It was nauseating. Just the smell of it made his stomach lurch with every inhalation, so much so that he found himself breathing laboriously through his mouth to avoid it. The way it oozed from the small opening like the remains of some kind of poisonous serpent ground into a thick paste, the way it glowed an almost radioactive orange, so bright it nearly hurt his eyes to stare at it. Okay, that was an exaggeration, but all the same, he couldn't seem to look away–he seriously thought he was going to hurl.

And then she popped it in her mouth and chewed.

"Ugh!" Patton exclaimed, scandalized, and Rachel glanced over at him from her end of the desk curiously.

"What?" she murmured.

"Why the heck would you put that crud in your mouth?"

She tilted her head, giving him a bemused look. "Clam down there, commando. It's just Cheez Whiz…"

"That's supposed to be cheese?"

She rolled her eyes. "It is cheese. Here," she squirted another snake of the putrid stuff onto another cracker and extended it to him, "try some."

Patton inspected the cracker as he would one of the prisoners he processed. He denied the treat with a wrinkle of his nose, and turned back to the sheets before him. "No thanks, ma'am. Rather have fond memories of cheese while they last."

"Now that's hilarious," Rachel teased as she plopped the cracker into her mouth, "Adult villains? No problem. Below zero temperatures? Bring it on. But a little squirt of Cheez Whiz?Let's hope Father doesn't catch a whiff of that kryptonite there, tough guy."

The boy's lips quirked as he went on the defensive. "Creepy, crawly gunky stuff just isn't my thing, okay?"

"Your secret's safe with me," Rachel laughed, yet he could detect the earnest hint in her tone. She paused for a second, then leaned forward, childishly presenting her food to get a rise out of him.

He was prepared for her game, and simply rose an amused brow. "Real respectable for someone of your position, Supreme Leader, ma'am." Rachel only snorted, returning to her paperwork as she brushed him off. Patton only chuckled, then returned to his own set of documents.

The moonbase was at rare quiet, as of late. Mostly due in part with the holidays rounding the corner. Many operatives and officers alike were cashing in their vacation time or finding excuses to slip away early. Rachel tended to let that behavior slide, but only when it didn't hamper their work ethic higher up the chain.

Sadly, that was exactly what happened when Numbuh 9-2-5 'called in sick' today. The very same day she was supposed to have the paperwork for the fourth fiscal quarter all sorted it out. How oddly coincidental.

Seeing as the most crucial secretary in the whole Kids Next Door organization decided to play hookey–though no one would blame her, the kid practically ran the joint– that left Rachel having to pick up the slack and file away any lingering contracts or mission reports. They weren't too terribly important, but if not filed, then there was a high chance Sector HH wouldn't get any new shampoo products come the new year. The budget was just mysterious like that.

Normally Fanny would have stayed behind to help, but she had left to visit her family in Scotland days ago…or was it Ireland? Rachel could never seem to remember for some strange reason. The blonde expected to go it alone, but her salvation came in the form of a rugged drill commander whom dropped in to catch up and ended up offering to stay a bit and assist.

Two heads were better than one, they say. Patton and Rachel were certainly working to prove it. Although somewhere along the way, it seemed less like professional work and more like goofing off and trying to cover it up. That, and she pulled a bottle of Cheez Whiz out of nowhere. She did it to mess with him. He knew it.

Munch!

"OW!" Patton yelped, jumping up and sending papers flying everywhere. Rachel was taken for surprise as well and struggled to regain her balance as Patton's hand snapped to his neck. "What in the Sam hill?"

"Are you alright? What just happened?"

"I think something bit me," he trailed off, rubbing the new mark he now sported. "You got some space bugs up here I don't know about?"

Rachel's eyes widened a tad. "Numbuh 74.239 did bring some ladybugs up here to to test some theory about zero gravity…"

"You're messing with me, right?"

"Um, yeah. Sure," Rachel mumbled as her eyes shifted. Hopefully the possible space bug crisis wouldn't spring up until after her winter break. She shook her head of those thoughts, and moved to help Patton gather the fallen reports. "Here, let me help."

"Nah, you don't need to do that. I got it covered."

"It's okay, I just want to–Ah ha!" Rachel barked, cartwheeling away from Patton mid-step. The Arctic Commander blinked, severely wondering if the low atmosphere was affecting Rachel's brain. But she didn't pay him any mind, only continued smirking at something overhead. "Nice try, Bippy. You came close that time."

