Author's Note: I swear this crept up on me, a mixture of sadness and hope I suppose on my part. It's been a rough week but I hope you all enjoy it anyways!
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or the characters.
He hated everything, everything. He hated waking up in the morning alone and he hated going to bed alone. Everything he did now a days was alone and he just…he hated it.
It had officially been three months since her disappearance. It had been about a month and a half since he stopped caring about anyone but them even though sometimes it hurt to look them in the eye and explain why she wasn't home yet. It hurt to think about why she wasn't home.
This was one of those times, when he was seated at the Hokage's desk staring intently at a wedding ring that did not belong on his finger but was a perfect match to the one that did belong to him. She hadn't taken it with her for obvious reasons but still he couldn't help but want her to be wearing it at this moment, only to, if anything feel connected with her.
Just looking at the band caused unnecessary memories to flood his mind like how she would get up especially early just to make him breakfast before he left. Or how she would bring the kids over during lunch with ramen in hand. Or how she would wait for him each night and help him release all the tension that came with the Rokudaime title.
She was everything to him, and now she was gone. It hurt to think about it, it hurt to think about her but he couldn't help himself, she was his addiction and his thoughts would never be rid of her. Her bright smile, her soft lavender eyes, her caring nature…her generous assets. Every part of her was forever engraved into his mind and although he loved it at the same time he loathed it.
It was just a reminder of what he could've had if he hadn't sent her on the mission. It had occurred November 9th. It was a tracking S-ranked mission and although he was reluctant to let her go she persisted. They both knew she was the only one good enough to combine stealth and tracking for this kind of operation. She was one of his best ex-anbu captains and she knew it would convince him to send her out.
He wished he would've declined the damned mission, he wished she would've declined the fucking mission. He wished….he wished for a lot of things but now all he's got is his hands full at home and his hands full at work.
It had nearly broken him last month when Riku, one of his 7 year old twins asked him "Daddy, when is mommy coming home? I miss her."
"She'll be home soon son, she's just a little lost." He had said and how he wished those words were true. Hell, until her body was discovered he refused to believe her dead, she was too good for that and there was no way she was dead.
His four kids were very intuitive when it came to their mother. It's almost as if they sensed what Naruto feared the most. Neji was the oldest, ten years old. He had his mother's dark hair but his father's cerulean eyes. Riku and Jiraiya were next, 7 year old twins with spiky blonde hair and natural Hyuuga eyes. They were much like their father, loud and determined. There was little these boys could not learn through sheer determination alone and the fact that they had their mother's grace, chakra control and bloodline only bettered them more.
Naruto had the hardest time answering their questions about Hinata. These kids were smart and one mistake would probably scar them forever. He wanted to be sure of the situation before he told his children of their mother's disappearance.
Their little girl, Kushina was easier to handle when it came to her questions since she was only 4 and would believe anything her father told her. It was her that hurt him the most though, she looked too much like her mother and that fact alone had him holding back tears every time she would sit on his lap and smile at him exactly the way Hinata would.
Kushina had her mother's indigo coloured hair and the same heart shaped face. Although her eyes were a pale blue-a tribute to her father-everyone always associated little Kushina with her mother. They had the same personality. Perhaps Kushina wasn't as shy as Hinata when she was younger but the blush, the smile and the gentleness that surrounded the little girl at all times came from her mother. This Naruto could not deny, she was like a replica of Hinata except for the pale blue eyes.
Thinking of their three children not only brought a smile to his face but tears as well. What was he supposed to tell them? That their mother was gone and would never come back? That they only had him now and he had no idea how to raise them?
Was he supposed to just pick up where they left off and pretend that life could function without her?
Because it couldn't.
Life would never, ever be okay without her, not for him and not for his kids.
So caught up in his thoughts Naruto didn't even notice he was sobbing now, fists clenched and tears leaking out of his eyes continuously. He didn't sense the person who was right in front of him or the children behind her.
"Naruto.." someone called softly and he felt hope rise in his chest at the sound of the soft voice, it could be her. Opening his bright cerulean eyes he was met with disappointment when he realized it had been Sakura who had said his name.
