Things Fall Apart
After seeing the 4x16 promo on Youtube, it made me very, very, very angry and depressed for the whole day and this ended up as a release to my anger. Angst, sadness, then fluff, so enjoy!
"I'm mad at myself…" she said, holding his stare. "Because I've fallen in love with you…"
She was trying so hard
to hold herself together. She knew that things between them had
gotten difficult ever since Ruben's death, but the news of this
shocked her to her very core.
It had been a somewhat regular
evening for them. They'd finally gotten past her forgotten birthday
with an honest, heartfelt apology from him and she felt like they
were finally moving forward again.
They were kissing and had
stumbled on to his bed when Lindsay stumbled upon something else. She
broke apart from him for a second and grabbed the thing that was
under her back.
She immediately sat up, "Whose are these?"
She
had a pair of black panties in her hands and they were not
hers.
"It's all my fault," she said, her voice wavering
a little. "You know when I first came to New York, all I heard
about Danny Messer was that he was a player. That he'd never had a
steady relationship that lasted more than a month. I believed that.
For a while."
Danny just kept
staring at her. He couldn't believe that he'd let this all
happen.
"You proved me wrong," she said, feeling her eyes
beginning to well up with tears. "You did, you were a perfect
gentleman, the perfect coworker, and I started to think you might be
the perfect boyfriend. I began to ignore all of those rumors about
you because I wanted to give you a chance. Then I stood you up
and I know I tried telling you it was over, but you didn't back
down. You flew all the way across the country for me. That's when I
thought I knew that you were the one."
The one. God, he felt like the world's biggest ass. And he probably was, at that moment.
"Then, that incredible night in your apartment, it changed everything. And the day after, you were held hostage when it should've been me but you didn't let me blame myself. Now, Ruben's gone and I know you hold yourself responsible, but things are just falling apart!"
Falling apart. That
was them: pieces that had been so meticulously and carefully re-glued
together, but only being shattered into even tinier shards.
She
looked up at the ceiling and finally let the tears flow freely, "God,
I can't believe I'm saying this…Danny…"
He felt his heart wrench in his throat.
"You and me…we…this thing between us…it's over."
"Lindsay…" Danny
walked so that he was right in front of her, raising his hand to wipe
away her tears, but she jerked away.
She shook her head, each of
her tears cutting away at his mind and his heart, "No! Don't try
and work your charm on me and make me think that everything's just
going to be okay, because it's not! I trusted you!
We've been through so much these past two years, and I honestly
thought those were just rumors, but they're the truth! I thought
we'd make it through all this, but we can't. I'm just not
strong enough, Danny…"
"Montana…come on…"
"Don't…call me that. Ever again. You used to be able to call me that," she furiously wiped away some of her tears, but only more kept coming. "Not anymore."
She choked out another
sob and was about to leave, but she couldn't bring herself to open
the door. She knew that when she walked out, she was leaving him
behind. She cared for him, more than he ever knew. She didn't want
to leave.
"Tell me that I'm wrong. Tell me this isn't
happening."
He took a couple steps forward and sighed, "As
much as I would love to say that it never happened…it did."
It did. It did. It
did. It did happen.
This was her breaking point.
"God,
I wish I hadn't," he breathed out.
"Then why did you?"
"I…don't know."
She spun around, "You don't know? You don't KNOW? You don't know why you slept with someone else?"
The harsh reality of her words almost made him flinch.
"I was there! I was there, with you, waiting for you to let me in! But you never did! What am I supposed to think? That I couldn't help you? Or is it that you think you made a mistake pursuing me in the first place?"
"No, Lindsay! NO!
You were NOT a mistake! And…"
"And…? I wanted to
be there for you, like you did so many times for me. I just wanted to
return the favor and all I find is that you…gosh, I can't even
say it again…" The tears were returning.
"I'm sorry! I'm so, so sorry! It didn't mean anything! You…you mean…everything."
"Forgiveness? Would you forgive me if I just pushed you away and then slept with someone else?" she saw his expression and got her answer. "I guess not."
No more hesitations.
She gathered the courage to turn the knob and manage to utter these last words, "You broke me, Danny. You broke us. And there's nothing that you can do to put us back together again."
When the door slammed shut, both of them completely fell apart.