Author's Note: Well, I got this idea when one of my friends met someone online. I tried to warn her that he was probably some serial rapist but then he ended up being my neighbor. Funky. Is my neighbor a rapist! I dunno… ANYWAYS, enjoy.

Disclaimer: Everything FF-ish belongs to the genius mind of Tetsuya Nomura.

Reno was a man who had everything he wanted. He lived in a nice apartment with a loft, had a decent sum of money, and a well-paying job. No... actually, the apartment used to be Tseng's, Reno inherited 20,000 gil from his grandmother's will, and worked for Rufus Shinra's personal black operations team, also known as the Turks.

But the only one thing he didn't have was a girlfriend. The swinger had countless one-night stands, but what he really needed, what he really longed for, was a serious girlfriend.

The girl on the bus with the long blonde braid had a habit of biting sensitive parts. Sophia, the supermodel, spoke a completely different language. The cashier at the café liked shoving things in body orifices. Leah, the girl he 'accidentally-on-purpose' crashed into while she was carrying several physics textbooks had nearly no experience in the sack. Genius as she was being a physicist, she was an idiot in bed.

Reno often wondered why he never had a girl for his own for more than a week. Perhaps because they were either unobtainable if they were sober, or they had some sort of habit that Reno loathed with a passion.

With a pensive look and a hand on his chin, he remembered the first girlfriend he had ever had. Reno was fifteen then, a year before he was drafted. He was living in the slums as the leader of some teenage ruffians out to jump the next rich bastard that walked past the slums. Monica was the daughter of one of those rich bastards, and Reno often saw drive past with her daddy in his convertible.

One night Monica was alone, walking softly in her stylish leather flats. Her outline was clearly visible in the flickering orange glow of the streetlamp, and all Reno could see from where he was standing was her handbag. Full of daddy's credit cards, no doubt.

Reno made his move and tried to snatch her purse. He remembered the pain and humiliation when she punched him in the face and sprayed pepper spray in his eyes. He also remembered after his gang members ditched him how she asked him if he was alright.

She was a beautiful girl with a beautiful soul, but Reno was just a dirty sicko with a dirty mind. Monica dumped him three days later after she saw him with another girl. Reno couldn't sleep on his stomach for five weeks.

A colorful pop-up ad on his laptop brought him back to reality. "Find your one true love" it read in large red letters. Bored and slightly intrigued, he moved his cursor around and clicked on the link. The ad brought him to an online dating site, its page stating that he needed to sign up.

Reno wondered if the women described themselves as athletic and successful were actually overweight and piss-broke, using stolen credit cards to access the program.

Please choose an online name:

Reno thought for a moment. Hotsexystud. Naah, to egotistical. TurkRed. Egh, too obvious. BlackwindSamurai. Mmmrgghh... too feudal and bluntly inflammatory to the source of a passionate hate beheld by the author. Electro-MagWarrior927. No. Reno sighed and leant back in his chair. It was the first step and he was already out of ideas. He had to choose something out of character so he wouldn't be identified…

That's when it hit him. Red-Hot! Like his favorite candies! Reno felt like a genius. He typed that in and scrolled down the page.

Please choose a password:

He used his social security number.

I am a(man/woman) looking for a (man/woman).

I'm a man looking for a woman. Yes… a woman with nice legs and who knows how to have a fun time…

I was born on:

September… ninth… twenty-six years ago…

He typed in his e-mail address, his interests, his dislikes, and his social status. Uploading pictures was optional, but he took a picture of his shirtless chest, just to tease the matched users of what they were getting into.

Three hours later, when Reno was on his bed eating some instant noodles out of a Styrofoam cup, a small ringing noise was heard from his computer. Upon throwing out his ramen cup and checking out his programs, he had received three matches: ShakenNotStirred, Au Courant, and NaughtyxVixen.

Reno was immediately attracted to the name 'NaughtyxVixen', and clicked on her profile. She looked nice, but it was quite obvious she was a slut. God, Reno loved sluts. He just never went past a day with them.

Apparently, she was online and he decided to talk to her.

Red-Hot: So, what're you into?
NaughtyxVixen: Ain't it obvious? ;D
Red-Hot: So you like to get it on.
NaughtyxVixen: Yeah.
Red-Hot: What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex in?
Red-Hot: I mean, in public places.
NaughtyxVixen: Um… in a school bus
Red-Hot: How old are you!
NaughtyxVixen: 18.
Red-Hot: Dear lord…

So Reno left this 'NaughtyxVixen' because he wasn't into teenagers. This is what he meant about the users being someone they weren't… Reno could've been talking to a man for God's sakes…