AN: Whether this letter reached the intended, and how - or if it was sent at all - remains a mystery.
I don't know how to tell you what it is like, these sleepless nights that are plagued by dark dreams. In my mind's eye the demon's jaws gape in an ear-shattering cry that is music to my soul; the blackness that lurks behind his teeth beckons, drawing me closer to the unending stillness beneath the stone.
I am the grain of sand suspended in amber, peering from my shining cage of honour with heavy eyes. I am forever caught in the limbo between life and undeath; the corruption feasting on my heart like ants swarming a fallen apple, worrying at its skin until the colour fades and leaves nothing but rot.
Every word I speak, every decision I make, each movement that brings me closer to my demise masks the darkness that festers in my veins. I can only pray that it does not consume me before my task has been completed. I have been reduced to one purpose, and this singular drive lessens the weight of my fatal burden. For it will be fatal – we have discovered that the act of glory required of us means more than merely saving this unclean realm from destruction. To do so will be to immerse ourselves in the very fire that will be our salvation. It is said that the universe is balanced, and to send the Archdemon to the beyond is to embrace death.
There are only two Wardens left who can accompany the dragon to its destruction. Regardless of what happens, it must be me. Allowing him to make the sacrifice is not an option. I cannot permit a person filled with such goodness to suffer this inevitable fate, for a world wrenched from the brink of oblivion without his light would be nothing. I will die a thousand deaths before I will live even a moment without him.
I am sorry for leaving you. I think of Tamlen, my family, the clan every waking moment. What I would give to have one last taste of home, to lie upon the grass with the Halla at my side and a song in my ears. Hold closely the knowledge that, come what may, you will always be in my heart.
Sweet Merrill, dearest clan sister, I do not divulge these truths to drag you after me into despair. I have bared my deepest thoughts to show you that despite the sorrow that grips us all, I have persevered. To show you that I can still feel when the world crumbles around me is to show that I have survived, and I will weather each and every blow until I draw my last breath.
Our campfire has burnt low, the last embers winking out like extinguished stars in a colourless sky. The air is still, silence pressing down upon me like the insistent fingers of the Archdemon's song. Sleep beckons, calling me to the twilight of dreams where I become mindless, more animal than elf. The unnatural terror soothes like a drug. I have no choice but to relent.
Things will get better for you; this, I promise.
Dareth shiral,
Saersha Mahariel