A new adventure
Author: lilyme
Summary: Sofia reveals a little detail about her Mama Callie and makes her Mommy Arizona consider taking a life altering step.
Characters: Arizona, Sofia, mention of Callie
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters in this story, nor do I own any rights to the television show "Grey's Anatomy". They were created by Shonda Rhimes and belong to her and the ABC network. No copyright infringement intended!All mistakes are mine.
She wasn't smiling today.
Not happily skipping steps on their way home from school. Not asking Arizona to let them take that little detour that would lead them to the small pond where she could visit the swan family living there. Not excitedly bubbling away about her day to the point of giving her mother a delightful headache.
Unfortunately this was not an emotion Arizona was not used to. Sofia had been down several times in the last few weeks. Months even.
It had always come down to one reason and the blonde doubted it would be much different today.
And even though she knew that the cause for her baby's distress would be over in a few weeks, it was no reason for her not to talk about her sorrow and take it as serious as she had the first time it had surfaced.
Thus she had decided to serve them each a ginormous sundae with Sofia's favorite raspberry-vanilla ice cream and pull their fluffiest blanket from the drawer in preparation for a cozy Friday night snuggled up together on the couch. All ready for a long conversation with her little girl.
It was needed. Because something had to change.
It couldn't go on like this. She couldn't go on watching her child depressed time and time again. And Sofia couldn't go on missing school whenever she was down.
Today had not been one of those, fortunately. But there had been several, too many days in recent time where this had happened.
And fleeing the every day world for adventures, either outside of Seattle or simply to be with Mommy at the hospital instead of school... it was okay as a rare exception, but it couldn't last forever.
Callie would most likely not have allowed her to skip school on several days. She wasn't such a pushover as Arizona often feared she was.
The brunette had a stricter approach. Strict, yet still very caring and sensitive.
Something Arizona sadly missed in a different brunette that had entered her life not too long ago.
"Here you go, sweetie," Arizona walked towards the couch and handed Sofia her sundae. The cup was light blue one that had Frozen's Elsa on it."Look, I even put some sprinkles and a snowflake wafer on top".
"Thanks," Sofia mustered a little smile as she took her ice cream from her mommy's hands.
"I have some sugary stars stashed somewhere, I think. You want some of those as well?" Arizona suggested, walking back into the kitchen to retrieve her own ice cream. A corresponding cup, light pink and featuring Olaf.
"No, that's okay," the girl returned without much thinking.
"Oh, good. Probably will be Christmas by the time I find that packet again, anyway," she joked, knowing Sofia loved to tease her about her sometimes slightly chaotic nature. Which also included not knowing where she had put something around the house.
Sofia herself was much more organized, needed everything to be in its place. Arizona knew it must be in her genes, since Callie sported the same trait.
But today there was no teasing, not even a tiny laugh at this. Today there was just... nothing.
Arizona sighed inwardly as she picked two spoons from the utensil drawer and finally moved into the living room again. Crawling underneath the blanket with Sofia, she pondered how to approach the issue that had her daughter more sad than a girl her age should ever be.
"So, um, tell me what you did in school today?" she suggested. She had a slight suspicious that something that had happened in school today had caused the unfortunately familiar change in mood. Because this morning the girl had seemed much happier.
Of course a dispute with a friend or a bad grade – which for Sofia's own high standards meant anything but an A – could also be a reason. But somehow Arizona knew her initial suspicion about an persistent issue was probably true.
"It was okay. We learned some new songs in music's class. And we played soccer in P.E.. I scored twice," Sofia announced, making a little more room for Arizona to sit more comfortably next to her.
Her mother was somewhat impressed. This was the longest sequence of sentences the young brunette had said to her all afternoon. "That's my girl," she just said instead, and combed her fingers through Sofia's silky hair. "And anything else? Any fun exercises in English, or...?"