Bippy? Patton blinked, slowly looking up to whatever had her attention. He noticed a strand of mistletoe hanging over him, attached to suspicious looking ball of fur. "Is that a hamster carrying around mistletoe?"

"Yeah, that's Bippy," Rachel smiled up to the hamster. The cute creature gave a playful squeak, signaling to Rachel that her days were numbered before scurrying off down the line, his strand of plastic mistletoe in paw. "He goes around every year getting operatives under the mistletoe. But he's never gotten me yet. It's a little game we like to play." She tucked a lock of hair behind her ear as she bent down, piecing together the odd string of events. "He's getting trickier this year, he almost managed to rope you into one of his little schemes to catch me."

Patton mostly tuned out the rest of whatever she was saying as his hand drifted to the place Bippy had bit him. Upon further assessment, it didn't hurt nearly as bad as he had made it out to be. The boy was more surprised than anything. And that was what the hamster wanted. To get him surprised to get Rachel's attention, thus causing to get just close enough so…

Patton's train of thought veered off slightly when the realization he almost got caught under the mistletoe with Rachel hit him square in the face.

"Hello, Earth to Numbuh 60?" Rachel's voice pierced his hearing and he glanced up to see her staring at him. "You all there, Patton? If you need to go home, it's totally fine."

The boy coughed into his hand as he quickly bent over and snatched up papers, doing his best to fight the urge to blush. "Ah, I'm fine. Never been bit by hamster before is all. They can't run around in the Arctic Base like they do up here. They have to stay in their special section, or else they'll turn into fur-cicles."

"Maybe we should organize a holiday vacation for them. The hamsters have been working triple-ly hard this year," Rachel mused to herself. It was no secret the girl was very fond of the small creatures. Though given her history, Patton couldn't say he blamed her. "Wish I could say the same for the actual operatives though. Some of these mission reports are…lacking, to say the least."

Patton nodded along in agreement, happy to divert the subject away from any notion of mistletoe. "Used to be that most reports would sound like something out of a cartoon. Nowadays, you're lucky if some sectors get up the moxy to stop an ice cream truck."

"Hah, you should look into Sector V's files if you need a share of odd shenanigans," Rachel chuckled, pulling out the latest report from the team she had yet to review. "Like this last mission where they–the flip? Numbuh 4 almost got married to a royal prince while he was dressed up as a–what the crud?"

"Oh, that Ice Cream Treaty thing, right?" Patton clued in, having heard about that certain mission around the Arctic. "Numbuh 35 told me about it last week. You see, apparently they–"

BOOOM!

Their conversation was interrupted when an explosion rumbled through the base, almost sending the two officers down tumbling. Rachel quickly caught Patton's arm to keep him steady as yellow mist creeped out into the bridge. The stray few operatives below them got caught in the strange fog, and Rachel feared the worst when their hacking and coughing reached her ears.

The moonbase was being attacked, and someone was trying to do them in with poison gas! Dragging along Patton, Rachel used the length of her arm to cover her face and sprinted over to the control panel. Without a second thought, her hand jerked down a familiar level, and there was a rumble as the moonbase vents opened and began to clear out the yellow haze. But even as the mist emptied out, some of it managed to surround her and Patton.

Rachel clenched her eyes and held her breath. She was determined not to inhale the deadly aroma of the–

"Cheese?"

Patton's surprised gasp threw her for a loop. Blinking, she looked up to see him sniffing the mist, appearing fine. Curious, Rachel slowly lowered her arm and sampled a whiff as well, only for her orbs to narrow at the familiar scent that wafted through the air.

"This is ground cheese powder," Rachel commented, recognizing the smell of the brand, "They only use that in cheese smoke-bombs, but the only group I know of who uses those are…"

"Ah ha ha ha!"

The two stiffened, running into action as they reached the ledge of the bride. They peered down towards the ground floor, frowning in distaste at all the clan of adults who dared to enter their moonbase. Lithe men littered the floor, either wielding cheese throwing stars, cheddar knives, or other assortments of cheese based weaponry. But the man who held their attention was the robust, arrogant adult who stood in the center of it all.

"The Cheese Shogun!"

