at him quizzically, wondering where Kadaj was getting his information and if he had been listening to Loz again.
"They claim they're different but they don't let you wear any leather!" Bright turquoise eyes widened at the horror of the thought.
"You may attend a poorly regulated public school if you wish." Sephiroth offered.
Kadaj glared at the older man. Sephiroth thought he was going to give in without a fight! He was not going to any school, damnit!
"Hey, Kadaj," Loz had walked in behind Yazoo and was watching the fight somewhat nervously.
"What?!" Kadaj whipped around, hair flying.
"Um, you'll tell me if you meet any pretty girls, right?"
"Loz," Yazoo scolded. "You're too old to be thinking about high school girls."
Loz hung his head. "But they're easier to talk to." He mumbled.
"Well, there now, Kadaj." Yazoo smiled sarcastically. "Your new goal in going to school, is to find a nice girl for Loz."
"Yes brother. And I'll find a boyfriend for you as well!" Kadaj lashed out. "I am not going to school! So you all can just forget about it!" He huffed and stomped out of the room.
"All right, the show is over with all of the expected fireworks. Leave and let me work now." Sephiroth shooed out the two remaining remnants who were sprawled on his comfy leather sofa.
"So how are you going to get him to go, now?" Loz asked in his usual steady voice, prying himself off the enticing couch.
"We'll see." Sephiroth answer enigmatically as Kadaj's 'angry music' began blasting down from his room. "Close the door on your way out."
"Good luck, Nii-san." Yazoo smirked and shut the door.
Ah yes, there was a reason he had this room sound proofed.
-
Kadaj snuggled down under the clovers and curled around his pillow like a cat. He had woken up a little early for some reason and the soft morning light was just starting to seep through his windows. The warmth and coziness surrounding him was intoxicating and he wanted nothing more than to lay here and enjoy this, probably dozing off again and sleeping undisturbed until at least noon.
It was in this happy contented state that Kadaj heard a single violent thud on his door. He had suspicions as to its nature and pulled the blankets over every trace of his silver hair, hoping that if perhaps he waited and ignored it, it would just go away.
No such luck. The door then swung open without ceremony, causing the poster thereon to flap wildly, and someone who rustled of leather when he walked entered the room.
"Kadaj, its morning." A very deep, calm voice.
"Since when do I care?" A muffled, angry, pissy, annoyed voice.
"Since you became a sophomore at Midgar High." Sephiroth's smile sounded in his words.
"I told you I'm not going!" Kadaj's face appeared from under the blankets as he whipped a plushy Chocobo at the older man's head with unfaltering precision. It bounced off Sephiroth's forehead harmlessly.
"I see, you fight with stuffed animals. So that's why it took you so long to find mother…"
"Up yours!" Kadaj felt around his bed for something heavier to throw.
"All right." The long haired man placed the stuffed Chocobo back on Kadaj's bed. "I just thought you might be interested to know that Yazoo is making breakfast this morning." He began sauntering carelessly toward the door.
"Wha?" Kadaj perked up in spite of himself as a combination of the most heavenly scents he could imagine, wafted to his nose.
"I was going to save you some but if you're not getting up anyway I can just tell Loz to have what he wants…"
"Don't you dare!" All at once Kadaj was fully awake and jumped out of bed. "But this doesn't mean that I'm going anywhere afterwards!" The silver haired truant yelled back as he ran downstairs in just his baby blue pajama bottoms with the golden Chocobos on them.
"Of course not." Sephiroth smiled to himself.
-
Kadaj ran into the kitchen, happy to see that he was early and Loz wasn't there yet.
"Morning, Sunshine!" Yazoo smiled as he entered, still tending a frying pan on the stove.
Kadaj gave him his best Death Glare but Yazoo, as always, seemed completely un-phased by it. He could do almost anything to anybody when he was cooking like this and he knew it.
Kadaj slumped into a chair at the kitchen table, tapping his fingers and waiting impatiently. He screwed his eyes shut at the irritating rays of light beaming into the almost cheery kitchen and grimaced at the thought of how much sleep he was being deprived of. It was then that the myriad of delicious smells hit him again and with a vengeance. Maybe it was better to be awake?
Yazoo stirred a pot of Yazoo's Magic Blueberry Sauce with one hand while turning sausages with the other and carefully timing the waffles cooking.
"Isn't it done yet?!" Kadaj growled. He was trying not to sound too anxious but he didn't like the noises his stomach was making.
"In a minute, Sugar." Yazoo was wearing that smug little half smirk of his.
Kadaj snarled and kicked the table leg. If he didn't know that the health of his breakfast was directly dependant on Yazoo's careful attendance, he would not be taking this so calmly. He hated those nicknames. Yazoo knew he hated those nicknames.
From the corner of his eye, Kadaj saw Loz entering the kitchen yawning. The muscular man instantly perked up and sniffed.
"Yazoo, you're cooking?" Loz was in a state somewhere between delight and confusion.
"Nnn-hhhn." Was all the response he was graced with.
"Why are you being nice all of a sudden?" Loz wondered.