Sofia signed as she scooped some ice cream up to eat it. Even at her young age of just over eight years, she knew what her mom was doing. Trying to see what had her upset. And more importantly was trying to fix it.
Only... Sofia wasn't sure she could.
She finally began. "Mrs. Buchanan had us write an essay on what we want to do during our summer break and what we are looking forward to in the next school year".
Arizona raised her eyebrows, eating a bit of her ice as well. "Well, I think that sounds like fun. What did you write about?" she encouraged her to continue.
From what she knew from Sofia's bouts of sadness in the last weeks, she was very much looking forward to next school year, and the summer before it as well.
Summer break was only three weeks way. And she would spend half of it with her, before Callie would come to pick her up and bring her to New York for a year. Sofia really longed for that, she knew.
For Callie. For her friends in New York. Probably even Penny, who she knew Sofia liked very much as well.
So, could there really be something that would make her sad in all this?
"I wrote about us wanting to go to on a camper tour through some states," Sofia said and actually smiled a little upon the prospect of it.
"Definitely," Arizona agreed, more than willing to keep this promise.
They had it all planned out.
A tour that would lead them to some of the biggest natural sights in northeastern USA. Of course one of them being Mount Rainier National Park, which they had visited many times already, but would never ever grow tired of. Followed by Yellowstone National Park with its hot springs and geysers and all sorts of wildlife. Arches National Park, where thousands of stone arches made you marvel at what nature was capable of. Grand Canyon, where they would walk along the sky walk and Sofia promised to never let go of her mommy's hand, since Arizona was mildly afraid of heights. And of course Yosemite National Park with its giant waterfall and and big old trees.
Rounded up by several stops at other sights here and there, the last one being the Oregon Coast Aquarium that Sofia had one seen in a documentary and ever since dreamed of visiting.
It was going to be their big adventure. About two weeks with just the two of them. Winding down and enjoying their time together.
And they would make the most of it.
"So, what else?" she wondered, snitching some of Sofia's sprinkles with her spoon. Something that immediately caused the girl to shield her sundae with her hand from her mommy in amusement.
"Hey!" she laughed a little, her sorrow temporarily forgotten. Only temporarily. Because from one moment to the next, the mood changed, and the mother immediately noticed the tears forming. "And I... I wrote about going back to New York and being with Mama and my friends again".
"Which is a good thing, right?" Arizona queried. "I know you miss Mama," she smiled encouragingly, showing Sofia that it was okay to feel like this. "And she will be happy to have you with her again".
She knew that living thousands of miles apart was hard on Sofia and very likely on Callie as well. But she was happy knowing that the two of them would soon be united again.
Even if for her that meant letting her go again. She already fretted that day. It had been bad enough the first time around.
"But then you'll be sad and all alone," Sofia suddenly argued, as if able to read her mind. "Like Mama is right now."
Sofia knew that her mothers loved her equally. And she loved them both just the same. And she didn't like making them sad whenever she had to leave to fly across the country. Because she knew they were sad; she had seen them cry, even though they always tried to hide it around her.
Through her own emotions at Sofia's much too grown up concern, confusion struck Arizona.
"Mama's alone?" she asked, wondering in which way Sofia could mean this. Of course Callie very likely felt a huge pang in her upon having her own flesh and blood thousands of miles away. And missing your child was something that just never went away. But... still Callie supposedly had someone with her in New York. Someone very close to her. Her girlfriend she probably loved very much. So... was she really...alone?
"It's only her in New York," Sofia quickly confirmed her question and with her clarification confused her even more.
"But what about Penny?" she asked her straight forwardly, as she placed both their sundaes on the coffee table. They had stopped eating, and she had a feeling they wouldn't get to finish them now.
"Her and Mama broke up over a year ago," she explained, and Arizona could see in her girl's eyes that this was something that affected Sofia as well. The split of a person that was present in the every day life would always leave a hole in a child's world. And she knew from witnessing it herself that those two had gotten along. Had been pretty friendly with each other.