Fabled Cheese Shogun Roquefort was silent, even as the girl addressed him. His eyes slowly scanned the perimeter, studying the layout of the Global Command deck. When, and only when, he was satisfied with his assessment did he choose to speak up. "Numbuh 362. Tales of your leadership have spread far and wide across my scared empire, and I must say, I am not impressed. Even less so with your fabled Lunar Kingdom," he regaled as a slow smirk graced his lips, "But it shall suffice."

Patton clenched his fist, quick to come to his leader's defense. "Can it, you moldy old cheese wheel. You have three seconds to explain yourself, and remove your butt off this moonbase!"

"You dare mock me, child? I who put the traitorous Rubing Slice Clan under my heel? I who led the great Blue Cheese March of a Thousand Nachos? You are not fit to even be within the same room of one capable of such feats," he scoffed, choosing to ignore Patton, "I seek audience with your so-called leader."

Rachel glared at the adult so easy to brush off her operatives. "Numbuh 60 gave you three seconds to surrender. I'm not that generous. Now explain what you want, kindly shove it, and get your cheese ninjas off my base. All in that order, if you don't mind."

"You are in no position to make demands of me! One who cannot properly protect their domain has no right to such a palace. For generations, my Empire has dreamt of the day we would storm the Lunar Kingdom and take it for our own. Our might would go on unchallenged as we controlled the mines containing the legendary lunar cheese!" he proclaimed, being met by a rallying cry of his followers. "And today, we make that glorious dream a reality!"

"Your point?"

"Numbuh 362, Supreme Leader of the Kids Next Door, I, Cheese Shogun Roquefort, challenge your claim for your Lunar Kingdom. Accept an honorable demise, or suffer a humiliating surrender."

In response to his ultimatum, Rachel tore off her sweater, revealing her battle armor hidden underneath. Her hand fled to her belt, returning as equipped a small metal prod which grew and expanded to her trademark YIELD Battle sign. "I don't play by adults' rules, but I'll be happy to evict you from the property all the same."

"You are under the impression I was going to play fairly," Roquefort chuckled as he snapped his fingers, his cheese ninjas arming themselves to out number the children. "ATTACK!"

With his shout, the cheese ninjas rushed into action, going on the offense with any operatives that remained on the ground floor. Roquefort tensed his leg muscles, then gave a mighty leapt as he flew towards Rachel and Patton. The way he moved fluidly through the air was quite astounding for a man of his structure. Unfortunately, the two had no time to be impressed, for the Shogun had landed right in their path.

Patton surged forward, cocking his fist back, only to be brushed aside from the towering Shogun. As the drill commander fell into the fray below, Roquefort followed Rachel with the eyes of a predator as he pulled out his dual cheese katanas. With a battle roar, he charged, meeting Rachel's steal with his cheese.

Patton shook off his surprise mid-fall, and tried to take advantage of his situation. Maneuvering himself, he managed to right his body to fall towards two unsuspecting cheese ninjas. His hands landed on their heads, gripping them painfully. Before they could figure out what had them, he slammed their skulls into each other, knocking them out as he used their bodies to push himself upright and land on his feet.

As he went into a crouch, more ninjas ran up from behind to take him down. He only snorted, and fell into a sweeping kick, brushing all the would-be attackers aside. He let out a ringing whistle, and someone threw him a spare S.P.I.C.E.R in response. Now packing literal heat, Patton went on to empty the blaster as he tried to find out if he could make melted cheese ninjas.

Before he could fire the next round, a nacho chip throwing star embedded itself into the blaster's cartridge. It exploded when he pulled the trigger, causing him to stagger back as he furiously wiped the hot sauce out of his eyes. They were going to wish they hadn't done that.

He looked up just in time to see the offending ninja preparing to throw another set of stars. Acting quickly, Patton kicked his foot back and hooked it on a stray rolling chair. He swung it out in front of him, and ducked behind it; using it as a makeshift shield as the stars dug themselves into the chair's back spine. Not one to just stand around, Patton pushed forward and charged towards the ninja, picking up speed as he barreled along.

The ninja backed up in shock as he kept throwing more and more stars, but it would prove fruitless as Patton kept coming. It had become too late to jump out of the way, and before the ninja knew what had happened, the kid had kicked the chair his way, knocking him back into a group of his comrades; all of them tumbling into a tangled pile on the floor.

