There's pain.
Then there's pain beyond words.
The kind of pain he was feeling right now.
Gibbs raced down the hall way towards him as his back slid down the ER wall. He slipped an arm behind his head and let him fall onto his shoulder.
"I'm sorry boss…I'm so sorry…she…"
He didn't have to finish. The feeling was all too familiar.
"Not your fault." Gibbs said gently, fury rising inside him.
Tony gripped Gibbs suit jacket and clenched his fists. "I was right there…right there." He screamed the last two words and gasped for air. "I couldn't save her…"
Gibbs said nothing and let his presence be all the comfort he knew how to give. He let Tony cry, yell and slam his fist against the brick because he knew all it was, was a distraction from the pain.
The kind of pain that ebbed and flowed, but never stopped.
Ever.
"I want to die boss…I hate this."
Gibbs recognized the agony in his voice. "I know."
Tony released the grip from his jacket and let his head rest against the wall. He let out a long breath, broken in short by a sob he couldn't control. It was then he looked up to see a tear falling down Gibbs right cheek. A sight he swore he would never see.
Ever.
"I'm so sorry boss," he repeated, and every time with more sincerity than the last.
Gibbs tear had already dried when he answered simply, "Don't apologize."
"But I'm weak," the response came quick.
"You won't always be DiNozzo," he met his eyes firmly as if imparting supernatural strength. "You won't always be."