Kickass vs. Crimson Bolt -
"Sometimes in fiction we have superheroes with no powers, like Batman, Iron Man, Nightwing, Nick Fury, etc". Delusion spoke on a funny tone.
"But, this time we bring two superheroes with no powers, and these superheroes lives in a world exactly as ours". Realism added on a serious tone
"How it will be a superhero in real life?, it must be epic". Delusion screamed and ran to make a costume.
"No, these fictions showed us that being a superhero can make you go crazy, have tragedies, and ruin your life". Realism grounded Delusion
"Oooh". Delusion said on a sad tone.
"Kick Ass, the guy that can´t feel pain". Realism said on a serious tone.
"And The Crimson Bolt, the guy that will shut up crime". Delusion spoke on a funny tone.
"I am Realism and this is my naive counterpart, Delusion, and is our job analyze their weapons armors and skills to find out who will win a Death Battle". Realism said on a serious tone.
Bios:
Name: Dave Lizewski.
Age: 16-17 years old in Kick Ass 1, likely 18-19 years old in Kick Ass 3 (he graduated from high school, but he failed academically before).
Height: Likely 1.7 meters tall, he is pretty small.
Weight: Likely 140 lbs
"Dave Lizewski was an otherwise ordinary New York City high school student. His mother died of a brain aneurysm. Dave takes his interest in comic books as inspiration to become a real-life superhero, he always wondered why the people want to be like Paris Hilton and not like Spiderman; or is my imagination or this guy is two steps ahead of entering a mental hospital?. He assembles a suit and mask, which he wears under his normal clothing, and he begins his own personal training before attempting to fight crime, predictably leading to disastrous results as Dave is hospitalized following a stabbing and then being struck by a car". Realism said on a disturbed tone.
"Wow, this guy is crazier than me by far, I will fight crime using guns and a bulletproof chest not a freaking wet suit; telling his father he was mugged, he undergoes intense physical rehabilitation, including four operations. He is released weeks later, with metal plates all over his body and with his nerve endings having delayed reactions to pain, making him almost immune to conventional beatings. In spite of considering giving up crime fighting, he soon goes back onto the streets. When he saves a man from a beating and fights off the attacking thugs, an onlooker records the incident and uploads it on YouTube, turning Lizewski into an overnight sensation dubbed with the name Kick-Ass". Delusion said on a funny tone.
"He was very lucky to get nerve damage, because if he never got that he should have died IN THE FIRSTS ISSUES. The premise for Kick-Ass is what would happen if someone with no powers were to try to be a superhero. This still is that case but when Dave is stabbed and hit by a car, he has several metal plates and braces within his body along with damaged nerve endings. This provides him with the ability to be almost immune to pain, so if you hit him with a bat in the chest he will not felt pain and he will continue the fight; he can take being punched repeatedly in all his body by multiple guys and keep kicking ass". Realism spoke on a serious tone.
"His stamina is his strong point; his stamina is ridiculously high, he can take falls of 2 meters and don't break his back, being hit by a trash-can right in the head and don't faint, managed to recover from being hit in the neck by a staff, he survived being stab and then hit by a car breaking his legs and back; wow this dude is made of metal or what?". Delusion said on a disturbed tone.
"Yes, in stamina Rocky Balboa will be his bitch; he got hit by a bottle of wine in the head and then his head being smashed against the ground, the survived a pistol whip right in the head, he survived being electrocuted IN THE BALLS by a car battery; if you don't know a car battery can range from 200 amperes to 1000 amperes, and you need around 0.01 amperes to have a cardiac arrest and around 200 amperes to got a burn; he tanked a beating of Hit-Girl a girl that can kill a man with his bare hands, also he survived being hit by a paint bucket right in the neck". Realism said on a serious tone.
"He even survived being nailed, literally by Motherf*cker, he crashed against a window and was still fine". Delusion spoke on a disturbed tone.
"Damm, this guy is really made of metal. He has metal plates that are on his bones, he can survive those beating thanks to his metal plates". Realism added on a serious tone.
"His fighting skills are laaaaaame". Delusion yelled.
"He is just a teenager with not too much formal training, what do you expect?". Realism grounded Delusion.
"He usually attacks his enemies by flailing his batons at them. Later in the comics he puts nails in the batons and you know what those things do; the batons are mostly used to cause blunt force trauma, so if one of those things hits you in the head with a lot of force it can cause you concussions, internal bleeding and even death". Realism said on a serious tone.
"Mostly of the time Kick Ass just attacks randomly, he never attacks using a strategy, his only strategy is attack, attack, attack". Delusion added on a funny tone.