"Daddy!" The 4 year old ran straight for him and begged him with her eyes to lift her up in his arms. Not one to deny his little girl he picked her up and sat her on his lap. Little chubby hands grasped each side of his face carefully wiping away the salted tears that remained.
"Daddy, are you hurt?" Her voice sounded so much like his wife's that he couldn't help but cry more. His own daughter was killing him and the nostalgic feeling was too much for him to handle at this point.
"N-no honey I just had to cry is all." He hoped she would be content with his answer and wasn't disappointed when she beamed at him and hugged him, both her little hands intertwined behind his neck.
Clearing his throat he looked over at Sakura and his three boys right beside her. "Thank you for bringing them Sakura, it's been quite a hassle trying to juggle work and home you know?"
All his best friend managed was a weak smile and a nod of her head. She understood, they all understood. Hinata had meant the world to Naruto, being the first person to see him for who he is and unconditionally love him.
She was the first and only person he had an emotional and physical connection with and for all of that to disappear was brutal. She couldn't imagine if that happened to her with Sasuke, she would probably feel the same way.
"Hey, dad…" Neji was speaking to him now. "Riku, Jiraiya and I can walk Kushina home, we don't really have to train today. We know it's been hard since mom's been gone on that mission for so long."
It surprised him how mature his son could be sometimes, he was the oldest and sometimes he reminded Naruto of Neji too much. Almost as if giving him the name gave him some of his uncle's characteristics.
"It's alright Neji, you and your brothers can go with Sakura and train with your cousins and uncle Sasuke I can handle Kushina." He turned his head to smile at the little girl who seemed to be playing with his blonde spikes. She really wasn't a hassle to take care of, she normally would sit there and play quietly almost as if she knew what her father needed her to do.
Giving his sons and their aunt one last smile Naruto turned his attention back to the toddler. She was beaming at him now, excited to be able to work with him today he guessed. Giving her one of his blinding foxy grins the blonde set the raven haired girl on the ground with a puzzle and went back to work.
It had been almost an hour before someone rudely crashed into his office. The man's jounin vest was no longer green, instead a velvet crimson. His grey hair also had stains of blood and his ninja headband was carelessly hanging around his neck exposing one sharingan.
Naruto looked horrified at his former sensei. "Kakashi, what's happened?"
For the first time in his life Kakashi could not stay calm. "It's your wife, Hinata, she was found near the gates completely drenched in her own blood and unconscious! I've taken her to the hospital where Tsunade and Sakura are stabilizing her right now!"
Naruto's azure eyes widened and he sprinted by the copy ninja muttering a quick "Take care of Kushina."
The little girl seemed to be frightened and confused by her father's haste departure but soon forgot once her uncle Kakashi had picked her up. He had dropped his vest so no blood would get on her.
She is alive! She is alive! It was the only thing going through the Hokage's mind. His wife was alive, barely but she had made it home where she knew they would take care of her. Running at top speed he rushed into the hospital stopping the first nurse he encountered.
"Where's Hinata!? Where's my wife?!" His voice was booming and frightening.
"Ugh, I think…she's in ICU Hokage-sama." The nurse answered nervously.
Flying right by her he sped off toward the ICU on the 4th floor. Just as he reached his destination Ino Yamanaka walked out of the room. "Naruto, you're here."
"Where is she, is she okay? Will she be okay?"
"She's lost a substantial amount of blood but Sakura and Tsunade-sama are trying to stabilize her right now, we really won't know anything until they're finished." Her voice was businesslike but once she saw Naruto's crestfallen face she smiled sympathetically and encouragingly.
"Look Naruto, Hinata's a strong woman. She got back didn't she? They said she'd had her wounds for days and she still refused to die. Doesn't that tell you something?" Once she noticed Naruto's eyes glance up at her hopefully she decided to drive the nail home. "Plus, she has Sakura and Tsunade-sama healing her. They're the best on earth, they won't let her die." Ino finished off with a strong confident voice and a soft smile.