Just like she and Callie were again by now. So she was confused about the fact that Callie would not tell her about this. And would not even give an inkling about it in all their conversations for over a year.
She wondered why.
Was it fear about her reaction?
Or the fact that it was not actually Arizona's business who and if she dated? As in fact Callie had never asked her if she had anyone significant in her life.
Which was... as of today not really the case. With Carina and their too differing opinions on certain aspects of life – for certain one being the handling of Sofia's crisis - she realized it couldn't work. The accusation that she was mollycoddling her. She wasn't. She was just being the best mom she could be. And Sofia – having gone through so much in her young life already – certainly deserved that.
But she would have had no trouble telling Callie. Especially if things had become serious in any way or a solid relationship would have broken apart, as of course there was always Sofia to be considered in all this as well. So she was concerned about Callie concealing this from her.
"So, um," she cleared her throat. "She's lonely, you think?" Arizona questioned.
And Sofia just nodded with sad eyes. It was one of the reasons she wanted to go back to New York as soon as possible. To keep Mama company. But at the same time she didn't want to leave Mommy alone in Seattle.
Her mind came up with an idea. An easy fix that would solve all their loneliness problems.
"Do you want to come to New York?" she asked, for Arizona entirely out of nowhere.
Therefore she could only scrunch her eyebrows at the serious expression on her daughter's face. "What? What do you mean?"
"So you won't be lonely when I leave," Sofia explained. "If we all live in New York, then I can spend time with both of you. You won't have to be lonely. And I think Mama would be happy if you were there. She misses you. She once said that to Auntie Meredith on the phone when I was there during winter break. I wasn't supposed to be listening. But it's why Penny left..."
Arizona's eyes became wide at the onslaught of revelations Sofia had just confronted her with, and she felt scarily unprepared for the direction this serious conversation she had hoped for was taking all of a sudden.
Callie missed her.
Had possibly broken up with Penny because... she missed her...?
And now was all alone and lonely in New York.
And their smart little daughter simply came up with an easy but yet so hard to do solution.
Sofia became anxious when her mommy didn't respond for far too long. The blonde's eyes just stared into nothing with an expression the eight year old couldn't read. She knew that she had just done something that wasn't allowed. "Please don't be mad, Mommy. I know we're not supposed to tell other people's secrets. But I wanted to help," she argued.
"What?" Arizona shook out of her stupor as she noticed the dark eyes, that were way too much like Callie's, water up. "Hey," she shushed, as she engulfed the worried girl in a tight huh, "shh, I'm not mad," she reassured. "It's okay".
She really wasn't mad.
Certainly not at Sofia.
She was tremendously confused about the situation, however. Having not expected something like this happening. Callie confessing that she missed her.
And the fact that it had happened made her nervous. In a really weird and long forgotten way.
A suppressed way.
Suppressed because it had hurt too much.
The longing had always hurt too much.
Still did.
Her eyes moved past the melting sundaes to a single picture standing on the living room sideboard. A picture of Sofia's first birthday with her and Callie happily smiling into the camera while Sofia herself looked a little grimly. At that really not a fan of camera-like objects and flashy lights.
She thought about how happy they had been back then. Before the plane crash and everything else had slowly but surely torn them apart.
Part of her still wondered how they had actually ended up like this. On opposite sides of the country, trying to live their separate lives. Only related by their daughter that had to suffer through a perpetual cycle of missing half of her parents.
She realized that maybe Sofia had a point about the loneliness.
And maybe not even the girl's suggestion was so otherworldly.
Maybe it could be that easy.
Maybe this would be the adventure that they all needed and deserved.
A new beginning.
In New York.
Away from the place where so many bad things had happened and even Arizona herself felt ill at ease at times.
It would certainly be the best option for Sofia.
And it could open the door for a restart of another kind.
After all, Callie missed her.
Because if she was really being honest with herself, she really missed her as well.
END