"I have my reasons…" Yazoo added a couple of magical ingredients to his sauce.
Loz sat down at the table across from Kadaj, leather creaking as he moved. "Mm, I'm so hungry."
This time Yazoo spared him a glace. "Well don't expect to get it all. This morning you have to save some for Dajy."
Kadaj was just considering where he could stab Yazoo with his fork, to cause the most pain but still leave him well enough to finish breakfast, when his long haired brother set down a plate in front of him filled with the perfectly golden waffles and the sausage which everyone knew was his favorite.
Kadaj merely glared and began lightly applying Yazoo's Magic Blueberry Sauce, syrup and powdered sugar.
"No need to thank me." Yazoo sauntered away.
Kadaj ignored him and busied himself with the glorified culinary perfection before him. Orange juice and stale Top-tarts really did not compare to this.
"Now do I get some?" Loz asked impatiently, casting longing looks at Kadaj's plate.
"No."
Yazoo went to look in Sephiroth's office which hadn't been bolted yet for the day. He knocked on the door frame. "Nii-san, do you want any breakfast?"
"No." Sephiroth glanced to the door and shook his head. "I'm leaving in a couple of minutes for a business meeting."
"Alright." Yazoo returned to the kitchen.
"Now, do I get breakfast?" Asked the eternally hopeful.
"No."
"You're so mean…" The older sulked.
"Yazoo just has PMS, right brother?" Kadaj smiled sweetly to the longer haired remnant, blueberries darkening his lips.
Yazoo seemed as though he hadn't heard and began setting aside his own food. Only then did he finally dish up what was left for Loz. It proved to be a sufficient amount (of course he had calculated) and set it down in front of his impatient brother and waited.
"Thanks, Yazoo." Loz was appreciative.
Satisfied, the long haired remnant went to collect his food. "See Kadaj, Loz has manners." He commented.
Kadaj licked some syrup off his fork.
A few minutes later Sephiroth entered with an elegant black leather briefcase. "Hmm, Yazoo, be sure that Kadaj has enough to eat and gets to school on time and then…"
"I said I wasn't going!" Kadaj got up from his just finished breakfast, kicking the chair away.
"But I've already packed a lunch for you, brother." Yazoo offered.
Kadaj was somewhat curious to know what it was but having just eaten, was still strong. "I don't care." He stated indifferently.
"Oh well, then." Sephiroth brushed a stray hair away from his face. "Then you'll have nothing better to do then help Loz with the gardening."
"Wha?" Kadaj froze.
Loz hit his head on the table.
"Yes, a flower garden. You'll notice that most families in this area don't keep rotting foliage in their yards and if I am required to invite clients over for dinner at some point, it may disturb them."
"I can't stand gardening! You know that!"
"School then?"
"I hate you…" Kadaj muttered defiantly, but his shoulders visibly sagged, hinting at the break in his resistance.
"You'll thank me when you're older."
Kadaj merely glared and bolted up the stairs. The collected adult waited, listening to the quick footsteps on the floor upstairs and glancing at his watch. "Kadaj, are you coming back down?!"
Moments later the silvery haired youth appeared clutching Souba in his hand.
"Violence won't solve this, Kadaj." Sephiroth admonished calmly. "You know you can't beat me anyway."
"It's not for you." Kadaj snarled, his hair falling in his face. "If I'm going to school I'll need this to…"
Sephiroth swiped the weapon away before the disgruntled teen could do very much more than blink. "If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times; you are not to kill anyone outside of this house."
"But I need that! How I'm I supposed to defend myself?!" Kadaj gestured wildly, throwing his hair with his animated movements.
"It's only a high school, Kadaj. I'm sure you can handle any sorts of threats you might find there."
"Yeah Kadaj, you can beat 'em up!" Loz encouraged him.
"If I get killed it will be your fault!" The would-be truant yelled at Sephiroth, uselessly snatching at his beloved double bladed katana.
Yazoo retrieved a backpack from the corner countertop and shoved it into Kadaj's arms. "Here, I've made a very special lunch. And I've bought some notebooks and pens for you write with when you're bored. And I put some new songs on your iPod that you can listen to in class as long as you keep your hair over your ears." Yazoo almost smiled comfortingly.
Kadaj was surprised by his brother's apparent tries to make him happier but didn't let it show. He shouldered the light pack with a deep scowl and stomped out of the room.
"Kadaj, don't you want me to drive you?" Sephiroth questioned.
"I'm walking!" The un-truant yelled back and slammed the front door.
"What a handful." Sephiroth sighed. "I miss the days when all I had to do, was tell him to murder and destroy the earth. That wasn't nearly so hard." He checked the papers in his briefcase one last time and waving to the last two remnants, headed out the door.
"Have a nice day, Nii-san!"
"Bye-bye, Nii-san!"
"I hope Kadaj will be okay." Loz looked saddened, remembering his brother's hysterical protests.
"Of course." Yazoo began piling the dishes in the sink. "What could happen to him in an innocent little high school?"
…………………………
Are you suspensed yet? No? -sobs heart out- Maybe it was little cute, yeah?
Hope you had fun!!