If there was a city that could have had 'dysfunctional' as a motto then it would be Gotham. A sprawling mass of buildings awash with social inequality, crime and corruption. Even the more peaceful suburbs like Burnside regularly fell under the shadow of Gotham's ills. But for all its failings millions of ordinary people called it home. Away from the high machinations of The Joker and Batman people got on with their daily lives and routines.
It was one of Harley Quinn's favourite seasons of the year, not duck or wabbit but cookie season, Girl Scout Cookie season to be precise. Harley was pacing expectantly about her apartment waiting for the scouts to call at her apartment building.
"I've made cake and hot chocolate to…" Eggsy came out of the kitchen.
"QUIET! DON'T WANNA MISS THE DOORBELL!" Harley grabbed Eggsy by the collar as she shouted.
"You'll miss the apocalypse if you keep shouting like that." Coach spoke quietly, her hands moving over her braille book "Relax, I've got Red Tool and Big Tony on the roof acting as lookout. Just calm down, they'll be here soon enough..."
Sure enough Coach was right, at the first ding of the doorbell Harley rushed downstairs, grinning from ear to ear she threw the door open "Cookies!" she shouted throwing her arms wide to greet the tasty treats "I want cookies!" Silence, nothing, nada, zip. Harley looked down, there were two sad looking Girl Scouts standing at her doorstep, the oldest holding out a piece of paper while the youngest held onto the oldest.
Harley took the paper and looked at it "IOC?"
"I Owe C, cookie?" the eldest one said trying to control her quivering bottom lip "Please."
Harley looked into the eyes of the Girl Scouts, she could see they were being very brave, but that bravery was a fragile crust. Their eyes told just how important this was to them, and their despair at their situation. Harley pocketed the IOC note and handed them the money. She could see they had handfuls of these notes, few had wanted to buy an IOC.
"Wait there for a moment. Let me rustle up a few more customers for ya."
Harley went inside, the scouts looked at each other as the muffled sounds of banging, crashing and shouting came from inside, they shared a nervous glance when it all went quiet. Harley reappeared at the door blowing a strand of hair out of her face. She knelt down to be at eye level with them and handed over the more money for more IOC notes.
"So? What happened to the cookies, ya didn't eat 'em did ya?" she spoke in a cheerful tone, trying to lighten the mood by injecting humour. It didn't work.
"If we don't get the money we'll lose the hall and the scouts will close!" the eldest wailed "I heard Troop Leader say so!"
"There's nowhere else to go, I won't see my friends." The youngest joined in the wailing.
Harley looked about, this wasn't something she normally dealt with. As Dr Quinzel she was used to dealing with the most deranged inmates at Arkham Asylum, and so was totally unequipped to deal with these two. Fortunately Coach appeared at the door and took control of the situation.
"Ok. Ok, just take a few deep breaths then tell me what the problem is." Coach spoke in gentle, calming tones.
"T, there are no cookies," the eldest said.
"Nobody has them, they never arrived." the youngest joined in.
"But we, we need to sell them or…" the eldest Scout's face began to break.
"That's ok, you don't need to day anymore." Coach hushed them before they got too upset "I get the picture."
"I'm gonna do something about this, I want my cookies!" Harley raged, pacing about the steps "This isn't right, Girl Scouts sell cookies, it's, it's in the constitution!"
"It isn't."
"It is, life liberty and the pursuit of happiness. And that means cookies!"
The girl guides had stopped crying and were watching Harley, unsure what was going to happen.
"Well," Coach moved her wheelchair out of the way of the door "why don't you go and find out what's going on?"
"Need ta change clothes!" Harley shouted as she pounded up the stairs.
Coach sighed, "Wait there please." She said to the scouts before going inside "Hey, nutbag! Wait for me."
The two scouts stood at the entrance and stared at the closed door, unsure of what had just happened or what they should do. While they were hesitating the door opened and a large egg-shaped head peeked out and smiled then came out and stood in front of them.
"Hi, Coach asked me to stay with you while Harley changes."
"Who are you?" They stared, even for a child raised in Gotham seeing a large sentient egg with metallic tentacles for legs was unusual.
"Eggsy." Eggsy smiled "Cake?" he brought a tentacle from behind his back on which were two large slices of cake.
The scouts smiled at each other, cake they understood. They all sat on the steps and the scouts tucked in.
"Ta Da!" Harley burst out of the door, dressed as a girl scout "Let's get a moving!"
Harley marched down the road towards the scout hut, the two girl scouts marching eagerly behind her their cookie mission forgotten.
The scout 'hut' was several blocks away and was a simple church hall. It was an annex of St Hildegard's church, a large gothic building set in a small area of green surrounded by spiked metal railings. St Hildegard's itself was one of the oldest buildings in Gotham, occupying as it did one of the few bits of the city that hadn't needed to be rebuilt over the years thanks to one super villain's or another plan. The church itself, and the hall had both seen better days and were constantly being patched up just enough to pass inspection. The church served a poor community so most resources went on supporting that community with food banks, soup kitchens, homework clubs and all manner of other services. In the grounds was an old oak tree which itself had seen better days but the children loved playing around.
Inside the hall was the Troop Leader, a woman in her late fifties. She was surprised to see the scouts back so soon. She hurried over, concerned that something untoward had occurred, and in a way she was right as the next person in was Harley Quinn.
"Troop Leader! This is Miss Quinn, she'd gonna make it all better!" the youngest blurted out.
Harley's mouth dropped open, this had just got more complicated. Troop Leader knew who Harley Quinn was, who didn't.
"You two go and get something to drink, I'll go and talk with Miss Quinn." The two scouts hurried off to get some juice while Troop Leader guided Harley into a side room.
"What happened to the cookies? I want cookies!"
"We can't sell what we don't have. The factory hasn't shipped cookies to us, or anyone in the area." The troop leader explained when out of earshot of the scouts. She had been chipper and upbeat when with the scouts, but was now worn-out and full of worry, everything was an uphill struggle. "The hall needs work and we need the funds."
"Can't ya just make cookies?"
The Troop Leader let out a sad sigh "Many of the children come from poor families, they can barely afford to put food on the table let alone make cookies to sell. Then there are those from the local orphanage…" Troop Leader shook her head sadly "And if the factory can't sell the cookies then they may close as well. It'll be a hammer blow to the community."
Harley's expression hardened, "Not on my watch." She growled under her breath. For all of her faults Harley had a heart, she cared for those she lived amongst. Even if it was in a dysfunctional and occasionally psychotically dangerous way, she cared. This was something she was going to sort out, personally.
"Where's ta factory?"