Naruto nodded softly in agreement and sat down on the bench across from the ICU door. Now he would wait. It didn't matter how long it would take. He knew she would be okay, Ino was right she was strong and determined and wouldn't let anything take her away from the family she had worked hard to have. He would wait forever for his Hinata.
Nearly 5 hours later Sakura walked out of the ICU room with Tsunade hot on her heels. Both looked utterly exhausted but once they caught sight of the blonde Hokage sitting on the bench across the hall both their faces softened significantly.
As soon as he heard the door crack open his face lifted to look into a pair of emerald eyes that he trusted with his wife's life. "Is she…" He trailed off, not really knowing which question he wanted to ask. Is she alive? OR Is she dead?
Sensing his panicked state Sakura sat beside him and put a comforting arm on his back. "She's determined; that one." She said referring to his wife who lay on a hospital bed only a few feet away from him, still hidden by the door.
He tried smiling towards the ground but he knew it probably resembled more of a grimace than an actual smile. That's when Tsunade decided to speak seriously about Hinata's well being.
"I won't lie to you brat, she almost died." She paused when his head flew up to look at her through tear stricken eyes, she almost felt guilty for saying the words that were true. "She has lost an incredible amount of blood and probably won't wake up for a couple of weeks." She finished with somewhat better news.
Suddenly his smile was back, although it was only a ghost of what his smile looked like before Hinata had left that early morning in November. "But she will wake up." He stated more than asked both females who were smiling at him softly.
Tsunade only nodded while Sakura outwardly expressed her opinion. "She will Naruto. She held on, we had to perform an emergency surgery most people wouldn't survive, especially when they've lost that much blood…but she did. She never once gave up."
Pride filled every pore in his body and if he could manage more tears he would've shed them then and there because she had kept her word. The vows she had taken on the day they got married, she had not broken them. She fought, until the last possible second to stay with him, to be with him forever.
"Can I see her?" He asked hopefully, knowing even if she wasn't awake he could take comfort in the fact that she was physically in that room.
"Of course, but only for a short time. She needs to rest okay?" Sakura had answered in a strict voice.
He stood without anymore hesitation and marched into the room. He was startled by the state he found his love in-covered from head to toe in bandages- leaving exposed one of her eyes and her beautiful long dark hair.
He sat in the visitors chair located to her right and took her bandaged wrist carefully into his big, calloused hands. Again, he wanted to cry for finding her so hurt and not being able to do anything about it but just the fact that he knew those pales lavender eyes would open up stopped him from feeling sadness.
This wait-the two week wait- was a lot better than the 3 month wait without even knowing if he would ever look at her again. Still, he couldn't help but feel guilty seeing her lying helplessly on the bed. "I'm sorry." He muttered softly in her ear.
He knew she wouldn't answer but he felt the need to talk to her anyways, he would probably repeat this to her sometime later when she was conscious but for his own benefit he had to say this now.
"Thank you." He said breathlessly and delicately. "You didn't give up on us…" He choked on his words, feeling too emotional right now. "You mean everything to me. You and our children, so thank you. Thank you for not taking away my happiness. Thank you for living for me…for us."
He gave her a lingering kiss on her lips although they were bandaged and went home feeling immensely better and ready to tell his children that their mother would be alright.
"Daddy! I wanna see mommy." His youngest child whined pitifully while he tried combing her long dark hair into two ponytails like her mother used to. He cringed at the terrible looking ponytails and took them out immediately.
"I know hunny, we're going, we're going." He saw her smile at him and he couldn't help but smile back at her, that little girl's smile was infectious. "But you have to get dressed first!" He yelled as the 4 year old started booking it out of her room towards the main door. "Kushina! I'm serious, you can't go in your underwear." He wailed desperately, chasing the small girl and hoping to catch her before she stepped outside.
Luckily his eldest son caught the girl by the waist and hoisted her up. "Neji-ni! Put me down I wanna see mommy."
He chuckled at his little sister who -he could not fathom how- could make his heart melt with a small pout. "I know Kushi-chan but dad's right, you need clothes. You don't want mother to be disappointed in you would you?" He asked with a raised eyebrow, silently challenging her.