"But, he got some skills thanks to his training with Hit Girl, he knew how to knock out a person faster and how to react, but he still lacks of formal training". Realism said on a serious tone.
"Still sucks, he can be countered by a martial artist easily, yes his stamina is so freaking great but in combat skills he fights like a puppet". Delusion mocked.
"Despite that, he is pretty intelligent too, he is capable of using his environment to attack, but in a very limited manner, he can grab things, push you against something and more; but he is not like Hit Girl, she can jump walls and even use a shoe to kill you". Realism spoke on a serious tone.
"Also he had a freaking jet pack in the movie, but he will not use it, but he has a pepper spray, the jet pack was not made by him or belongs to him, so sorry badass jet". Delusion added on a sad tone.
"Kick Ass, a crazy teen". Realism said on a funny tone.
"Jesus, doesn't that bug you guys? Like thousands of people want to be Paris Hilton; nobody wants to be Spider-Man." Kick Ass said.
••••
Bio:
Name: Frank Darbo.
Age: Above 40 years old.
Height: 1.8 meters tall.
Weight: 198 lbs
"Frank was average guy with a beautiful wife, but his wife left him to go with a strip club owner that gets her hooked in drugs, which makes Frank goes depressed and transforms in to a religious fanatic". Realism said on a sad tone.
"Poor fatass fella; he has a vision in which he is touched by the hand of God and meets the Holy Avenger, a superhero from a public-access television show who tells Frank that God has chosen him for a very special purpose. Frank believes that God has chosen him to become a superhero and goes to a local comic book store for inspiration, yes obvious. His claim that he is designing a new superhero is met with enthusiastic appreciation from the foul-mouthed store clerk, Libby. Frank creates a superhero costume and assumes the identity of "The Crimson Bolt.". Badass name is badass". Delusion spoke on a funny tone
"Frank is just our average guy, but he has a lot of skills and gadgets a la Batman. He has a variety of weapons, a wrench, a combat knife, a Beretta pistol, a Mossberg shotgun, pipe bombs and blade shooters". Realism spoke with a funny tone.
"What what?, how he has those weapons?". Delusion yelled.
"He finds them or makes weapons by himself". Realism answered.
"I don't know how this nutball will make a blade shooter". Delusion spoke on a funny tone.
"I don't know either. Well let's continue; his close combat weapon is the wrench, a wrench is made of steel and use it to make torques, he uses a Adjustable spanner, a wrench can be used as a weapon of blunt force trauma, if you hit a guy with the support part right in the head you can carve it, and if you hit a guy baseball style with a wrench you can knock him out and break his skull and cause interal bleeding". Realism spoke on a serious tone.
"Yes, Our intern, Naïveté, did the tests of a wrench hit in the head, one powerful hit of a wrench and boom; you will be either paralytic or dead". Delusion yelled on a funny tone.
"And Frank hits you right in the front of the head; you could die if you are hit like that. Also he has a combat knife; a combat knife is designed for stabbing the flesh and cut thought it, they are made of titanium alloys that allow him more sharpness and resistence". Realism said on a serious tone.
"In firepower he has a berretta 92 pistol, and a freaking shotgun. The berretta can shoots bullets at 1,250 feet per second, and the bullets are 9 mm which can cause a lot of bleeding. The shotgun is a Mossberg 500, that can shoot bullets at 1,350 feet per second and uses shells of 12 gauge, with the firepower to disembowel bodies and destroys heads". Delusion screamed.
"You really like shotguns. He also has pipe bombs; a pipe bomb is an improvised explosive device, filled with an explosive material. The containment can be used to produce a relatively large explosion, and the fragmentation of the pipe itself creates potentially lethal shrapnel". Realism added on a serious tone.
"I like this guy more than Kick Ass, he even in his debut he was winning fights". Delusion added.
"Because he overpowered his opponents with his weight and his wrench, he is unpredictable as hell. Also his suit has a bulletproof chest that took multiple shoots from pistols and it endured a lot". Realism added.
"True, his best showing is in the final battle, he soled the whole security team, he got shot a lot of times, but he went straight to kill Jacques". Delusion said on a funny tone.
"And without much casualties...unless you count his young female sidekick, Boltie, getting headshot." Realism said in a sad tone.
"Oh yeah" delusion said partially sadden
[[Out of respect for the fallen yet favorable sidekick, The host stop and commit the prayer of the Boondocks Saints]]
"Despite he has a lot of advantages, he is dependent of his weapons, and his close combat skills are really bad". Realism spoke on a sad tone.
"The Crimson Bolt, the Canadian version of Batman". Delusion yelled.
"Don't steal, don't sell drugs! don't molest little children!, SHUT UP CRIME". Crimson Bolt yelled.