Patton looked on at his handiwork with a smug expression. "That'll teach ya not to mess with us–Hey!"

"Foolish boy," a cheese ninja hissed as he held a knife to the boy's throat. Patton felt the cheese press into his Adam's apple and suppressed the urge to gulp. "Know that on this day, you and your pathetic friends fell to the might of–"

Munch!

"OW!" the ninja cried as he released Patton. The child turned around just in time to see the adult freaking out, some furry blur moving all around his body. "G-Get this rat off of me!"

"Bippy, now!"

"What?" the cheese ninja spluttered as the hamster suddenly jumped off his clothes. Before he could blink, he saw a fist heading for his face before he saw stars. Pretty, cheesy stars.

Then he fell down. Which hurt. A lot.

Patton smirked as he shook his fist. Those cheese helmets were a bit sturdier than he thought. He then peered to the floor, sending a look of gratitude to the hamster. "Thanks for the help there, little guy."

Bippy gave the best salute he could muster, then ran off before anyone stepped on him. With that matter taken care of, Patton made a beeline for the stairs, determined to return to Rachel's side before Roquefort could get the best of her.

CLING!

CLANG!

CLACK!

Above the chaos, a gracious dance of death was being preformed as the two leaders clashed. Neither one was intent on backing down.

Despite his girth, the Cheese Shogun moved with amazing speed, and no matter how hard she tried, Rachel found herself parrying to avoid his blade more often than not. The man lifted his blades, bringing them down in a fused arch to overpower the girl. Rachel quickly brought her YIELD sign up to block it, and grit her teeth as she tried to match his might.

"Your skill is more honed than I gave you credit for," Roquefort idly stated, grinning as Rachel's knees began to quiver under his weight. "But you still pose no challenge to me. Surrender, child! Your Kingdom now falls to me!"

"Keep dreaming!" Rachel growled in defiance. Taking a risk, she sidestepped Roquefort and gave up trying to outdo him with power. As she had hoped, the Shogun was taken by surprise, and tumbled forth, barely able to regain his former stance and grace. The blonde gave him no quarter as she brought her weapon to the back of his knees, effectively tripping him. The girl felt as if she were watching an oak fall the way the man slowly careened back and hit the ground with a mighty quake.

"So much for all your talk earlier," Rachel clucked as the man tried to roll over on his belly. "Last chance. Leave now, or you'll be spending your Christmas in a prison cell."

"I–I submit to your will," Roquefort stuttered, his eyes glimmering with anxiety. "Victory…is yours."

Rachel sighed, lowering her weapon. "I'm glad you listened to reason."

"Yes, as am I," he smiled, his hand slowly inching towards a hidden packet on his belt. "As a peace offering, might I interest you in some…FONDUE?"

"AAH!" Rachel screamed as Roquefort tossed a packet of scalding hot fondue towards her face. The gooey cheese hissed as it burned her face, causing her to drop her weapon as she stumbled back. She used her sleeve to wipe the mess from her eyes, but as she blinked, she found her world spinning, then found it a little hard to breath as something grasped her throat.

"Little fool!" Roquefort darkly laughed as he held up Rachel. The stupid brat had fell for his ruse. "I am Shogun! I bow to no man, especially an idiotic child like you! Now, grovel at my feet, and I may give you the mercy of serving in my new lunar mines for the rest of your days."

"Numbuh 362!" Patton roared as he capped the stairs. His eyes held barely restrained fury as he regraded Roquefort, careful not to make any sudden movements for Rachel's sake. "Put her down. Now, or I'll make you wish I had thrown you out the airlock!"

Roquefort continued to chortle, clearly pleased with the leverage he held over the boy. "What did I tell you before, boy? You don't deserve to be in my presence! Tell you what, you want this girl so badly? Then kneel."

Patton bored into the man's eyes, his fingers nervously twitching as his blade moved closer to Rachel's throat. He wasn't messing around. The boy shook as his body stiffened, and after a moment, he started to slowly lower towards the floor.

"Ah ha ha ha! Yes! Bow before your master! Humor me more, and I might spare the wench's life!"

"No one treats my comrades like dogs!"

"Wha–UGH!" Roquefort wheezed as a foot suddenly buried itself into his gut. Rachel used the advantage to slip out of his hold, then with strength those present weren't aware she had, she grabbed his wrist, and slammed the hulking mass of Shogun over her shoulder, and straight to the floor.

