Disclaimer: Don't own NCIS or the song used for this fic!
A/N: This is just a song-fic I wrote after hearing Cry With You by Hunter Hayes. I thought it was the most perfect song for tiva and I just had to make a fic of it!
Please let me know what you think in a review! This is my first song-fic so like I would really love to hear what you guys think!
Again: Don't own NCIS and the song used in this fic is NOT mine.
Cry With You
Tony pressed play on Quantum of Solace, wrapping his arms around Ziva as she snuggled into his side. He wasn't too fond of Craig as Bond, but she was, hence the reason they were watching this movie. He had gone out and bought all three of the Craig movies for her and now they were on the second one.
They had been dating for about a month now and she had all but officially moved in with him. He couldn't be more happy about where they were right now. They were taking it slow and he was perfectly fine with that. After eight years rushing into things could have a pretty complicated result. He absently brushed a few stray curls from her face and kissed her forehead, earning a soft caress and a kiss on the cheek from her. He moved so he could kiss her lips pulling her closer to him.
She moved into his lap, straddling him, deepening the kiss. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed her forehead to his. "I love you, Tony." She said her hands moving to rest on his chest.
"I love you too, Zi." He said pressing his lips to hers again, the movie playing in front of them forgotten. Her arms found their way back around his neck pressing her chest to his, deepening the kiss. His hands moved to her waist as he ran his tongue along her bottom lip. She sighed into his mouth allowing him entry. One of his hands found its way to the back of her head, fingers tangling in her hair, the other stayed at her waist working itself under her shirt. As soon as he touched her skin her whole body tensed and she pushed herself off of him and to the other end of the couch.
Tony was confused. What had he done wrong? "Zi?" He asked carefully, reaching for her hand.
"Get away from me!" She hissed. Her eyes were distant, not focusing on anything and she was trembling. Tony wondered what on Earth was going on for a moment then it hit him… She was having a panic attack.
When you try not to look at me
Scared that I'll see you hurting
You're not hiding anything, no
And frankly it's got me worried
Nobody knows you better than I do
I keep my promises, I'm fighting for you
Tony was pretty sure he knew how to calm her down. "Ziva… Hey, look at me." He reached for her hand again just needing her to at least look him in the eye, but she pulled even further away from him.
"Don't touch me!" She hissed in response, her eyes huge and roaming wildly around the room, her breathing speeding up.
"Listen to me, babe." He tried but she still wouldn't look at him or acknowledge that she was even listening. "You're safe. Everything is okay. I promise." He said very seriously. All he wanted to do was hold her so she could know exactly how safe she was.
Before Tony could say anything else she was up off the couch and darting to the bathroom. He followed just seconds behind her wanting to help in any way he could. He stood in the doorway for a second watching as she got her mind back and tried to calm herself down. His heart broke for her as he thought about what had brought this on. He felt like an idiot for not stopping himself earlier… Then suddenly he felt a wave of rage rip through the heartbreak. Rage because of what that bastard did to her and because he didn't find her sooner. Rage making him want to go back and kill Saleem all over again. He wanted to cause him as much and more physical and emotional pain as he caused Ziva. He wanted him to suffer and have a more painful and excruciating death, but none of that mattered right now though. What mattered was that Ziva needed him.
He slowly walked toward where she stood in front of the mirror bracing herself on both arms against counter, taking slow shaking breaths, regaining her composure. He touched her arm earning no response from her. She felt cold and she was still trembling.
"Ziva, look at me." He said, the seriousness in his voice scaring him a little. He just needed her to look at him, focus on him, on knowing that she was as safe as she could possibly be right now.
Slowly she turned to face him still looking down. He placed a thumb under her chin and raised her head as their eyes met. He could see the relief in her eyes when they finally met his. "Ziva…" He sighed smiling a little, just happy to have her back in reality.
"Tony…" She whimpered and melted against him sinking to the floor, sobbing into his chest as he caught her in his arms. He had to fight back his own tears from all the anger and sadness he was feeling in that moment. He couldn't fall apart right now. She needed him to be strong.
You're not alone
I'll listen 'till your tears give out
You're safe and sound; I swear that I won't let you down
What's hurting you I, I feel it too
I mean it when I say
When you cry, I cry with you, with you
He held her tight and stroked her back. "Sh… You're okay… Everything's okay." He assured her kissing the top of her head. She wrapped her arms around his torso getting as close to him as possible. This was killing him to see her this way, but he knew she needed to get it out. He was just glad it was with him. He admired her so much for her strength. He didn't know anyone who could go through half of what she had through her life and have something like Somalia on top of all that and stay sane. All that time ago when he thought he'd lost her for good he didn't drown himself in tears, no, instead he chose alcohol. He thought the only woman he had ever truly loved was gone forever. She was the strongest person he knew and he was going to make sure she knew it.
"You're so strong, Ziva." He whispered into her ear stroking her hair. "You're the strongest person I know. What you've gone through… I don't know anyone who could stay as strong as you have. Hell… when I thought I'd lost you forever… I drowned myself in booze. I needed an escape and that was the only one I could find. Gibbs, of course, was the one to snap me out of it." He confessed to her.
As she listened to him her sobs subsided and her breathing evened out leaving her still trembling. "Oh Tony… You never told me that." She said quietly, looking up at him with red eyes.
"Gibbs and McGee are really the only ones who knew…" He told her.
