"Ethan, we would like to talk to you." Theresa said gently, motioning to Gwen who stood silently beside her.
"Okay...What is this about?" Ethan asked hesitantly. He had never seen the two women stand so closely without one having a knife stuck in them.
"You might want to sit down." Gwen suggested, nodding to the couch.
Ethan followed her suggestion, feeling the unease in the room become so overbearing he knew standing might not be an option in a moment.
"What is this?" He asked again.
"Gwen and I were talking," Theresa explained. "And we found we have a lot in common. In fact, if we ignore our problems of you, we actually make a deep connection."
"What Theresa is trying to say is... She and I decided to get married."
"What?!" Ethan exclaimed.
Theresa motioned for him to calm down. "This is for the best. Now our families don't need to suffer because of our warring...since we discovered we actually love each other. We're taking custody of all our kids, so you are free and clear. Enjoy your single life."
"But...But I love you!" He proclaimed, not making eye contact with either as he said it.
"Which one?" Gwen asked testily.
"You know...you." His arm swept the length of the room.
"Ya, that's what we thought." Theresa mumbled. "But we don't love you. It turns out, we're both really superficial. If you looked like...well, Spike, we wouldn't have given you a second glance."
"Honestly, we can't really stand you. You just bitch all the time. And why is it, even if you are naked, you wear that watch? It's like keeping your socks on during sex."
"Ya, do you HAVE to know what time it is that often? Is your time so important? I don't think you've done any work in a year."
"You can't leave me." Ethan whined.
"Don't worry." Gwen said sweetly. "We'll call you if we need some more sperm. But face it, Theresa and I are in love."
"GWENIE, NO!!!" Gwen's mother, Rebecca, cried, storming the room. "Think about this! You can't be with a... with a..." She motioned toward Theresa with a disgusted look on her face.
"Women?" Gwen offered.
"A Mexican!" Rebecca corrected. "Be a muff driver if you need to be, but not a taco driver!"
"Mother, please." Gwen sighed. "Look at it this way, with Theresa and I out of the game, you have another guy to play with."
Rebecca tapped her chin thoughtfully, then smiled. "You're right. I don't know what I was thinking, trying to get you together with Ethan when I could have him!"
"Don't I have a say in this?!" Ethan barked.
"No." All three women said at once.