"Ooooh," Roquefort moaned, dreading the future back problems he was going to have. He was really regretting not getting any decent health insurance. He peered up to Rachel, who had stolen his family katanas right out of his hands. "T-That was a cheap shot!"

"Oh, I'm sorry. Having scalding hot fondue tossed in my eyes and a knife to my throat kinda throws off my sportsmanship," she scoffed.

The Cheese Shogun would not accept defeat. "This is not over! My forces shall vanquish you!"

"My side is totally kicking your side's butt and I now have cheese swords. Your threat is invalid."

"Heh heh heh," he chuckled, getting into a standing position. "Are you sure?"

"Why wouldn't I–" However, her reply was cut off when more hordes of cheese ninjas stormed into the room. All the children present gaped in shock. A second wave had appeared, and there were even more of the bugger than the first time.

"Sweet Rainbow Monkey Mary!" Patton exclaimed, a bit put off by the hundreds of ninjas surrounding them now, "Just how many of these guys are there?"

Rachel gave off an annoyed, yet anxious, groan. "I'm going to have a loooong talk with moonbase security once this is all over."

"But it is over child; for you," Roquefort spoke up, having regained his confidence now that his numbers had multiplied. "My Empire is strong, as you can clearly see. You should be honored. For today, you witness history! At long last, the Lunar Kingdom and all it's legendary cheese finally belongs to the Cheese Sho-GAAAH!"

In the middle of his boast, Roquefort had stepped out, and suddenly tripped over something he failed to notice. He fell to the floor comically, and everyone–even his own followers– let out a laugh at his slip-up. But Roquefort, unsurprisingly, did not find it funny. At all.

"S-Shut up!" he yelled, embarrassed. Furious, his eyes went to the ground, searching for the item that dared to disgrace him so! However, when he finally locked gazes with the can, his expression morphed to cute confusion as he picked it up like it was some strange alien object.

"What…is this?" he curiously asked, twisting the cylinder can around in his hand. He caught words on its side, and squinted his eyes to read them. "Cheez Whiz? What is Cheez Whiz?"

Rachel and Patton blinked, not expecting that reaction. "Seriously? You've…never heard of Cheez Whiz?"

"No. Is it cheese? If so, where is it?" he continued to inspect, his cheese ninjas gathering around to look at the strange can in wonder. Roquefort then found the top of the can, and mildly pressed his finger on it. At his pressure, the can squirted a stream of the gooey substance out, gaining an amusing response from the crew. "Ewww! Disgusting! T-That…that slop cannot possibly be cheese!"

Patton studied Roquefort's reaction to the Cheez Whiz, recalling how he was the exact same earlier. A light blub went off over his head as he suddenly got an idea. "Yeah…it is cheese, big guy. Why dont'cha try some?" he pressed, ignoring Rachel's skeptic gaze and hoping this trick would work.

Grimacing, Roquefort slowly sprayed a dab of the whiz onto his finger, his ninjas flinching back. The Shogun appeared squeamish himself, but he would not look like some coward in front of his man! His face going blank, he stuck his finger in his mouth, sucking the cheese and judging its taste…

…only for his face to go green, and him spit it out moments later. "BLEH! DISGUSTING! T-This…this filth is not even worthy of the slaves of my cheese mines! This is NOT cheese! Stow your lies and tell me what it is, now!"

"But we're not lying, it is cheese," Patton informed, ecstatic that he got the reaction he was banking on. "It's a just a very special kind of cheese?"

"What brand?" the Shogun demanded, "Tell me, so I can track it to the ends of the Earth and destroy it!"

"Don't you mean, the ends of the moon?"

"Wait, what?"

"That moon-cheese you guys are so gung-ho about?" Patton innocently stated, trying his best not to give away his bluff. "Well, you just tasted it."

Roquefort paled, looking down at the can of Cheez Whiz horror stricken. It can't be. All his life's work…all he ever dreamed of…all of it amounted to nothing but this crud? "N-No! It's not true!"

"'Fraid so," Patton tsked, taking a sidelong glance at Rachel. "Ain't that right, ma'am?"