"Tony…" She said a smile of realization forming on her lips. "I think we are each other's escape, as cliché as that sounds. It just took us a really long time to figure it out."
"God, I love you." He breathed out cupping either side of her face and kissing her again.
"You have no idea how much I love you, Tony" She wrapped her arms around his torso again, burying her face in the crook of his neck.
"Oh, I think I do." He said placing a kiss to her shoulder. She tightened her grip on him, holding on as if he could float away at any moment. Then as if reading her mind he whispered, " I'm not going anywhere, sweetcheeks. You've got me forever."
I'm not going any place
I just hate to see you like this
No, I can't make it go away
Oh, but keeping it inside won't fix it
I can't give you every answer that you need
But I wanna hear everything you wanna tell me
She pulled back sitting up but not too far from him. "I am sorry… for earlier…" She whispered.
"Babe, you have nothing to be sorry for." He assured her.
"I know but…" She paused tucking some hair behind her ear. "It is not fair to you."
"Ziva that's not important to me. Please know that, okay? I would never push you to do something you aren't ready for." He told her.
"That's just the thing though, in Israel I wasn't ready but I did it anyway. I did something I wasn't ready for and I ruined a great friendship at the same time. I wasn't thinking straight and I let my feelings get the best of me. I left the next morning before Adam woke up. He tried calling me but I just couldn't even speak to him. Then when I came home…" She trailed off searching for the right words.
"Ziva you don't have to talk about this if-" He started, but she cut him off.
She wanted to talk about it. She needed to get everything off her chest. "I felt as though… even though we were not together yet, I had cheated on you in some way. I just felt like it wasn't fair to you that after being there for me all these years and always having my back I went and did that. Also I hadn't been with anyone since you brought me back from Somalia… not even Ray. I just wasn't ready and on top of that… I was in denial about being in love with you. I feel like I betrayed you in Israel and I am so sorry. I couldn't believe that you didn't hate me when you found out. You came into interrogation and stood up or me in front of Parsons and I couldn't believe you didn't just let him at me." She finished taking a deep breath and looking up at him to see his reaction.
"I could never hate you, ever. Ziva, I love you, I have for a really long time and nothing is ever going to change that." He told her, their eyes boring into the others. "I just wish there was something I could've done to find you sooner. Maybe if I had done something useful with my time instead of getting drunk I could've done something to get closer to finding where you were." He could feel the lump in his throat building.
"Tony do not do this to yourself. You thought I was gone. What were you supposed to do?" She asked cupping the side of his face trying to soothe him. She could feel his guilt through his words and she couldn't stand that he felt that way.
"If I hadn't killed Rivkin and landed you back in Israel none of that would've happened." He told her the tears swelling in his eyes.
"I made that decision on my own." She told him sternly, wanting him to stop this.
"You wouldn't have had to make that decision at all if it weren't for me. When I see what I caused… What that bastard did to you… It makes me want to go back in time and make him pay for what he did before Gibbs shot him. He deserved a more painful death." He said the tears finally falling from his eyes. "It kills me to see you like this because I feel like it's all my fault, Ziva and I'm so sorry." He said lowering his gaze to the floor not able to look her in the eye in that moment.
"He would've killed you if you had not shot him." She whispered her own tears coming back again. "Tony if he would've shot you he would be dead anyway I can assure you. If he would've killed you… I…. I cannot live without you. If he killed you I'm pretty sure I would have done a lot more than just kill him." She confessed tears streaming down her face.
You're not alone
I'll listen till your tears give out
You're safe and sound; I swear that I won't let you down
What's hurting you I, I feel it too
I mean it when I say
When you cry, I cry with you, oh
Yeah, I cry with you
"Tony, we cannot live in the past." She said with a shrug. "I am here. You are here. We are both fine and that is all we need right now, is it not?" She asked softly turning his face to look at her.
"Ziva, I love you, and like I said nothing will ever change that. I can't imagine spending the rest of my life with anyone but you. That doesn't mean we have to get married right away. I just want to be with you." He finished, taking a deep breath. He needed her to know that he wanted to be that "something permanent" that needed in her life. He wanted to be there for her for the rest of their lives. Eventually he would propose, just not yet.
He looked at her and for the first time in an hour and a half she laughed, her eyes sparkling and a big smile forming across her face. Tears were stills streaming down her cheeks but he was positive that these were happy tears.
You need love though enough to count on
So here I am
"Oh Tony," She threw her arms around his neck again pulling him into a bone crushing hug. "No man has ever made me feel as happy and safe as you do. I love you so much and I feel the exact same way." She pulled back and crushed her lips to his with all the passion she could muster. A few long moments later they broke the kiss so they could catch their breath. They both sat in a contented silence for a minute or two with their foreheads resting against the others. "I think I am ready." She whispered to him.
"Are you sure?" He asked hesitantly, not wanting to push her into anything.
"Yes," She smiled. "I am more sure about this then I have ever been about anything in my life."
"Okay then." He laughed picking her up with him as he stood. She giggled and held onto him around his neck as he carried her into their bedroom.
You're not alone
I'll listen till your tears give out
You're safe and sound; I swear that I won't let you down
What's hurting you I, I feel it too
I mean it when I say
When you cry, I cry
When you cry, I cry with you, oh
You're not alone, oh no, baby
Thank you so much for reading!
Please leave a review to tell me what you think!
I am really proud of how this turned out, being my first song fic and all!