Kushina huffed in annoyance but settled down in his arms while he slowly walked her to her father's awaiting arms. Naruto looked at his eldest son with a sheepish smile. "I swear Neji, you're better at handling her energy than I am." He chuckled and ruffled the boy's short hair before asking him to gather the twins so they could go see Hinata.
She had woken up a couple of days ago but he had put off the reunion with the kids since she still looked pretty hurt and he didn't want to scare his children. Enough was enough though, it was time mother and children got reacquainted.
They sped towards the hospital mostly because the twins were too excited to see their mother and had set the pace for the entire family. Once they got outside the door, their father halted them and looked each of his sons' in the eye while he held Kushina in his arms.
"Boys your mother was hurt on this mission and she still has a lot of bandages on her arms and torso so I want you to be extremely gentle with her, understood?"
"Yes!" Jiraiya yelled aggravated, he only wanted to see his mother!
Slowly Neji opened the door to reveal his injured mother who still smiled at him once he caught her attention. She sat up on the bed quickly as the rest filed in the room and her eyes sparkled with unshed tears.
Neji remained calm, calmer than the rest of them. He merely walked up to his mother and hugged her gently while saying "I'm glad you're back mom." And pulling away from her so the twins could embrace her as well.
Both her little boys jumped on her unexpectedly and embraced her from either side of the bed. She felt a twinge of pain from the extra weight but decided it was one of the best feelings she had felt in a long time. "Boys." She smiled though tears were softly dropping from her eyes.
Her twins were crying too, going off about how she wasn't allowed to go away for such a long time ever again. They were a lot like their father and always wore their emotions on their sleeves, completely different from their older brother.
Finally she looked at the tall blonde man that stood farthest away from her, her precious little girl in his strong arms. She noticed how long the girl's hair was and how it looked messy, probably because Naruto didn't have a clue as to how to put a girl's hair in any particular style. Still, she felt so grateful that in her time away from them they had a father like Naruto to care after them.
Even if Naruto was broken when she disappeared she knew he would never turn his back on their children. She had been told by Sakura that Naruto had barely functioned as a Hokage in the time being but if anything he only became a better father because he had to make up for her absence and she believed every word of it.
Naruto always worried that he wouldn't make a good father, seeing as he hadn't had any family growing up but Hinata knew, since the beginning that it was because of that reason exactly that Naruto would be the best father of all.
Smiling softly at her husband and only daughter she ushered them closer finally taking her four year old daughter out of her husband's grasp. "Mommy I missed you!" Her daughter yelled only a centimeter away from her face. Although the girl was gentle she was very outspoken, like her father. "Daddy couldn't even braid my hair." She said sadly while grasping her long luscious locks.
"I resent that." Hinata heard her husband mutter from beside them while he sat on the chair with both twins on either side of his lap. For the first time in months the bluenette laughed, feeling relaxed in the presence of her family. She reached out for her son Neji and pulled him onto the bed with her and Kushina.
Neji took Kushina from Hinata's arm as the twins made themselves comfortable on the bed alongside their siblings. This gave Naruto the opportunity to scoot the chair closer to his magnificent wife and reach out for her right hand. Gently and lovingly he placed her wedding ring on her ring finger and kissed it caringly. She held onto his hand for the rest of the time being while the twins told her tales of how training with uncle Sasuke was amazing.
She noted Neji's eyes water if only slightly and shake his head to dispel the tears. She knew he wasn't much for showing emotions mostly because he felt like his younger siblings looked up to him for strength not weakness. She smiled softly at him, silently telling him everything would be alright now and that she was back to stay forever. He breathed out in relief and smiled caringly at his family.
That's when it hit her.
They were finally a family again, after months of painful nonstop fighting with enemy after enemy. After months of worries that she wouldn't be back to see her children grow up she was finally here and she knew it was exactly where she was supposed to be.
Every fight, every painful stab, every drop of blood and tears that she had shed these past months were worth it as long as she got to see her boys and little girl again. For them she would've gone through hell and back but most of all, she would go through it again just to feel the warmth radiating off her right hand that was held delicately by the man she adored.