Rachel was confused at what Patton was going for. Just what did he think he would accomplish? However, once she looked at the Shogun, noticing how the fight seemed to seep out of him to more he thought his dreams were for naught, she decided it wouldn't hurt to play along.

"Uh, y-yeah. That's right," Rachel began, trying to sound as professional as possible. "When we first came here, we mined all the moon-cheese there was and packed it into easy and accessible cans similar to that one. What's wrong? Is it not to your liking?"

"This…is the legendary moon-cheese? The prized treasure of the fabled Lunar Kingdom?" Roquefort asked with a hollow voice. Then, after a long contemplating minute, he let the can drop and roll along the floor as he slumped, depressed. "All I have strove for…worthless."

"What? You're just going to give up?" Rachel question, expressing false shock, "But…you have us right where you want us!"

"I have lost all spirit for this battle. This day belongs to you, Kids Next Door. CHEESE NINJAS!" he shouted, all his forces at the ready. However, all the power in his stance gave out as he begin slouching towards the exit. "Let's go home and get some Doritos or something," he mumbled, throwing a weak smoke-bomb on the floor. The thing gave a tiny puff of cheese smoke, but did nothing to cover the ninjas as they made their not-so-graceful exit.

Patton and Rachel calmly waited as they just filed out of the room, fully expecting them to come back and attack. However, they just kept marching on, apparently leaving the moonbase without anymore trouble. "Wow, he actually fell for it."

"Yeah. I almost feel sorry for him."

"Pfft, let's not get crazy, ma'am. He's still an adult," Patton shrugged off. "How long do you think we have until he figures out we duped him?"

"Probably until his next trip to the grocery store," Rachel guessed as she picked up her can of Cheez Whiz, emptying the last of its contents in her mouth. "But I planned to have security process overhauled long before then. The fact that that many adults were able to slip in here is unacceptable."

"At least we got lucky. The ninjas could have easily been of the Teen variety."

"Don't remind me," Rachel sighed before sending Patton a grateful smile. "Thanks for distracting the Shogun by the way, I doubt I would have managed to escape so easily if not for you."

"O-Oh, yeah," Patton muttered, "Distracting. Yep. That's what I was doing."

Rachel blinked at the quiver in his voice. "You…thought he really had me?" Her face then flushed with understanding as she pieced together the implication. "You mean, you would've bowed down to an adult? Just to save me?"

"Well…yeah. I mean," he trailed off, searching for the correct words, "Pride isn't worth anyone over. Especially you. I would do it again if I had to. But, uh, try not to make sure it doesn't come to it, alright?"

Rachel warmly smiled, touched by his gesture, and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. "I'll try and not cause any heart attacks."

"Good," Patton sheepishly mumbled. Admitting his fears wasn't easy for him, but it was much more comfortable to do so in Rachel's company. He averted his eyes upwards, not able to bring himself to meet her gaze, but suddenly groaned as he saw what hung over them. "Don't look now, but that winning streak of yours just went south."

Confused, Rachel peered up and was met with quite the sight. There, right above them, was Bippy. The sneaky little hamster had finally managed to catch her under the mistletoe. He was clearly enjoying his victory over the Supreme Leader.

"Bippy," Rachel scolded in a teasing tone. She looked towards Patton, her lips easing into a smile. "Guess he finally got me."

"I don't think it counts," Patton disagreed, oblivious to what Rachel was about to do. "We did just fight off a bunch of cheese ninjas after all. If you in the right mind, I doubt he would've–"

Anything he would have said afterword got clogged in his throat when he suddenly felt a pair of lips on his cheeks. Once they disappeared, the boy blushed hotly as he looked over the sly blonde, appearing quite stunned. "I…bwha?"

"What?" Rachel innocently winked, her cheeks a light tint as well. "It's tradition, right?"

"Y-Yeah. Tradition…" Patton mumbled, his hand touching the place where she gave him a peck. He gave a goofy smile that seemed unbefitting of him, then frowned when he felt something gooey where Rachel kissed him. Pulling back his hand, he made a whine of disgust when he saw the dab of Cheez Whiz. "Eww, you got that cheese gunk on me!"

Rachel cutely stuck out her tongue, tiny remains of the Cheez Whiz left behind. "Merry Christmas to you too, Patton."

As you might have guessed, this is a bit old. Written as a secret Santa gift actually. Decided to finally post it here.